Disclaimer: Read at your own peril.
The Exciting Adventures of Rat Bastard and Danger Lass
An Omake Collection
Omake: In Which Our Hero is Betrayed!
The world came to a stop. Annette stared at the costume in the laundry hamper in shocked disbelief, it couldn't be, there had to be another explanation, her husband couldn't be the notorious villain Rat Bastard.
She felt a par of arms wrap around her torso. "Hey, honey," Danny said as he gave her a kiss on the cheek. "Oh, you found my costume. I was wondering where I put that, thanks."
Her heart stopped. "You're Rat Bastard?"
"Yup, and you're Danger Lass," he agreed. "I was thinking we could order out tonight, any suggestions on what we should have?"
"My nemesis, Rat Bastard?" her voice hardened.
"Should I send Taylor to Emma's house?" he purred into her ear. "I've been a very naughty villain."
"What?" she asked dumbly, this was not how a dramatic reveal should go between enemies.
"What?" he repeated, sounding confused. "Are you okay, honey?"
"How long have you been Rat Bastard?" she asked faintly, hoping he'd say something that would make the world make sense again.
"Bout as long as you've been Danger Lass." He frowned. "Is something wrong? You're acting like you didn't know."
"I didn't!" she insisted.
"You didn't?" The shock in his tone was too genuine to be fake. "But, I mean, but, you didn't?"
"No!"
"Oh." There was a long pause. "How could you not?"
"Why would you think I would know?"
"It's not like I was trying to hide it, I figured you knew the whole time. I thought the whole nemesis thing was a game we were playing."
"You thought it was a game?" That . . . come to think of it, that was just like her husband, she thought in exasperation.
"Yeah, I mean, that was the most reasonable answer," Danny said confidently. "What else was I supposed to think?"
"Exactly what kind of game would involve the two of us dressing up in costumes and trying to thwart one another?"
"The sexual kind. You can understand why I'd think that, can't you."
"I . . ." she blushed, remembering exactly how she'd celebrated after every titanic battle against her arch-nemesis. "Okay, yeah, I can see where you'd get confused there. But that still doesn't explain how you become my arch-nemesis?"
"Heard you go out the first night and since Taylor was having a sleepover with Emma I decided to follow you. Wasn't about to let one of the two most important girls in my life face danger alone. You ran into me at the docks, called me a fiend, and told me you'd bring me to justice. Well, I mean, it was pretty much word for word how we celebrated your birthday last year so I figured you'd recognized me and were feeling frisky and now I'm a bit hurt that you'd call another man a fiend."
"I . . . wanna send Taylor to Emma's house for a sleepover and pretend we just fought a titanic battle?"
"Only if you call me a fiend."
"Deal!"
Omake: In Which Our Hero Seeks Council From Her Heroic Colleagues
Danger Lass was clearly out of sorts when she approached New Wave, having caught the hero group in the middle of one of their patrols.
"Hey, guys," she said.
"Danger Lass," Lady Photon said, acknowledging the other hero. "Is something wrong?"
"Kinda," she agreed. "Could, I need to talk about something sort of personal and my best friend doesn't know I have powers."
Lady Photon nodded in understanding. "Manpower, Flashbang, Lightstar, you three go ahead a few blocks. We'll rejoin you when we're done talking."
"Thank you," Danger Lass said.
The group waited until they were alone. "So what's wrong?" Lady Photon asked.
"I." Annette's shoulders dropped. "I found out my husband is my arch-nemesis and he found out that I didn't know he was my arch-nemesis. He thought it was a sex game we were playing."
"It wasn't?" Brandish asked dumbly.
"You knew?"
Lady Photon choked down a laugh. "It was pretty obvious you two were in some sort of relationship, Danger Lass."
"It was?"
"Remember that gang member that tried to shoot you last month? The one that got swarmed with rats?" Lady Photon asked.
"I thought it was some sort of weird villain thing, you know, only I am going to defeat my nemesis?"
"I heard he called to hospital later to read off a long list of diseases his rats had," Fleur volunteered. "Poor guy had to get over a hundred shots."
"I-really?" Annette couldn't help the grin on her face.
"That's one thing you're going to have to learn to accept in a relationship when both of you have powers," Lady Photon advised. "Manpower once gave an atomic wedgie to a gang member that tried to stab me. I once gave a man second degree burns in a very uncomfortable place after he tried to harm Manpower."
Brandish snorted. "I try not to make incriminating statements about things my husband may or may not of done to one or more individuals that may have allegedly attempted to do me harm or anything I may or may not have done to any individual or individuals seeking to do him harm. Ask again in a few years after the statute of limitations has run out."
"What she said," Fleur giggled.
Lady Photon put an arm around Danger Lass' shoulders. "Feeling better?"
"Yeah," Anette agreed. "Let's rejoin the others.
They heard laughter as they drew closer to the male half of New Wave. To Annette's shock, her husband was with them.
"She really didn't know?" Manpower asked in disbelief. "How could she not have known? You asked her if she wanted you to pick up anything on the way home in the middle of that big battle last week."
"So she says," Rat Bastard agreed.
"Wait, you knew too?" Danger Lass demanded.
"Like he said, it was obvious," Flashbang stated.
"You think they'd have invited me to the weekly poker game if they thought I was actually a villain?" Rat Bastard laughed. "Honey, I love you, but there's a limit on how dense you can be."
Omake: Home Wrecker
"Get back here and face your squeaky end, you attempted home wrecker!" Rat bastard screamed, directing his horde of rodent minions.
"Don't let them get me!" Fleur squealed, running away.
"What'd she do this time?" Manpower sighed.
"She tripped and landed face first in my cleavage."
"He knows she's dating my brother in law, right?"
"He thinks your brother in law is her beard because, and I quote 'who would date him when my wife is around?' end quote."
Manpower raised an eyebrow.
"She's just clumsy."
"Third time this week," Flashbang observed.
"Very clumsy."
"She's never done it to either of our wives," Manpower countered.
"Oh." Danger Lass sighed in resignation, she turned to the third male in the group. "It seems Fleur is my side piece. I apologize for that."
He shrugged. "It happens."
"Still rude of me to go after your girlfriend like that."
"Fiancee."
"Since when?"
"Last night."
Danger Lass turned back to her husband. "Rat Bastard, he finally asked!"
"I said yes!" Fleur yelled over her shoulder.
A grin appeared on Rat Bastard's face. "Congratulations, to both of you!"
"Thank you, Rat Bastard!"
"NOW COME BACK HERE AND FACE YOUR DOOM!"
"Eek!"
AN: This may or may not be an act meant to confuse the public or may or may not be a training scenario of some sort. None of the involved parties are taking it seriously in any case.
Omake: Home Invasion
Jess gathered her power, hoping she'd be fast enough to save her own life from the home invader and fearing she wouldn't be when one of the skylight shattered and it literally rained rats on the criminal.
One of which, she noted, scurried up the man's pants leg.
"Drop the gun or he'll bite," Jess threatened.
The home invader dropped the weapon like it was on fire.
The door flew open shortly after to admit her fiancee and Rat Bastard.
"What the hell do you think you're doing trying to go after my wife's bit on the side!?" Rat Bastard demanded, shaking with rage.
AN: Concept and last line by Galdric
Omake: Teammates
Danger Lass raised an energy shield and dropped into a defensive stance when the strange parahuman approached her.
"I'm just here to talk," the oddly dressed girl announced.
"So talk."
"Well, I was wondering if Rat Bastard was a hero or a villain?"
"A hero, that villain thing was just a misunderstanding."
"Wonderful!" The girl cheered. "Do you know where I can find him?"
"Why?"
"Cause us rodent themed capes have to stick together, we can be partners."
"He's taken," Anette said dryly.
"By whom?"
"Me."
"Are you taking applications?" the girl asked hopefully. "I always wanted to be on a rodent themed super team. We could call ourselves the Rat Patrol, no the Rodent Revengers, no the-"
Omake: Taylor's Trauma
"Hi, I'm your daughter," Lisa introduced herself to the family shopping on the boardwalk, breathing a sigh of relief when the fake security guards backed off.
"With whom?" Annette asked calmly.
"The girl you celebrated with after your final in Accounting 351," Lisa answered.
Danny snapped his fingers. "Jenny?"
"Daddy?" Taylor shot her father a look of shocked betrayal.
"Juli," Annette corrected him. "Jenny was for my acceptance into the masters program."
"Mom?" Taylor squeaked.
"Close your mouth, dear, you'll swallow a fly."
AN: Is Lisa telling the truth or are the Heberts playing along to traumatize their daughter? Tune in next time when it's unlikely any answers will be provided.
Omake: The Next Generation
Squirrel Lass froze when the Bay's most powerful super team emerged from the alley to confront her.
"I'm a hero too," she squeaked, raising her hands.
"We know, dear," Danger Lass, her idol said comfortingly. "You can put your hands down."
"Ahem," Chinchilla cleared her throat and stuck out her hand.
"Cheater," Mouse Protector grumbled, handing the other girl a five.
"Coast is clear," Rat Bastard announced.
"No cameras or other recording devices," Chinchilla added.
Danger Lass nodded. "To start with, you're grounded for going off to fight crime without permission."
"What?" Taylor said dumbly. Danger Lass lifted her mask enough for Taylor to get a good look at her face. "Mom?"
"I think you can guess who everyone is, honey," Danger Lass stated. "Me, your father, your babysitter, and your sister."
"And you didn't tell me?"
"We had a bet going on weather you'd figure it our yourself before you got powers," Chinchilla explained. "I won."
"Cheater," Mouse Protector sniffed.
"It's rude to interfere with someone else's bet, dear," Danger Lass stated. "We wanted to tell you but we thought it would be funnier if we didn't."
"So what are your powers, kiddo?" Rat Bastard asked.
"Um, I can control squirrels."
"YES!" he pumped up a fist.
"That can teleport."
"Woo hoo!" Mouse Protector cheered.
"Drain energy and use the energy to make shields and energy blasts."
"Like mother like daughter," Danger Lass announced proudly.
"And are a lot smarter than they should be," Taylor finished.
"What?" Chinchilla said, shooting her an odd look. "You're . . . not kidding."
"Afraid not." Taylor sighed. "They call themselves the Acorn Ninja Clan."
AN: Stole a lot of inspiration for Taylor's power from Steve Brown for this one.
A line that didn't make it into the Omake:
"I am not changing my name to Lil'Bastard, Dad!"
Omake: Emma
Emma sighed in annoyance when the gang members cornered her. Crime was still an issue in Brockton Bay despite the fact that it was the home of two super hero teams and had a branch of the Protectorate.
"Could you make it quick?" she asked. "I've got an appointment I can't miss."
"What did you say?" the gang member laughed. "Hey boys, she wants us to be quick."
The other gang members laughed derisively.
"I wasn't talking to you," Emma snorted.
"Wha-" a grey blur took the gang member down, the rest of them tried to run only to fall to a dozen tiny energy blasts.
"Thanks, guys," Emma announced to the empty alley. "I really appreciate it."
"That was awesome!" a strange voice announced from one of the rooftops. "I don't mean to break the unwritten rules here, but do you think we could patrol some time?"
"Oh, I'm not a cape," Emma said, understanding the confusion. "Could someone give her a business card? It'll be in your left front pocket if you have one."
"How did?" the voice blurted.
"They're very sneaky," Emma explained. "PHO contact info on the card."
Omake: The Master
"I only master them for a month or two, then I let them go."
"That's a nice thing to do." Annette smiled at her daughter. "I bet they're happy to go back to the park."
"No, I let them go because after that they're smart and they join one of the ninja clans."
"Clans plural?" That was new, last she'd heard it was just the one.
"Six of them, mom. I've got the Peanut Clan watching you and dad and the Hazelnut clan watching Emma's family and I usually have the Acorn and Mushroom clans with me."
"Mushroom clan?"
"They specialize in poisons."
"What about the other two?"
"The Walnut Clan is keeping an eye on some bad people and the Cherry Clan is keeping an eye on the New Wave."
CHAPTER AN: Annette's Powers are to drain and use energy to make shields and blasts. Danny controls Rats. Just a dumb idea that got away from me.
Omake by Veive
Armsmaster grit his teeth as he focused on the combat predictions coming through his HUD.
Even as Leviathan's left arm started to move he was already stepping to the left to dodge while angling his halberd for a counterstrike.
But the expected opening never happened.
Instead there was a soft pop and Leviathan was gone.
"Wha-?" Armsmaster gaped. He thought he saw something move on the ground near where Leviathan had been standing. Was this a trap?
Armsmaster readied his weapon and approached carefully.
Then he heard squeaking.
There, on the pavement was Leviathan's last footprint, embedded a few inches into the pavement.
And standing just a few inches away was... a rat in a robe and a funny hat? Holding an infant rat with a tattoo on it's stomach?
Armsmaster blinked and there were no rats at all, just a bit of smoke blowing in the breeze.
Maybe it was time for a vacation.
End Omake.
Queue Squeakuto, jinchusqueaki of the leviathan.
Omake by Plmc
"So, Assault, tell us all how you ended up in mandatory sensitivity training for the next six weeks, while covered in rat bites. It will be educational for the team to learn what not to do," Piggot give him her best 'don't make me get my gun' glare. No.2 variant, if Miss Millitia wasn't mistaken.
"I asked the Rat Man, who's name PR won't let us speak, if he's OK with his wife having a bit on the side because he gets to join in. Then I was suddenly in a forcefield filled with rats."
"I didn't know the Ratrman could make forcefields?" the gun cape asked him with a raised eyebrow. She really hoped this wasn't going where it looked like this was going.
"Oh, no. That was Photon Mom," he grinned back.
'Yep, there it is,' she sighed behind her bandana.
"So, just to be clear," Battery scowled at the man in red, "you thought it would be a good idea to ask about the personal lives of two capes in front of said capes teammates?"
"Open query: New Team Member Assault," Armsmaster stated bluntly to his armour. It binged back to him in a way that most of the residents of the room knew to be so that people would recognise he wasn't talking to himself. "Conformation acquired. Assault is as stupid as he appears to be. Close query."
"Three capes, puppy." The rapidly approaching beating the look on her face implied was interupted to everyone's surprise by Armsmaster, who was looking at her.
"Open last query. Addendum. New evidence suggests subject Assault lacks basic survival instincts. Close query."
Omake to FKN's Omake in Meh chapter 10 by Eeyore3061 'You have no power here':
DiaS: Even Blue Collar cannot stand up to the might of Big Daddy Bezeos!
Danny: *leans back in his chair, looks DiaS dead in the eyes, picks up his phone and dials a number from memory* Hey MacKenzie, it's Danny Herbert.
DiaS: *starts to look confused*
Danny: I owe you two nickels. .. Yep, I've got one of his Dudes in a Suit in front of my desk right now.
DiaS: *starts to look worried*
Danny: Unhuh, and he even used the Handle you bet he would.
DiaS: *starts to sweat*
Danny: Well, I was betting that he'd get a clue that it would cost less in the long run to allow unionization after his policies got his first CFO killed and costs of sweeping that bit of info under the rug for over 5 years.
DiaS: Umm .. sir?
Danny: *holds up his hand in a just a moment gesture* So there really is a sub, sub, section that covers something like this in your Agreement? Wow. Yeah, I'll have my office security tapes sent over to your office asap. No, he's clearly acting at the direction of someone higher who didn't do the littlest bit of Due Diligence.
DiaS: *eyes bulge, swallows loud enough for heard over the phone*
Danny: Right, I'll pass that along to Taylor. Have fun! *hangs up phone*
DiaS: *sways*
Danny: Sit before you fall down. I *think* I got you clear of their coming clash.
DiaS: *collapsing in to a chair* What did the DD miss?
Danny: Well, that's why I think whomever sent you out here didn't even do any, because it's very public that she's an investor in many of the companies that the Union's here work with.