Hollow

The collector ship was a devastating reminder to all of what exactly humanity stood to lose if their mission wasn't a success. Clearly, the collectors held no intentions of limiting themselves to the human colonies of the Terminus. They intended to hit Earth, the cradle of humanity. Perhaps equally disturbing, the evidence suggested the collectors were, in fact, reaper-altered protheans. Contemplating how the Illuminated Primacy might respond to such knowledge, should it become publicly available, made Thane's head spin.

And yet, the most troubling thing he walked away from the experience with was the knowledge that the collectors appeared to have specifically chosen Shepard as a primary target.

His siha.

He couldn't lose her. He wouldn't lose her. He refused to lose another woman he loved.

The Illusive Man knew the turian distress signal wasn't genuine, yet he did nothing to reveal the fact to Shepard and allowed them to board the collector vessel blind. She was rightfully angry with the Cerberus leader, and Thane, well, he was furious. He couldn't allow himself to show it, however. Shepard needed him to remain strong and supportive, give her the room she required to work through the matter. So, he retired to Life Support as she made her way to the comm room to speak with the Illusive Man. Undoubtedly, she'd make her discontent more than clear enough for the both of them.

It wasn't long before she came looking for him, the door to Life Support sliding open at her approach. He pushed away from the observation window and turned to look at her, sucking in a deep breath at the sight of the confusion and frustration still filling her eyes. The door closed behind her as she crossed the threshold, her steps aimed straight for him, and he held his arms open. Burying her face against his chest and shoulder she tucked her arms between them, clinging to the lapels of his jacket. He held her close, wishing there was something more he could do to make the mission and inevitable war against the reapers run smoothly. For her sake as much as for the galaxy.

"At least he didn't lie about knowing it was a trap," she said after a moment, defeat heavy in her voice.

"No?" It surprised him, honesty certainly didn't seem to be a trait belonging to the Illusive Man. "What was the point of sending us in under false pretenses?"

"He said he couldn't be sure communications weren't being monitored. He wanted them to believe that we thought the ship was derelict," she said and sighed, "otherwise, we might have missed the opportunity their ambush presented."

"I see." It wasn't a good enough excuse, not for Thane.

Surely, had he wanted to, the Illusive Man could have gotten word to Shepard. If not for EDI's warnings, they would've been taken by surprise and someone—Arashu, all of them—might've died. What good would the information gained do if Shepard didn't live to use it to stop the collectors?

"And now that we're off the collector ship, he tells me we need a reaper IFF to get through the Omega 4 relay." She let out a frustrated growl. "Even if it was just a working theory, if he'd told me ahead of time … we had the chance to get the IFF off the collector ship. Instead, now we have to board a supposedly dead reaper. One that, apparently, Cerberus has known about for some time. He had people stationed on the damn thing, and now he's lost contact with them."

"You believe they've become indoctrinated?" he asked, rubbing small circles against her back.

"I think it's pretty damn likely. Even if the thing is dead as he claims, it's still reaper tech. We know the reapers themselves aren't the only thing to cause indoctrination. They have other methods, and we know that prolonged exposure to reaper artifacts pretty much guarantees indoctrination." Unexpectedly, she pushed away from him, raking her hands through her hair before throwing them into the air. "What the hell did he really expect?"

"I don't know, siha." He watched as she started to pace. "I wish I had answers for you, truly. Do you believe the reaper is actually derelict and this isn't just another lie?"

She stopped, pressing her palms into the table, head hanging between her shoulders. "He swears that it is, as much as a reaper can be, anyway. I'm not sure it really matters, though. We missed the opportunity to get the IFF on the collector ship, the chances of us getting aboard another are …."

"Quite slim, indeed." He studied her for a moment, unsure as to whether he should close the distance between them after her retreat. "Still, perhaps we can find another way." He didn't like the idea of her being so close to a source of indoctrination, not when she already feared having reaper technology inside of her and questioned her own mental faculties.

A harsh, cynical huff of laughter left her mouth, and she shook her head before looking at him once more. "I swear to God, when this is all over … one way or another, I'm putting a bullet through the Illusive Man's head."

Fighting the urge to gape at her, he glanced toward EDI's access node, praying the AI understood the nuances of making empty threats when one was upset. However … Shepard really wasn't one to make empty threats. She seemed to understand his train of thought, however.

Gaze flicking toward the access node, she sighed. "EDI … you really don't need to pass that statement along to the Illusive Man. I'm just blowing off steam."

"There is no need to worry, Shepard." EDI's hologram sprung to life. "Priority to confidentiality has been given to the conversations between you and Thane at Yeoman Chambers' insistence. I am programmed to follow Yeoman Chambers' recommendations to support the mental health and well being of the crew. I am only required to file a report if it is believed that you have become a danger to yourself or to the crew. The Illusive Man is not a part of this crew."

Shepard let out a soft chuckle; the AI seemed to have truly arrested her moment of agitation. "Good to know. Thanks, EDI."

"You are welcome. Shall I set course for the reaper?" EDI asked.

"No, not yet." Pursing her lips, Shepard ran her hand through her hair again, the motion far more relaxed than a moment before. "We still have other things on the table we need to take care of, and Thane's right, if there is at all another way, we should take it. Let's see what else we can find in the meantime."

"As you wish, Shepard. Logging you out." The hologram folded in on itself before disappearing completely, giving them the illusion of privacy once more.

It came as no surprise that the rest of the team were no more thrilled about the prospects of boarding a reaper—living or dead—than he and Shepard. Even after she called a meeting in the comm room and explained the matter to everyone, it continued to be a topic of open discussion in the mess hall. A few of the Cerberus crew seemed upset by the ambush and ill at ease over being anywhere near a reaper, as well.

There was a certain static to the heaviness of the atmosphere aboard the Normandy. It seemed as if everyone knew they were nearing the end, and sooner rather than later, the moment of truth on whether or not they were indeed on a suicide mission would be revealed. Everyone appeared tense, on edge, and it made Thane antsy and more vigilant.

He decided it would be best if he called Kolyat before the day ended. It would be good to see his son's face, hear his voice, and perhaps it would help strengthen his resolve. After all, if the collectors truly were working for the reapers, and all accounts seemed to point to it being the case, then it was only a matter of time until they moved on from kidnapping humans and pursued other species. The mission was a great risk, but if it would help ensure that Kolyat never had to face such peril, he would do everything possible. He only wished such an act were possible to keep Shepard safe.

A gentle hand settled on his thigh, pulling him from his inner musings. He blinked, smiling as he turned his head to look at her. Radiant, utterly beautiful, she grinned at him and squeezed his leg before turning her attention back to the conversation going around the table. He hadn't been completely lost to the discussion, but he really had nothing more to add at the moment. He'd spoken his peace on the matter and chose to be satisfied that Shepard intended to try and find another way to acquire a reaper IFF.

"So, where are going now, then?" Jack asked between bites of food.

"Aite in The Phoenix Massing." Shepard took a sip of her tea before picking her fork back up. "It's a Cerberus thing, but it sounds like one that's pretty important."

"What's so important about it?" Tali asked.

"There's a base there that's gone silent," Miranda answered. "They were working with a VI to learn to control the geth."

Tali huffed, glowing eyes rolling behind her mask. "Of course they were." Turning her attention back to her meal, she muttered, "Bosh'tets."

Shepard chuckled and then gave Miranda a lighthearted shrug, though clearly, the operative wasn't pleased with the comment in the slightest.

"Kolyat. I hope I'm not disturbing you." Thane offered his son a smile and folded his hands on the table.

"Not at all." Kolyat picked up a remote and turned down a vid screen playing in the background. "Are your treatments going well?"

"They are, yes." Thane turned out a hand and tilted his head a little. "They are … uncomfortable, but it is to be expected. The doctors assure me they are doing what they are intended to do."

"You look troubled." Kolyat studied him, astute eyes soaking in his features.

Thane took a deep breath and let it out in a sigh. "Some of the things we have encountered on this mission … some of the things we might encounter yet, are indeed troubling. I—I fear for Shepard's safety and the rest of the crew. I fear what will happen to you and the rest of the galaxy if we are not successful."

"What do you mean?" Brow ridges ticking up, Kolyat added, "I thought the collectors were only attacking human colonies in the Terminus?"

"So far, they have," Thane said with a brief nod, "but there is nothing to suggest they will stop there. We were—we found evidence to suggest they plan to attack Earth. As well, it appears they are doing so at the behest of the reapers."

"You believe the reapers are real?" Kolyat leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees, bringing him closer to the screen.

"I do. The evidence Shepard gathered since her battle against Saren and Sovereign was more than enough to convince me, and I've forwarded her reports to the Illuminated Primacy." Shifting to prop his elbows on the desk, Thane clasped his hands in front of him. "I pray they heed the warning swiftly enough to prepare for the inevitable war to come."

Kolyat rubbed a hand over his face. "How serious is the threat?"

"The last time the reapers left dark space, they completely wiped out the protheans and every other advanced, sentient species of that time. They …" Choosing his words carefully, Thane waved a hand before continuing. "… alter some of the people they attack, turning them into mindless husks of what they once were, controlled by the reapers and set loose to attack their own people. I have seen it done with some of the humans the collectors have taken, fought them myself, and Shepard encountered them during her hunt for Saren." He wanted to tell Kolyat that they had reason to believe some of the protheans were turned into collectors, but Shepard didn't want the information getting out, understandably so.

"That … is horrifying," Kolyat said, eyes wide.

Thane dipped his head. "Indeed."

She looked hollowed out as if what she saw on Aite reached into her depths and stole something precious from her, the last spark of hope for the galaxy. She didn't even seem to have the energy to be angry. Ghosts haunted her eyes again, and he could tell she doubted her existence once more. She'd described what she saw in the VI core, told him about the man strung up 'like a marionette' with tubes shoved down his throat, thick cords piercing his extremities, and his eyes held open by metal claws.

David Archer was vulnerable due to a neurological disorder called autism, and he depended on his brother to protect him. Instead, Dr. Archer took advantage of David for his own personal gain. It was a disgusting, dishonorable, and cruel act. The Illusive Man claimed to have not known what was happening on the Cerberus base, but neither Shepard nor Thane believed the assertion. He knew, beyond any doubt, that if they did survive the Omega 4 Relay, Shepard would most certainly make good on her promise to put a bullet in the Illusive Man's head.

It only surprised Thane that she didn't put one in Dr. Archer.

Sitting on the couch next to her, Thane pulled her into his arms, and she buried her face against his chest. They sat there in silence until he'd lost track of time. The sound of EDI's voice announcing Garrus' presence at the cabin door pulled them both out of the near trance they'd settled into.

Shepard sat up and took a deep breath. "Let him inside, EDI."

A moment later, Garrus made his way downstairs, two bottles of alcohol in his hands. "I, uh … hmmm … I thought you might could use a drink."

She let out a soft scoff and chuckled, a weak smile easing into place. "A drink sounds good. There are some glasses over there," she said, pointing to a small bar in the corner.

Flicking a mandible, Garrus grinned and turned his attention to Thane. "You want one?"

"Ah, no. Thank you, but I generally don't consume alcohol … or other mind-altering substances for that matter." Thane offered him a wry smile. "I find the lack of certainty of what's happening in my environment unsettling, and I believe it might interfere with my medications."

"Right, sorry. I guess I should've thought about that." Garrus sat the bottles on the table and moved to the bar.

"No need." Thane offered Shepard an encouraging smile. "Please, don't allow my abstinence to prevent the two of you from enjoying yourselves."

Shepard lay with her head resting on Thane's thigh, hair draped over his lap. She held her glass tucked in against her ribs, the nearly empty bottle shoved between the couch and her other side. Legs stretched across the curve of the couch, bare feet resting on Garrus' knee, she laughed. Her face was flushed, speech slurred, but Thane knew she wasn't nearly as intoxicated as her behavior might lead one to believe. He wondered if she was putting on a show for Garrus' sake or her own, finding comfort in the ritual of drinking themselves into oblivion, even if she couldn't truly do so any longer.

"I'm telling you," she said, dissolving into a fit of giggles before continuing, "Dr. Michel has the hots for you." She used her foot to rock Garrus' knee. "You're her hero."

Garrus chuffed and threw his head back, draining his glass. "I think you're imagining things. But even if you're not, I've never, hmmm … I wouldn't even know where to start with a human. Not even sure I'd want to start something with a human."

Scoffing, she pushed his knee a little harder. "What's wrong with humans?"

"How much time do you have?" he asked, voice dry, but the flutter of his mandibles belied the seriousness of his question.

She huffed and grinned. "Asshole."

"Seriously," Garrus said, looking at Thane, "I don't know how you do it."

Thane chuckled, and Shepard kicked the turian's knee before pulling her legs back to their side of the couch. Looking down at her, Thane ran the back of his finger along the side of her face and over her jaw. "How could I not? She is beautiful, clever, and kind. Fierce and noble." Smiling, he stroked her face again when she met his gaze, a soft blush tinting her cheeks. "She is strong, a fair and just commander who wields her weapons like the warrior-angel she is, and yet, she is so gentle." His smile shifted to a sly grin, and he said, "Not to mention, her lips are the sweetest of fruits, her skin the softest of silks, and when she calls out my name in ecstasy, I know what it means to be in the presence of the divine."

Her blush spread until her entire face and neck were nearly as red as her hair. "Jesus," she muttered before hiding her eyes beneath the crook of her arm.

Garrus let out a raucous laugh. "I think you broke her."

Garrus left, stumbling out of the cabin, and the door slid closed behind him. Thane turned away from the stairs and settled his gaze on Shepard. She still sat on the edge of the couch, staring into a near empty glass of alcohol. She seemed lost, in thought and in spirit, and it pained him to see. Returning to the couch, he sat down and settled his hand on her back, kneading absently at the tense muscles along her spine.

She glanced at him and smiled, but her eyes still held the hollow look of her uncertainty. "Hey," she said, voice soft.

"Tell me how I can help, siha." He reached up, cupping her face and brushing his thumb over her cheekbone.

Instantly, tears welled in her eyes. She set the cup on the table and turned into him, curling against his side. He wrapped his arm around her, holding her tight as she cried in silence. Feeling helpless, and knowing it worked to soothe her once before, he began humming the lullaby of his childhood.

After a few seconds, she chuckled and looked up at him, wiping away her tears. "I love you."

He smiled, delighted to see the darkness receding even if only a little. "And I you, Jane."

She climbed onto his lap and wrapped her arms around his neck and shoulders, resting her face against his frills. A moment later, she turned her head and kissed his cheek. "I think I could use some tea. And maybe something to eat. Come downstairs with me?"

"Certainly," he said, and then waited until she decided to actually get up nearly three minutes later.

"I just keep thinking about that poor man." She sighed, dropping the crust of her sandwich back on her plate and picking up her cup. "I can't understand how anyone …. How could he do that? His own brother?"

Thane took a sip of his tea and then set the cup down on its saucer. "I wish I had answers for you, but I'm afraid only he can say what evil possessed him to do such a thing." Resting his arms on the table, he turned a palm out for her hand, and she wrapped her fingers around his. "But you have given David a second chance at life. He may never forget his time being tortured by his brother, but neither will he forget you saved him and gave him the chance at a better life moving forward."

"Right … in a galaxy which is about to be at war with the reapers. What did I really make better?" Despite the hint of sarcasm to her tone, her eyes pleaded with him to give her something to anchor herself with.

Choosing his words carefully, he said, "Tonight, he sleeps in a soft, warm bed. Tomorrow, he will eat nutritious meals and take a hot shower. He will be able to move freely, stretch and exercise. He will be surrounded by people who wish only to help him. He will not be manipulated and forced into harmful, vile situations as he was when you found him. Instead, he will make friends and learn new skills. He will know laughter and kindness and love. It may not last as long as we wish, no one is ever promised an eternity of peace, but for now, peace is his. You gave him this, siha."

He held her close, breasts pressed against his chest, sheet twined around her hips. She nipped at the ridges along his cheek before darting her tongue out to trace the frills down his throat. He groaned, pushing deeper inside of her as she moved atop him. The shutters remained closed above them, and he knew she didn't wish to see the stars that night, not with her mind already so troubled. She clung to him, made love to him with a desperation which made his heart ache as much as swell with the depths of his adoration.

Tightening his grip on her, he rolled until she lay beneath him, and she wrapped her legs around his waist. He captured her lips and trapped one of her nipples between his fingers, pinching and tugging before palming her breast and kneading. Moaning, she arched her back, pushing herself into his palm, tongue dancing over his so warm and sweet. He rocked his hips, her slick heat tightening around him as she moved with his thrusts. The heels of her feet dug into his backside, pulling him in closer, deeper, encouraging him as he moved faster. She tore her mouth from his and sank her teeth into his shoulder, pulling a hiss from him.

Trying to make sense of her sudden aggression, he slowed to gentle strokes and asked, "Am I hurting you?"

"No," she said, voice hoarse as she pressed her face against his, preventing him from searching out her gaze. "But … I want you to."

"Siha?" He stopped moving altogether and shifted his weight off of her enough to turn his head and look at her.

She swallowed, her gaze flicking away from him to scan the darkness before darting back to his face. "Nevermind." She licked her lips. "I'm just being stupid." Grinding against him, she smiled and pulled at him. "Come on, don't stop."

He remained motionless nevertheless, waiting for her to meet his gaze again. When she finally did, he reached up and brushed the hair from her face before gathering it all into a fist at the back of her head. He tightened his grasp until a spark flashed in her eyes. "Tell me what you need me to do."

He would find a way to help her feel alive and whole again. Permanently. Whatever she needed. He would find a way.