Consumed

Thane lay on his back at her bidding, hands tucked under his head to support his crest. The shutter above the bed slid open, and he watched firm muscles flex and slide under creamy, smooth skin as she made her way back to him. "You are truly stunning," he said, the words barely more than a whisper on his lips, yet they brought a smile to hers.

Pressing one knee to the bed, she leaned over just enough to trail her fingers over his chest. Her gaze wandered over him in the dim light of her cabin, and the hungry look building in her eyes took his breath away. They'd already made love twice since returning to the Normandy, but he thought, if it was her will, he might manage a third time. Reaching out, he slid his hand along the back of her leg, from the crease of her knee all the way up over her backside, stopping to brush his thumb back and forth along the lovely curves her found there.

She crawled a little further onto the bed and leaned over him, skimming her lips over his as she whispered, "You make me feel alive."

Lifting his head enough to fully capture her lips, he slipped his tongue inside her mouth and threaded his fingers through her hair, urging her down to him. She shifted her legs to surround his thighs, her warmth settling enticingly close to his most sensitive areas as she caressed the frills along his jaw and throat. She rolled her hips, gently and slowly, as if testing his willingness to give her what she sought. He grabbed her waist, pulling her further up his body to rest her slick heat against his growing erection, letting her feel his desire as he soaked in hers.

She made him feel alive, too. Made him want to be alive.

A moan slipped from her throat, and he swallowed it down, burying the delicious sound somewhere deep inside of his soul for safe keeping. Her lips left his only to find their way to his throat, teeth and tongue sliding over his frills, adding to the growing heat of need. Opening his eyes, his gaze caught on the stars, the deep, vast, empty confines of the eternal, and he warned them that they would never take his siha again. She was his now, and he'd lay down his life as well as the lives of countless others if that's what it took to keep her safe. To keep her alive.

Bringing his hands to her jaws, he urged her to meet his gaze. "Jane, I …." He wanted to tell her how he felt, how much she'd come to mean to him in such short time, but the moment her piercing green eyes found his, he found he couldn't make the words leave his mouth.

She held his gaze for a moment, a soft smile sliding over her lips as her fingers danced over the ridges along his cheek. "Me, too," she said, the words simple yet potent enough to leave him reeling. Pushing up more onto her knees, she moved around until he pressed against her opening and then eased herself back down, taking him inside of her completely.

The thick, smoke-filled air of the burning refinery certainly wouldn't aid in his recovery. His chest ached, each breath a struggle, yet he measured every one of them as he stood passively by, watching Shepard point her pistol at Zaeed. They'd managed to save the innocent lives trapped inside Eldfell-Ashland after the mercenary's rash decisions set the place aflame, but once they made it out of the refinery, they'd found they'd just missed their quarry. It came as no surprise to Thane that Amonkira would refuse the human his revenge after such a callous disregard for the lives of others. He'd pass no judgment against Shepard if she chose to permanently end her alliance with Zaeed by firing her weapon into his skull, but he found it highly unlikely she'd take the final step and squeeze the trigger.

At last, she holstered her weapon and helped Zaeed to free his trapped leg from beneath a fallen beam. It seemed they'd come to some sort of agreement, Zaeed would put aside his hunt for the time being and aid Shepard in her mission without further incident. Thane supposed it seemed the much better option to Zaeed. After all, Shepard granted him the chance to actually survive the mission and resume chasing after Vido Santiago.

The look in her eyes when she met Thane's gaze again told him how displeased she was with how the mission ended. He saw the doubt there, the hint of fear, but he didn't understand what exactly put it there. Perhaps once they were back aboard the Normandy, she'd talk to him about what troubled her. He doubted it was as simple as Vido escaping, not when she'd saved so many lives. He thought it might be that she had second thoughts about working with Zaeed—he certainly did.

Zaeed limped his way to the shuttle when it arrived, and Thane noticed Shepard offered him no assistance. He might've assumed it was an oversight and tried to help the man, but Shepard simply wasn't one for oversights. If she didn't offer Zaeed aid, it was because she didn't want him to have any. Thane certainly wouldn't challenge her decision.

"Allow me," he said, easing the bottle labeled 'shampoo' from her hand.

She'd momentarily refused him when he suggested he join her in the shower, stating the steam would do him more harm, but the exhaustion in her eyes took the weight from her argument and she relented. Even then, she'd insisted on a compromise, keeping the temperature of the water low to reduce the amount of steam and asked EDI to ventilate the bathroom. Admittedly, it probably did help, especially with as raw as his lungs already felt from breathing smoke. Dr. Chakwas would likely be displeased.

He squeezed a small amount into his hand before seeking out her gaze for confirmation it'd be enough, and she nodded.

Then, as if an afterthought, her lips parted and she said, "One wash may not be enough to get the smell of smoke out."

He hummed, setting the bottle down and gently urged her to turn around. "Then I'll wash it as many times as necessary." Smearing the pale blue, viscous liquid over her hair, he worked it into a lather, filling the shower with a soft, floral scent.

She let out a soft sigh, leaning her head back into his palms as he massaged her scalp. "That actually feels really nice."

Chuckling, he leaned in and kissed her shoulder. "I'm pleased to know I'm doing it correctly."

She laughed, the sound light and echoing off the walls. "It'd be pretty hard to do it wrong."

He focused on working the shampoo through her strands, scrubbing and saturating her hair until it seemed he'd reached everywhere. She turned, tipping her head back beneath the shower spray and ran her hands through her hair until the water sliding down her body ran clean. Picking up the bottle again, he squeezed more out into his palm.

"Do you think …." She sucked in a deep breath as he worked the cleanser into her scalp. "Do you think Zaeed can be trusted?"

It took him a few moments to consider his answer, and in the meantime, he continued to wash her hair. "I think most mercenaries don't strive for honor in their actions, but Zaeed appears to be a man of his word. I don't know him well enough to vouch for his intentions, but he seems too brash to rely on deceit. When the time comes for the final strike against the collectors, I wouldn't anticipate him being one to back down from a fight."

"No … I suppose he wouldn't." She turned her head a little. "I guess I still have time to feel him out, decide whether or not I really want him with us."

"Indeed." He didn't know whether his words offered her much clarity on the situation, but she seemed content to let the matter wait for another time, so he didn't pry.

She sat next to his bed in the Med Bay, feet propped up on a small stool Dr. Chakwas had tucked away in a corner of the room. A datapad, held loosely in her hands, seemed all but forgotten as she stared off into space. The mask covering his nose and mouth grated on his nerves, despite pumping medicated, oxygenated air into his lungs, it felt suffocating. It left him feeling vulnerable, raw, and exposed. His muscles twitched, and despite having the lights dimmed for his benefit, they seemed far too bright. Fire consumed his lungs, tying his diaphragm into a tight knot with each breath. Beneath it all, his stomach roiled.

Worse, he hated the fact Shepard was by his side. He loved her, but he didn't want her there. He didn't want her to see him in such a helpless condition. She refused to leave, though, brushing aside his suggestions of her heading to bed without him. He couldn't bring himself to tell her that he didn't appreciate her presence at the moment. He wondered what it all said about the future of their relationship.

And yet, her insistence she stay by his side humbled him.

As if feeling his gaze on her, she turned, a smile softening the hard lines of her face. She reached over, slipping her fingers into his hand and squeezed. "How are you holding up?"

"Well enough," he said, his voice nearly lost to his own ears over the sound of the machine. He wasn't entirely certain she'd heard him, but she squeezed his hand again, so he returned the gesture. For her, for Kolyat, he would do whatever the doctors asked of him to keep him alive.

But at the moment, living felt an awful lot like dying.

He should be ashamed of himself. How could he bemoan his suffering when the woman sitting next to him, holding his hand and giving him a radiant smile, had in fact died? The very expanse he'd sworn against the night before once claimed her as its own, and she still bore the scars—many of them not yet healed—to show the immense suffering she endured to take breath again. To find her way to his side … so she might hold his hand while he inwardly complained over taking his medications.

"Alright, Thane," Dr. Chakwas said, drawing his attention to her as she pushed away from her desk and crossed the room to stand at his other side. "Let's get this mask off of you, shall we?" She brought a hand up, lifting the respirator mask from his face and setting it aside. "I'm going to listen to your lungs for a moment and take another scan."

He nodded his understanding and resigned himself to further prodding, following her directions as she told him to inhale and exhale. All the while, Shepard held his hand, thumb stroking back and forth along the scales of his knuckles. When at last Dr. Chakwas informed him that he was free to leave the Med Bay, Shepard stood, tucking her datapad beneath her arm and helped him to his feet. It embarrassed him to need the assistance, but his chest still burned and the room spun around him. His gaze refused to hold steady and focus on anything.

"Do you want to come up to my cabin, or would you rather sleep in Life Support where the air is a little drier?" she asked, keeping her voice low as she led him from the Med Bay.

They'd made it to the hall, Life Support and the elevator both right there before he'd made a decision. "I would very much like to sleep next to you, if you'll have me, but I'm afraid sleep is all I may be able to do."

She snorted and smirked, pushing the button for the elevator. "I think I can keep my hands to myself for one night."

He awoke in the middle of the night, coughing fitfully, choking on phlegm tasting of soot and the acrid flavors of medicine. Sitting up, gasping for breath, he swung his feet over the edge of the bed. Shepard's voice caught in his ears, but he couldn't make out the words over the incessant ringing. The bed shifted behind him, and a cool palm pressed against his back. A moment later, she left the bed, slipping a cold glass of water into his hand upon her return.

He tried to drink, but he struggled for air too much to manage. The fear in her eyes palpable, she knelt before him. A minute later, the door to the cabin opened, the lights shifting a little brighter as Dr. Chakwas made her way down the stairs. Shepard stood, moving out of the doctor's way, but Thane tracked her movements, fear gripping his mind so strongly he couldn't bear to have her out of his sight.

Dr. Chakwas held a portable nebulizer to his face, covering his nose and mouth. Instinct told him to pull away, his training urging him to strike, but the small part of his brain which remained capable of reason grabbed the device, holding it to his face and breathing deeply of the foul tasting medication. Offering him a reassuring smile, Dr. Chakwas opened her omni-tool and began scanning his chest. After only a few seconds with the nebulizer, the panicked fog receded from his mind, breaths coming easier and clearer.

"Keep using that for a few more minutes." Dr. Chakwas closed her omni-tool and stood up, leaning against the wall as she watched him. "I know this is alarming, but your scans are showing improvement. It's likely you weren't able to completely clear your lungs of the smoke you inhaled in the refinery the same as someone with healthy lungs would. I believe the combination of smoke and steam created a sort of sludge in your lungs. The next couple of days may be rough, but your cough is productive, so I'm not too concerned."

Shepard sat down beside him, one arm slipping around his waist while her other hand settled on his knee. Turning his head, he looked at her. Worry and inexplicable guilt painted her emerald eyes, turning them a darker shade of green. Setting the glass of water on the table, he reached out and stroked her cheek with the back of his hand.

She smiled, pressing her palm to his wrist, leaning into his touch. "I'm sorry," she whispered, and he shifted his fingers, resting them against her lips to silence her apology.

He, and he alone, carried the blame for his condition.

She laid with her face pressed against the side of his chest, gaze turned up at the stars above her bed. He ran his fingers through her hair, taking measured breaths as he listened to her talk about the sheer idiocy of dealing with the Migrant Fleet's Admiralty Board. She'd been so infuriated when she learned Tali was being charged with treason, Garrus had insisted on going with her to make certain she didn't shoot any of the admirals. Thane suspected he'd wanted to go to support Tali, but for some reason, he just wasn't inclined to say so. Either way, Thane was more than happy to wait aboard the Normandy and spend the time meditating in Life Support.

His entire body ached. It wasn't an intense pain but a troubling one nonetheless. He wondered how much worse things would get before they started getting better. When he'd joined the Normandy, he'd assured Shepard his illness wouldn't get in the way of his performance … but he no longer felt certain. He dreaded letting her down, but he especially feared of making a mistake, stumbling at the wrong time while they were in the midst of battle with the collectors and it costing Shepard her life or the life of one of her friends.

"So long as I'm alive," she said—the words, coming on the end of such a troublesome thought, made him suck in a hissing breath despite his efforts to keep his breathing stable—and rubbed her hand over his abdomen before tucking her fingers in beneath his ribs, "Tali would never go without a home, but I'm so glad those fools saw reason. It would've been completely devastating to her to be labeled as a traitor and exiled, especially the same damn day she learned her father died."

Regaining his composure, he ran his hand along her arm and kissed the top of her head. "You have one of the kindest, most beautiful souls I have ever encountered." He smiled at her when she tilted her head back to look at him. "Tali is lucky to have you as a friend. We all are—me more so than the rest, perhaps."

She smirked, brushing her thumb along his ribs. "Why? Because you get to sleep with me?"

Chuckling, he pulled her in tighter against his side. "It certainly is a wonderful perk, but I only meant it's because of who I am and the life I've lived. As I've said, you are the first friend I made in ten years." Shifting enough to give her warning before he rolled over to his side, he wrapped her up in his arms and kissed her, tongue tracing over her sweet, lower lip before retreating again. "As far as being allowed to sleep with you … well, you're the first person I've actually slept next to in ten years, also." He nipped her lip. "Though I think sleeping has nothing to do with what you were suggesting."

She let out a soft chuckle, wrapping her arm around his neck before capturing his lips again. Savoring the moment, he took his time, tongue gliding over hers as he slid his hand along her side, tucking it beneath the thin shirt she'd chosen to wear to bed. Fingers finding their way to her breast, he cupped and squeezed, her responding, hungry groan filling his mouth and fueling his growing desire for her.

Pulling away just enough to whisper against his mouth, she said, "We don't have to do this if you're not feeling well enough to, Thane. I was only teasing. I'm perfectly content just laying here in your arms."

"Oh, but I want to," he said with a smile before nipping at her lower lip.

She let out a soft whimper of pleasure, the tip of her tongue tracing the flesh his teeth taunted a moment before. "Are you sure?"

Smirking, he didn't answer, at least not with words. He might not be up for as vigorous of a night as others they had, but he felt fairly certain something soft and slow wasn't out of the question. Pushing her shirt up, he brought his face to her breasts, rubbing his frills over the sensitive skin before closing his mouth over a nipple. He delighted in the sharp, gasp of breath she took and the way she arched her back, ever so slightly, the pleasure the act brought her compelling her to offer more of herself to him.

She didn't question him further after that, only slid the fingers of one hand through his crest while the others kneaded his shoulder and tricep. Shifting his weight, he perched above her, lapping at the nipple of her left breast as he used his other hand to tease the right into a stiff peak. Trailing kisses down her stomach, tongue darting out to taste her skin here and there, he dipped his fingers inside her waistband and tugged. She lifted her hips from the bed, allowing him to pull the black, lace undergarment free before he dropped it over the edge of the bed.

Her thighs parted so easily under his touch, eager, mewling sounds escaping her throat. The scent of her budding arousal intoxicated him, making him lose himself in his memories of her for just a second or two before the caress of her hand against his frills pulled him back into the moment. He smiled up at her before making his way back up her body, tongue and teeth leading the way back to her breasts. Moaning, she arched her back again, fingers worrying the frills just below his jaw on the left as his mouth moved against her. Her touch was fire, and he wanted to be consumed by her flames.

"I love you, Thane," she said, voice nothing more than a soft rasp, so quiet he almost didn't hear.

The words froze him, forming a knot in his throat and making his heart thump hard against his chest. Slowly, his lips left her skin, and he looked up at her, almost afraid to meet her gaze in case he'd misheard her words. What he found in her eyes overwhelmed him, leaving him without a doubt she'd said exactly what he thought and truly and utterly.

A smile spread across his face, and he kissed her, soft and slow, letting his tongue savor hers completely before pulling away again. "I love you, Jane."

Thane didn't particularly care for the mission parameters Kasumi set. Not only did it entail Shepard going in unarmed and without her armor to start, but Kasumi insisted they go alone. He'd pointed out to Kasumi that infiltration was a specialty of his, but the woman only argued, telling him they were going through the front door and he definitely wouldn't blend in with the crowd. In the end, Shepard chose to handle the mission the way Kasumi requested, leaving him and every other squadmate aboard the Normandy.

Garrus had likewise complained but made no attempt to challenge Shepard's decision once made. The turian appeared to be just as restless as Thane felt inside. As they waited for Shepard's safe return, Garrus paced back and forth from the Main Battery to the mess and back again. After a few passes, he let out a heavy sigh, shoulders slumping and mandibles fluttering helplessly before he joined Thane at the table.

Taking a sip of his tea, Thane watched Garrus for a moment before saying, "You're concerned for her."

"Of course." Garrus looked at him, mandibles flared and brow plate lifted. "Aren't you?"

"Indeed." Thane took another sip before setting the cup down and folding his hands on the table. "Perhaps more so seeing how this is affecting you. You know her better than all others, know what she's capable of, so if you are so unsettled …."

Sucking in a deep breath, Garrus let it back out in a heavy sigh. "There was a time I thought she was damn near invincible …. The Great Commander Shepard. Hmmm. But then I—we lost her." A soft, brief keen filled the air around him before he cut it off, swallowing as he fluttered his mandibles and looked down at the table. "The galaxy's a much darker place without her."

"Undoubtedly. She has certainly brought light and warmth back to my life." Thane hummed, picking his cup back up. "Something I never anticipated ever having again."

"Do you love her?" Garrus asked, something wary about his tone.

Thane took a swallow from his cup before putting it back down and dipping his head. "I do."

Tapping a talon against the metal surface of the table, Garrus studied Thane for a moment, gaze unflinching. "She loves you, and you seem to be helping her, but I'm afraid of what's going to happen to her when you die."

"As am I." Thane lowered his gaze, staring into the murky surface of his tea. "I nearly allowed the fear to keep me from accepting her affection, but as she so adamantly made clear, the choice was hers to make. I … I've begun treatments to help combat the advancement of my disease, and Mordin has placed me on the transplant lists."

"What does that mean for you?" The trill in Garrus' subvocals spoke of curiosity and hope.

Thane took a deep breath and shook his head. "If I survive long enough to receive transplants, it will prolong my life, but most likely only for a few years."

"Hmmm. Maybe by then, they'll have found a cure or at least improved treatments." Garrus fluttered his mandibles, turning on the bench to sit sideways and rest his back against the wall.

"Perhaps." Thane offered the turian a smile. "For the first time in ten years, I have a reason to want to live."