Sam

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It had been like a bad dream. A nightmare.

She had watched him take the hit, falling on the ground, and in the few seconds that had passed before she had reached his side, she had thought he was dead. The pulse beat under her trembling fingers was weak, but it was there. He was alive.

It had all gone wrong, so horribly wrong. They were falling back, losing the battle, and in the middle of everything, she felt her earpiece falling. So she never heard Daniel´s horrified, tearful words.

"Fraiser´s been hit... I need a medic..."

Janet had died. Without a warning she had lost her best friend in that fight. Daniel lost the woman he had loved, and Cassandra a mother, for the second time in her life.

Life was so unfair to them.

The man she loved more than the life itself had made it. His wounds slowly healing, leaving new scars in his body, nightmares keeping him awake at nights. But he had survived. And she had waited until he had been released and then gone to him, to tell him that she had been so afraid. That she loved him more than anything and that she wanted him. Only him. That no longer she was afraid of losing her job. Afraid to love. He was more important.

But the words refused to leave her lips. And still he knew. Her voice was trembling when she told him that she was glad he was okay. And he nodded, understanding. Still, after everything that had happened, they couldn´t say the words. No longer because of the fear for their positions, but because death itself had taken so much, had came so close that they were afraid of losing each other.

"Come here." He said and she stepped into his arms, tears now rolling down on her face.

He felt good. Safe. And she never wanted him to step away. She never wanted to be alone again. His strong arms around her, his face buried against her neck, his warm breathing comforting her, he felt right.

After the memorial service she watched Cassie standing alone, arms wrapped around herself as if to keep the cold away. But it wasn´t cold in the gate room.

She felt his presence before he touched her, but she still jumped when she felt his hand on her shoulder. He was standing behind her, a hand running from her shoulder down along her arm until their fingers were touching, and he leaned to murmur an apology for scaring her in her ear.

He made her feel better. Always had. She glanced sadly at Cassie who was surrounded by those people who cared for her, and yet so alone.

"Let´s go home, Sam." He said softly, the sound of her name coming from his lips sending shivers down through her body.

She looked at Cassie again, and he understood what she thought.

"We all go. Cassie, Teal´c, Daniel, you and me."

He let go of her hand and she felt alone without him. She wrapped her arm around Cassie and they walked out from the room, Cassie glancing back only once, her eyes sad as she looked at the gate. She hated that gate.

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Months before.

It was cold.

She sat close by the fire, a blanket wrapped tightly around her shoulders. The moon was hiding behind the dark clouds, making the night look even more miserable. The planet around her was quiet, like it had been since they had arrived. Her P-90 was resting on her lap, loaded, ready. Just in case.

A little farther, not too far from the warmth of the fire though, lie her two best friends, together, to stay warm, but mostly because he wanted to have her close. They were talking, arguing, quietly.

"You have to be careful." Janet´s voice was worried, almost pleading.

Daniel´s words were soft, assuring, promising. He would be more careful, for her. It was an easy promise to make, he loved her.

Earlier that day he had been hurt. His own fault, and nothing too serious, but enough to worry Janet who had been with them in the mission. She wasn´t often with them, hardly ever, but findings from the deserted planet had been too interesting to for her to pass up.

The cold wind made Sam Carter sigh and wrap the blanket more tightly around her. God, she hated the cold night watches. A dark figure behind her moved closer, and she smiled tiredly as Teal´c sat next to her.

"Can´t sleep?" She asked, not expecting an answer from the jaffa who didn´t need sleep like the humans did. She still asked, every time when he released her from her watch a little earlier.

With a quiet thank you she let him take her place. Some other night she would have sat with him till the end of her watch. But not that night. The warmth of the heavy sleeping bag brought some comfort, but she was still cold.

She barely heard him moving behind her, but she still felt his presence before his strong arms wrapped around her. To share body heat, he whispered and she chuckled. His breathing was warm against her cheek when he spoke.

She felt better. She always did with him.

It was silent, the only sound coming from the fire as the wet wood burned in the darkness. She couldn´t see his face, they were lying on their sides, her back against his chest. So she turned, turned to face him, burying her face on his chest. He rested his chin against her head, sighing softly, happily.

Her voice was quiet, words mumbled against the sleeping bag when she told him that she loved him. It was never for him to hear, but she needed to say the words out loud. He did the same. She knew. They both did.

They blamed for situations. The tiredness. The cold or the heat. The close death situations and fear. Something, whatever was there at that moment. And they never talked about it.

That night, before she fell asleep, she thought about Daniel and Janet. They had it all. The love, the life, the future together. It was easy with them. All they had to do was to love. And they did.

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Days turned to weeks, weeks slowly to months. And suddenly, it was summer, and she realized she had missed the spring. Months passed without her noticing. She sat in her lab, the darkness comforting, silence keeping her company. She was tired. Exhausted.

She knew he was standing close, she always knew. And she wanted to tell him that she was okay. His words were soft when he told her that she should go home, to get some rest, eat, anything but staying there, and she turned to look at him.

"You should too." She said softly, then added "Sir." Because it belonged there.

He nodded. He understood. And she broke off the eye contact. She would go home, later, when she was finished. "Now, Carter." He said, and she knew she would never win that battle. She nodded, and quietly, as he watched, she started to gather her things, only to be stopped by his hand on hers.

He shook his head, and she gave up. His hand lingered on hers longer than intended. She raised her eyes from their hands to look at him, and the longing look in his eyes made her want to cry. God, life was so unfair to them.

Jack. The word died on her lips. And god how she wanted to say it to him. Their relationship was so complicated. They loved, and yet they were forced to be apart. She hated the world, she hated the military. She loved him.

She took one small step to him, risking everything, breaking the rules she had been taught to follow. She kissed him. And he kissed her back.

For the longest moment they were standing in the cover of the darkness, kissing, before the need of air finally forced them apart. And only now, when she was stepping away, his arms wrapped around her and kept her close to him. She leaned against his chest, her eyes falling close. She was still tired.

Her voice was barely above a whisper when she asked him to come home with her. He said nothing, but his arms tightening around her told her enough and she smiled.

The final step had been taken.

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And the next morning, very early, when the first rays of the rising morning sun peaked through the curtains into her bedroom, he left her bed and sneaked out into the dawn. And she listened him to go, and smiled.

He was at the base when she arrived, waiting for her, holding a steaming cup of coffee.

"You´re late." He told her.

She smiled in reply, ignored him and took the offered coffee. She was never late.

He watched her for a moment, silently, just watching as she moved around her lab. She walked to him, close, but not touching, and she reached for his hand, her fingers entwining with his for a brief moment. She lifted her eyes when she saw a figure behind him and a soft smile crossed her lips as she let his hand go.

Teal´c.

The jaffa stood by the door, nodding his head, almost as approving something that wasn´t supposed to be. And yet it was. Love was there.

Minutes passed, but they waited. For someone who would not come. They understood. Daniel needed time. And like so many days before, she watched as

Jack left, and she would follow Teal´c into the morning meeting where General Hammond would nod his head, he would too understand, and they would wait again.

But that morning was different. Her feelings were mixed with sorrow and happiness. Life was so unfair to them. She now had what she had wanted, dared to hope. And the same time, in one day months ago, Daniel had been left alone, without a woman he had loved more than the life itself.

So unfair.

She sighed, fighting against the tears that burned in her eyes. Daniel and Janet. Who should have deserved everything. Today, when it was sunny and warm, dreams that should have come true to them, never would.

This was the day that would have been their wedding day.

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If you the time to review, I´d appreciate it. Thanks. Tell me what you think. I´ll have a few more chapters in my mind...