Dis: I don't own L.McG

From the Desktop of David Gordon

I've decided there are just too many women in my life. I know you're thinking not possible…well actually you're a computer so you don't really think, not unless I tell you to, but that's another issue all together.

The point is you can have too many women. First there's my girlfriend AKA: Lizzie McGuire.

Lizzie and I have been best friends ever since I can remember, almost inseparable. I guess I liked her innocence; it made a good counterpart to my cynicism, even as a child. And after a while our friendship developed, into a crush, on my part.

It took years, one pushy Latina, and Rome to finally bring us together romantically…and even then our first kiss was immediately followed by the words "Thank you." yeah, not so romantic.

That was last summer, now about a year later; I don't know what's going on with us. Lizzie's breaking out into the music industry, and to tell you the truth I'm not sure I like what she's becoming.

Don't get me wrong…not that you could, being a computer…but it seems as though every time I see her she's a bit more like Kate, or maybe Britney Spears…either one is a scary thought. Yet I have to trust that what I know about Lizzie still holds true.

She's the girl who donated her mattress; because the idea that even one person may need it more than her was too much to bear. She missed Danny's pool party for me, and scared off her little brother's bully.

She's always been the good girl prototype, and I guess I'll just accept this period as a small glitch in the system.

Now the next girl in my life is of course, my mom. Okay I know what you're thinking everyone's mom gets on their nerves...well it's not even that.

I think it has more to do with the fact that she's not only a shrink, but she's my other best friend's boss, and now new girlfriend. (Oh get your chip out of the gutter! She's my MOM!)

The thing is, not only does my mom know way more about my relationship with Lizzie than I'd like her to…in fact sometimes I think she knows more about us than I do! But she's also becoming increasingly chummy with hurricane Miranda, and that leads us into girl number three.

Miranda is in a class all her own, she's in my opinion the strongest one of the three. She's I think the only one I could ever be completely open with (mostly because she can tell if I'm even embellishing a bit let alone flat out lying, or keeping something from her).

Come to think of it that's bit weird considering that up until last summer she was just a glorified acquaintance; Okay so maybe not that harsh, but we were never close, most of the time she was just someone to talk to about Lizzie when Lizzie wasn't around. Being that she was Lizzie's other best friend it seemed perfect, but over the years I guess Miranda grew on me.

Or maybe it was me who finally grew up. Let me explain, when we were growing up Miranda was cool, but she was more Lizzie's friend and that was fine, because in all honesty I was too busy with my own problems, and Lizzie-centric crush to pay much attention to her…with a few exceptions.

When I needed to bring Lizzie back from the dark side.

When we were forced to do a project on Mexico (that's when I realized she was interesting on her own).

When Lizzie got a job at the DB, we ended up hanging out, and sharing our first official secret

When she decided to be my life coach (I still owe her for that one)

The time she sang in front of the school… I realized that with some better material (more Miranda) she could make it.

But I'll never forget the time she went on a crash diet. I froze…what could I do? For the first time I realized we could lose her, and for some reason that scared me. I could literally count the times I noticed her, I mean really noticed her, on one hand. Yet I couldn't imagine what it might be like with out her…and that's when I decided I didn't want to. I think that's when I really grew up.

Once we heard that Miranda was going to be helping her grandmother out that summer I went right to work. I knew I had to become friends with her, question was how? We'd hung out every day since… well since forever, and that hadn't done it, so obviously I had to take drastic measures, which also meant I couldn't tell Lizzie, because Lizzie can't keep a secret to save her life, especially from Miranda.

But if I was keeping things from them that also meant I had to avoid them, at least Miranda, she's got killer instincts. Lizzie's a bit more oblivious, which worked in my favor when it came to getting pictures, though I just uploaded most of them from my video cam, which you know being my trusty computer!

Anyway point is after that Miranda became my other best friend. Well now she's just my best friend, since Lizzie's title changed. Now whatever I'd been expecting when I got myself into this whole be-friends-with-Miranda thing, I was not prepared for the force that is Miranda.

She's loud, outspoken, spontaneous, hyper, opinionated, independent, and somehow a rare bread of non-girl. No, she's not physically abnormal (not that I've checked). I think her abnormality is mental, I can say anything to her and she won't be fazed. I could literally say something as out of character as "Hey babe, nice ass."

And she'd probably just look, contemplate it for about a second before answering with "Really, you think so? I thought that maybe it should be a bit more round." or whatever her opinions on her butt are.

Or maybe I'm totally off and she'd slap me, or tell me I was acting strange and suggest some weird method for fixing me, like I'm one of her many projects.

And that's another thing; Miranda's always got a project. Whether it be learning a new instrument to spray painting the roses in her garden (that's what I get for agreeing to rent as many versions of the same movie as possible; it had to be Alice in Wonderland).

Because if Miranda isn't busy, she's bored…and if she's bored she's hyper…when she's hyper all you can do is steer clear of her path. Unless you're David Gordon, then you get suckered into her schemes despite the protests.

Now with Miranda and my mom joining forces, who knows what they'll come up with…Yup, there are way too many women in my life.