oOo If I Knew oOo
Itachi is a dirty, perverted, bitter, menacing, shitty bastard in this fanfic. His pairing is my good friend 'X'. She has a mad obsession over Itachi so I decided to fulfill her fantasies with this short fanfic. It might end up as 3 chapters only because I have no idea what the plot is. Believe me, this fanfic sux. If you don't like meager, nooby writing skills than continue.
You have been warned.
If I Knew : really gay name, sorry people, my creativity skills are null. I suggest you listen to Kaigan Doori by Asian Kung Fu Generation while you read this, not this chapter, but later on. It makes this story less nooby-some. You can't find this song anywhere. If you can't find it, email me and Gaara will find you a link. Not required whatsoever.
Chapter 1- That Incident, that Girl
'Itachi-kun!' chorused about half the school's population as the tall, solemn boy walked through the school doors.
One of the girls was squealing madly and jumping to get a better view of the honored Uchiha Itachi.
'ITACHI! SIGN MY BOOKS WILLYA!' she screamed at the top of her voice.
silence
No one spoke a word. All the girls there would also die to get something signed by Itachi but no one would ask in such an unmannered way. Everybody knew Itachi liked cute girls that were shy and timid, not some weird boisterous freak.
Everyone turned to look at the girl who was still jumping like mad, screaming her guts out to get Itachi's attention.
Itachi turned and looked at her. He smirked and laughed inwardly.
'Freak' he thought.
One of his followers whispered something in his ears.
'How about the good old "break-a-girl's-heart" ritual, eh?' laughed the boy who had shark-like teeth. 'They end up crying and running to the washroom. It's hilarious the way they revert immediately back to themselves the next day.'
Itachi smirked again. Today was a fair-weathered day. A good day to ruin someone's life.
'You remember that Reid girl?' laughed the boy standing behind Itachi. 'She friggin' threw herself off the portable trying to commit suicide. What stupidity, she only broke her leg and had to stay in the hospital for rehabilitation two months.'
'Good times, ne?
Itachi merely smirked at the comment. Girls were merely entertainment. They squealed at his every movement and would totally rub their bodies against him. Sure, it was sexual harassment, but, hey, he didn't mind. Girls, women. teachers, everybody worshipped and respected him. He was the 'one'. Heck, his brother was pushed aside and considered a 'mistake'.
People would look at Itachi then him and say "what happened?' and shake their heads and look away. Itachi always beat Sasuke in everything, not even the age difference could be blamed for it. People mocked Sasuke.
But, this story is not about sibling feuds. Nor is about Itachi's version of Icha Icha Paradise. This is about a heartless guy who learns that he going to be a lonely old man if he doesn't get his act together.
Itachi cracked his neck and walked towards the screaming fan girl. Loud whispers and hushed voices were echoing down the hallway.
'Oh my gosh, he's walking toward her.'
'Eww man, look at her clothes, they were like, so totally bought at some granny place for like under 100 dollars.'
'Ugh. What an ugly bitch.'
Of course, these comments were repeated every time Itachi paid specific attention to a single girl. In the end all these girls would fake sorrow and attempt to comfort the girl who had surely been dissed by Itachi. They would fake the kind smiles and soft comforting voice while inside their head they were rejoicing.
Itachi's footsteps resounded as he walked closer to the fan girl.
'Itachi-san, can you please sign my mangas, plus magazines and-' (this girl has a mad obsession over manga and all the famous people she meets gets to sign ALL her favorite mangas which is about 24…26…(rants on) so you should feel sorry for Itachi)
Itachi smirked and placed a finger on the girl's rapidly moving lips.
Silence.
Itachi leaned closed to the girl, so close that their noses were about 3 centimeters away.
The girl was silent and stared into the eyes of her obsession.
'What's your name?' asked Itachi as he removed his finger.
The girls in the hallway were immediately calm. It was always this procedure.
'My-my name is…'
Whispers once again coursed through the hallway.
'That girl must be new to the school; she doesn't even know the procedure.'
Itachi smiled warmly at the girl.
'You're new, eh?'
The girl nodded curtly.
He took the assortment of objects she was holding, casually touching her hand in the process.
Itachi began to scribble on the books rapidly as the rabid fan girl's temperature rose to her cheeks.
Itachi smirked at the reaction and smirked evilly. He handed the stack of books to the girl and leaned closed to her face again. He was a head taller than her so he was bent over.
'Itachi…san…' whispered the girl.
Itachi was leaning to the girl's left side and the girl was blushing harder than ever. Itachi's warm breath was grazing her left cheek and he said in a soft voice.
'You're…'
The girl's eyes were almost shut in the exhilarating feeling of it all.
'You're…as…beautiful…'
The girl blushed harder.
'You're as beautiful as my ass.'
SHOCK
The girl's eyes widened. Itachi stood straight and smirked. He could see tears welling up in the girl's eyes. Smirk
The girl's eyes lowered to the magazines in her hand. He had gratified them all. They were covered in swear words and disses. Men had boobs and women had male reproductive organs and characteristics. (I mean pen15s and moustaches)
The girl's tears in the girl's eyes swelled. They were her favorite mangas. She spent hours working at McDonalds and other dumpy places to earn the money to purchase them. They were ruined, decorated with black permanent marker.
The girl's eyes suddenly turned from the hurt and sad eyes to a deep glare.
Her dead grandfather's very last present that he bought with his retirement money.
The last memoir.
In the second page, where a blurry but memorable photograph of her beloved grandfather was attached to, there was a message:
'Gay old faggot' was written over her grandfather's photo.
Her grandfather had boobs and a lot of pubic hair with a bikini.
She felt the world start to spin. Her head felt suddenly very heavy and something seemed to block her throat. She couldn't swallow. She could barely breathe.
'He…. did…this?'
She could barely take the truth. Her brain was screaming. The Itachi she knew was a kind an wonderful boy, no, not boy, but a responsible man.
'Hey, look, if you want to cry and tell a teacher go ahead.' said the shark-toothed boy. 'But no ones gonna believe you.'
The crowd of girls had come over their disgust and put on masks of pity.
'Ohhh…. its okay, everybody has times like these.' they said in mock pity.
But the girl didn't hear anything. Her head was ringing.
Itachi merely put on his cool guy pose and turned sharply as a sign of rejection.
'Why…'
Everyone stopped talking.
Itachi stopped on his tracks.
'-why…'
Itachi smirked, he started walking again. Girls were always like this. They moaned in sorry at first then the next day they would start obsessing over you.
But this time, it was silent except the soft breathing of the girl.
Itachi turned his head slightly.
The crowd started talking again.
'Shut the hell up!'
Itachi turned more.
'Why…'
Everyone was shocked at the outburst.
'Why…'
Itachi turned to look at the girl head on.
'WHY THE HELL ARE YOU SUCH A BITCH!'
Everyone gasped, well except for the girl and Itachi.
Itachi smirked. 'Well, it takes a bitch to know a bitch so if I am one, you ar-'
'WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM! ARE YOU RETARDED OR SOMETHING! WHO GAVE YOU THE RIGHT TO SCRIBBLE ALL OVER THESE BOOKS?'
'Well, bitch, you told me to sign them, and my signature is all over them. If you are so pissed then Shark Boy (LOOOLLL) will buy you knew ones.'
'Wha-' began SharkBoy.
'YOU THINK YOU'RE SO GOOD, EH! BUYING ME NEW ONES! CAN YOU BUY SOMETHING THAT MY GRANDFATHER LEFT FOR ME!'
'It's your fault, you should have treated it better than. Your grandfather must be disappointed in you then, his granddaughter treats his last pos-'
Itachi never finished that sentence.
-SMACK-
Gasps were even louder this time.
Itachi's beautiful face was red on one side.
'WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR PROBLEM!' screamed the girls in the crowd, except, their insults were much too explicit to place in this fanfic.
Itachi was speechless. No one. Dared. To. Slap. Him. No one.
But he didn't have the chance to retaliate. The maniac girl had run out of sight.
WELL…that was an inter-school incident where every girl in that region wanted to murder that girl.
She had become quite famous but she was never seen again. Well, no one knew her name or anything about her so no one would actually know whom it was. Besides, that was years ago, today, girls wear so much make-up that no one can tell who is who. But the incident lingered in the back of their memories, forgotten yet remembered. Recollected when gossip was low. The story had been tainted with so many stitches and snippets that it was now Itachi who was the victim.
'Remember that ugly hag with the blotchy skin and buckteeth and that awful tattoo with the bulldog tatooon her cheek?'
'Yeah, just cuz Itachi told her that he couldn't lose his cherry to her because they were too young, she nearly killed him!'
'Oooh…poor Itachi-chan, that girl kicked him in the balls and nearly caused permanent damage.'
'How do you know nearly?'
Even Itachi began to believe these new stories, but through and through this incident was just a snippet of what was to come. What was to come? Well, Itachi would probably kill to take out that incident. That incident would cost him. A lot.
End of Chapter 1
EXPLANATION!
Itachi: Well, you may be wondering why the hell everyone is so obsessed with this guy. He is actually a model for billions of teen magazines so he's practically god.
Another point is that I'm very sorry for Itachi fans out there. I don't hate him but I couldn't find another guy that deserves a wonderful girl but has a bad attitude in Naruto. I actually find Itachi very cool compared to his brother. Sorry.
Sasuke: The poor little bastard who is hiding in the corner of my room glaring at me for writing my previous fanfic. (slaps) QUIT STARING AT MY TOES DAMMIT!
Girl: You dunno her name yet but starting from the next chapter it will be from her perspective. But no one knows that she's the girl who the "Itachi got bitch-slapped" incident. You get too see her life as a high school student in my school. LOL.
Sorry teachers and best buddies, but you're in this fanfic too. So is Gaara. And Kakashi. Briefly though.
Overall, if you hate me because of this fanfic then complain using my email. Don't post mean reviews please, unless you're anonymous. I'll cry if you do.
Oh and if you find any errors in my fanfic, blame Gaara, he's slacking off on the job.
EDIT IT DAMMIT!
Gaara: zZZZZzzzzZZZZzZZZZzzzz…
sigh…oh well. Sorry for everything.
KaWaIIII BONUS!
'Itachi-san, why am I shark boy?' asked Shark-Boy.
'Look at the mirror man, your teeth are scarrryy…'
(looks)
'Not that much, they're just sharp enough to bite through a metal bar…'
'Getta load of you're skin man, its all scaly and ew'
'But Itachi-san, how do you keep you're beautiful skin so pale and smooth?'
'Well, duh, I use like Neutrogena and Glysomed creams!'
'Hmm….maybe I should too…'
Weeks later, SharkBoy had to be rushed to the hospital due to the acute allergic reactions caused by the creams to his poor gills.'
PS: I was originally going to use this idea to support a SasuNaru fanfic since I found writing them very amusing. However, I promised my friend NEVER to write them again. sue her.