Alright, sorry it's been so long since I updated this. Life has been busy and hard. But, another memey chapter awaits!

The episode opened on the Pit of Shame, long after the nineteen contestants plus Josh had abandoned it. Suddenly, grunts could be heard from off screen, and the camera panned down into the pit to show DJ's momma grappling up the rocky walls, using her purse as a grappling hook of sorts. She was swinging up with startling agility, even doing the occasional backflip and dab mid-air to emphasis her prowess.

"These mo-phuccas!" She panted, sweat dripping down her curvaceous body as she climbed, "they think they can get rid of me?! They got another thing coming, or my name ain't DJ's Momma!"

The camera panned out to the edge of the pit, as he grubby, stubby little fingers breached the top, and she hauled herself up onto the dirt.

"Someone's gonna pay," she muttered under her breath, holding her purse out in front of her like a pistol, "and that someone is Kelsey!"

DJ's Momma, dirty and disheveled, crept into the main body of the mansion, and up towards the bedrooms.

(Confessional: DJ's Momma.)

DJ's Momma entered the Confessional and immediately tripped over Tyler's prone, sleeping body. They both screamed in alarm as Tyler is crushed under DJ's Momma's formidable weight.

Tyler leapt to his feet, sleepy and alarmed. "DJ's Momma!? But you got voted out!" He paled. "GHOSTTTT!" He began to shriek, "GHOST! GHOST! GHOST!"

DJ's Momma's purse, quick as a snake, whipped out and thwacked him in throat, silencing the jock effectively.

Tyler grabbed at his neck, eyes bulging, and made gurgly noises.

"You shut yo bitch ass up!" DJ's Momma snapped, shoving Tyler to the ground, "I'm tryna do a Confessional, boy! Didn't your mom ever teach you manners?!" She turns to the Confessional camera. "Uhhh…I forgot what I was gonna say…"

(End Confessional: DJ's Momma.)

DJ's Momma crept towards one of the bedrooms. It was the one she believed housed Kelsey, her arch-nemesis.

What DJ's Momma was not expecting, however, was someone to tap her on the shoulder. She let out a shriek and flung her purse at the would-be assailant.

Josh caught the purse in the teeth. "Ow! What the hell!"

"Don't sneak up on a woman like that, you pervert!" DJ's momma scolded.

"How are you still here!?" Josh groaned, holding his mouth.

"Easy, I climbed back up," DJ's Momma scoffed, "ain't no way these rag-tag ruffians are gonna take me out instead of Kelsey! I'm gonna go grab her and hurl her down the Pit of Shame myself!"

"As much as I would love to see that little creep get tossed into the pits of hell," Josh admitted, "that's against the rules. As is you being here. You gotta go."

"Nope."

"Yep."

"Nope."

"Yep."

DJ's Momma flexed her handbag straps. "You into erotic asphyxiation, boy? You must be because you're willingly heading towards getting choked out."

Josh slapped his face. "Look, I know this is some wacky, zany silly season of Total Drama, but if you're eliminated, you gotta stay eliminated. Otherwise the viewers will stop giving a hoot."

DJ's Momma grabbed Josh by the collar and screamed into his face. "Do I LOOK like I care about the viewers!" She walked over to the top of the staircase and absolutely yucked him down the stairs.

"Agh! Oof! Ouch! Owie! Aiiie!" Josh cried as he ping-ponged down the stairs.

Satisfied with her work, DJ's Momma dusted her hands off and headed towards the room. In the darkness, she picked the wrong room and shouldered it open, startling those who were slumbering inside.

DJ's Momma located the smallest, skinniest figure in the dim light and instantly pounced upon it. "You're coming with me!" She screeched, flattening the poor girl under her body and beginning to drag her out of the room.

"Help! Help!" The girl screeched, "What's going on! Someone saved me!"

The other girls in the room could only watch in sleepy terror as the girl was dragged out of the room and down the stairs.

"Revenge is sweet," DJ's Momma panted, struggling slightly against the thrashing figure. Fortunately, when she began to drag the girl down the stairs, she bumped her head hard and stopped thrashing.

In a rather grotesque scene, DJ's Momma mercilessly dragged the dazed, semi-conscious body of the captured girl down the basement stairs, her head making sickening thunk sounds on each step.

"Say hi to the demons in hell, you perverted pre-tween," DJ's Momma smirked, hurling the unconscious girl down the Pit of Shame. "Smell ya!"

"DJ's Momma!" Josh exclaimed, having recovered from his tumble down the stairs enough to return to the basement. "what the hell did you just do!"

"JUSTICE." DJ's Momma said solemnly, brushing by Josh and heading back up into the main are of the mansion. "I bid you a good night, Joshua. I'll see you tomorrow for the challenge."

Josh could only gape at the 10/10 MILF as she ascended the stairs and out of his view.

(Confessional: Josh.)

Josh pinched the bridge of his nose, letting out a long, hard sigh. "What the hell did I get myself into with these psychos…"

(End Confessional: Josh.)

Some of the contestants had been woken by the screaming and were standing at the top of the stairs. Someone had lit a couple of candles, and a dim glow was cast over the entrance hall and staircase as DJ's Momma ascended.

"DJ's Momma?" Jose exclaimed, "oh my…"

"Didn't we eliminate you?" Jazz screeched. "What the heck?"

"How is this possible!?" Kelsey screeched, clutching her Trent doll. "Where's Josh!?"

DJ's Momma ignored all the chatter for a brief moment…until she did a double-take so hard that her neck cracked. "What?! Who?! How?!" She pointed a slightly wrinkled finger at Kelsey. "How are you here?!"

"Umm…because they chose me over you?" Kelsey retorted snottily. "Alzheimer's much?"

Josh walked up the stairs after DJ's Momma and saw Kelsey. "Wait, if Kelsey's right there…"

"Who did I toss down the Pit?" DJ's Momma finished.

"It was my only other roommate, Emily!" Jazz snapped. "She was cool!"

"Yeah, she was also boring," Homeless Guy said, shooting the camera a knowing look.

"This is a clear violation of the f**king rules," Gordon spat, "This f**king **** *** b***h can't just get away with this!"

"I'm too tired and annoyed to care," Josh sighed, "but I'm rewriting the contracts tomorrow. All eliminations are final and any attempt to break that rule will result in legal action being taken against you."

Sand shook her head, disappointed, "how was that not a rule to begin with…?"

Josh ignored them all, flipping the bird over his finger as he headed towards the third floor.

With nothing else to do, everyone decided to just go back to bed.

(Confessional: Tyler.)

"Honnnnn," The Confessional showed no one, but Tyler's sleeping snores could be heard from off-camera, "mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mi…Honnnnnnn…mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mi…"

(End Confessional: Tyler.)

The sun dawned on a new day on Total Drama Nobodies.

Boys Room #1: Ashton, Brady, Gordon.

In the first boys room, Ashton and Gordon were woken up to Brady's gasp.

Ashton, who had cucumbers over his eyes and a lime-green face mask, slowly rose out of bed, looking like a majestic Greek warrior. His chiseled torso was on full display, and his loose gray sweatpants did little to hide his impressive anatomy…

"Where the f**k do you get off being so good looking…" Gordon rolled his eyes, shielding Ashton's lower half from his own gaze with a hand. "Also, what's got Brady all riled up?"

Brady was pressed up against the window of their room, staring down onto the dirty street with excitement gleaming in his eyes. "Guys! There's a cool looking comic book out there on the ground!"

Gordon trotted over to join Brady and looked out. "So there is, bastard…what's the big f**king deal?"

"I want it."

Ashton removed the cucumbers from his eyes and yawned. "So go get it."

"You think I'm allowed to?"

"DJ's Momma just un-eliminated herself and hurled Emily down a pit. I think there probably aren't too many rules, bud," Ashton sighed, rummaging through his luggage and pulling out a tennis outfit."

"Why does he have to dress like such a twat," Gordon said under is breath, rolling his eyes.

However, he wasn't quiet enough to avoid Ashton overhearing, and the handsome tennis pro turned to frown at the short little ginger, "bold words from someone who slept in their Chef's Hat, Remy from Ratatouille…"

Brady tore his attention from the window, expecting Gordon to go nuclear from that savage roast…but the cook merely raised his eyebrows and tipped his head respectfully to Ashton. "Not bad…maybe there is a brain behind that pretty face."

Ashton just rolled his eyes. "You're weird, dude."

(Confessional: Brady.)

Brady pouted, holding the dirty comic book in his hands. "I thought it was a cool superhero comic book…but it's some anime comic book!" He reads a page from left to right, "and it doesn't even make sense!"

A sleep groan erupted from behind him, causing him to turn in alarm.

A groggy Tyler rose up and stumbled over to the model. "Is that manga? Where the hell did you find that?"

"Outside," Brady told him, "but I think it's a misprint. It doesn't make any sense."

"You gotta read it right to left, bro…" Tyler's morning breath washed over Brady, making him gag. "Then it'll make sense."

Brady waved the breath away from him and pushed Tyler in the chest, shoving him out of the broom closet Confessional completely. "Thanks for the tip, man. Now go brush your teeth."

There's silence for a few seconds as Brady begins to read, and his eyebrows slowly rise in interest.

(End Confessional: Brady.)

Girls Room #1: Dj's Momma, Jazz.

A tumbleweed blew across the room, and the traditional western showdown music whistled as Jazz and DJ's Momma glared down at each other.

"There's no one left but us two, and I still don't think this room is big enough for the two of us," DJ's Momma spat.

"There could be if there were two normal sized people, but you count for three people!" Jazz snapped back.

"Girl, don't test me."

"I don't need to test you!"

"But you are!"

"Shut up!"

"No you shut up!"

The bickering went on for some time.

Guys Room #2: Homeless Guy, Jerd, Jose, Keith.

Homeless Guy crawled out from under the bed with a loud, crusty yawn.

"Ugh, that yawn sounded crusty, how is that even possible?" Keith cringed. "Jeeze-louise who eats string cheese…"

"Dios mio, even his catchphrases are lame…" Jose muttered to Jerd, who chuckled.

"Y'all harv an crazy drams?" Jerd asked the group, fitting his yellow raincoat onto his ginger head.

"Nothing particularly interesting," Jose shrugged.

"I had a dream I was raw-dogging a pack of hotdog buns," Homeless Guy grunted.

"Ew!" All three boys exclaimed.

"What?!" Homeless Guy said defensively, "you bougie bastards never had to eat roadkill dog before? When you're homeless like me, you take what you can get!"

Jose put a hand over his heart, relaxing, "oh, so that's what you meant."

Homeless Guy nodded sagely, "yeah…the only better use for hotdog buns than using them for a raw-dog sandwich is to have sex with it."

"I'm out," Jerd said, instantly leaving the room.

"Me too," Jose gagged, right on Jerd's tail.

"Wait up, guys! Don't leave me in the room alone!" Homeless Guy cried, despite Keith still being in the room.

"I had a dream that I was walking through a field of grass," Keith droned to the empty room. "And I was eating a peanut butter sandwich. The bread was multigrain, and I think the peanut butter was crunchy. It was decent sandwich. Not bad, but nothing to write home about. I wish it had had some jelly…" He looked around, realizing he was alone. He hung his head in shame.

Girls Room #2: Kelsey, LeShaniqua, Marilyn, Pretty Swan Lady.

"Can you believe it, Trent?!" Kelsey exclaimed to her Trent doll. "DJ's Momma tried to throw me down a pit! But that dumb cow got the wrong room! Hahahaha!"

"That's the thirtieth time she's said that in the past hour," Marilyn grunted to LeShaniqua, "maybe it was a mistake to boot DJ's Momma."

"Tch, girl I tried to tell you…" LeShaniqua grunted. "I'm almost tempted to throw the next challenge just to get her outta here. Can you imagine how much more chill this room would be if she was outta here?"

"Miklu meiri slappleiki," Pretty Swan Lady agreed.

Boys Room #3: Mr. Coconut, Psycho Killer, Tyler.

With Tyler absent, it was just Mr. Coconut and Psycho Killer in the room.

Mr. Coconut was currently swaddled in a blanket, and Psycho Killer had him set up on his own bed. Psycho Killer had his knees pressed up to his chest and his head resting on it, sighing glumly.

Apparently, the two were in the midst of a deep philosophical conversation.

"I don't know when my desire to murder started…" Psycho Killer told the coconut, "I guess when I was about three months old and I wiped out that entire bus of nuns with nothing but an AK-47 and a flamethrower. I just remember being like 'hey, this was kind of fun!'" He shrugged, "and the rest is history, I guess."

The killer paused, as if he was listening intently despite the room being dead silent. After about eight seconds, he nodded, his expression serious.

"You're right, you're right. I've tried therapy before, but I usually end up just dismembering the therapists."

More silence.

"Avoided prison?" The psycho killer 'repeated'. He laughed. "A magician never tells his secrets, little buddy." He reached over and affectionately pat Mr. Coconut on it's head. "Even to Total Drama All-Star Legends like yourself."

The door creaked open, and an exhausted Tyler walked in. "I forgot how gross this room was," the jock winced, "did you really have to have a corpse on one of the beds?"

"Gaspacho has a name," Psycho Killer said sourly.

Tyler stumbled over to his suitcase and got a fresh outfit. "Whatever, man…I'm exhausted."

"I don't remember asking," Psycho Killer smirked, fist-bumping Mr. Coconut.

(Confessional: Tyler.)

"Ugh, as if this didn't suck enough, now my roommates are ganging up on me!" Tyler said dejectedly.

(End Confessional: Tyler.)

Girls Room #3: Pixiecorpse, Sand, Shelley.

"So, do any of the guys seem cute to you guys?" Shelley asked Sand and Pixiecorpse, "and if any of you say Ashton I'm gonna totally, like, go ballistic."

Sand put a comforting arm on Shelley's shoulder. "Don't worry, Shelley. Ashton might be a good looking guy, but he's definitely not my type."

Shelley tossed her tomato-red, waist-length hair over her shoulder with a proud smirk. "Like you could get him anyways. I'm gorgeous as heck and even I wonder how I scored him sometimes." She sighed dreamily. "He's the best. Going from some dorky X-box Power sign lookin-ass dweebazoid emotional-wreck clingy, wrong-tea buying loser to Ashton was like night and day."

"Alright then," Pixiecorpse rolled her eyes. "But nah, I'm not really looking for a relationship right now. I kinda have someone at home. Though I guess Brady's hot, and Astrida or whatever her name is with the swan coat is pretty cute."

"Oh! You like girls and guys?" Sand asked.

Pixiecorpse nodded, "yeah, always have. It's funny, I've had more boyfriends than girlfriends, but I've had more meaningless hookups with girls than guys."

"That's cause girls are way cuter than guys, sweetie, and guys are more likely to do whatever we want," Shelley smirked, and the the three girls laughed.

"What about you, Sand?" Pixiecorpse asked.

Sand blushed, and quickly held her hands to her cheeks. "Oh, no one…" she said, far too quickly.

Pixiecorpse and Shelley exchanged a knowing smirk.

"She doesn't wanna spill yet," Shelley giggled, "but we'll get it out of her yet."

Sand couldn't help but chuckle, "I guess we'll have to see…"

(Confessional: Sand.)

"Okay, I always thought Keith was kinda cute," Sand admitted with a sigh, "but isn't that weird? Liking your sisters ex? Sure, he's a little…simple. But he has such a kind heart, and he really cares for the people he loves!" She shook her head. "I feel like it's wrong, but I can't help it!"

(End Confessional: Sand.)

Almost everyone was in the kitchen, watching with interest as Gordon bustled about cooking various things.

"What a valuable asset you are to us," Jose said warmly, watching the ginger fondly as he fried up a large pan of eggs. "You have my utmost thanks."

"No problem," Gordon said, a rare showing of happiness in his voice as his hands flew around, stirring different pots and flipping things over in various pans. "This stove is a beauty, not gonna f**king lie to your dumb-asses. Makes cooking a breeze."

"Well Trent an I are famished," Kelsey giggled, smooching the Trent-doll's already damp cheek.

Marilyn, who was the unfortunate soul to be seated next to the doll, waved a finger in front of her face. "That thing smells like feet and moldy cheese…"

"Does he? I got used to the stink years ago," Kelsey shrugged.

"Just how old is that doll?" Ashton cried, cringing in disgust.

"Well, when was the day after the first episode of Total Drama Island premiered?" Kelsey wondered aloud. "Because that's how old he is!"

DJ's Momma calmly stood up, walked over to Kelsey, and grabbed her by the glasses. With very little effort, she hurled the girl out of the kitchen and into the Main Hall. Fortunately for the rest of them, she clung to the Trent doll, so it went out with her too.

Jazz was quick to close the door and bar it.

"Good call, DJ's Momma," Jose said appreciatively.

"Yeah, I hate you, but I'm starting to hate Kelsey more," Jazz grumbled.

Marilyn noticed Brady, who was on her other side, reading something and looked over curiously. "Hey Brady, whatcha reading?"

"It's this manga called Naruto," Brady said, not taking his eyes from the book as he read. "It's…wonderful…"

Before Marilyn could reply, Gordon let out a triumphant noise from his place at the stove. "Foods done, wankstains! Come and get it while it's hot!"

As everyone enjoyed a delicious breakfast feast, the camera panned outside the kitchen to show Kelsey and the Trent doll making out on the steps. Josh walked by, and gagged.

After breakfast, the nineteen contestants were lined up in the main Entrance Hall, split up into there gender-specific teams.

"Alright, time for the last challenge with this set of teams," Josh said from atop the 'grand' staircase. "After this challenge, you guys will be reshuffled into new teams that will last for the next two challenges."

"As long as I get to be with Trent, I'm happy," Kelsey cooed.

Josh's eye twitched, but he continued. "Anyways, today's challenge is going to be something super interesting and complex."

"Doubt it," LeShaniqua muttered.

"Is it who can kiss Trent the most in 40 seconds?!" Kelsey squealed excitedly, "I hope it is!"

"Oh my god, just shut up!" Shelly snapped.

"Your challenge is to figure out how many pictures of me there are in this mansion!" Josh announced, "some are obvious, some are not. You have two hours to search, and the team with the closest guess wins! Sound easy enough?"

"Why can't they be pictures of Trent instead?" Kelsey whined, "that would make me so much more motivated!"

"Okay, that's it!" Marilyn snapped, "Kelsey, shut the fuck up!"

"Yeah, even for this cast you're too OTT…" Sand admitted.

"I will beat you within an inch of your life," DJ's Momma uttered grimly.

"Yeah, I know I'm supposed to kind of remain unbiased as host, but you're really weird and gross and stinky and lame," Josh nodded. "So like…just stop."

"Actually, can we just forfeit the challenge so we can vote her off?" Shelly asked.

"Ég er í lagi með það!" Pretty Swan Lady exclaimed.

"So am I," Jose said with a devious smile.

"What?!" Kelsey shrieked, "you can't do that! Trent, stop them!" But the Trent doll gave no reply.

"At this point, sure," Josh admitted, "fuck it. Boys win, girls lose. Girls, let's hit the elimination ceremony."

Everyone quickly filed down the stairs to the basement except for Kelsey, who had to be scooped up by DJ's Momma and forcibly strapped into a harness. The others strapped themselves in as Kelsey began to wail.

"Let's just vote verbally. I assume everyone but Kelsey is voting for Kelsey?" Josh asked.

"Yup!" All eight girls said happily.

Josh pulled out eight grappling hooks. "Kelsey, who are you voting for?"

"All of them! They're all a bunch of meanies!" Kelsey sobbed.

"Riiiight…well, Jazz, Marilyn, Pretty Swan Lady, Sand, Pixiecorpse, DJ's Momma, Shelley and LeShaniqua, you're al safe." He tossed them all grappling guns, and they wasted no time pulling themselves to safety. "As for Kelsey…yeah. See you never, hopefully."

"Wait! At least let me go with my Trent doll!" Kelsey said, pointing to the Trent doll that was lying in the dirt near the edge of the pit.

"Oh, sure thing, sweetie," Jazz snarled, walking over to the Trent doll and kicking it over the ledge and down into the pit.

"Treeeeeeeeent!" Kelsey shrieked, "release me! Let me save him! Let me-AHHHHHHH!"

Josh pressed the button, and Kelsey was dropped into the pit.

"Thanks for that," Josh thanked the girls team. "Alright, I guess you guys have the rest of the day off. Enjoy."

As the rest of them filed out, a defeated Josh faced the camera, all his enthusiasm gone. "First person voted off forces their way back to eliminate someone else, and now we have people throwing challenges. Why does my life suck so much?!" He began to sob messily into his hands, and the camera slowly faded to black as a sad tune played…

Voting Confessionals Unavailable -

Kelsey: N/A

Jazz: Kelsey

LeShaniqua: Kelsey

Marilyn: Kelsey

Pretty Swan Lady: Kelsey

Pixiecorpse: Kelsey

Sand: Kelsey

Shelly: Kelsey

DJ's Momma: Kelsey

Votes:

Kelsey: 8

Boys Team: Ashton, Brady, Gordon, Homeless Guy, Jerd, Jose, Keith, Mr. Coconut, Psycho Killer, Tyler.

Girls Team: Jazz, DJ's Momma, LeShaniqua, Marilyn, Pretty Swan Lady, Pixiecorpse, Sand, Shelley.

Elimination Order:

21st: DJ's Momma (1).

20th: Emily.

19th: Kelsey.

I don't even know lmao. I realized writing Kelsey's gimmick got old REAL fast and I couldn't think of anything relevant for Emily to do. I also regretted booting DJ's Momma so early so bam, here it is.

Obviously this is just a one time thing with the challenge forfeit, there WILL be normal challenges, but I thought it would be funny for everyone to be so fed up with Kelsey they're just like fuck it, let's oust this loon. Even among all the crazies, she sticks out.

So yeah, you all knew what kinda wacky shit you were getting into with this story. Hope you enjoyed lmao. See you guys later.

Ciao.