All but One
"Hey," she said, standing from the couch and making her way toward the bed the moment her gaze found his.
He wondered how long ago she'd left his side. It wasn't like her to awaken before him, and Alchera had taken so much of her energy, he'd expected her to sleep soundly until her alarm. She appeared alert and moved with no sign of fatigue, so he supposed she'd slept long enough, however little sleep she'd actually managed.
"Good morning, siha." He smiled as she knelt on the edge of the bed and then stretched across the mattress, kissing him chastely before resting her head on his chest. Sliding his fingers over her hair, he hummed, enjoying the quiet, simple moment of contact. A slight rumble moved through the ship, something he doubted most would even notice, but he knew to mean the Normandy began docking procedures. "Where are we?" he asked.
"The Citadel," she hummed and nuzzled against his side. "I've got some errands to run, people to talk to, nothing major. I thought you might like to see Kolyat while we're here, though, so I planned to have Samara and Tali join me."
"Indeed." It would be nice to see Kolyat in person again, despite the nervousness scraping across his spine as he considered the possibility. "I should call, inform him of our arrival and make sure he has time free to visit."
She hummed but made no move to sit up, however, so he simply stroked his hand over her head once more. If not for his ability to perfectly recall every, heartbreaking detail from the moment Garrus contacted the Normandy to report Shepard's condition until Thane finally succumbed to his own exhaustion—her still shivering as she slept in his arms—he might've been convinced the events from the day before were nothing but a nightmare. The warmth in her eyes and the smile on her face shone in defiance of the memories, as did her apparent determination to act as if none of it ever happened. He didn't intend to push her to talk about it any further; he certainly had nothing more to offer her, no new answers or reassurances to chase her fears away. He wished he did, though, more than anything.
"He's taken a job at the Dark Star Lounge on the Zakera Ward," he said after a few more moments of silence. He wasn't sure why, precisely, he just wanted to share his life with her in whatever way possible. "He has no need to work, the package I left for him with the volus bankers included access to an account with a significant amount of credits. It was to be his inheritance, after my death, but I insisted he make use of it now." He stroked her hair again when she rubbed her face against him. "I've continued to add to it over the years. He wants to work, though. He says it gives him a way to pass the time and the position is not difficult. I hope to encourage him to return to secondary and finish his education some day, but I know it'd be unwise to press him to do so just yet."
"The Dark Star Lounge is a pretty decent bar." Shepard shifted, pulling herself straighter on the bed as she rolled to her side and propped herself up on an elbow. She traced the markings over his ribs and abdomen with her fingers, the touch so gentle it made his heart ache with the love it conveyed. "Quieter and definitely safer than Chora's Den."
"This is true," he said with a chuckle. He watched her, looking for hints of the anguish he'd seen only a few hours before in her eyes but finding no sign of her existential crisis. "I fear he'd be none too pleased with me if he'd chosen to work at Chora's Den as I'd feel obligated to insist he find employment elsewhere; someplace not so well known as a meeting ground for all sorts of criminal activities."
She smirked. "I once fought assassins outside of Chora's Den."
"Indeed?" He raised a brow ridge when she glanced at him. The fact didn't surprise him in the slightest. Every moment spent by her side off of the Normandy reinforced the notion that the woman had powerful enemies, and she never seemed to tire of making more whenever circumstances called for a fight.
"Mhmm." She gave him an absent nod, the movement shaking hair loose to curtain her face and hide one of her eyes as she turned her attention back to his scales. "Turians Saren sent. Fought some others in an alleyway, turian and salarian. They were trying to kill Tali before she could deliver information to the Shadow Broker implicating Saren in the attacks on Eden Prime. My team got to her just in time and convinced her to share the intel with us instead. Then," she said, threading the fingers of her free hand through her hair to rest her head on her palm, "we had to fight through mercs and armed, hired staff to get to the back room and take out the club's owner, a man named Fist. Well … I needed info from Fist, but Wrex had a contract on him."
"I see." He considered correcting her use of the term 'assassin' as it sounded far more likely the individuals she fought were mercenaries, but it seemed irrelevant at the moment. He reached out, dragging the backs of his fingers across her cheek and along her jaw, instead, pushing hair out of her face. "I believe I recall hearing of the aftermath C-Sec found when they arrived. I had no idea you were involved."
"Good," she said with a soft snort, "I wasn't exactly operating within the confines of the law that day." She grinned and shrugged. "But I did have a C-Sec detective with me, and he wasn't any more willing than I was to let Saren get away with attacking the colony. Of course, we didn't really know yet how much worse the whole thing actually was." Her eyes glazed over, and she seemed to be staring at something beyond the confines of her cabin.
"Siha?" he said, tracing her jaw once again.
She swallowed and met his gaze with clear eyes. "It's hard to remember that more time has passed for everyone else since those days—for Garrus, Wrex, and Tali—than it has for me. Sometimes, some little joke or snippet of a conversation will come to mind, and I'll say something to one of them, and I can tell they have no idea what I'm talking about. It's been well over two years for them, but a handful of months for me."
He pressed his palm to her face, next to her own hand, and she turned to kiss his wrist. "I regret that I did not yet know you. It would please me to be able to share those memories with you."
She smiled and shrugged the shoulder not bearing her weight, but there remained a certain sadness to her eyes. "It's nothing big. They remember the big stuff just fine, of course. But it leaves me feeling a little lost, like I've fallen behind in a race I didn't even realize I was running." She scoffed, smile widening as she said, "I guess having no one remember the things you do is kind of a constant frustration for drell and salarians around other species, though, isn't it?"
He chuckled and rolled to his side, resting the side of his head against his fist and settling his other hand on her hip. "At times, I suppose it is. However, the forgetfulness of other species has also served me well in my profession—allowing me to move through areas where being seen is unavoidable without having much concern that an accurate description of my face will be passed along to authorities—for instance."
"I don't think I'd have ever been able to forget the details of your face," she said, voice soft, reverent almost. "Then again, you did make quite the entrance." She scraped her teeth over her bottom lip. "I'm sure it sounds crazy, but watching you work was … beautiful."
Warmth spread over his frills, and he lowered his gaze to her clavicle resting just above the neck of her shirt. "My thanks," he managed, her statement leaving him fighting back his pride even as it humbled him and left him feeling … ah, what was the emotion, just a taste of it there around the edges of his consciousness?
"You know," she added, a teasing quality to her voice, "I received a message from one of the salarians you saved that night."
"Indeed?" He met her gaze again, curiosity piqued by the mischief in her gaze.
"He thought you were beautiful, too." She flashed her teeth in a wide grin. "I think I still have it in my inbox, I'll have to forward it to you."
He chuckled and leaned in, capturing her lips before she could taunt him further.
"Hello, Father." Kolyat stood back and turned to the side, waving his arm in toward his small apartment. "Please, come inside."
Thane dipped his head and stepped over the threshold, tucking his hands behind his back. Habit and training prevented him from moving very far before stopping to scan the area for threats and to map out the apartment. Of course, he'd accessed blueprints for the building the moment he knew the address, but it was the first time he'd seen the apartment in full. The blueprints only told him about the building's structures, not where Kolyat chose to place furnishings or if one feature or another became non-functional since the initial construction. The cursory examination from his location still failed to tell him much about the apartment.
It didn't matter, however. He wasn't there to pick apart the details of the building. He'd only looked at the blueprints because he wanted to reassure himself of Kolyat's safety and the location's security measures. They were … as to be expected, given the area. Perhaps Kolyat would allow him to add extra encryption to the door's locking mechanism, if nothing else.
A part of his mind continued to track Kolyat's location; his every movement and breath, despite Thane's conscious efforts to stop. His son wasn't a threat, but Thane's training ran too deeply to overcome entirely. Glancing over his shoulder, he found Kolyat watching him, expression guarded. Thane offered him a smile, hoping to ease any growing tension.
"I'll make us some tea," Kolyat said as he gestured toward the couch pushed against the wall. "Make yourself comfortable."
Dipping his head, Thane relaxed. "My thanks."
He walked toward the couch, listening as Kolyat stepped away and moved toward the small kitchen area to the right of the entrance. Even if the building had better security, the open-space floor plan wasn't one Thane would've chosen—either for himself or for Kolyat. It provided little cover, few places to hide or conceal his movements, but he suspected those things mattered little to Kolyat.
"You seem to be settling in comfortably," he said, taking in a painting of one of the beaches on Enkindlers' Pass hanging from the wall above a modest vid screen.
Other small signs of Kolyat's attempts to personalize the living space stood out as Thane finally changed mindsets and reexamined the area through different eyes. An abstract, brightly colored, twisted hunk of metal and ceramic meant to be some sort of modern art sat atop a pedestal near the door. A blue and black patterned blanket lay thrown over the arm of a leather chair, the scent of Kolyat's venom lingering more strongly in that area. The bed and dresser tucked back into the far corner of the room was neatly made with dark, silken sheets and an abundance of pillows. He felt certain the opulence—confined to his sleeping space—said something about Kolyat's personality, but he wasn't entirely sure what. The table in front of the couch held a grouping of intricately carved, wood and metal figurines depicting Amonkira hunting wild beasts with a spear, and that, more than anything else, brought a smile to Thane's face.
"You're making a lovely home for yourself." He pushed out the tails of his jacket and sat, perching on the edge of the couch.
"It's not home," Kolyat said, drawing Thane's attention to the kitchen area. Kolyat didn't glance in Thane's direction, keeping his focus on preparing tea, instead. "No place has been home in a very long time."
The pain in Kolyat's voice burrowed deeply inside of Thane's chest, leaving him lightheaded and breathless for a moment. He pressed his palm to his sternum, fighting to steady himself before speaking. "My apologies. I understand, and I pray you will one day find a place that is 'home' to you again, my son."
"Have you?" Kolyat asked, turning to lean against the counter, hands gripping the edges next to his hips. Despite the challenge to his words, his expression carried no real fight. The jab seemed more reflexive than anything, and in fact, he appeared tired, worn down. Simply resigned, perhaps.
"I—no. I don't tend to stay in one location for more than a couple of weeks, at most." Leaning forward, Thane propped his elbows on his knees and clasped his hands in front of his face, using the gesture to steady himself. "My time spent on the Normandy, so far, is the longest I've spent in one … well, I suppose with it being a ship, it isn't accurate to say 'one location'. Nevertheless, it doesn't feel like home, either." He paused, seeking out and holding Kolyat's gaze before adding, "Although, I admit, when I am with Shepard … it feels comfortable, and I am at ease."
Kolyat turned his attention back to the counter, arranging cups and the like atop a tray. "I'm surprised you are not with her now."
"She's speaking with Councilor Anderson, I believe." Thane understood the statement for the question it was truly meant to be, and he watched Kolyat, taking in the tight set of his shoulders and all of the little movements his muscled frame made beneath the leather of his jacket. "She has a few things she wishes to attend to on the Citadel while we're here, all mundane activities not requiring my presence. I have several hours free to spend with you, so long as my company pleases you."
"I see." Kolyat turned off the burner beneath the kettle before picking it up and pouring the water into a ceramic teapot, filling the air with the rich aroma of cinuela. "Perhaps we will go some place to eat after a while, if you're comfortable with such public activities."
"I'd like that very much." Thane smiled, tension easing from his chest as Kolyat turned back, carrying the tray between his hands. "Wherever you'd like to go."
The more time Kolyat spent in Thane's presence, the more he seemed to relax. A smile slid over his face as he glanced around the restaurant, and he shook his head before returning his gaze to Thane. "How can you tell?" he asked, brow ridge rising to meet the dubious tone of his voice.
Thane chuckled, spreading his hands apart before clasping them once more. "The hanar trained me well."
"Father!" He laughed again, and the sound captured a piece of Thane's soul, claiming ownership over it as easily as Kolyat himself had the day he was born.
Grinning, Thane picked up his glass and took a sip of the iced elocol and sat it back down on the napkin. "Close your eyes," he said, waiting for his son to obey before continuing. "What do you hear?"
"Noise," Kolyat said, and Thane gave him a playful hiss. The corner of his lip twitched, but he kept his eyes closed. After a moment, Kolyat tipped his head slightly, angling his ear toward the sounds coming from the workspaces of the restaurant hidden from the public eye. "I hear voices … they're discussing food orders and the need to keep the area clear."
"What else?" Thane asked, keeping his own voice soft and unobtrusive. It'd be impossible for him to guide Kolyat through all of the same observations which led to Thane's conclusion, but the simple exercise of intentionally listening for what the mind naturally filtered out was a simple one.
"The sounds of cooking. A knife chopping something, the hiss of food on a hot surface, water running … ah." Kolyat stopped talking, tipping his head a little further still. "I hear music, the same few chords being repeated and then interrupted before starting again. It sounds like …" He opened his eyes and blinked, focusing on Thane as he slowly shook his head. "It sounds like a child's toy, the same button being pressed over and over again."
"Very good, my son." Thane dipped his head and smiled. Pride filled him so easily with every little thing Kolyat said or did, and he was the only source of that particular emotion which felt safe for Thane anymore.
Kolyat's brow ridges turned inward, doubt casting shadows over his face and lowering his tone. "Still, that doesn't mean the child is asari or that she belongs to the restaurant owners."
"True." Thane released his hands to gesture toward the doorway to the staff areas of the building. "But shortly after we arrived, an asari dressed in business attire exited that door and made her way to the restrooms." With the other hand, he waved at the glowing signs at the back of the dining room.
Kolyat turned first one way and then the other as if his entire being felt obligated to follow the trajectory of Thane's motions. It was a painful reminder of the child Thane abandoned, curious and delighted by the things his father had to teach him, eager for every scrap of attention. Thane should have taught him so much more. Perhaps he still could.
"In a restaurant on Zakera Ward, where all employees wear the same uniform, she stood out. Her suit was of fine quality and tailored for a perfect fit, something a mere manager would be unlikely to own let alone wear to work. She moved through the restaurant as if she expected her path to be completely free of obstacles at all times, and indeed, servers hurried out of her way, averting their gazes and increasing their work efforts in her presence. Despite clearly being someone of importance, very likely the owner, her expression remained pinched and her movements hurried as if she rushed to get back to someone she dreaded to keep waiting. Tracking the sounds of her footsteps beyond the doorway upon her return," he said as he gestured toward the back area again, "she moved directly to a closed door and entered the room, and when she did so, the sounds of a child playing grew louder before the door closed once more."
Kolyat's gaze followed Thane's hand before returning to look him in the eyes. He blinked slowly and shook his head again, awe making the blue of his irises more vibrant behind his ocular scales.
"Commander," Kolyat said, tucking his hands behind his back and lifting his chin as he stared Shepard down. Despite the neutral tone, he had a lot to learn about veiling his emotions, keeping his features from betraying the truth of what he felt—if that was indeed his intention.
"Kolyat." She dipped her head and mirrored his posture, and yet, she stood in sharp contrast to Kolyat. Her age, wisdom, and experience made his indifferent body language appear as neutral as an unruly child's, prepared to throw themselves on the floor to get their way. She offered him a smile, and even Thane couldn't tell if it was genuine or forced when she wrapped herself in the shroud of command. "It's good to see you again."
"Is it?" he asked, cynical undercurrents burning in Thane's ears.
Thane brought a fist to his mouth, gently coughing and clearing his throat. He knew if he continued to have both his son and Shepard in his life, the two would eventually have to learn to communicate peacefully. He also knew if he attempted to correct Kolyt's attitude or defend Shepard, it'd only push Kolyat away. Still, Kolyat's aunts and uncles must've raised him to be more respectful, and his rude behavior shamed both them and Thane. Certainly his mother would be displeased, were she there to see it for herself.
Shepard's smile widened. "Yes, actually," she said, her tone remaining calm but curt. "It is. You're alive and not in a cell awaiting trial for murder, so it's very good to see you again."
Kolyat let out a soft scoff, barely audible, but Thane knew his siha heard it as well. He seemed to cede the point, however, and changed the subject instead of needling her further. "Father said he believes your fight against the collectors is nearing a conclusion."
Shepard relaxed her stance and stepped aside, smiling and nodding her head to Zaeed as he approached the Normandy. She waited a moment, watching as the ship's airlock closed behind the old mercenary before turning her attention back to Kolyat. "I think so, yes." She shrugged and shifted her weight to one hip, body angling towards Thane as she loosely crossed her arms over her chest. "We still have things to do before we make our final move, but the end is in sight."
Kolyat nodded, gaze drifting to Thane before scanning the docks and settling back on Shepard. "It saddens me to hear of what the collectors are doing to human colonies." His lips twitched, a frown in the making. "Father said there's reason to believe that if you do not stop them, the collectors will begin attacking other species, too."
"He's right," she said, turning her attention to Thane, something flashed over her eyes, her mask slipping for just a moment before sliding back into place. "I'm surprised you've talked to him about this." There wasn't censure there, but neither was there understanding.
Uncertainty halted his tongue, bidding him to think over his words before responding. "I spent too long hiding myself from the people I love," Thane said, showing her an empty palm in supplication. "I don't want to keep things from Kolyat, not anymore. I didn't intend to cause any harm, however. If this information was meant to be classified, you have my apologies, I didn't realize ..."
"No," she said, shaking her head and giving him a soft smile. She let her mask slip away entirely while she held his gaze and continued, "It's not exactly classified, but we probably shouldn't make it common knowledge, either. We don't want to panic civilians when there's nothing more we can do about the situation either way, and we don't want to show our hand to our enemies if word gets back to the collectors that we know more than they realize."
Thane dipped his head. "Of course, I hadn't considered …." He turned his attention to his son. "You haven't spoken to anyone else about these things?" He didn't think Kolyat actually spent much time conversing with anyone, truthfully, but he might've said something to his family or perhaps even a coworker during the quiet moments between customers.
"No, Father." Kolyat punctuated his statement with a shake of his head before glancing at Shepard. "Rest assured, Commander, the last thing I want is to jeopardize your mission."
She watched Kolyat for a moment, not Commander Shepard, but Jane—though Thane doubted Kolyat saw the difference. "I'm going to do everything in my power to make sure your father survives this mission, Kolyat. You have my word."
"Come up to the cabin with me?" she asked as they stepped onto the elevator. "There's something I want to talk to you about."
"Of course." He waited for the elevator door to slide shut before closing the little distance between them and wrapping his arms around her waist. "I apologize again, siha, for speaking out of turn about the mission. I should have consulted with you first. I hope I haven't caused any problems."
She smiled and draped her arms over his shoulders, the extra weight of her gauntlets more noticeable than it'd have been prior to the start of his breathing treatments. He hated how weakened the medications left him feeling, but Dr. Chakwas and Dr. Solus both assured him it was normal and would pass in time. They told him it was due to his body adjusting to the increase in oxygen in his muscles and organs after so much time operating in a deprived state, and that in all actuality, he was likely gaining muscle mass. Dr. Solus suggested most wouldn't even notice, but with Thane's intense training and constant vigilance, he remained alert to the smallest of changes. He supposed it made sense, but nevertheless, it discomforted him greatly.
"Don't worry, Thane." She leaned in and kissed him, lips holding against his for two beats of his heart before disappearing once more. "If it were a big deal, I'd say so."
He hummed and dipped his head, following after her retreating kiss. "As you say." Capturing her mouth once more, the warmth and pliancy of her lips as they molded to his eased something deep in his chest. He teased her lower lip with the tip of his tongue, and she moaned so softly he felt more than heard the sound.
"Hold that thought," she said, pulling away as the elevator came to a stop. She took his hand and led him into her cabin, and immediately, it felt as though the rest of the galaxy faded away to nothingness, leaving him relaxed in her presence.
No, the Normandy wasn't quite home, but it came as close as he suspected he'd ever experience again. He'd never say so to Kolyat, but the house they shared with Irikah never truly felt like home for Thane, either. While some of that was undoubtedly because of his failure to stay still long enough and make it his home, he knew much of it had to do with his training. The only place Thane ever felt truly at home since leaving his parents' house as a child was in the dormitories with his den mother, mentors, and the other children studying to master the skills of his trade. Such was the nature of the Compact, and it'd always be a part of him, regardless of the fact he chose to walk away.
"Let me get out of this armor before we talk," she said, glancing over her shoulder at him as the door to the cabin slid closed.
"Certainly." He dipped his head and followed her down the stairs.
Without asking, he began assisting her in loosening the clasps holding her armor together as she unholstered her weapons. They worked in silence, stacking the pieces of her armor into the cabinet she used to store her gear. When the last piece was secure, she moved her weapons to the shelves within the cabinet and then closed the door. Turning back to him with a smile on her face but hints of worry in her emerald gaze, she waved at the couches.
He moved to take a seat, steeling himself for whatever she needed to say. Memories of how empty her eyes appeared when Garrus brought her back from Alchera haunted him, wrapping icy, phantom fingers around his heart and chilling the blood in his veins. She took a seat at the end of the couch—the same spot where she always sat—and turned sideways, pulling her legs onto the cushion. She crossed them, tucking her feet beneath her calves, before leaning toward him and resting her elbows on her knees. She held her hands out, and he didn't hesitate to turn, drawing one leg up to rest against her shins as he slipped his hands into hers and squeezed.
"Our next stop is Illium. My friend, Liara, she needs my help …." She bit the inside of her cheek, brushing her thumbs across the backs of his hands. "I haven't told her yet, but I have the information on the Shadow Broker she's been searching for, and I plan on going with her to take him down."
His heart seemed to stall completely before picking up the pace, thumping furiously against his sternum. Attacking the Shadow Broker was certainly a dangerous plan, but it wasn't what rammed an invisible blade into his gut and then twisted. He knew it wasn't why she hesitated to tell him, either.
After Irikah's death, he'd hunted down the men who were responsible for her death. All but one. All but the Shadow Broker.
It was something he didn't allow himself to think about too closely or too often because finding the Shadow Broker seemed an impossibility. Any time anyone attempted to uncover information on who, exactly, the Shadow Broker was or where to locate him, they inevitably ended up disappearing. They were never to be seen or heard from again.
It wasn't something Thane dared risk, not while Kolyat still lived. Afterall, the men who killed Irikah did so only after purchasing information about Thane—about his family—from the Shadow Broker. Oh, the Shadow Broker may not have known the cowards would go after Thane's family, but he certainly recognized the possibility and considered it acceptable. The life of an innocent woman and child meant nothing to the Shadow Broker. So yes, Thane had contemplated hunting him down and showing him the true folly of his lack of compassion.
But it was the same hubris which led to Thane's complacency to begin with, convincing himself that he was beyond reach. It fed him the false belief that his level of mastery guaranteed he'd never be caught, his identity would always be preserved. It left Irikah and Kolyat vulnerable to an attack. He couldn't allow himself to fall into the same trappings and risk drawing enemies to Rone and Kelena's door. He couldn't jeopardize Kolyat again, not even to slake his thirst for vengeance.
Attempting to find a way to safely investigate the Shadow Broker once occupied much of Thane's waking thoughts. Time, however, had cooled his rage, and his desire to redeem himself before his death eventually led him to abandon such dangerous machinations.
But if Shepard knew where the Shadow Broker was located ….
What was he thinking? If she knew, then she'd made a very dangerous enemy, indeed. The mere idea of her becoming one of those to disappear, of losing another siha, felt like the entire galaxy had suddenly shifted, throwing all of existence out of balance.
"Liara is the one who found my … found my body," she said, a nearly imperceptible shudder running through her frame, "and took me to Cerberus. They'd told her they could bring me back, and to her, that was all that mattered."
She took a deep breath, and although she undoubtedly meant to use it to anchor herself, it helped to bring him back to solid ground, too. He followed her example, sucking in a slow, deep breath and trapped it in his chest a moment before letting it ease out twice as slowly. He mustn't allow his emotions to control him, battle sleep or no. Shepard was safe for the moment, sitting right in front of him; there was no immediate danger.
"She had to fight, though, because the Shadow Broker sent mercs after my—after me, too." She licked her lips, clearing her throat and held onto his hands tighter. "He was going to sell me to the collectors."
"The collectors?" Thane asked, not meaning to interrupt her but the words slipped past his lips on a tidal wave of fear and more rolled through him soon after. "Sweet Arashu, why?" Several more incorporeal daggers slid themselves into his torso, piercing his heart and lungs despite his efforts to remain calm.
"Who can say for sure?" She pressed her lips together, shoulders folding inward. "I mean, I can imagine all the things the collectors would've wanted to do with me. What horrors they wanted to create using my DNA, especially since I was responsible for taking down Sovereign, but who knows what the Shadow Broker hoped to accomplish."
"Indeed." He squeezed her hands, fighting the urge to pull her into his lap and hold her against his chest. He needed to protect her with every skill and ounce of strength he possessed. He wanted to promise her that no such thing would ever, ever happen to her so long as he drew breath, but … how could he? "Your friend, Liara, how did she manage to evade the Shadow Broker's thugs?"
Does he still hunt for you?
"There was a man, a drell named Feron, who betrayed the Shadow Broker to help Liara rescue me." She licked her lips and lowered her gaze, staring at their hands for a moment before saying, "He sacrificed himself so she could escape with my … stasis pod. She's spent all this time trying to hunt down the Shadow Broker to avenge Feron. She's not letting go of the idea, even though I tried to convince her to. I hoped she still might, so I've been putting this off, but time's running out, and I'd rather be there with her to make sure she survives then risk her doing this alone."
She glanced up, something pleading in her eyes as she tore one of her hands away from his and raked it through her hair. He captured her hand again the moment she let it drop to her lap and pressed it against the other before trapping both between his palms. He watched her, seeing the struggle in her eyes, hearing the tightness in her voice, and it made him feel selfish and inadequate. Clearly she needed something from him, some reassurance, but all he could think about was Irikah and how dangerous it'd be to go after the Shadow Broker.
"She's lucky she hasn't gotten herself killed. He had someone watching her, an asari working as her assistant." She huffed, shaking her head. "Anyway, none of this is the point of why I wanted to talk to you. I wasn't sure—given your history—if it'd help bring you some peace going with me for this one, or if it'd just drag you back down a dark path you'd be better off avoiding altogether. I don't know." She sucked in another deep breath, holding it for a few seconds before letting her lungs slowly deflate. When she spoke again, her voice sounded solid, her gaze more focused. "The choice is entirely yours, Thane. No judgment from me either way. And I don't want you to worry because I promise I won't let whatever choice you make impact the mission, either."
"I—I'm not certain …." He licked his lips, throat and mouth as dry as Rahkana. "I need time to think …."
"Hey," she said, working a hand free to press her warm palm to his scales and frills, "it's okay. I don't need an answer right this second. I'm sure Liara will want a little time to plan before she's even ready to leave Illium. You've got time, Thane, I don't want to rush you into a decision on this one."