What the hell am I writing. What is this? A meme? A genuine story? Who knows….
20 minor characters competing in a low-budget season hosted by Josh. This will definitely be way sillier and goofier than any other comp fic I've written, but it won't be a total shitpost. I might just write one chapter and call it. I might write the whole thing. I might get five chapters in say screw it and delete the whole thing. Who knows? I'm kinda just having fun with it.
Hope you guys do too!
The camera opened to a run-down, yet massive mansion. It was three stories tall, and it's paint was chipped. The stairs leading up to the porch were chipped and worn-down. Everything about it screamed 'shabby'.
A handsome man walked into frame. He had short, spiked up brown hair and sparkling sea green eyes. He was a bit on the older side, but exuded a youthful exuberance as he grinned at the camera.
"Well-hell-hellcome viewers," the man greeted, "I'm Josh McLastName! You might recall me from Celebrity Manhunt's Total Drama Reunion Special!" He blinked, and his smile shrunk a little. "No? You don't remember me?" He sighed and hunched over, obviously put out. "Come on! I'm the guy who loves catfights!" He perked up and swung a paw, er, hand at the camera. "Meeeow!"
He giggled to himself, and then turned to gesture at the mansion. "So, after years of begging and nagging and pleading and humiliating myself, I was finally greenlit a season of Total Drama! We've got the greatest, most star-studded cast you could ever dream of! Get ready to say hi to Duncan, Heather and-" He flinched, and put up a hand to his ear. The producers were talking to him. "Huh? We have who on the cast?!" He frowned, "but I've never heard of like…95% of these guys!"
The producer screamed something in his ear, and Josh flinched again. "Ugh. Fine!" He turned back to the camera, all of his excited energy gone. His expression read bored and unamused. "I guess we're getting… a bunch of side characters that have barely ever had any notoriety on Total Drama…" he sighed miserably, "how'd I get stuck with these duds?"
As if on cue, a crappy, rusty taxi cab rolled up to the mansion. A young man exited the taxi.
"Sky's ex-boyfriend, Keith, everyone," Josh introduced him, his tone monotonous.
Keith - Total Drama Stereotype: Sky's Horribly Boring Ex.
Kieth was of average height and average weight. He looked to be of Korean descent. He had average spiky black hair and thick, average black glasses. He was dressed in an average red t-shirt and average blue jeans.
"Hey there…" he said averagely. "I'm Keith, I guess…"
"You guess?" Josh asked him. "Come on, man! Show some character! Aren't you vengeful at Sky for cheating on you on national TV?"
"Not really," Keith shrugged. "We were only dating for like two months. I'm not that cut up about it." He smiled, a little excited. "Say, wanna hear about my miniature train collection?"
"I really don't," Josh told him amicably, "now go stand over there." He gestured to a large yellow mat that had been placed at the foot of the stairs leading up to the mansion.
Another taxi pulled up as Keith walked over to the mat. This time, a large black woman with curves to rival LeShawna got out. She was fashionably dressed and had large hoop earrings.
LeShaniqua - Total Drama Stereotype: LeShawna's Cousin.
"LeShaniqua, what's up?" Josh asked the girl.
"Heyyy, people!" LeShaniqua greeted the camera, completely ignoring Josh. "How crazy is this that I'm on Total Drama! Mmmhmmm, bet you never saw that coming!"
"Just go over to the mat if you're going to ignore me," Josh sighed.
LeShaniqua joined Keith.
Another taxi rolled up, and a greasy, scruffy older man stumbled out of the cab.
Homeless Man That Stole Zeke's Wallet - Total Drama Stereotype: The Homeless Man That Stole Zeke's Wallet.
"Homeless Man That Stole Zeke's Wallet, welcome to the show," Josh greeted. "Excited to have somewhere to sleep for a while?"
"Y'got any drugs?" The homeless man grunted, stalking up to Josh while scratching his arse.
Josh took one sniff of the homeless man and shrunk away from him. "Wow, you smell like rotten eggs and gamer breath."
Homeless Man shrugged, offering no verbal response.
"Also, calling you Homeless Man might be seen as kind of offensive," Josh noted, "do you have like, an actual first name we call you?"
"I had a name, once," Homeless Man said, his eyes a million miles away. His chapped, crusty lips quivered. "But it's lost to time…lost to time…" he wiped a few tears from his eyes and cleared his throat gruffly. "You can just call me Homeless Guy. I don't mind."
Josh just looked blankly at the camera. "Riiiight…because that's not gonna be problematic."
As Homeless Guy walked over to the mat, the next contestant was introduced.
A very pretty woman in a flight attendants uniform stepped out. Her expression, however, was uncertain and confused. She tucked her light brown hair behind her ear as she awkwardly walked over to Josh.
Emily(?) - Total Drama Stereotype: The Flight Attendant.
"Emily, right?" Josh asked her. "You're the flight attendant that Chris flirted with during the Total Drama Action finale?"
"Well, yes," the woman said timidly, "he did flirt with me…but my name's not Emily. It's-"
"Whoa there, sister!" Josh interrupted her. "Fans have decided that your name is Emily. So, that's your name now!"
"Why did I even get called up?" Emily frowned, "I had to quit my flight attendant job for this!"
"Come on, you could win a million bucks!" Josh told her encouragingly. However, a crackle in his earpiece confirmed that the producers were talking to him again. "Hold on a sec," he said, putting a finger to his ear, "I'm being told that the prize isn't actually a millions bucks. It's..." His eyes bugged out of his head, "500 bucks!? That's it?! No one is gonna want to compete for that!"
"I dunno, man, 500 bucks is a whole lotta mani-pedis!" LeShaniqua spoke up.
The producer's continued speaking to Josh. "Oh, and you also get a guaranteed spot on the next real season of Total Drama." His eyes widened. "Hey! This is a real season! What the heck!?" He tapped his earpiece, but the producers seemed to have gone quiet. "Hey! Hey! Come back!"
By that time, the next taxi had pulled up.
A huge, hulking beast of a man exited, eliciting gasps from the other four. The man had pale skin and violet dark blue hair. His face was covered by a hockey mask, and one of his arms ended in a nasty, rusty hook.
The Escaped Psycho Killer without a Chainsaw but with a Hook - Total Drama Stereotype: How Is He Allowed to be Here?
However, when he spoke, his voice shocked them all.
"Hey, guys!" He said cheerily, walking over to the others. "Super excited to be here! Let's have fun, okay!"
"Escaped Psycho Killer with a Chainsaw and a Hook," Josh greeted. "Welcome to the show!"
"Thanks, Josh! And please, just call me Psycho Killer," Psycho Killer responded, his tone aloof, as if he wasn't asking to be called a murderer.
"You got it, man," Josh held his hand up for a high-five, but realized that Psycho Killer's only free hand was holding his suitcase.
Psycho Killer gazed at him disapprovingly.
"Uh…sorry…"
"Whatever," Psycho Killer huffed, joining the others. He looked up at the mansion. "Ooh, cool mansion! I totally slaughtered a bunch of high schoolers in one just like this!"
Keith eyed Josh nervously. "Uh…how is this guy allowed to be here?"
Josh just shrugged at the boy, and turned to the next taxi.
Out stepped TWO women. Both were hardcore goths. One had long purple hair and a black halter top. Her belt was donned with a grizzly skull, and she had fishnet stockings on her leg. Her name? Pixiecorpse.
Pixiecorpse - Total Drama Stereotype: The Fake Goth Because She's In Love With Reaper.
The other had white face makeup and buzzed, hot-pink hair. She too was dressed in typical goth attire.
Marilyn - Total Drama Stereotype: Gwen's Boring Metal Singer Friend.
"Welcome to Total Drama, Pixiecorpse and Marilyn!" Josh said, "now we kind of already had the over-goth stereotype last season on Ridonculous Race, so try and not be that, okay?"
Marilyn and Pixiecorpse shared a dry glance.
"I'm not super goth," Marilyn said, her voice scratchy. "I'm a metal singer. I like to ROCK OUT!" She threw a hand up in the air and flashed a 'rock on' sign.
"Yeah, we had that stereotype too already," Josh sighed.
"This is so cool!" Pixiecorpse chirped. Everyone turned to stare at her, and the goth flushed a dull pink. Next to her, Marilyn rolled her eyes. "Uh, I mean…whatever. This is gonna suck."
That seemed to be enough for everyone, and they returned their attention to the new taxi.
A gorgeous hunk of meat stepped out. With his luscious brown hair, chiseled physique, and red shirt…damn.
Brady - Total Drama Stereotype: Can You Believe Beth Cheated on This Guy!? With Harold!?
"Welcome, Brady!"
"Mmmmmmm-mmmm!" LeShaniqua grinned, tossing others out of her way to get to the front of the pack. "Hello, gorgeous!"
"Hey there," Brady greeted, smiling at the rest of them.
"Dude, where do you get off being so good looking?" Keith sighed. "That's just not fair."
"Gettin' off?" Homeless Man quickly took his hands out of his pockets, "I wasn't gettin' off! I'm not that kinda homeless guy, I swear! I'm the fell-on-hard-times homeless, not the pervy kind! Can't a guy just put his hands in his pockets!?"
Brady walked over to the group, ignoring Keith and Homeless Man. "Looking forward to getting to know you all," he said happily.
"Damn, he's kind of normal," Josh frowned. "Oh well."
The next taxi had a speccy ginger haired short little twat emerge from it. He was wearing a chef's uniform and seemed to already be in a foul mood.
"The f**k is goin' on, mates?!"
Gordon - Total Drama Stereotype: The Reason We'll Have to Pay Our Editor's Overtime.
Josh winced at his foul language. "Uh, hey Gordon. How's it going, man?"
"Pretty f**king good, mate," Gordon said, his English accent attempt just awful, "Excited to kick the s**t out of all these c**ts, mate."
"Wow," Brady said, "listen to his accent! I didn't know a German guy was gonna be competing!"
"It ain't German, stupid!" Homeless Guy scolded, "it's Vietnamese!"
"It's English!" Gordon screamed, losing the accent. "I'm from London!" He frowned, "er…Ontario. I've been making DJ sandwiches, but there's some stupid f**king ingredient I-"
He was interrupted when Josh slammed the palm of his hand into his face, effectively silencing him. He shoved the boy over to the mat. "Yeah, don't have to regurgitate the only line you've ever had up until now. Just shut up and go sit over there."
The new arrival got out of the next taxi.
"Where's my Devon Joseph Poopi-Doo?!"
DJ's Momma - Total Drama Stereotype: The Mom With No Filter.
"He's not competing, ma'am," Josh told her politely. In response, he was thwacked upside the head by DJ's Momma's purse.
"Don't you ma'am me, boy!" She scolded.
"Sorry, DJ's Momma," Josh winced, holding his bruised cheek. He received another thwack in response.
"That's Miss DJ's Momma to you, boy!"
Josh cowered away from her. "Stop hurting me, you psycho woman! You sound like your son when he wets his pants! Go away!"
DJ's Momma gave Josh the 'I'm watching you' gesture before waddling over to the group.
The next person to arrive was a tiny, ginger Chris Mclean. Seriously, the dude was a dead ringer for the main host of Total Drama. He was still wearing his yellow raincoat and had his ginger beard, along with the signature Mclean grin.
"Welcome, Jerd Mclean!" Josh greeted.
Jerd Mclean - Stereotype: Chris's Sexier Cousin.
"Sta'rked tah be hea," Jerd greeted. "Rardy tah rahck dis here cahmpahtishun, ya hea?"
"Whatever you say, man," Josh cringed.
Jerd just rolled his eyes and joined the others.
Next to arrive was a light-skinned black woman with a sky blue beret on her head. She had a minty green belly shirt and light blue denim shorts. When she left the taxi, it was in a dramatic fashion.
Jasmine - Total Drama Stereotype: The Theatre Kid.
"Finally! I am on Total Drama! I've been trying for years and years! Now, my breakthrough to stardom commences!" Jasmine fell to her knees, thrusting her hands towards the heavens.
"Okay, this could be an issue," Josh commented, "see, we already had a Jasmine on the show."
"WHAT!?" Jasmine leapt to her feet, enraged. "I WILL NOT BE THE SECOND!"
"Well you are," Josh told her flatly. "And we're not calling you Jasmine. You'll just be Jazz."
"Jazz!? How will the talent agencies know how to find me if I don't use my actual name?!" Jazz cried.
"Don't care, not my problem," Josh told her, "next!"
As Jazz stalked over to the others, the next taxi pulled up.
Two people got out of this one too. One was a pretty girl with waist length ginger hair and wore stylish glasses. She was tall and curvy and had an air of uppity nonchalance about her.
The man with her was tall and handsome, with an athletic build and shaggy brown hair. He wore a typical tennis outfit, similar to the one worn by Pete in Ridonculous Race.
"Ashton and Shelly, welcome to Total Drama."
Ashton - Total Drama Stereotype: The Girlfriend Stealer.
Shelly - Total Drama Stereotype: Devin Settled For Carrie.
"This place looks like crap, babe," Shelly remarked, gazing up at the mansion with distaste.
"You can say that again," Ashton agreed, squinting at the cast. "And who are these people? Is that a homeless guy?!"
"That's Mr. Homeless Guy to you, pal!" Homeless Guy shook his fist at the new couple.
"DJ's Momma already did that joke, dude," Marilyn told him flatly.
"Aww, man," Homeless Guy hung his head in shame.
Shelly and Ashton joined the others.
The next person to arrive was a very pretty woman in a questionable dress. The dressed seemed to be made of a…swan?
Pretty Swan Lady - Total Drama Stereotype: Hubba Hubba.
"Halló allir! Systurdóttir að hitta þig. " the woman said kindly. All she received were blank looks.
"Wait, do you speak English?" Josh asked her.
Pretty Swan Lady shook her head. "Nei."
"But you understand it?"
"Ja."
"Good enough for me! Welcome to the show, Pretty Swan Lady!"
Her eyes widened. "Pretty Swan Lady? Fjandinn þinn, ég heiti Astrida!
"Thank you, I got the suit yesterday," Josh smiled at her. "It is nice, isn't it?"
Pretty Sawn Lady flipped him off and stormed off to the others.
"Ni' tar meet ya," Jerd greeted. "Nahm's Jerd."
Pretty Swan Lady just looked at him, confused.
"Everyone, welcome Jose Buerromerto!"
Jose - Total Drama Stereotype: The Better Alejandro.
"Wow!" Brady gaped, "he's almost as handsome as me!"
Jose grinned at them all. "Hello, everyone. So pleased to make your acquaintance."
"He's gonna be a threat," Pixiecorpse muttered to Marilyn, who nodded grimly.
"Here to show up your little brother, Jose?" LeShaniqua, "cause if not, you can show me the town! Mmmm-mmm!"
"I'm flattered," Jose said humbly, going over to stand next to Emily. He shot her a wink, and the flight attendant blushed.
"Is TRENT here!?" Shrieked a new voice.
Coming out of the new taxi was a tiny wisp of a girl. She had a rancid haircut, crossed between a pixie cut and a bob, and a spatter of freckles across her faces. Her glasses were tiny and she had braces.
Kelsey - Total Drama Stereotype: The Trent-Sierra.
"No, Trent won't be competing this season," Josh told her. "Lucky him."
Kelsey turned back to the taxi before it sped off. "Oh wait! I can't believe I almost forgot this!" She reached into the depths of the car and pulled out a life-sized Trent doll.
This got a disturbed reaction from most of the others, and all looked horrified as Kelsey planted a big wet kiss on the doll's mouth.
"Come on, honey! Let's go meet the others!" She told the doll. As she walked over to the others, she grabbed one of Trent-doll's arms and waved it to the group. "Trent says hi! Say hi to Trent, guys!"
"I'm not saying hi to a stupid f**king doll," Gordon exclaimed, "what the f**k is the matter with you, you stupid f**king b**ch!"
"Dude, she's like 9," Brady whispered to him, "you can't swear at a child."
"I'm not 9!" Kelsey exclaimed, "I'm 17, just like the rest of you!"
"I'm not 17, I'm 24," Jose said smoothly.
"And I'm 52!" DJ's Momma shrieked. She swung her purse at Kelsey, but Kelsey put the doll in front of her and Doll-Trent caught the brunt of it. "Don't assume a woman's age, girl!"
Kelsey cringed and continued to hold Doll-Trent in front of her.
The next taxi pulled up…but no one got out.
"Hello!? Come on out here," Josh called to the taxi.
No response.
After a confused moment, Josh slapped his forehead. "Oh right!" He walked over and pulled the contestant bodily out of the taxi. He presented the constant to everyone.
"Everyone, say hi to Mr. Coconut!"
Mr. Coconut - Total Drama Stereotype: The Coconut.
There was Mr. Coconut in all his glory, with his red lipstick smile and his green grass hair. What a hottie.
"What, a coconut is competing?!" Keith exclaimed, "that's ridiculous!"
He was quickly elbowed in the side by the Psycho Killer. "Shut up, man! Mr. Coconut made it into 5th place on Total Drama Island! He's a veteran!"
Keith, intimidated by the massive murderer, piped down.
Josh set Mr. Coconut down on the ground next to the others.
"Nice to meet you, sir," Homeless Guy told the coconut. "It's a real honor."
"A total honor!" Jazz added, "you're so famous!"
Mr. Coconut, predictably, did not respond.
"Only two people left to introduce," Josh noted. "Alright everyone, say hi to…Sky's Sister! She was seen in the finale of the Ridonculous Race! We don't know if she's actually Sky's sister, but she looks a lot like her, and she claims she's Sky's sister, so we invited her to the season!
The woman who was allegedly Sky's older sister stepped out of the taxi. She wore her sunhat and wore similar colors to her alleged sister.
"What's your name, Sky's Sister?" Josh asked her amicably.
"Oh, it's Sand," Sand said happily.
Sand - Total Drama Stereotype: Sky's Hotter Sister.
"Sand?" Gordon asked, eyes bulging, "that's the stupidest f**king name I've ever f**king heard."
"You should meet my brother Sea," Sand chuckled, "anyways, nice to meet you all! I'm not as athletic as my sister, so don't be threatened."
"That sounds like something someone who is athletic would say!" Ashton accused.
"Oh my god, you're so smart babe," Shelly gushed.
Sand just rolled her eyes, still smiling, and joined the others.
"Alright, time to introuce our final competitor," Josh announced as the last taxi pulled up. "Everyone give a warm welcome to…Tyler!"
"EXTREME!" Tyler bellowed, leaping out of the taxi.
Tyler - Total Drama Stereotype: The Sporto Who Sucks at Sports.
The jock, clad in his usual red tracksuit, scanned the others. His face fell, and he turned to Josh. "Uh, Chris? Where are the others?"
"I'm not Chris," Josh told him sourly, "and these are the others."
Tyler did a double take and realized that Josh was in fact not Chris. He was still confused. "But…where's Chris?"
"There is no Chris!" Pixiecorpse called out.
"Oh, am I in the wrong place?" Tyler asked them, looking up at the shitty mansion. "I must be. There's no Chris, or any of the other All-Stars."
"All-Stars?" Josh shook his head, "nah, you didn't get the memo then either, huh? I didn't until just a little while ago too. This is Total Drama Nobodies!"
Tyler smacked his forehead, "Total Drama WHAT?! I'm not a Nobody!"
"You're the least talked about contestant on all the fan sites, though," Josh reminded him, "even Zeke gets more play than you, and he always gets booted first! And what's worse, on the flight over here Lindsay called you Noah. Noah! You gotta make her see you!"
Tyler looked crestfallen. "But…but I was told this would be a legendary All-Star season…"
"Nope! Total Drama Nobodies."
"But, there are way more contestants now that have less fame than me," Tyler argued, "in fact, people loved me after World Tour! Everyone says I should've merged! I don't deserve to be on this second-rate show!"
"Well, you signed the contract, dude." Josh shrugged, "dunno what else I can tell you. Get over to the others."
Tyler, recreating his original weird-arms sad walk he had when he got eliminated from Total Drama Island, joined the others.
"And there's out cast," Josh told them smoothly, "what a strange, screwed up bunch you are. Alright, let's get in this mansion and show you around. Then, we'll split you into teams and have our first challenge!" He turned to the camera and winked, "but first, a word from our sponsors!"
Yeah, what the hell is this? I dunno, but it's fun as hell to write.
So yeah, as of right now this will be an ACTUAL competition fic. However, it won't be nearly as in-depth or serious as TDC, DI, or TDG. This will be just for laughs (hopefully) with some mild strategy and development for some of these guys.
Here's a brief explanation of each character and why they were included, just in case some of them still aren't clear XD.
Ashton - Shelly's tennis instructor and eventual boyfriend. Assumed to be athletic and a pretty boy.
Shelly - Devin's ex-girlfriend, who left Devin for Ashton. Assumed to be good looking and kind of a bitch.
Mr. Coconut - Total Drama Icon.
Homeless Guy - The man who stole Ezekiel's wallet in the TDA special. Added for the meme potential of everyone having to deal with a fucked up homeless guy.
Jazz - A character with an actual voice, outfit, and name. Seen in LeShawna's video from home. Certified fame-monger.
Keith - Sky's ex-boyfriend that she didn't tell Dave about. The joke is that he's the most boring, average guy in the world.
Jose - Alejandro's older brother. As seen in TDAS.
Pretty Swan Lady - The assumedly attractive Travel Tip giver from the Icelandic Ridonculous Race episode. Understands but doesn't speak English.
LeShaniqua - LeShawna's cousin. As seen in TDA.
Psycho Killer - The iconic whiny pyscho killer. As seen in TDI.
Gordon - The angry chef-wannabe. As seen in TDA.
Sand - Sky's alleged older sister. Seen in the Ridonculous Race finale, she was confirmed by someone at Fresh to be Sky's older sister. Assumed to be normal and nice like Sky.
Brady - Beth's ex-boyfriend. As seen in TDA.
Kelsey - Trent-obsesssed psychopath seen in one of the TDA aftermaths. Still in love with Trent.
DJ's Momma - DJ's Momma. As seen in TDA.
Jerd McLean - Chris's Cousin. As seen in TDWT.
Pixiecorpse - One of Gwen's friends from back home. Is a faux-goth because she is in love with Reaper.
Marilyn - One of Gwen's friends from back home. Is a metal singer with an unrequited crush on Pixiecorpse.
Tyler - Added because of how bad the poor guy was memed in TDWT. I also thought it would be hilarious to have one OG contestant that thought it was an All-Star season.
Emily - The flight attendant that Chris flirted with in the TDA finale. Sweet and nice, and a little confused on why she's even here.
Okay, yeah! Let me know what you thought! Do you actually wanna see this ridiculous season play out? Are you even rooting for anyone? Who's gonna win the 500 bucks XD?
Let me know in a review! Hope you guys got some laughs out of this. I know I did :).
Ciao!