A/N: Just a quick warning (or tw) for this chapter: casual mention of unwanted groping (not described just alluded to) and destructive behaviour.

Chapter 56:

Saffron had been wiping down the counter at Nell's, she was thinking about Jen. The woman they had talked down from giving away her soul. She was pleased she was feeling better, according to Tara. Jen was nervous, anxious, but her morals were set. It concerned her how someone so principled had thought that Oleander could save her, it felt almost helpless the situation she was facing. But she tried to-

She was determined to-

Well, she wasn't able to think anything with Dawn clicking the end of her pen in and out distractedly. She had come to Saff's work for the evening to do her homework and she was perched on one of the vinyl stools at the counter. The constant clicking of the pen was fraying Saff's nerves. She leaned on the counter, sighing exaggeratedly. Dawn wasn't paying attention, instead clicking her pen in a rhythm as if she was trying to make a tune. Saffron sighed even louder, finally getting the younger girls attention.

"You okay, Dawn chorus?"

"Yeah, just thinking"

"Well, don't think too hard, your head might explode"

"Willow's got a spell for that"

"Yeah, a spell she can't use anymore. Look after that head, babe" Saffron moved away to clean the tables that the customers had just left and took their old plates and cups to the back to clean them. She walked back into the mostly empty diner and went to stand behind the counter near Dawn again.

"Are you taking the day off for your Birthday tomorrow?" The younger brunette asked, wiping her mouth with a napkin after eating her dinner. She had sauce all over her face, so it was a task.

"No" She shrugged taking the plate and passing it through the hatch to the friendly, quiet man who did the dish-washing.

"It's no bother, hon. You always work so hard here, you should go out and celebrate!" Martha said, overhearing as she started to make another batch of coffee and Saff turned back to the conversation. There wasn't a chance that Saff would be celebrating her Birthday, it never ended well.

"Need the cash, Martha babe" She reminded the older woman, checking her pink nail varnish that Hayley would definitely have approved of if it wasn't so badly chipped, "If I work now, little Dawn here can go to college, make the big bucks and look after me when I'm old and grey" And Spike when he's older and… still blonde. Martha laughed, ruffling Dawn's hair and shaking her head at Saff's work ethic.

"But it'll be your Birthday!" Dawn wouldn't let it go as Saffron twisted one of the rings on her finger, clearly not comfortable talking about it. She was under so much pressure that she couldn't and didn't want to explain herself to Dawn.

"Nope" she replied simply.

"'Scuse me, can I have some service here!?" Someone practically screamed across the room. Saffron groaned, this wasn't going to be a nice customer. She planted a smile on her face and grabbed her notebook she took orders with. She stopped mid-step and turned quickly

"If you so much as look at those muffins the wrong way, I will shop you to my manager as a known thief" She joked, gesturing at the baked goods under plastic containers on the counter. She felt that Dawn felt sad, ashamed. Saffron felt guilty for reminding the girl of what she did and amended her words, "Look, we all fuck up, you just gotta own your fuck ups and work on making it right…"

"Hello? Is this chick deaf or what!?" The silver haired man spoke to the otherwise empty diner, the only intended audience was Saffron. Saff rolled her eyes at Dawn as he shouted even louder, "I've been waiting here for almost an hour!" That was a lie, it had been under ten minutes, which is why Saffron kept speaking to Dawn before she hurried over to the man that was going to be a shit tipper.

"…We all conveniently forgot that Will and Xander had that notorious fling right? I'm not always seen as the drunk anymore. Don't let the label define you, ok?" Dawn nodded, thinking about this and smiling at Martha as she approached. Saff dealt with the customer and Martha served Dawn some apple pie with a wink to show she didn't need to pay. It was her desert, she had already eaten a plate of burger and fries that she had paid for. Saff sighed, wiping her brow after dealing with the mean customer as she came and sat on the stool next to Dawn, flipping through her homework as the younger girl finished her pie.

"Why do you put up with them? Normally you'd kick their ass with one spooky glare" Dawn asked her confused as they heard the older man muttering some choice insults that would have made saffron jump up and smack him into the ground even half a year before (job or no job).

"Can't lose this job and besides, he got a sneeze-muffin and a coffee that was 90% human spit" Saff beamed, "The key, if you don't mind me using your name in vain, is finding creative ways to say fuck-you rather than all out saying it"

Dawn was impressed, Saff was almost like a real grown up. Almost.

After a long shift where the old man not only didn't tip but tried to find a manager to complain to, Dawn and Saff had walked home, stepping through the door as they continued a discussion the pair had been having a lot more frequently lately, "You did say stealing was okay if I needed it"

"And you needed lip gloss and half of the magic Box for what exactly? You trying to summon Harmony back to the Hellmouth?"

"I'm just saying- I'm all 'young and impressionable' right? I was just listening to you!"

"Don't try and make excuses! What did I tell you to do? Own it, apologise and fucking stop doing it!"

"Fine! But if I'm being told off, why isn't Spike? I bet he never told you about our late-night trips to the mall did he?"

"Spike's old enough to make his own poor decisions, you have to play by Buff's rules" Saff made a mental note to ask Spike what he thought he was doing shoplifting with Dawn while she was dead, not that she was any higher up on the morality hierarchy, it had to be said, "Speak of the devil in stylish yet affordable boots" she said as they walked into the kitchen.

"I got dinner" Buffy held the bag up for Dawn and the youngest girl grimaced.

"Oh, I um already ate… at the diner" Dawn shrugged as Buffy sighed and set the bag down on the table.

"Can't eat that crap another night Buff and besides what did you bring me? Fresh air?" Saff asked, looking around for her imaginary portion of food as she poured herself a glass of juice.

"I thought you'd be working or, um, Spike-ing" Buffy shrugged and Saff pulled a face as if to say 'fair enough'.

"Where's your necklace?" Dawn asked, noticing that Buffy was the only one of the three not wearing one. Saff awkwardly moved the conversation on as Buffy just stared at the youngest girl, "Slow night, Martha's letting me off this shift seeing as I'm not having my Birthday off. As long as the manager doesn't come in I'm on full pay" Saff punched the air and smiled, winking at Dawn who smiled fondly at her cousin.

"You always have to do things like this don't you? You take shortcuts and Dawn thinks you're the cool one, the one she turns to when she wants to go to the Bronze or get a tattoo or something!" Buffy snapped out of nowhere, crossing her arms over her chest.

"Buffy! That is so not true! You've been kinda distant…" Dawn cut in before a fight broke out, she had only ever seen Buffy and Saffron fight really badly once before and it had gotten ugly. She didn't want it to happen again.

"I've been working" Buffy said bluntly. She started to itch at her skin and she hugged the sleeves of her top to cover her hands as she spoke.

"So have I, but you haven't been here since we got back Buff"

"I'm the oldest. I'm supposed to be bread-winner girl" Saff could feel the bite to her words but she didn't understand. She couldn't understand, she never felt any of Buffy's emotions.

"Not everything demands a sole responsibility, woe is me type deal babe" Saffron said, not raising her voice anymore and trying to calm the conversation down. She didn't want to fight, they were both tired from their long days. Buffy seemed to be backing down but then she saw Dawn and Saff share a look.

"You think because I try and take some fucking responsibility I'm being lame or bossy! I get it you two get on better and prefer each other over me! Fine, but you will never know what it's like to be the oldest! The slayer! To have been- to have been-"

"That's not true! It's the three of us! All fucking three! I care for you in the same way as I care about Dawn, it's just different!"

"We went bowling that Saturday! That was fun!" Dawn interjected lamely.

"Yeah, tons. Watching you, Spike and Saff cheat the arcade games and make a scene when you're told off"

"You said you had fun! You said we should all do it again sometime! I totally invite you to do stuff with us but you're always too busy! You're never home! When you're not working you're slaying all night!" Buffy shifted uncomfortably when Dawn said that and it wasn't missed by Saffron.

"We both died, Buff. We both take responsibility, you know that. I've taken so many shifts to try to keep the house going, to try and make it so you could carry on saving the world without having to work in that corporate slaughterhouse!" She shouted, not able to stop herself from adding, "Dawn knows I'll sort her out, no judgement, which can't be said for you Buff! It just can't!"

"Well we can't all float through life being told we're the always the good-honest-truth no matter what horrible choices we make!" Buffy shouted, which stung Saffron and a fire lit behind her eyes and she continued, "She's still young, she can't just be left to her own devices! I mean look how you turned out!"

"What's fucking going on with you?!" Saffron demanded, she was at a loss, "You went to heaven, good for you! At least you'll always have the memories!"

"You'll never know what it's like to be a real hero, to have to always be responsible. You think that I enjoy having to make the tough choices!?" Buffy screamed at her cousin as Dawn watched, speechless, "It's so much it's like I'm drowning. I'm numb Saff! I'm fucking numb and the only time I ever feel real is when-" Buffy cut herself off, wiping her eyes. Saffron looked between Dawn and Buffy, her mind still bubbling with anger at Buffy's harsh words but she saw her. How scared she looked, how frail. Her cousin had never been like this before. She understood that feeling, she had felt it so intimately herself before. She reached to hug Buffy in her arms, comfort the girl. No matter what was said, she cared.

But Buffy pushed her off with such force that she was knocked backwards into the kitchen counter, making the corner crumble off onto the ground. Saff hissed in pain as she contacted the hard edge.

Buffy, Dawn and Saffron's faces were all matching. Horror at what had just happened. Saffron stared at Buffy, she felt Dawn's shock and her own but not Buffy's. This was it. She had to confront her.

"Why are you blocking me out?! Bullshit is it a coincidence" Saffron said, pushing herself up from where she had fell into the counter. She rubbed her back slightly, she was going to get a counter-shaped bruise right across her back.

"I'm not!" Buffy said, her voice raised, but her eyes were looking through them now. It was as if she was imagining being somewhere else. Anywhere but here.

"Lie!" Saffron shouted, pointing dramatically at Buffy, "Fucking lie! I can still feel that at least!"

"I don't need to hear this" Buffy said, turning to leave the house. Saffron grabbed her arm and Buffy swung round violently making Saffron wince and flinch away from her, expecting a harsh blow. Buffy's eyes widened in shock at how she had made her cousin feel. Tears filled her eyes but she left, running into the night. And Saff let her go.

Dawn and Saff looked at each other and Dawn walked to give the other brunette a comforting hug, one that Saffron had tried to give their other sister. They were both scared about Buffy, clinging to each other and wishing Buffy would come and wrap her arms around them both. It never felt right when one of them was missing. They decided to take a trip to the rental store so Dawn could pick some movies for them to watch. The pair were shaken up and they wished that Spike was with them, at least then somebody could have filled the long, sad silence the pair couldn't escape from.

At the same time, on the opposite side of Sunnydale:

The moon was barely visible in the sky. Perfect for this kind of deal, the shadows were where they would stay. Spike had a lit cigarette between his lips as he waited in the alleyway. He was trying to do this as many nights as he could manage, refusing only when Saffron had a rare night off. He always cut it short when she was off work as well. He wasn't lying to her, he just hadn't brought up how he was making money and she hadn't asked. He loved her and he wanted to make money so that she didn't have to go without anything. With her bleeding heart and the way she cared for the littlest Summers, she would go without the clothes on her back if it meant Dawn could buy the new shoes she wanted. He was glad the slayer was finally pulling her weight but it didn't mean Saff would reduce her hours. The family were in serious debt and he wished he could take Saff away from all of it.

But instead, this is where he ended up. A backstreet deal. This half of Sunnydale was territory of a gang of smugglers and Spike was all too happy to make some easy money doing what he did best. Threats, intimidation and the occasional handling of demon-goods.

A demon that had a man's face but a red forked tail and hooves walked down the alley to stand opposite Spike, looking around to make sure that they were alone.

"You the Doctor?" Spike just nodded, taking a drag on his cigarette, "Nice codename, man. Mine's The python… because I can spit venom up to three metres and I'm slick like a snake" Spike bit back the urge to tell the demon that his codename was entirely unfitting, but he wanted this done as soon as possible so that he could pick Saff up from a shift.

"Can we get on with it, my honey'll be waiting for me to pick her up" He said, flicking ash to the ground.

"The stuff is at this address, it's hot. You keep hold of it for a couple days and then we'll be in touch" He explained, passing him a scrap of paper that would self-destruct after Spike went to the address written on it. The demon nodded and then started to hurry away.

"Ah ah, half up front" Spike shoved his shoulder back, raising his eyebrows and waiting.

"Or we could settle for: None up front and you won't be on the sharp end of a pointy stick, if you catch my drift" He hit Spike's hand so that he was no longer touching him.

"What bloody drift? That was a clear threat mate" Spike said, throwing his cigarette into the alley and stepping towards the man.

"So we're on the same page" the man replied, seemingly not bothered by his posturing.

"Look, I've been good for it haven't I? I owe some people some kittens and a couple bob by the end of the week" The man raised his eyebrow, not taking the threat seriously. Spike stared him down and the man didn't falter. All at once, Spike took his neck in his hands and slammed the man into the wall. The man, whatever demon he was, wasn't as strong as Spike and he seemed to have a bit of performance anxiety over his poison-spitting.

"Alright, my man, you drive a hard bargain… uh, half but you better deliver" He shakily took a wad of cash from his back pocket and started to count it out from his place still against the wall with Spike's hand squeezed around his windpipe. Maybe Spike should change his codename to the python.

"Pleasure doing business" releasing the man, dusting him off before walking away.

Spike stalked off, stuffing the bills into his pocket knowing most of it would be in the jar by the end of the night. He wished he could take care of providing for her completely, but she was too stubborn to even consider that. He knew better than to bring it up.

Spike quickly picked up the crates and loaded them down into the place he had been storing all of the merchandise the smugglers had been asking him to shift. There was risk involved, but Spike's self-assuredness took care of that. When Spike was finally done, he wiped his brow out of habit, lugging the boxes was tedious and not what vamp strength was intended for. It was all worth it, to help her. Them. Their family. Spike then stalked over to Nell's, judging by the sky she would probably be off her shift in an hour or so. He could wait, watch over her while she worked and maybe sweet talk Martha while he was there. When he got to the diner, he looked in through the large glass-fronted windows and realised she didn't have a shift today. Bollocks. He went straight to Revello, hoping to catch some rare alone time with his love.

xoxoxo

It was the next night and Saffron, as usual, had been distracted for her whole shift. Something wasn't sitting right with her and she needed to consult the cards as soon as possible. Unfortunately, they appeared to be busy tonight and she was taking orders and filling up coffee. She was in her head, Buffy was so hot and cold at the moment. But mostly she was lukewarm walking around with the blank expression. She had returned in the morning apologising and shuffling to her bedroom before Saffron had even had chance to open her mouth. As soon as she got chance, between the prophecy research, the two jobs, looking after Dawn and helping Anya with her wedding prep at the magic Box, she would talk to Buffy properly.

Spike arrived, dramatically slamming the glass doors almost off their hinges.

"Spike! This is where I work, not your bloody playground! The customer that felt me up is making a formal complaint to the big, scary manager saying that we allow drug addicts in here-"

"I need to tell you something-"

"We had to tell him you were on pcp and not a very angry vampire about to rip his hand off for pinching my-"

"Love, it's important – listen" He scanned the diner again before continuing, "There's some… merchandise I'm meant to be shifting but I've been sussed"

"What kind of merchandise?" There was a pause, Spike was looking out of the window and he suddenly ducked at the sight of a figure skulking around outside. Saffron looked down at where Spike was hiding before looking back out of the window, finally realising who it was. She groaned, she didn't need this now. She ran towards the exit, so she could catch up to the man outside.

"Fag break!" she called quickly over her shoulder, so Martha knew she wouldn't be long. She glanced behind her to see Spike army crawling towards a booth so he could stay hidden but watch what was going on outside. Martha was assuring some confused customers that the girl rushing out of the diner was British and going for a smoke.

She ran up to the tall figure, dressed all in black, grabbing his broad shoulder, making him face her, "I thought I told you to never-" she started angrily, her pack and lighter being squeezed tightly in her hands.

"Business" Riley replied, scrutinising her face closely. She accepted this as the truth, started to light up, offering him one. He shook his head, pulling a face. A woman came up to them then, standing next to Riley in the same uniform.

"You ever heard of the Doctor?"

"Like the medical one or the character from the sci-fi series? Never really see either if I can help it" Saff shrugged, exhaling and looking between the pair of them before adding, "Aren't you gonna introduce us Riley?"

"Saff, this is my wife, Sam. Sam, this is the giant pain in my ass also known by Saff" Saff flipped Riley off at his introduction. Her eyes had widened when he said 'wife' but she figured better her than Buffy.

"Heard a lot about you" She offered her hand and Saff took it. She knew a lot, but still her intentions were friendly. As friendly as you can get working for a secret-military organisation Saff added to herself. She did not trust the pair. Not even a little bit.

"Great. All bad, I'm guessing. Did he get around to telling you about the time he used to pay 'hostiles' to bite him into a groaning climax?" She asked flatly. Saff held grudges and this was payback for telling Buffy about Spike.

"Uh, yes. He's told me everything about his time in Sunnydale" Saff looked at the woman closely, then nodded once. She inhaled her cigarette and decided whether she wanted to tell them what she thought. Maybe there was some residual truth-telling left in her from that spell. "You make a good pair. Good luck to you both, I mean it" She nodded, managing to glance up at Riley who she could feel was unsure of her, but he nodded a thanks, "Right, well, some of us have fun non-spy type jobs to be getting along with" She said, gesturing at her pastel uniform and curtseying before flicking her cigarette into the night. Yeah, fun ones where ugly old men try to sexually harass you because they know you have to stand there and take it. She mock-saluted at them before walking back to the diner. She hoped that would be the last time she saw Riley Finn.

She grabbed a coffee pot and started walking around offering refills. She eventually came to the booth Spike was still hiding against.

"Refill? He's gone, Doc" She said, setting the pot down in front of him and raising an eyebrow.

"Don't bleeding start, I needed to call myself something didn't I?"

"Did our good friends from the nerd squad help you with that one?" She sighed, "Tell me what's going on babe"

"I've been- I've been making us some money"

"I noticed… you wanna tell me how?" there was a long pause, "Look, we're going to need to put this conversation into fast forward, babe, we're expecting the manager in and I have to look busy when she comes - apparently she can be a, quote, 'pain in the be-hind'" Saffron spoke fast and did an American accent, the same as Martha's, before looking expectantly to spike for him to actually explain what the hell was going on.

"Demon gang, they pay and I look after certain artefacts that the slayer and other… people may not want in Sunnydale" He explained, "Savolti demon. I'm shifting their eggs they sell faster than crack apparently"

"Spike! What the fuck!"

"How do you think I paid for that ring of yours? Helped pay off the debt?"

"I, um, didn't really want to ask… you didn't seem to want to talk about it"

"Wanted to provide for you didn't I?" He said sheepishly before being more assured in his convictions, "I told you love, I can get you the money. You don't have to work yourself into the ground. Just a few more jobs and we could start the nibblet a college fund or something"

"Spike, you can't keep this up" She said firmly as he hung his head, tensing his jaw. He had been bloody trying hadn't he? She took his hand, that was about to clench into a fist, in hers from across the table rubbing his hand softly with the other hand. She could feel his longing to be a traditional man, to provide for them. He was mad at himself, a little annoyed at her as she seemed to be accusing him despite him trying.

She sighed, shaking her head. She wasn't mad with him, she knew who she was dating. Intimately. "Hey, look, I know you've done it to help us out, but you could have got yourself in some real trouble, babe. Not just with the scary evil but with Buffy too. She's too unpredictable at the moment"

"You still can't feel her emotions love?" Saff shook her head, "One minute she seems okay and the next… she's just not" Saffron hadn't told Spike about what had happened with Buffy. She knew it would create an even bigger argument. Which, she wasn't sure she had the energy for.

There was a small silence before Spike looked outside again, moving his head closer to Saff's to speak lowly so they weren't overheard.

"I need your help, pet. Word on the ground is they're looking for a kill"

"Then… let's just lie low, okay?" she offered, before making sure he knew how grateful she was to him, "Thank you, for, uh, everything. You're always looking out for us… but this is dangerous. I don't want you hurt…"

"It's hard seeing you like this, love. The buggers in here treat you like you're less than them but you're… everything. I can't see them pawing over you like that fucking bastard the other night-" He started to seethe, getting angrier at the incident, he didn't understand how Saff was so resigned to it. If it was the Bronze she would have snapped his hand off, but she had just stood there and calmly and politely asked him to remove his hand. He decided angrily that if he hadn't been there for one of the best diner coffees he'd ever tasted, the man might have taken more liberties. Martha was quick to throw the horrible man out, but not before he made a complaint about angry 'drug addicts' threatening to tear his limbs off and beat him to death with them.

"I know, it's not like I enjoy it. But I need to do it…" Saff reassuring him, holding his hand from across the table. Rubbing her thumb over his hand. They looked into each other's eyes. And understanding. She was willing to protect him in any way she could just like she felt his willingness.

"I'll stop after this one, Honey, you have my word" He nodded, and he meant it.

"I can feel your intentions and even if I didn't, I trust you. Wait until I get off work? I don't want you walking about in the dark on your own" She winked as if she could protect him. She just wanted to make sure she would be at least another pair of hands if he came across Riley.

xoxoxo

Spike was sat on the side of the bath and Saffron had lowered the toilet seat lid to sit on. It was strangely reminiscent of a day that felt like a long time ago now. Saff had decided to take time off from her shift after all. Martha was excited for her, saying she can cover her shift if Saff would cover hers next week. Saffron was beyond thankful to Martha. She was a truly good person. They were at Xander and Anya's place, there was a gathering for the upcoming wedding, with both sides of the family being introduced.

"Great plan, love. Hide out with a bunch of demons, misfits and humans for the night. Shouldn't bring much attention to us" Spike hissed, his leg bouncing, he was clearly nervous about getting caught. She lowered herself from her seat and knelt in front of where he was sat, leaning against his thigh with one hand and tracing her hand softly up his chest.

"Well, we wouldn't have to be hiding out if someone hadn't made a deal with the devil gang" She reminded him softly, sitting next to him on the side of the bath so she could trace her thumb across his cheek.

"Still wearing the ring, ain't you? Still stood by my side, despite this supposed deal from the dark side" He said with a smile. He knew she was just teasing.

"I wasn't accusing! It's created more problems but at least you got a bit of money out of it" she offered the backhanded compliment, but he savoured it. She could have hated him. Told him he was no better than the vamps that Buffy stakes without thinking twice, but she could never think that.

"You're too good to me, love" He sighed. He had got them into a mess but she had just supported him, no question, "You are my good luck charm"

"You did it with good intentions, we just need to make sure the eggs are found in that other lair before they connect it with us" She shrugged, thinking about what they had done earlier that night. She had dressed in all black, deciding to at least look the part as if she was planning on pulling off a heist. She and Spike took crates of the gross eggs into a lair belonging to a really nasty demon that Buffy had been looking for. The demon had been stealing children and offering them to his soon-to-be-bride as a snack. He would get slayed and he kinda deserved it, so it was a win win. She stood up, going to the door and peaking around it to see the strange meeting between Anya and Xander's sides of the family still in full swing. They were having a break, maybe even giving themselves an alibi. She closed it again, locking it.

"We're good at this you know love, why don't you quit the 9 to 5 act and together we'd give the demon underworld a run for its money… and probably their unlives too" He said as he stood up, walking towards her.

"Oh yeah we're a regular Bonnie and Clyde" She muttered, "Actually… don't get any ideas, this isn't going to be a regular thing" She warned, looking back up at him, a hint of a smile on her lips as he scanned her face with his own smirk. Maybe in another life they could see themselves being that free. Living that precariously (as oppose to all the nice stability they were enjoying on the Hellmouth).

"Admit it, the adrenaline's making you all hot and bothered" He moved towards her, angling her against the locked door. He took a strong hand and wrapped it around her wrist, sliding it above her head. She smirked up at him, he could read her so well. Plus, she enjoyed the way he could turn his mind to lusting after her in a heartbeat. He kissed her feverishly, enjoying the feeling of her against him, the way she trusted and wanted him. She wrapped her free arm around his back, her nails grazing his back as he appreciated the sensation with a low moan. He moved his knee between her legs, they kissed with passion, their open mouths meeting roughly as Saffron was pressed further into the locked door.

His hand was gripping tightly around her wrist as they longed for flesh to meet flesh. They started to relieve each other of their clothes but were snapped out of their moment of pleasure. A knock on the door from a disgruntled house guest. They were reminded why they were at the event in the first place. They looked at each other, sinful smiles playing on their lips as they wordlessly promised to resume this later. Everything was so heightened for them at the moment, even more so than usual.

After one long, heated, last kiss they decided to quickly button up various items of clothing that had come undone in anticipation and slip out of the bathroom into the rest of Xander's apartment. Saffron smoothed down her hair, smiling around her at the very diverse group that made up the party guests. Spike slung an arm over Saff's shoulder, making sure everybody knew that she was with him. They might have been able to guess though, seeing as his shirt was buttoned up wrong and she had a prominent hickey forming on the side of her neck.

They walked over to the kitchen, were Xander appeared to be freaking out over something a demon had just said to him, he turned round and saw them and Saff could feel Xander's relief flood over her.

"Hey it's the guys! Friends of mine!" Xander said, pleased to be pulled away from an interrogation from what spike told Saffron later was a demon closely related to the hissing cockroach family (not wanting her to freak out in front of the group).

"Hey Xand, it's quite the mix"

"Yeah, I'd separate your uncle from that Snorting Embolaze demon before he laughs and chars his synthetic hair off"

"Oh, uh, thanks" Xander said, frowning at the vampire who usually would let the blaze appear before explaining who the demon was. Xander turned to his uncle and shouted, "Hey Uncle Phil? I think Aunt May needs your help in the hall"

"What does that old witch want" His uncle muttered, making a shy woman who was levitating slightly from the floor burst into tears at his words. Saff felt that she was already self-conscious about being the only witch at the party and that comment had tipped her over the edge. Anya had to run out after the woman who hovered to the bathroom and tried to lock herself in out of shame. Usually this amount of emotions all in one place would have affected her, but the ring was doing it's job. She smiled down at it and stroked it with her thumb.

"Thanks for the non-judgy helpiness, my family are definitely worse than An's" Xander hissed the final part as Spike nodded in agreement.

"Well, all family's have their fair share, but you love them… cos they'd tell anybody that listened your worst and most embarrassing stories otherwise" Saff smiled at all the dirt she had on Dawn and Buffy, the true reason for their prophesised connection, she joked to herself.

"You haven't met my other Aunt yet have you? She does that without hating me" Xander explained as Saff laughed along, feeling a spike of tension from the corner of the room but trying not to focus to much on it. She was getting good at dialling certain feelings up and down without it being an unhealthy practice. Maybe Giles had been right all those years when he had drummed into her and Buffy that they actually needed to hone their skills.

As she thought about this, knowing the thought would never see the light of day as Giles was already too self-assured about his way being the only way, she missed Spike's look and head gesture to Xander who finally caught onto what the vampire had meant, "Oh! Saff, I forgot, I have, uh, something for you…" Xander turned around and messed about for a second and the flick of a lighter could be heard. He turned back to the pair, holding a cupcake on a plate that had dripping pink icing on it. She frowned, there was a massive plate of them already on the table in the main room, but then she noticed the single candle on top, "Bask in the friendly glow" He joked as she stared at the flame for a second, smiling at her friend and blowing out the candle. She didn't get chance to make her wish as the door burst open and heavy footsteps marched into the room.

"Everybody hands on your head!" Riley and Graham had just burst into the apartment with their blasters raised. Their eyes widened at the amount of hostiles in the room as Anya's side of the family started to try to shrink to the walls. Saffron and Spike looked at each other before both moving into the middle of the room to face the soldiers.

"Gray! We've got to stop meeting like this!" She said, before hissing, "What in the fuck is going on?"

"Had word that the doctor was hiding here, looks like we were right" Her eyes widened enough for him to notice, and she whipped her head to see Riley grabbing Spike.

"Look, we'll come with you, just, outside okay?" she whispered, gesturing towards all the guests still looking scared.

"Don't worry guys, they're, uh, strippers. Don't get excited, wrong house, folks!" Saffron shouted to the room and they all reluctantly went back to their conversations. Xander's Mom was still eyeing the guys that had entered as she spoke to one of Anya's relatives. Riley and Graham escorted Saff and Spike to the deserted hallway and rounded on them.

"I love my Birthdays. No, really" she muttered as she faced the men who were getting ready to interrogate the pair.

"Oh, happy birthday Saff" Graham said smiling slightly as Saff thanked him. He offered her and Spike a cigarette from a newly bought pack and Saff smiled and took one, lighting up for herself as Spike did the same but without the smile.

"Quit the niceties. This is an Interrogation, Miller"

"Spike, you owe me $50. Gray's good cop" Saff smiled smugly, as Spike sighed and started to root in his pocket for cash.

"Stop what you're doing, hostile!" Riley pointed his blaster as Spike who stopped what he was doing.

"Just getting my woman her money. She's the best gambler you'll meet"

"Saff, you shouldn't let him manipulate you like this. With the drinking, now gambling too?" Graham said softly and Saff didn't know what stung more. The soft tone, the fact he knew about what had happened or the implication she was that easily led.

"He's the doctor" Riley stated bluntly. Spike started to gesture and deny everything. Riley noticed that Saff barely reacted, "But you knew that, didn't you?"

"I don't have a sodding clue what you're on about" Spike said, keeping up the pretence. But Saffron stayed silent. Watching the pair.

"I have authorisation to take the doctor out" Riley stated, shoving Spike against the wall with the blaster. This shut Spike up. Riley looked over at Saffron, who rolled her eyes and let out a large sigh. Was she going to do this?

"It's me. I'm the doctor, alright? You got me. Do your worst" She put her hands up as if in surrender, the cigarette still between her fingers. Spike looked at her, he was shocked. All of the men in the hallway were.

"How do we know that you're not protecting him?" Riley asked, jabbing the gun to his heart harder. Graham pointed his blaster towards Saff, but she could see he wasn't going to do anything with it. Figures.

"I love him, but I'm not that stupid. Buffy told me to make with the truthful-ness and shit. So here you go. I went off the rails in a big way, got a rep as the doctor and have been trying to quit the criminal demon underworld ever since" She reeled off as the soldiers just stared, letting her confession hang in the air. She figured they'd believe it because of how people that just learned of her addiction (or any number of her life choices) looked at her negatively. Spike just stared, his jaw almost dropping to the floor as he saw how easily she could slip into a lie on the spot. It was creepy and he'd seen some things in his time. "Let me guess? You don't believe me because I'm a sweet, innocent girl?"

"One out of three isn't bad" Riley shrugged and Saff pulled a face at him.

"Oi, watch it" Spike said pointing at Riley.

"Watch who has the upper hand" Riley replied, indicating his blaster that was still pointed at the vampire.

"Buffy did say that you'd had a rough time" Graham repeated again softly. The genuineness of his pity made her feel nauseous.

"You referring to the dying or the alcoholism? Both were super fun. Would definitely recommend"

Buffy rounded the corner then, with Riley's wife just about managing to keep up with her. Riley whispered in Buff's ear and her eyes widened, then narrowed on Saff. Saff knew the glare would have hurt if she could have felt it. Buffy and Riley went around the corner to talk. Graham lowered his gun as he filled Sam in what had happened. Graham believed Saff. By the time the other two returned, Saff was leaning against the wall with her arms crossed over her chest.

"You're both free to go" Riley stated, clearly not exactly happy about it. Buffy rolled her eyes and the pair slipped away, Saff called a too-cheery goodbye over her shoulder. Hoping that would really be the last time she saw the commandos.

xoxoxo

Riley, Sam and Graham had left. They had been on good terms with the others, chatting with them and making plans before they left. Buffy struggled seeing Riley again, especially considering how she had been feeling. It made it even worse when she had had to convince Riley not to detain her cousin for going off the rails and becoming the kingpin of a major demon criminal underworld-type organisation. Buffy wasn't surprised at what she had heard, she had stopped being surprised at the type of shit Saff got involved in, although it had definitely been worse since Spike had wormed his way into her life.

By the time Saff returned to Revello it was late. This was by design, she didn't want to have to talk with Buffy tonight.

"Saffron Victoria Page!" Buffy stated and Saff turned, rolling her eyes as she went. She looked at her cousin. She could feel that Buffy was upset. And… something else. Something worrying. Wait, she could feel it?! Buffy was too annoyed to block off her emotions, it seemed.

"Buffy Anne, don't you get tired of the moral superiority? Can't we take a break for tonight? You can shout at me extra tomorrow, I promise"

"You're the Doctor?!"

"No, obviously I'm not the Doctor"

"Then why did you tell an extremely real secret military organisation that you were?"

"Keep them on their toes" She shrugged, "Don't trust them" She offered a further excuse.

"Did dying teach you anything? Why do you have to be like this?!"

"None of us are perfect, Buff. I took the fall for Spike, he was only doing something nice for me" She said, knowing that saying he had been using the money to pay off their debt would be too far for Buffy. She would give him the money back and let them stay in the debt just to 'do the right thing'.

"Killer-eggs-from-outer-space was him being romantic?"

"No, it was to pay for this" Saff replied showing the ring that was still on her ring finger. Buffy sighed, exasperated.

"I'm going to kill him"

"He's harmless"

"What happened tonight was not harmless" Buffy said, grabbing her stake and making for the front door.

"Just hear me out before you get all stake-happy!"

"I'm sick of him!" She said, continuing to open the door. Saffron knew Buffy had it in her to stake him, she had seen it through the vision that shocked her into trying to stay sober.

"Buffy- what's going on with you?! You're secretive, you're irritable, your mood swings are worse than mine!"

"Stop it!" Buffy pointed the stake dangerously at her cousin.

"Buffy, you're fucking scaring me!" She shouted and Buffy looked at her for a split second before turning to leave again, adamant she was going to stake Spike, "Don't fucking walk away from me Buffy!" Buffy whipped around and her scarf fell to the ground. Saffron's eyes widened as she saw angry red bite marks covering almost all of the skin on her neck. Saff moved closer and moved her top down her shoulder. More bites.

"What the fuck is this?!" Saff exploded, "It's Buffy the slayer, not the vampire's fucking snack!"

"I can't explain it" Buffy sighed, putting the stake in her pocket.

"Try" Saff commanded.

"It's where Riley went. I-I just want to… feel and it's the only way"

"You're paying them to bite you? Some of those look nasty, Buff… you need to apply cream or something" Saff said, but Buffy shrugged her off her, wrapping the scarf back around her. She could feel that Buffy didn't seem to care. It scared her.

"It's the only thing making me feel alive again"

"I know with the dying and all, it was hard. It can feel like a dream we're walking through"

"A bad one" Buffy whispered, itching at the marks. The feeling of the bites was almost addictive to Buffy, Saff winced as all of Buffy's emotions from the past months descended on her at once. She was being dragged down by the despair. The hollow feeling. This self-destruction was only going to get worse if Buffy didn't have help. Saff ran her hand through her hair, she had never expected anything like this. Buffy had taken it harder than she had thought. She should have noticed this. Even without feeling her emotions, she should have noticed it.

Saff walked away, shaking her head sadly. Leaving Buffy in the hallway, her scarf fastened tightly around her neck. Hiding her destructive behaviour. Buffy stayed there; she could hear Saffron upstairs. Tears prickled her eyes and Buffy felt helpless. She finally knew. Saff had left her for a few minutes, her emotions were all over the place. She tried to collect them. Saffron descended the stairs again, something in her hands this time.

"Look, you didn't give up on me so I'm not going anywhere. Here" Saffron handed Buffy a towel and the slayer could now hear the water running. She was running her a bath. And just like that, Buffy's anger about the doctor had been forgotten. Saff was caring for her and it almost made her feel at home again when the walls around her didn't feel real. She led her older cousin to the bathroom, handing her more things to take in with her.

Buffy had a long bath, tried her hardest to relax. She winced as the marks stung in the water. Saffron had waited outside the door the whole time, making sure she was okay. When she came out in her dressing gown, Saff walked with her to her bedroom. She handed her some cream to put on the bites and sighed, worried for her cousin. She could feel the hollow-ness from Buffy with an eerie clarity. She was being let in again and Buffy seemed to visibly relax, as it had been draining to block her cousin for so long.

"I'm staying in here tonight, I'll take the floor" Saffron said, not asking permission. She needed to keep an eye on her cousin. She was the strongest person Saffron knew and seeing her like this was hard. Buffy started to cry, facing away from her cousin. Saff sat on the bed next to her and grabbed her cousin into a hug before she could protest. Buffy let herself cry on Saff's shoulder as she thought about everything that was going on.

"I'm sorry I didn't see it sooner" She whispered to the slayer, squeezing her tight.