Devil's Advocate
By: (Yami) White Rain
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.
Pairings: LOTS! Because Sakura is a slut, you know.
Summary: One day Sakura woke up and realized she didn't love Sasuke anymore. He was an ass and nothing more. And, besides, that Kiba had become ridiculously hot over the summer
-
One day Sakura woke up and realized she didn't love Sasuke anymore. He was an ass and nothing more. And, besides, that Kiba had become ridiculously hot over the summer.
The day she realized she hated that Sasuke bastard, she strode over to Kiba and said, "I want to go out with you."
He stared at her for a moment and Sakura was suddenly very nervous, afraid he'd reject her. And that couldn't happen. Because she was too good for that stupid Sasuke and she'd prove it by dating other guys.
In the end, he shrugged and said, "Kay." A pause, "But only because Akamaru is on a date, too."
The two of them walked to the nearest restaurant and sat down. After ordering food, they stared at each other.
"So… What do you like to do?" Sakura said.
Kiba started talking loudly about pranks and stuff like that and Sakura was reminded suddenly of Naruto. It was a sharp pain that jolted through her so much that she stood up and walked out of the room before they even got their food.
"Girls are weird," Kiba said after a moment. "Good thing Kankurou is good in bed or I'd have to figure them out to have sex."
-
The next day, Sakura walked up to Shino.
"Want to go on a date?"
"Do you like bugs?" Shino said evenly and bugs started to crawl out of his body.
Sakura held up her hands and slowly backed away.
Tenten suddenly jumped down from the tree. "That works every time."
"Yes," Shino said evenly.
"Ready to make out?" Tenten asked.
"Yes," Shino said less evenly then he normally did.
-
"Dates are troublesome," Shikamaru said.
Sakura's eyes twitched and she grabbed his wrist. Something was snaking through her and she had to get a date now. "I don't care. You're going to take me out and you're going to LIKE it."
Shikamaru sighed and muttered something about Ino under his breath.
It turned out that Shikamaru was content looking at the clouds and doing nothing. It bored Sakura and Sasuke kept running through her mind.
"THE BASTARD!" Inner Sakura cried.
"Yes," Sakura said softly, her eyes widening. "Yes, he is."
Shikamaru probably should have edged away from her, but he figured that she'd take it personally and it'd be a load of trouble.
So, instead he stared at the sky and thought about a scary grin and fans.
-
Chouji was a nice guy, unlike Sasuke, who was an utter bastard and Sakura hated him with all her heart.
So she walked to the Yamanaka flower shop, where Chouji spent quite a bit of his time lately, with a plan to get that stupid asshole, Sasuke out her mind, with a nice guy like Chouji.
"Want to go out?" Sakura said sweetly.
Ino, who was working behind the counter, witnessed this and her eyes widened as she crushed the flower in her hand. She clenched her jaw and stormed into the storage room and slammed the door behind her.
Chouji and Sakura exchanged a look.
"Never mind." Sakura said. "Good luck."
-
The next day, Sakura remembered Lee. Lee was nice and good and hard working and everything that Sasuke, the fucking asshole, wasn't.
"Let's go out!" Sakura said.
Lee agreed eagerly.
He showed up early to meet her parents and took her out and acted like a real gentleman and was very sweet to her. Sakura figured she could get used to this. He was a whole lot better then stupid Sasuke.
Inner Sakura agreed with a 'HELL YEAH!'
"On a scale of one to ten, how would you measure our date?" Lee asked as he walked her home.
"A seven," Sakura said after a moment. But only because she couldn't get that stupid Sasuke off her mind. She hoped he was ugly now. It would serve him right.
There was a glint in Lee's eyes. "To make up for it not being a ten, I'll run seven hundred laps in the Forest of Death."
Sakura promptly decided that being with Lee wouldn't be a good idea and told him so.
And Lee had grinned happily at the news and jogged home, gleeful that his shinny goal was even more shinny. Gaara seemed very pleased with the news and they made plans to meet up next week. Gaara wanted to try this 'sex' he had heard about.
-
"Sakura, I'm glad you've gotten over that Uchiha boy, but going out every night isn't a good idea," Sakura's mother said the next day.
Sakura looked directly into her mother's eyes. "I need to get Sasuke out of my mind. I can only do this if I get a new boyfriend. The sooner the better." She slammed her fist onto the table and continued firmly, "Because he's a right bastard!"
He mother gave her an odd look before smiling gently and humming something under her breath.
Sakura blinked when she thought it was 'here comes the bride' but shook it off. Mom had been subtly trying to push her away from Sasuke for months.
-
Three nights of really hot dreams, in which Sasuke wasn't ugly at all and made very pleasant and needy sounds as Sakura ravished him, had Sakura on edge.
Those three days were filled with her eyes twitching and Sakura and Inner Sakura chanted, 'he's an asshole and a bastard,' over and over again.
It wasn't working.
She wanted Sasuke, still.
It has to be hormones.
"Face it, we like them angsty, pretty, brooding and dark," Inner Sakura told her on the fourth night. "We're going to have to pick someone like Sasuke. Whose not too much of a bastard like Sasuke is."
And then Neji entered her mind.
Sakura didn't mind having sex with Sasuke that night in her dreams, she knew that Neji would make her forget that Sasuke jerk. And she could ender one more night of the really hot dreams.
-
"We," Sakura said the next day, when she found Neji training in a secluded area in the forest, "Are going to go on a date and you will woo me and we'll fall in love. Sparks will fly. Proclamations of love will be made. Fireworks will go off. Our story will live on in history as the greatest love story ever."
Neji looked at her for a moment before saying, "No."
Sakura, overcome with anger and insanity, grabbed a handful of Neji's shirt in both of her hands and said, "You don't have a choice. We're going to do it and we'll be Happy. With a capital 'H.' And that stupid Sasuke will rot in hell and we'll have sex on his grave after I take his life with a knife while Naruto cheers me on."
"No," Neji repeated.
"What do you mean, 'no?'" Sakura said and something within her snapped. "I'll force you. I'll find a way. We'll find true love within one another."
Neji pushed her away. He stared looked deep into her eyes and Sakura's heartbeat quickened like it did when she was younger and around Sasuke (GET OUT OF MY HEAD, BASTARD!) and Neji said slowly and carefully, "You are insanely in love with Uchiha Sasuke. We can't have 'the greatest love story ever' with that fact in mind."
Sakura wanted to protest, but she was tired. Her shoulders slumped and she walked home.
Strangely, Inner Sakura didn't appear again until a year later when Naruto returned and never appeared again afterwards.
-
When Sakura and Naruto meet up with Sasuke a month later, the two of them glared daggers at each other and were clearly about to insanely intense fight and exchange heart-breaking words which would bring many people to tears just hearing about it.
However, before they could do that, Sakura shoved Sasuke against a tree and shoved her tongue down his throat.
When she pulled away, Naruto, Sasuke, Orochimaru, Sai, Kabuto, and Yamato stared at her. With the same exact shocked look. Sai even forgot to smile.
"Go ahead and beat some sense into him now," Sakura said cheerfully to Naruto. "I'll make sure to keep healing you, so he can't win." She then turned her gaze to Sasuke and said sharply, "You better be prepared to marry me because you're mine. I tried to get over you, and I couldn't."
Sasuke suddenly looked very afraid.
Naruto nearly pitied him