Disclaimer: Nothing worse than having a sibling.
The Continuing Adventures of Rat Bastard and Danger Lass
Another Omake Collection
In which we see the perils faced by our interpreted canon heroin!
Note: Part 02 of Meh Chapter 11
Note 02: Time line jumps around quite a bit on these ones from pre-powered Taylor to post.
Omake: Trading Spaces
"Do your parents intentionally traumatize you by making jokes about their sex life around you?" Taylor asked, fairly sure that her situation was unique.
"N-no," Amy replied, a bit taken aback by the question. "But my mother doesn't treat me like I'm a member of the family and I constantly fail to live up to her ever changing standards."
"What about your sister? Does she think it's funny to help your parents traumatize you?" Taylor demanded intently. "Does she blackmail you with embarrassing secrets there's no way she should know?"
"No, she's great. Vicky is the only support I have at home."
"That sounds wonderful!" Taylor said brightly. "Wanna trade?"
"What?"
"We'll say it's an exchange so we can both get more experience with different hero teams," Taylor explained. "You live at my house, I live at yours, and I don't have to deal with my parents or my sister."
"I'm good," Amy said, not wanting to be subjected to the details of her new friend's parent's sex life.
Later:
Amy wrapped her mother up in a tight hug the moment the woman got home that night.
"What brought this on?" the woman asked coldly.
"Thank you so much for never sharing details of your and dad's sex life with me," Amy replied. "I'm sorry I never realized what a great mother you were before now."
" . . . what?"
Omake: Arcadia
"How'd we both get last minute admissions to Arcadia?" Taylor's best friend asked. "I know my grades weren't high enough to get in."
"I'm not sure," Taylor admitted. "All I know is that Lisa talked to some people and they said they'd do anything if she'd stop."
"You think she talked about their parent's sex lives and threatened to keep doing it if they wouldn't do her bidding?"
"Knowing her, probably," Taylor sighed. "I didn't realize having a sister would be so tough."
"I think yours is unique," Emma commented. "Mine isn't as bad."
"Maybe you just got lucky?"
"Maybe."
"Maybe we could-"
"I'm not trading sisters with you, Taylor."
"What about-"
"Or families!"
"Damn it!"
Omake: Who Goes First
Taylor glared at her new sister. She'd gotten to the bathroom a split second before the other girl and she was not going to give it up.
"Hey, sis," Lisa said cheerfully. "You can go ahead and go first, wouldn't want to risk any accidents like the one you had on your seventh birthday."
"How'd you find out about that?"
"Oh, just happened to come across it while I was researching you," Lisa said happily. "You'd be surprised at what else I learned about you, all sorts of embarrassing secrets, terribly embarrassing secrets that you'd never want another soul to know. Or I suppose I could share some things about mom and dad, you wouldn't believe some of the things I've found out about mom and dad."
"You can go first," Taylor said sullenly.
"Thanks, sis, you're the best little sister in the world." Lisa gave the other girl a quick hug before darting into the bathroom.
Later:
"How's the new sister?" Emma asked.
"She blackmails me with embarrassing secrets to make me let her use the bathroom first in the morning."
"Oh. Yeah, they do that," Emma agreed. "You just have to hope she decides to go to a college outside the city."
Omake: MINE!
Lisa's eyes narrowed in annoyance when she saw her new younger sister get confronted by a couple older girls. No one, but no one messed with her toy but her!
"Hey, Stacy," she said cutting in. "VD test results come back yet or are you still hoping that itch is something else?"
Taylor watched as her sister systematically reduced the two would be bullies to sobbing messes in front of her in a matter of seconds.
"Let that be a warning!" Lisa's voice echoed through the halls. "Anyone messes with my little sister answers to me!"
"Thanks for standing up for me, Lisa," Taylor said, honestly moved.
"You're my sister, Taylor," Lisa replied cheerfully, pulling the other girl into a hug. "I don't share my toys with anyone."
"Oh." That was probably what she should have expected.
"Anyone messes with you in the future, you let me know and I'll handle it." She looked around to make sure everyone was listening. "And next time I won't be so nice about it!"
Omake: Babysitter
"Hi! I'm Kim! I'm your new babysitter!" the older girl introduced herself, bouncing in place. "You and me are gonna have so much fun tonight!"
"I'm Taylor."
"Hi, Taylor! We're gonna have so much fun!" Kim cheered, her bouncing intensified. "Do you know how to sword fight?!"
"No."
"Stupendous! That's what we're going to learn tonight so we can engage in death defying duels next time! It'll be glorious!" She now looked like she was having midair convulsions. "We are gonna have so much fun!"
"Okay," Taylor agreed, warming up to the older girl.
"And then we can watch movies! And . . . AND EAT PIZZA! What's your favorite pizza topping?! Mine's cheese! Do you like cheese?! WE'RE GONNA HAVE SO MUCH FUN!"
Much later:
"You have powers now? We're gonna kick so much ass!"
"All I need is a sword, like you," Taylor agreed.
"We can get you a sword! We will get you a sword! We must get you a sword!" her old babysitter was bouncing at tremendous speed. "WE'RE GOING TO KICK SO MUCH ASS! IT'S GOING TO BE GLORIOUS!"
Omake: To the Bastard Lair!
"What is this place?" Taylor asked in awe wondering how her family had come to possess an underground lair.
"It's the Bastard Lair," her father announced proudly. "Naming it was a group decision."
Taylor's eyes naturally moved immediately to her mother.
"He bought Kim's vote by agreeing to call the dungeons the mouse holes and the supercomputer we found the mouse computer," her mother explained. "Lisa's hadn't officially joined yet so she didn't have a vote." Though knowing the girl she'd have probably gone along with it in an attempt to find a way to be even more annoying.
"How'd you get this place?"
"There was a supervillain targeting your sister for her thinker ability, we took care of him and claimed this lair and several million dollars as our spoil."
"Several million dollars?" Taylor squeaked.
"Each. He was a very rich supervillain," her mother confirmed.
"Lisa and I get our own bathrooms," Taylor said firmly.
"What?"
"You can either build an addition to the house, buy a new house, or we can move in here, or you can buy a second house or something but Lisa and I get our own bathrooms."
"Dear, it's not that simple."
"It is that simple, mother," Taylor said through gritted teeth. "You have several million dollars so my sister and I get our own bathrooms. I'm tired of fighting with Lisa over who gets to go first in the morning and always losing."
"You could always just wake up a few minutes earlier?" Annette suggested weakly.
"I've tried that! She always wakes up a few minutes earlier too when I do. I think she does it just to annoy me."
"I do," Lisa confirmed.
"So I get my own bathroom and Lisa gets her own bathroom or my ninja squirrels will sabotage your bathroom so you and dad get to join in the morning fun. Got it!" There was suddenly squirrel on her shoulder which glared at her mother menacingly.
"Got it, dear."
"That's my girl," Danny said proudly. "Chip off the old negotiating block."
Omake: Welcome to the ENE
"Welcome to the PRT ENE, Trooper Smith."
"Happy to be here, a quiet post is just what I need after spending time at an exclusion zone."
"Now, there are a few things that make our branch a bit unique compared to most other branches. To start with, Rat Bastard is a hero. If you see him and he appears to be committing a crime, hold back to see if Danger Lass is near by. If she is, they'll engage in an epic property destroying battle which will leave one of them at the other's mercy. Then they'll check into the nearest hotel."
"What?" Smith asked.
"Means it's date night, their kids are most insistent they keep it away from the house. It's all legal, they even buy the property to be destroyed first and get proper permits."
"Oh, well I suppose-"
"Then there are the ninja squirrel clans, whatever you do do not get on their bad side and the best way to avoid getting on their bad side is to be sure you don't get on Squirrel Lass' bad side. Also helps to keep a few packs of peanuts available, just to be safe."
Omake: With Friends Like These
Ms. Militia had a serious look under her bandana as she made her first patrol as a full fledged member of the Protectorate. No, she straightened in pride, as a plank holder for the Protectorate ENE, someone honored to be one of the first to carry the agency's standard in a new city.
"Mility!" a horrifyingly familiar voice squealed.
No, it couldn't be, she'd left the Protectorate to go independent. It couldn't be!
"It is I!" Her worst fears were realized when a familiar figure leapt in front of her and struck a pose. "The Rodent Revenger, devourer of cheese, punisher of puns, evader of traps, MOUSE PROTECTOR!"
"Hello, Mouse," Hannah sighed. "It's good to see you."
"I thought we'd never see each other again after we graduated!" Mouse Protector stated mournfully. "But here you are, you requested a transfer to my city so we could be together!"
"Your city?" Hannah asked, feeling a sinking feeling in her gut. "So you aren't just passing through?"
"I came to join the world's only rodent themed group of superheros!" Mouse Protector announced.
"Rodent themed group of heroes?" Militia echoed, wracking her brain to try to figure out what the unbalanced girl was talking about.
"Yup! There's me!"
"Of course."
"And Danger Lass!"
"I thought you said rodent themed?"
"She's thinking of changing it to Danger Mouse," Mouse Protector confided.
"I'm really not!" a distant voice called out.
"She is," Mouse confided confidently. "And of course, who could forget Rat Bastard!" Mouse Protector cheered.
"Rat Bastard?" Hannah asked dryly.
"No, Rat Bastard!" Mouse Protector cheered. "You say it wrong."
"Alright."
"Where's Armsy? I heard he was coming here too?" Mouse Protector made a show of searching for the other hero.
"He hasn't arrived yet," Hannah stated. "Why don't we wait until he gets here to tell him that you've decided to make this city your home? Let's let it be a surprise." There was no way in hell she was dealing with Mouse on her own, better to have her favorite target around to distract her.
"A surprise!" Mouse Protector squeaked. "Like a party?"
"Sure, why not."
"We can have decorations and cake and . . . where should we hold it? Do you think Armsy likes pizza? WE SHALL EAT ALL THE PIZZA!"
Omake: Defenders of the Bay!
Lisa hit the intercom. "Nazi attack on the bar on Seventh and Pine!" her voice echoed through their hidden lair. "Sixteen gang members, no sign of cape support!"
"Did you have to do that over the intercom?" Taylor asked. "We're all in the same room."
"Yes. Yes I did," Lisa replied.
"Quick to the Bastardmobile!" Danny yelled.
"Quick to the Mousercycles!" Kim Echoed.
Lisa hit another button which caused cheesy sixties era music to begin playing throughout the Bastard Lair.
"Na na na na na na na na, na na na na na na na na, Bastard, BASTARD!" Rat Bastard sang along as they ran up to the garage. "You're with me, dear!" he yelled, directing his daughter to a sparkly metallic purple El Camino with a giant snarling rat airbrushed on each side of it and the red Bastard Symbol across the hood.
"But," Taylor protested, watching helplessly as her mother and babysitter leapt onto fast looking super bikes and tore out of the garage.
"No helmet, no license, no experience, and no brute powers," Danny said patiently. "Now quit stalling and get in the Bastardmobile."
Taylor got into the passenger seat and did her best to slink down so people wouldn't see her.
"Buckle up, dear," Danny ordered. Loud banjo music filled the air as soon as he turned the ignition. "Woo hoo! Party in the front, business in the back, baby!"
As they tore out of the garage accompanied only by the sounds of burning rubber and banjos, a small part of Taylor's mind noted that the windows were not tinted while the rest was occupied wondering if her hands could cover enough of her face to avoid her costumed identity being recognized by passers by.
"We'll stop two blocks away from the bar and proceed on foot," her mother's voice crackled over the radio. "Rat Bastard, turn that music down so they don't hear us coming."
"City said we couldn't have sirens," Danny explained as he turned down the music. "No law says we can't have external speakers playing music."
"You mean people outside the car can hear us?" Taylor asked, horrified by the idea that people might connect her with the Bastardmobile. Now she knew why Lisa had chosen to stay behind.
"Speakers are as loud as they can legally be," Danny confirmed proudly. "Maybe a bit louder."
"Oh god!" Taylor slunk down further in her seat. "Why banjos?"
"Don't want it to be confused for anything else," Danny replied, pulling the car into a parking place. "Banjo music isn't exactly common around here."
"I've noticed," Taylor said flatly, trying to ignore the gathering crowd as they got out of the Bastardmobile.
"Your squirrels in position?" Danny asked.
"Just a sec," Taylor replied, wondering why they were all wearing tiny gas masks and where they'd gotten the tiny gas masks.
They rejoined the others at the front of their target.
"This Mouse Nazi Repellent will soon take care of things!" Mouse Protector cheered, throwing a tear gas grenade into the crowded bar.
"And this Bastard Grenade will distract them from our entrance!" Rat Bastard yelled, throwing in a flash bang.
It was all over by the time they made their entry, each Nazi thug was on the ground covered in squirrels wearing tiny gas masks. It was clear from the expressions on the criminal's faces that not one of them had a clue of just what in the hell had just happened to them.
"Good work, team!" Danger Lass said proudly. "Excellent job, dear, especially for your first time."
"Thanks, mom," Taylor replied, feeling a bit less like an embarrassed teen and more like a hero.
"Once again, the day is saved!" Rat Bastard announced. "Thanks to-"
"Mouse Protector!" She struck a dramatic pose.
"Danger Lass!" Annette called out, striking her own pose.
"Rat Bastard!" He gave his daughter an encouraging nod. "Go ahead, dear."
"And Squirrel Lass," Taylor mumbled, noting that her squirrels had all struck poses of their own as she spoke. "Shouldn't we call the police to come get these guys or something?"
"Your sister handles that part of it, dear," Danger Lass explained. "Keep up the pose for a bit longer, dear, we want everyone to have a chance to get pictures."
"Pictures?" Taylor squeaked.
Omake: What's in a Name?
"How did I come up with my name?" Danny repeated the question. "That's easy, your mother gave it to me."
"MOM!" Taylor exclaimed, shocked and scandalized by what she'd just heard.
"I didn't know he was your father, I didn't know he wasn't a villain, and I thought I was making a witty insult."
"I was going to call myself the Rat King or King Rat," Danny added. "Or maybe Rat Daddy."
"And now he won't change it," Annette stated.
"How could I throw away something given to me by my beloved wife?" Danny retorted. "What kind of hero would do that?"
"No matter how many times I ask him to," Annette sighed.
"Rat daddy, Rat Daddy," Danny repeated. "Do you think PHO would let me change my user name from All the Rats to Rat Daddy or, or, better yet Big Daddy Rat if I asked nicely?"
Chapter AN: Thought about throwing a PRT omake in which they discuss how Brockton Bay may have a lot of gang activity, but they've got one of the lower rates of recidivism on the eastern seaboard. Seems being swarmed by rats once or twice has a way of making people reconsider their life choices.
Omake by Veive
Annette Gaped as she stared uncomprehendingly at the computer screen. She considered what she was seeing.
She opened her mouth to speak, and then paused.
She considered some more.
Finally she spoke "2008?" "Yes, dear." Danny agreed.
Annette shook her head. "2008?!" She exclaimed.
"That's what it says, dear." Danny confirmed.
"Parahumans online has known that we are a couple since2008."
"Yes, dear."
"They write fanfiction about us."
"Yes, dear."
Annette blinked. Then she clicked the mouse.
"Oh."
She scrolled.
"Interrogation? What would I do with handcuffs and a machine designed to milk cows in an interrogation?"
She scrolled again. "And a sawhorse?"
She read a little further. "Oh. Oh my." she blushed. "Oh my."
Annette turned to "Do you know what this means?!" She asked Danny.
"I think so, but where the hell are we going to get a machine that milks cows?" Danny asked.
Annette considered that for a moment, and then grabbed her phone.
"Hello, armsmaster?" she asked with a coy smile.