Story: Sarcasm
Summary: (PostHogwarts) (DracoHermione) Hermione uses sarcasm and scares the wit out of her flatmate, Draco Malfoy. And Draco scares her back. Dialogue/Shot.
Authoressa: I love using sarcasm, so I decided to have a bit of fun with this story. The only other thing besides dialogue would be sound effects and actions. Only one worded, though.
Sarcasm
"Hey, Draco. When'd you get here?"
"Just now, obviously. Blind, are we Hermione?"
"Shut up."
"Why don't you move? You're taking up a ton of couch space. Honestly, you should be one of those woman on pending diet studies."
Thud.
"Ow!"
"You deserved that."
"No, I didn't."
Glare.
"Okay, I deserved to be hit, but not with anything in range!"
"Of course. How could I?"
"Right."
"I mean, bending the pages of this library book just to hear the resounding thump in your head is quite selfish of me, I must say."
"Touché, Hermione."
"..."
"..."
"Goodness, Draco. You're no fun."
"What? It's not like you've been sitting home all day, waiting for me."
"'Course not."
"You have! Aha. I knew you were obsessed with me, Hermione."
"Um...no thanks. I have quite a bit of sanity left and I don't plan on corrupting myself any further."
"Don't deny it. You know you want some of Draco."
"No--I really don't--and Malfoy, if you sit on me--"
"Aha!"
"Ow! Goddamnit, Draco!"
"Don't worry."
"Stop wriggling, damn you!"
"Hm."
"Oh, I give up."
"To what, may I inquire?"
"Oh, of course. To the lulling of your powers, Draco. I must admit, I've been watching you for quite some time."
"Oh really?"
"Yes! I must say everyday I've been waiting for this moment to come, so I can finally tell you how I feel...I have waited quite long. I've come to find that I can't stay in a room without the uncontrollable urge to shag you, didn't you know?"
"...go for it."
"But, it goes farther than that. I would dare not call it love, because it extends further than just that, it's more like unruly lust and disorganized compassion. Such as what I feel right now. Oh--"
Thud.
"Was that really necessary? The tackle?"
"No."
"Forgot about you and your tendencies, Hermione. Goodness, all of the pent up anger from sexual declination from our schooling has really gotten to you?"
Glare.
"But, who am I to decline that kind of action?"
"Okay, that really hurt."
"Sorry."
"Good. Anyway, about that little declaration--"
"It felt nice though, right?"
"I guess. Yeah, it really did."
"Really boosted the ego."
"Sure, whatever helps you sleep, Hermione."
"Although, I feel inclined to ask. With the 'go for it' if I had really...um--'went for it' what would you have done?"
"I would have let you, then run off to record the entry in my diary, and call up Blaise, and tell him how much I love you."
"Right, Draco. Of course."
"Really! Don't believe me? Let's go!"
"Gods, Malfoy! Keep your shirt on!"
"I can't help it, when the situation comes, I'm all for extracting clothing in the need to feel skin-on-skin."
"..."
"Are you blushing, Hermione?"
"Just for the record, Draco, I don't think I really needed to know that much."
"But you know you secretly craved the knowledge."
"Oh yeah. I'm wetting my knickers in the thoughts of feeling you up."
"Okay, Granger. I really didn't need to know that."
Slap.
"Into masochisms, isn't it, Granger?"
"Shut up."
"No. You know what, I was rather enjoying your little tirade of feelings, until you ruined it."
"How?"
"By not shagging me, of course. Leaving me so blissfully unaware--"
"Cut it out, Malfoy."
"Oh Granger, I love you too!"
"Holy Merlin, Malfoy! Don't you dare--"
"..."
"So..."
"Yeah, about that--"
"You really felt the need to snog me that bad, Malfoy?"
"Um...yeah."
"Go for it."
"..."
Splutter.
"Aha!"
"It was sarcasm!"
"Of course, Granger. Don't hide your feelings."
"Yeah. Although, I had the strange urge--"
"--to shag me, I know."
"Close..."
"..."
"Ah. I'm all right, now."
"Did you really think you'd get away with that, Granger?"
"Um...yeah. It's even. You kissed me, I kissed you. Done."
"Actually...that was twice in a row for me. I suggest you take Arithmancy over."
"So, that means--ew, Malfoy."
Smirk. "When you're ready."
"..."
"Okay, that was so unfair. I wasn't ready."
"Who cares? You said, when I was ready." Grin.
"Hell, Hermione! When did you get so satirical?"
"Since the beginning of this conversation."
"You're right. Although, I don't agree with certain parts."
"You're right as well. And I do, on occasion, have an urge to snog you."
"..."
"That was not one of them, Malfoy. Now, it's all uneven."
"I say you like those odds, Granger."
"..plft."
"Stop sticking your tongue out at me, Hermione."
"..plft."
"Put that away, unless you plan on using it!"
Blush. "..plft."
Smack.
Muffle.
"What have you been eating, Hermione?"
"Chocolate, but I doubt that has to do with anything, Draco dear."
"..."
"Okay. I don't think that was necessary."
"What's that, five for Malfoy, two for Granger?"
"No, four. I hardly count the second time, as you tryed unsuccessfully to devour my tongue in an obsessive need of chocolate. You can't count that as a snog!"
"Mmhmm."
"..."
Grin.
"Aha, three."
"Contest now?"
"..."
"That was mine."
"Nu-uh, Malfoy. I say it was a draw."
"Of course, you--"
"..."
"Damn it!"
"Aha, tied!"
"Grr..."
Dance.
"Okay, Granger. Get off the couch, for Merlin's sakes."
"Why, Malfoy? Wanna take this to the bed?"
"Didn't know you had it in you."
"Malfoy! Put me down!"
"Only when we reach destination, Princess."
"Sarcasm! Gods... Draco Lucius Malfoy, if you don't set me on the floor this instant, I'll--"
"Find another way for your not-so-sarcastic comments to land you in bed with the former Slytherin God?"
Seethe.
"Exactly."
"Hey! You don't have to toss me."
"Yes, I felt the urge to."
"Well, don't let the breakable bones and various hard objects around stop you."
"It didn't stop me, though."
"..."
"So...what hard objects were you talking of, Hermione?"
"Draco!"
"Just wondering! This is your room, by the way. There's nothing in here worth breaking a limb over. The chair is plush."
"But the desk--"
"Getting kinky, are we?"
"No, and Malfoy, if you so as much think--"
"..."
Shriek.
"Aha!"
"..."
"..."
"This is quite uncomfortable, Draco."
"Complaints, Hermione, complaints."
"..."
"Damn you."
"See, now I'm winning."
"..."
"..."
"..."
"..."
"How many was that worth?"
"I don't know. Let's try it again.."
"Still having urges, Hermione?"
"Shut up and kiss me, already."
"I don't know..."
"Malfoy."
"Is that sarcasm?"
"Draco."
"I don't want to offend you, again.
"Like the first thirty times?"
"Exactly my point. Sarcasm flows from your mouth."
"..."
"Well?"
"Fine, Don't kiss me. I'll be content snogging someone else."
"..."
"Okay, thanks."
"What?"
"I knew that was going to happen."
"Curse you, Granger."
"No, curse you, Malfoy. You and your attractive lips."
"Aha. You are obsessed."
"..." Pout.
"Any minute now..."
"Okay, fine. I am. Happy?"
"That was sarcasm."
"..."
"And...I doubt that kiss was."
"It wasn't. I can't control myself."
"What can I say, I'm a god."
"..."
"Okay. Either, we're gonna snog or about forty minutes, Hermione, or not, because this on-and-off kissing is torture--"
"..."
"Forty minutes it is."
"..."
"Stop. I was being sarcastic."
Frown.
"Speechless, Granger?"
"Yeah. I'm speechless because you're torturing me. You and your damn twists on my sarcasm. Can't you just snog a girl senseless and leave it be at that?"
"..."
"Okay, that was sarcasm. But, I'll deal with it."
"Good. I wasn't planning on letting you go, either."
Sarcasm
Authoressa: Okay, review! This took up eight MS Word pages! Be happy! And yes, I'm working on Behind the Exterior... And Backwards Steps. I think I'll update that one more time, and then the day after I'll update Behind the Exterior. How's that sound?
♥ Ya,
¤-Elena Faye-¤