A/N: Devil-gurl666 says: Helloooooooo all my homies!
Devil's advocate says: Stop trying to be black, wigger.
Devil-gurl666 says: Okay, okay geez. Anyways, we would like to apologise for our extended break from writin', but we've been very busy.
Devil's advocate says: This is the second-last episode in season one of Sweet Sampetra, but don't go taking out the high-calorie ice-cream, eating those anti-depressant pills, or writing your suicide note just yet! Duh, there's still season two!
Well, ENJOY (If u haven't jumped off the cliff yet).
P.S.: This chap might be pretty long, but, heck, this shit is so good you probably won't notice.
SWEET SAMPETRA SEASON 1:
Episode 11: The One With The Mysterious Mr. D. U.
"Wait a sec. So who exactly are you guys?" Romsca, the former ferret captain peered guardedly over the colossal lenses of her Gucci sunglasses (one of the benefits of being a psycho millionaire's secretary) at the anomalous threesome standing before her desk. Sure, she'd heard tons about Ublaz's infamous Lizard Ninjas, feral reptilian assassins, swathed enigmatically from head to scaly claws in black silk. But the emperor only ever sent his hired guns out on exceedingly important missions, and…
"Oh, by the way, His Mightiness has warned me to stay on the look out for three escaped fugitives", she added charily, crossing her legs in her hot-pink swivel-chair.
"Zo we've heard," replied one of the ninjas, a particularly short one, for a lizard anyway. "A handzome ferret, a zkinny little fox and that tast—…er tazty rat girl."
He licked his lips for effect and for some strange reason, the second monitor, obviously a female, elbowed him in the ribs in what she hoped was an inconspicuous manner. But Romsca saw it. She saw it all. She liked to think nothing that took place on this island got past her beady ferret eyes.
Romsca dangled a set of golden keys teasingly infront of the trio, the keys to Ublaz's private Lear jet. The short lizard leaped for them but she lifted them easily out of his reach.
"Uh uh, not so fast. What exactly is this mission that the emperor wants you three to carry out?"
"We're to get his special shipment of viagra," said the female, grinning.
"What…?" Romsca nearly fell from her chair. "Did you just say—"
But shorty intervened. "Zhe doezn't know what zhe'z zaying, zhe hazn't taken her pillz." Then he leaned closer to Romsca and told her in a conspiratorial stage whisper: "We're really on buzinezz , exchanging with Ublaz'z ruzzian contact, a mafia king-pin."
The third lizard, a lanky reptile who'd been oddly quiet until then, took hold of the short one's silky, raven collar and yanked him away.
"It'z top-zecret." He explained over the little guy's protests.
Romsca picked up a cordless phone, putting the receiver to a furry ear and eyeing them sceptically over her smooth topped oak desk. "Umm…I think I'll call Ublaz, just make sure."
"NOOOO!" the tiny lizard threw himself onto her desktop, snatching the phone from her paws and sliding to an uncertain halt a whisker's breadth away from her.
"Why Romzca," he smiled gallantly, his warm breath stirring the fur on her cheek, "you have the most exquisitely beautiful eyes."
"Yeah, they're brown, the colour of shit." She growled, throwing him off with a fierce elbow in the chest.
Of course the lizards were horny, she told herself, Ublaz pumped Lask and his cronies with so much alcohol she wouldn't have been surprised if she could "hypnotise" them to do her bidding. And it wasn't like they even had a broad selection of chicks to choose from. There was only Sagitar, the bitch from hell and Zurgat, who was no Beyoncé in scales herself. But still furious rage coursed recklessly through the former corsair captain's veins. Conva had always liked her eyes.
"So, any chance you might lend us those keys?" the female lizard queried.
Romsca inhaled and exhaled deeply a few dozen times before answering with as much calm as she could muster, "You must first prove your stature by telling me something personal about our mighty emperor himself. If you really live in the castle as you claim you do than you must surely have heard gossip of any sort."
Now she had them in her death trap. No one knew more about the heinous rumours that plagued Sampetra than she. She could already see the threesome shuffling and muttering nervously amongst themselves. She could hardly suppress a smirk of triumph from quirking her lips. She would catch these suspicious individuals in their own game. She'd have them locked away in a cosy little cell, and she'd receive a big, fat paycheck for her find. Perhaps then she would be able to buy that bottle of Chanel number five she'd been eyeing with such covet, or maybe another pair of sunglasses. This terrible sun couldn't be good for her fur complexion…
"We know Ublaz wears double ds", shorty hollered, but the scrawny lizard silenced him with an icy look. Finally, the female stepped forward once again, her eyes glinting with a mischievous fire.
"I know that Ublaz used to be a Calvin Klein underwear model."
He certainly had the body.
"That'll do," Romsca grinned, tossing the keys dismissively to the little lizard, like a bone to a hungry terrier.
That was juicy. Real juicy. And if one thing was true it was that Romsca desired nothing more than a juicy, delicious story. No matter how much of it was true.
●●●
Sagitar, Rasconza and Barranca climbed up a spiral staircase and onto the landing pad, a slick field of concrete that contaminated terribly the powerful, majestic crenulated ramparts.
"Phew, close call." Sagitar murmured.
Rasconza's reply was dripping with his customary irony, "Yeah, Barranca almost showed Romsca a little hot lizard action."
Barranca rolled his eyes and sped his little paws to catch up with his rebel companions, sucking in a few gasping breaths before retorting, "The only one who's gonna get a little hot lizard action is Sagitar—with Lask Frildur."
"Right." The ex-chief trident-rat scoffed, "You don't know how glad I am that I've seen the last of his scaly ass."
Suddenly she skidded to a stop, metres from the slender graceful nose of Ublaz's private leer jet, for three figures swooped down from the cockpit and Sagitar found herself staring down the barrel of a rifle wielded by none other than the monitor general himself.
"You haven't zeen the lazt of me yet, Zagitar"
Sagitar probably would have shrieked as loud as her lungs enabled her to that was, if she hadn't been trying to keep her cool in front of all of Ublaz's flunkies.
"How did you—" she began, than remembering she was still supposed to be under disguise said. "Sagitar who?"
Lask gave her a devious, narrowed eyed stare that almost made him look capable of having a brain. He didn't, however.
"I know your little trickz, zo don't think I can't zee pazt that pathetic coztume of yourz. I'm not az ztupid and dumb-azzed az that ferret Romzca." He butted her forward with the gun-point.
"Wait," Barranca intervened, "Let's make a trade, the money for the girl."
The lizard only glared at him, baffled. "What money?"
"Sorry," the Conva's little bro explained, "I always wanted to say some crazy shit like that."
"Get the ferret." Lask said to the two monitors flanking him, then he turned to Sagitar, stroking the line of her jawbone with one scaly claw, "Az for you, my lovely, let me devour your beauty."
"Eat this, fugly." Rasconza swung his bony fist at the Lizard general, knocking him down on the asphalt. Nimbly, he took Sagitar's paw and leaped into the cockpit.
"Guess no one messes with the Foxy-loxy's girl." Barranca quipped, enthroning himself in the pilot's seat.
"You're driving?", the Rebel Leader exchanged a dubious, almost fearful look with Sagitar.
"You bet."
Rasconza snatched up a barf bag. He had a feeling he'd be needing it. With a daring smile Barranca gunned the throttle forward.
"Now, let's see if this baby can fly."
●●●
"Hey, uhh…Ublaz, sir, is the leer jet supposed to be doing that?"
Craig, who was still lounging around in a swivel chair in the security booth, tapped a monitor with a finger that seemed to be just as pumped up with steroids as the rest of him.
"God, what is it now, my feeble minded friend?" The emperor groaned leaning over the desk to get a better look. The Leer jet was in the midst of a very shaky take-off down the landing pad. It swayed in and out of the florescent markers that lined the runway, knocking over yellow cones as it did. He wondered how whoever was piloting it had ever earned their driver's licence, that was, if they'd earned it at all.
"Who gave them the keys?" He demanded. He swore silently to himself that he'd see to it personally that the culprit was fed to his lizards.
"Romsca, I think…you know how she is, my lord."
Or maybe he wouldn't.
"Okay, Craig, I want all your trident-rats armed and dangerous. Oh yeah, and get me a gun, a really big gun," Ublaz smiled. Bold. Reckless. Totally Mission Impossible. "This is the last time I let Sagitar escape my clutches."
Neither Barranca, Rasconza or Sagitar could pilot a jet, that was for sure. They'd catch them easily. Then Craig would raise one heavily muscled fist at Rasconza's smug, foxy face, and do just what steroid-pumped rats did best. And that, for one thing, definitely wasn't thinking.
Minutes later, Ublaz found himself helplessly clutching the co-pilot's seat of one of Craig's amphibi-copters, as the stealthy craft jolted and reeled, bounced and recoiled, guided erratically by the trident rat's fearless paws. The emperor's stomach growled pitifully in complaint as he was thrown about in his chair, threatening to regurgitate the mimosa he'd had that morning.
"Are you sure you had pilot training, Craig?" he called over the fearsome whirr of the rotary blades.
"Aye, aye, sire. Went to the Navy Academy mysel— Holy crap!" He pushed down the throttle, hard, and the floor seemed to drop beneath Ublaz's footpaws, his belly twisting in knots. Craig just managed to pull out of the dive and with a startled squawk a sea gull flew headlong into their windshield.
Mad-eyes glanced up at the bird, now a grisly mass of sprayed feathers and scarlet, "I thought you could see! I thought you got laser eye surgery!"
"I did get laser eye surgery," the sinewy trident-rat protested, "They just sorta screwed up on the surgery part."
If Ublaz was a girl he would have thrown a hand to his forehead, swooned, and fainted then and there. But Ublaz wasn't a girl, infact he was very manly, so he simply uttered under his breath, " Shit."
●●●
After crashing into a stray palm-tree for about the umpteenth time, Rasconza had managed to shove a wailing Barranca out of the Pilot's seat. Unfortunately, this didn't seem to improve their luck in the least bit.
"Pearl coming up on the Interceptor!1" The ferret shrieked from his position at the back of the jet. Sagitar looked over her latest addition of Vogue from where she was lounged comfortably in the co-pilots chair, as if harrowing aerial chases were something they did weekly.
"Huh?" She said giving him a look that could only be described as clueless.
"Rasconza," He said, tapping the fox on the skinny shoulder.
"There's something bad behind me, isn't there?" He turned around slowly, as if fearing the worst.
"No, Rasconza you dumb-ass, look where you're going!"
But it was too late. Previously concealed by the tropical mist, the lush, fruity green canopies of an island seemed to appear in front of them out of thin air. There was a loud whump noise and the repetitive cracking of broken palm-limbs as they crashed through the trees. Rasconza was sure his pointy, orange-red ears would burst from Sagitar's screaming that lasted the whole way down. The jet slid on the forest floor for a couple of hundred yards, like a sled down a ski hill, it's tail-fin's rubbing together creating sparks, until it finally skidded to a halt.
"At least that's over," remarked a relieved Barranca.
That was when the sparks finally caught the dry wood from the fallen trees and the jet burst into flame.
Rasconza kicked the cockpit's door till it groaned on it's hinges and finally gave way. The threesome hastened out of the burning plane, just stumbling into the verdant cover of the tropical jungle as the engine caught alight and Ublaz's prized private leer jet was ruptured in a torrid inferno.
"We're safe, on ground!", Barranca rejoiced, proceeding to make out passionately with the forest floor, while Sagitar tried to beat out her mini-skirt which too had caught ablaze.
"Well halleluiah," Rasconza didn't even bother hiding the sarcasm in his voice, "And Sagitar, stop slapping your ass—it's not turning me on."
Sagitar abruptly stopped in mid-whack, giving Rasconza an irritated look.
"What, you want me to let my butt burn off?"
"That would be such a dirty shame," Barranca said pensively from where he still lay face first on the earth, "It was such a pretty butt." He received a mighty slap across the cheek from the female rat.
"Ok you two, stop flirting with each other." This got the desired effect, now Rasconza had their full attention, "I'm going to go check the jet's debris for a radio transmitter so that fuck-head Groojaw can get us a lift out of here. You guys make yourselves useful—if that's even possible."
With that the fox sauntered off to the plane's steaming ruins, leaving the ex-chief trident-rat and the ferret to their own devices.
"Let's go find some food, just in case we're stuck here for a while longer." Barranca suggested, then turned to Sagitar. Suddenly his eyes glinted hungrily, "God those coconuts look juicy."
Sagitar, not really a genius as we have often stressed, crossed her arms instinctively over her chest, "What exactly are you trying to say!"
He motioned to the palm tree above her, "Those coconuts, stupid." he shook his head sympathetically, "Geez, Sag. You really think all the guys wanna sex you up."
She winced. It just didn't seem quite right hearing that from someone of his tender years. All the same she couldn't help feeling a little offended.
"Whatever. Can you climb trees?"
After a few fruitless attempts at ascending the palm tree (including one where Barranca tried to run up it Matrix style), he clung frenetically to the slender trunk, about three metres above the ground, with the furry clump of coconuts dangling enticingly just out of reach.
"Your arms are too stubby and short," Sagitar complained, watching helplessly from below.
He glanced over his shoulder down at her, retorting, "Hey, what are you gonna do—hump your way up this tree, since you're so good at putting the moves on Rasconza?"
A low humming sound approached threateningly, like the buzz of some colossal wasp. But Sagitar knew better. Ublaz was coming.
"Barranca, get down from there!"
The humming grew louder, more intense, and a vehement wind buffeted them. The tree tops parted and the sleek black metal of Ublaz's amphibi-copter descended gracefully to the forest floor, rotary blades whirring.
The drone died to a purr, until the blades circled lazily to a halt. Agile as a cat, Emperor Ublaz himself dropped noiselessly from the cockpit, backed by the trident Craig Zurgat, one of her female lizard cronies and Lask Frildur.
"Sire," Sagitar gasped under her breath.
"Sire," Barranca mocked in a disgustingly feminine drawl.
Ublaz fumbled to get his gun from it's holster a little too long to keep his sexy, bad-cop poise, "Where's my lear-jet?"
"Smooth," Rasconza, who appeared to have slunk out of no-where, muttered, "So smooth you could slide uphill."
Barranca gawked, awe-stricken, at the amphibi-copter, "That's one sweet-ass ride."
"God, men and their cars." Sagitar inspected her manicured claws, piqued.
"Where's my lear-jet!" Ublaz repeated, louder.
Rasconza strolled lazily forward, obviously pleased by Ublaz's distress. "Your lear-jet, hmm? I think it's right over there," the emperor's jaw dropped as he motioned to the sootened heap of rubble, "or at least what's left of it."
Ublaz straightened, shock at what they had done to his favourite luxury plane replaced by a wily smirk of revenge. "Well I suppose then that you and your crew will be stranded on this desert island—while I will leave on my amphibi-copter."
Holstering his gun with excessive difficulty, he turned, apparently delighted by his own ingenuity. Only to find the clearing deserted, a distant wasp drone humming quietly.
"Craig…WHERE'S THE AMPHIBI-COPTER?"
The trident-rat shrugged sheepishly.
"I might have left the key in the ignition."
●●●
The sun sunk low on the horizon, bleeding crimson into the endless tropical seas, and dusting the periwinkle clouds with golden. Sagitar, Rasconza, Barranca, Ublaz and Craig sat around a dying makeshift fire, bored out of their skulls.
Sagitar cast a surreptitious backwards glance at Lask Frildur, who was deep in conversation with Zurgat and her female lizard accomplice, and whispered to Ublaz, "Why'd you have to bring him along? Now he's gonna rape me in my sleep!"
A hint of a smirk played upon the emperor's perfect lips, "Yes, perhaps I should always think about your virginity before taking any smitten lizards with me anywhere—I'll make that any males actually, seeing as they all seem to be so infatuated with you."
She decided to ignore the way he glared pointedly at Rasconza when he said this.
"You guys probably don't have to worry about that slut's virginity," Barranca smiled innocently.
The fox gave an awkward, mimic of a laugh that didn't sound at all like himself. He earned a vicious trod on the footpaw from Sagitar for that. She grinned crookedly, though the act didn't seem the least bit convincing—even to her. Hastily, she changed the subject.
"I'm bored. Hey, you guys wanna play Truth or Dare?"
That impish grin was back on the little ferret's face. "Okay. I dare you to tell us who you lost your virginity to."
"Really. Your fascination with my sex-life is flattering and all that, but will you guys just come off it?"
"Please tell me."
"Nope."
"Please."
"Nope."
"Please!"
"No!"
"PLEASE!"
"NO!"
"Ublaz will take off his shirt so you can feel his abs."
"I never said I'd do that, you little ass-wipe!"
Sagitar flashed Ublaz a seductive smile, "You sure?"
"God, I said no, didn't I?" But his cheeks blushed scarlet.
"Please tell me!"
The ex-chief trident-rat looked thoughtful for a moment. "Alright, alright, I'll tell you. But only if you run around the island yelling and screaming like a lunatic. Oh, and," she glared at Barranca with a diabolical light in her eyes that could only mean she had something very, very evil in mind, "did I mention that you'll be naked?"
Ublaz cast her an incredulous look. Was the heat getting to her head? Was she drunk? Was she crazy?
Oh, right. Of course she was crazy. She was Sagitar.
He swivelled his gaze to Barranca. He was sure to chicken-out. He had enough of a reputation of being a wuss. But Conva's little bro shrugged off his shirt, "Cover your eyes people, I'm goin' in," he gave Sagitar a sly wink, "But you, ladies, may keep your eyes open."
"I think I'd rather not," she shielded her baby-blues with a paw.
"There's only one lady here, stupid," Rasconza intervened.
"Yeah, and that's you." Ublaz's grin, however, died on his lips. One lady. Rinj wasn't here. He thought about the sad, faraway look in her deep emerald eyes and suddenly felt guilty, sitting here enjoying himself while she was off brooding over treacherous Rasconza.
He looked up. Barranca was gone, into the jungle's sprawling tropical majesty, his clothes in puddle by the fire. Lask Frildur's head peered out from behind a palm tree ananounced, startling Sagitar to jump up with a piercing scream.
"Mightinezz, zomeone iz approaching the izland," the lizard General hissed.
Ublaz stood, reaching for his gun (then remembering his holstering difficulties, and deciding against it). "Okay, I'm coming."
He followed Lask to the shore, the fierce undergrowth biting into his ankles, exposed by his board shorts, and starting to think twice about having left Rasconza and Sagitar alone together unattended. They hit the beach, and he felt his loafers filling uncomfortably with the white-as-your-average-fang-whitener sand. Yes, this was really a bad idea. He didn't want to come back and interrupt anything that would make him shield Barranca's young, untainted eyes.
"Over there, zire," Frildur brandished a scaly claw seaward.
Out on the impossibly blue ocean an agile, dark shape swerved and hurdled, riding the waves. It was Rinj. She straddled jet-skis, manoeuvring them like some untamed beast, the wind whipping back her lustrous black fur, the spray dancing in her wake.
He was surprised when he heard Sagitar's voice at his side, obviously irked, "That is so Baywatch."
●●●
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Barranca came plunging through the thicket, utterly nude, and dashed through another clearing at a wild, breakneck pace. Zurgat raised her head from the rat carcass she'd been feeding on with feral voracity, her mouth smeared with crimson.
"Rodents," she muttered to her companion, shaking her head sadly at the hollering naked ferret, "They're so barbaric."
●●●
The group sat in a circle around the makeshift campfire, Sagitar with Barranca on one side of her, Rasconza on the other, with Rinj on his other side. While she was seated beside Ublaz, who kept staring at the Latino rat in a way that made Sagitar want to barf-up her tofu-dog.
"So, kiddies," Barranca (now clothed) said, "What now?"
"Well, the game must go on," Sagitar glanced at Ublaz. God, the way he looked at Rinj—with such veneration. You'd think she was, like, Jessica Alba or something. She tossed her tofu-dog into the fire (it tasted like shit in a bun anyway). Her eyes fell to a curiously inspiring bottle of ketchup perched on a log. Hmm… maybe she could use the emperor's undying adoration of that corsair-bitch to her advantage.
A slow smile crept onto Sagitar's features. "Okay, let's make this interesting. Rinj, spray some ketchup all over you shirt."
Rinj looked down at her shirt, a black tank top with "Dangerous", emblazoned across the front in pink, as though considering how it would look like stained with crimson. Then, she snatched the bottle from Sagitar's paws, and squeezed the contents down her front.
"Hey, it's a Rinj-dog," Barranca smirked.
"That's it?" the corsairess challenged, her neck and chest fur slick with the red tomato sauce.
"Afraid not. Now, Rasconza, I dare you to lick it all up."
"Perra, you sick bitch!" Rinj retreated a few steps from the Rasconza, a blush barely visible under her glossy black fur.
Barranca threw Sagitar an inquisitive sidelong stare, "This sorta thing make you horny?"
"Hell no," she leaned in close and cupped a paw to his ear, "I only did it to see the look on Ublaz's face."
Barranca cast a glance at the Emperor of Sampetra, who looked like someone had just spilled coffee on his favourite designer Armani suit, and grinned. "Priceless."
Rasconza caught her gaze, his alluring amber-gold eyes perplexed, startled, maybe a little desiring. Sagitar returned him frank look. She didn't care if he did it—wasn't she the one who'd proposed it in the first place? And anyway, he wasn't even her boyfriend. Since when had a one-night-stand been considered as going out?
"Just lick her already!" Barrranca, seeing the fox's indecision, hollered out. Then, saucily added in a bit too raucous a whisper, "You know you wanna."
Rasconza gave the ferret a fierce scowl that undoubtedly said: I'll deal with you later, before timorously turning to Rinj, who leaned on a palm-tree in what Sagitar thought for a fleeting moment was an almost provocative, sultry manner—but it must have been the tofu-shit (Which had sat out in the sweltering sun for a dubious amount of time) getting to her. The Rebel Leader drew Rinj's svelte frame close and the corsairess raised one pencil thin eye-brow, though let him hesitantly run his tongue over her neck, seeking downward to that forbidden part of her beneath her tank-top.
Sagitar bit her lip and endured the result of her own stupidity. This was her sick idea, right? Yeah, well the only reason they'd look good together is 'cuz they're both as skinny as those starving African kids that Ublaz keeps saying he's going to donate money to but never really will, she thought to herself, knowing it was a pitiful comfort.
Lask Frildur sauntered inquisitively into the "Campsite", narrowing his eyes at the fox and the Latino rat, "What'z going on?"
Sagitar rolled her eyes, the lizard's appearance only nourishing her fowl mood, "Don't get your hopes up Lask. This is reality—not your favourite porn flick."
She turned her gaze to Ublaz, who was inspecting his loafers with illogical enthusiasm. He'd received enough torture for one day—and so had she. "Okay Rasconza, you can stop already."
The fox released Rinj and retreated (with as much dignity as who has just partaken in much avid neck-licking can retain) to his place by the fireside.
Barranca leaned forward, eager for more revolting humiliation—just as long as it wasn't on his part, "So who's next?"
"You guys can go on, but I need to have a word with Sagitar," Rasconza stood, seizing Sagitar's arm brusquely enough for her to presume this couldn't be to go make-out on the beach, and leading her off to a secluded enough spot behind several looming palm trees.
"What the hell was that about?" he hissed.
Sagitar couldn't help but sneer a little, "You seemed to be enjoying yourself quite a bit actually."
"Well, it was your idea in the first place."
"It was just a dare!"
"Shhhh!" he brought a silencing paw to her lips, "We don't know who might be listening."
She shook him off tersely, "I don't care! Don't think I didn't notice how she looked at you, or how you looked at her." God, she must have been quoting like every soap opera ever to air on ABC.
"Sagitar. You know I don't give a shit about Rinj—she can go be one Ublaz's groupies if she really wants!"
She rolled her eyes, "Yeah, sure, and you so weren't gawking when she flashed every one down in the Monitor Barracks."
She'd hit a week point. She could tell he was getting furious with her. "Fine," he growled, "Two can play at this game."
With that, he turned and strode purposefully back to the "Campsite", she followed him, bemused. There was a sufficient amount of shuffling and giggling (probably Barranca), before they got there and when they arrived, everyone was sitting far too innocently still for anything suspicious not to have happened.
"Alright," Rasconza said, a devious light in his eyes that was all too familiar, "Since I was the last one dared, how about I go first?" he didn't even wait for a reply, "Sagitar, truth or dare?"
Oh. So this was about revenge was it? She wouldn't give him the satisfaction of making her do anything stupid, "Truth."
But, to her dismay, his grin only widened. "Okay then. So why don't you tell us a bit about that tattoo."
"Err…what tattoo?" she replied innocuously, panic fluttering in her.
He was definitely relishing every moment of this. " The one you have…on your chest."
This clearly got a reaction. Ublaz, once sulking, surreptitiously leaned forward, Rinj's perfect pencilled eyebrows (damn them) arched way up once more, Barranca emitted a horrible, maidenly gasp, and Lask Frildur poked his head (Again!) into the clearing.
Sagitar laughed dismissively, "Very funny, Rasconza."
"No, Sagitar, I'm dead serious."
"But I don't have a tattoo there, and even if I did, how would you know?" She didn't miss the conspiratorial smile Barranca gave Rinj.
"Oh, I wasn't that drunk," the fox wasn't backing down. Now Ublaz was leaning in so far he threatened to lose his balance and tumble into the fire. Rasconza, excruciatingly enough, continued, "It's a heart with S. S. + D. U. written in the middle."
There was a yelp from behind him, followed by a "Shit!", which probably meant that Ublaz had fallen into the flames (served him right).
"S. S. is for Sagitar Sawfang, but who's D. U.?" Rinj chimed in.
"Well," Barranca stood up, puffing out his scrawny chest proudly, "I think it's time Detective Herbert Scruffogolopomus was back on the case, to discover the identity of Mr. D. U., whoever this highly suspicious individual is, wouldn't you say?"
Covered in soot from the fire Ublaz groaned piteously, "You've got to be kidding me."
To be continued…A/N: Devil-gurl666: Phew! That was the longest fin chap I've ever written in my whole fin life!
Devil's Advocate says: No need for the colourful language. Tho I must admit this chap was 15 pgs on Microsoft Word—That's pretty fin long! (Hope you enjoyed it all the same.)
1 No, we don't have permission from the producers of Pirates of the Caribbean to use this line.