AN: Okay, I'm going to do this quickly, cuz I have work, eh… today. All right, so, news from over here:
Toni (Sugary Fluff) has watched the entirety of 39, and has joined our ranks as a K/I supporter! HUZZAH! Thus, I officially dedicate this chapter to her, cuz I can. Hehe. Yay Toni, you rock. That means that two of us now work with the alien couplings. Joy :P.
This chapter… should be okay, I hope. I'm not really accustomed to writing this sort of thing, so do tell me how it turns out. Though, Toni, I hope you enjoy it. Hehe…
Okay, now onwards to review responses:
BlackWingedGabriel: Naughty little girl, isn't she? And the speed of light's faster :P
Snowbluerat: Okay, this has been bothering me for a week. Exactly what was so disturbing? Not that I mind, of course, but I was just wondering. I didn't even put any gore in there or anything.. ah well :P
TigerLilly101: Hah! Another conversion! Welcome to the P/L ranks, my friend.
Dust-in: Heh, I dunno, the first thing that came to mind was Battleship. I used to love that game too much, so maybe that's why. Besides, it's easy to cheat at :P. And as for P/L drabbles… yea, I'll be doing them. Eventually. Don't worry.
Kaoru…: Yes. It was long… very, very long.
Jenvaati: I know, Kisshu was the only reason I continued with TMM! Well, my particular reason was that he looked like a little manwhore, but to each her own :P. Thanks for the congrats, heh.
Toni and Sheebs: You guys don't need a review reply. You get my squealing in English :P
Everyone else: Thanks for the reviews! More than 100 now… that's really nice of you all!
Disclaimer: I don't own TMM. Aoyama would have been eaten by a goat if I did.
Lettuce was at a loss.
The girl could only stand, rooted to the spot by the shock that remained after that awful confrontation, and wring her hands weakly.
Ichigo…
The pink-haired girl was still sitting in the desk chair, still crying, though her sobs had been reduced to faint whimpers as she stared blankly at the far wall.
Lettuce could not even imagine how she felt.
Aoyama…
He had seen.
He had seen, and he had… had left.
That thought brought a new shiver down the timid girl's spine.
It did not seem possible, that he would leave. It was so strange, seeing him be the one to leave, seeing Kisshu be the one with whom Ichigo remained, that it bordered on disturbing.
These thoughts were so intense, so chillingly numbing, that Lettuce could only vaguely stare at Ichigo as she suddenly rose from the chair, swaying almost dangerously, as if fighting to keep from fainting on the spot, and stumbled towards the door, moving faster and faster as she neared it so that once she was out of the room, she was moving at a near-run.
I can't…can't stay…
Have to leave…
Aoyama-kun…maybe…
Someone…
Her mind was paralyzed, thoughts broken and faint, as she began to stagger down the stairs.
Only the noise of her nearly falling managed to jolt Lettuce out of her horrorstruck trance. Eyes widening as Ichigo's intent dawned upon her, she whipped around, heading for the door.
Before she reached it, she stopped, hesitating suddenly before glancing back at Kisshu.
It occurred to her that out of the three of them, he needed the most care at the moment, but instead of crossing back to him, she reacted to one final, strangled thought.
He needs her.
Thus, not even really knowing whether the boy was conscious or not, she bolted out the door, haphazardly running through the hall and down the stairs.
She managed to grab Ichigo's arm just as the cat-girl's hand touched the doorknob.
The effect was so alarming, she almost let go.
"Get off of me!" Ichigo shrieked, voice a hysterical screech as she tried to wrench out of Lettuce's grasp.
The other girl did not know how she managed to find the strength to hold on, but she did.
Perhaps it was that single truth that rang in her mind: He needs her
It had to be Ichigo.
Ichigo and Kisshu.
She had to be the one to go back upstairs and tend to the alien. That was all that made sense to Lettuce at that point. It was all that compelled her to raise her voice to a new volume that won against Ichigo's renewed sobs as she continued thrashing.
"Ichigo! Stop it!"
Just as Lettuce had been stunned by her outburst, Ichigo fell totally silent at hearing the strength in the porpoise-girl's tone. She looked up into Lettuce's face and dropped her eyes just as quickly, a sudden feeling of shame seizing her as her lip trembled.
"No!" she choked out, "I have to leave. I— I have to get out… get away—"
Lettuce softened, though her grip remained firm.
"Ichigo-san," she ventured, composure returning as Ichigo remained still, "I know you want to go after Aoyama-san—"
Ichigo gave a sort of shudder at those words, and Lettuce hesitated momentarily. When she continued, she did so by saying what she believed the other girl wanted to hear. She ignored the fact that it didn't really coincide with her own thoughts at the moment. All she cared for was calming Ichigo down enough to bring sense back to her.
"I know you want to find him, but Kisshu," she faltered on that name as Ichigo drew a harsh breath, "needs your help." On she went, in what she believed to be the most soothing tone she possessed.
"You have to go up there and help him, even if you don't l—"
"No!"
This time the words came out as a scream, and Lettuce did let go. Ichigo, however, did not run. She clenched her fists, gritting her teeth and staring first at the floor, then forced her gaze and all of its desperate frustration on Lettuce.
Her green-haired friend now knew that she should have followed her instincts concerning the alien and the Mew Mew. She knew that what she thought Ichigo wanted to hear after seeing Aoyama was not what she wanted to hear.
Not at all.
She also knew that what she had been seeing, what she had been secretly smiling at for the past day or so was not just her silly flight of fancy, or her imagination, or some bizarre result of her constant desire for peace.
The tears in Ichigo's eyes, those slowly trickling down her cheeks, the anxious tension in every muscle of her body; it all took Lettuce's observations and shoved them into the world of cold, hard fact.
All of that, however, could not do as good a job as the next phrase that left her lips:
"I do love him!"
Both girls went silent, Ichigo actually slumping against the door, half-limp, as that statement finally achieved such an announcement.
There was no second-guessing anymore.
Now, Ichigo could no longer cautiously whisper it to herself in the back of her mind. She couldn't leave it as a murmured statement to a sleeping alien, unheard by anyone else, denied a full guarantee on truth. She couldn't pretend it never happened.
She couldn't run back to Aoyama and tell him that he had been wrong.
The words had just been screamed out with the full force of her will, and there was no taking them back after that.
Her first thought about it?
She didn't care.
As she breathed slowly, deeply, trying to calm herself down, she realized that she did not care if Lettuce had just heard.
She didn't think she'd have cared if Shirogane had heard.
Damn it.
It was true.
Ichigo giggled weakly, one fingernail softly clicking against the door as she clenched her fists again, closing her eyes and allowing that affirmation to flow through her, battling the uncertainty born of Aoyama's visit.
"I do."
Lettuce allowed her arms to drop to her sides.
"But…" Ichigo whispered, eyes trained on the floor, "I still… I've always…"
"Ichigo."
The girl looked up.
"Y-you knew, didn't you? You saw."
"I…I didn't want to…" Lettuce trailed off, wringing her hands lightly as Ichigo gave a sad sort of chuckle.
"But you knew… I knew, even if I didn't say it… but I still… I love them both. How—"
She broke off, voice trembling with the threat of tears. Again, she was near hysterics, and again, her hand traveled to the doorknob. Just as before, Lettuce stopped her. This time, however, her voice was the exact opposite of what had disarmed Ichigo before. Now, the cat-girl pulled her hand away at the sound of calm, gentle soothing.
"You cannot dwell on that yet."
That stopped her from touching the handle.
"He needs you now."
That turned her around, calling a smile of gratitude to her lips.
Lettuce gave her own shy smile back.
"You're right."
Slowly, they made their way back upstairs.
Kisshu had been dimly aware of the two girls leaving the room.
Dimly, because after Aoyama had hit his wound, pain had spread across his shoulder and chest, a fiery agony that took all his strength away.
Aoyama…
That…
That bastard!
The fact that it was the only thought his exhausted mind could articulate only proved his deep hatred for the human boy.
He had taken Ichigo away.
Again.
Again, when it had been going so well.
Kisshu had thought…
…but he felt so stupid for it now.
That was the second idea that managed to surface through the pain.
He had been so hopeful, so very hopeful, that somehow, through this terrible situation he had landed himself in, she'd see him for the devoted boy he was. He had thought that she'd see what he had done, why he had come to her, how much he needed her…
The boy might have cried, had his fatigue not been so profound. As it was, he could only breathe out in a soft, shaking sigh.
Stupid… stupid, stupid…heh…
What a fool he had been, to think that anything would have changed…
Of course she had gone after Aoyama. What girl wouldn't have? How could any girl with even the smallest speck of intelligence not pursue that boy? He was perfect.
So goddamned perfect.
Kisshu wanted to laugh, sad as that was.
It was funny, he suddenly realized in a delirious jolt of despair, that he had tried to win her from that boy. There had been no chance, really. He remembered Pai telling him how illogical it all was.
He was right…
Why would Ichigo even consider choosing him over the utter perfection that was Aoyama? What could have ever persuaded her to accept an alien who was trying to destroy her world over a simple, kind, loving human boy who would do anything for her?
There was no reason.
None at all…
Except…
I love her.
Damn… after all of it, he still loved her.
Why couldn't she see that?
Why couldn't she love him back?
Why… why did she leave him, after…
….damn it, he had been so sure…
Had he been foolish, naive, to think those touches sincere, to think them…loving?
A weak, mirthless chuckle escaped his throat. Apparently, he had been.
Yes, no matter how much hope he had felt, no matter how the girl had seemed to encourage him, he had been wrong.
He must have been; Ichigo was gone, wasn't she?
But then… why did she protect him? Why did she drive Aoyama away?
No…no, she didn't. He must have thought…heh, he must have thought what I thought…and she went to fix it. She's bringing him back…
That must have been it. Right.
Kisshu closed his eyes, partially in his utter desolation, partially because the entire matter had robbed him of nearly all energy.
…now…now what…?
He wished he could get up. Get up, and get out. What was the sense in staying?
The boy didn't want to see her again; not after that. He did not want to face that disappointment in the most direct way possible. He did not want to see her eyes, probably filled with a vehement fury for the doubt this must have caused Aoyama.
He took a deep, noisy breath, the closest to a sob he could manage.
Why had he been so sure?
Was this one of the universe's cruel jokes, reserved just for him?
Yes.
That had to be it.
And now he was doomed to wait until that girl came back to only confirm how idiotic he had been.
Heh… there goes proving Pai wrong…
It brought a wry, sick sort of smile to his pale face as he gathered the strength to prop himself up on his elbows, choking in silent agony as the movement only aggravated the gash Aoyama had knocked against.
Maybe… maybe if I really try… I can at least teleport out of this room before she comes back…maybe…before… with him…
Through a minute of struggle, he managed to sit up against the headboard, panting heavily, slowly trying to ignore the memories of how wonderful he had felt the last time he had been sitting like this, drowsing against—
Stop it, baka…have to get out…
He tried, but his limbs were shaking too badly.
Kisshu had gotten no further when the door slowly swung open.
Lettuce remained outside at Ichigo's whispered request, watching anxiously as the cat-girl re-entered the room.
The first thing the girl noticed as she silently closed the door behind her was that the alien was sitting up, and that brought a weak, relieved smile to her face. She was about to speak, say his name, when she noticed that his arms were shaking violently with the effort of remaining in that position. Her lips parted, and the girl was about to abandon saying his name in favor of telling him to lie back down before he harmed himself further, but her observations didn't end there.
She suddenly knew, just by glancing at his eyes, that he wasn't just sitting up for the sake of it. She recognized the same emotion in his eyes that had been coursing through her just a few minutes ago.
He meant to run.
The smile vanished from her face; her countenance adopted the blankness of shock.
"Ki—"
"H-hey, koneko-chan," he interrupted, voice trembling slightly under the strain of exhaustion, but lips pulling back into one of his trademark smirks, and he even tried to give her his customary chuckle, no matter how much it must have hurt his throat.
"Where's…" he hesitated here, just for a moment, and Ichigo knew, even in her frozen bewilderment, that his grin grew wider only to hide the pain that they name caused him, a pain greater than that of the fever and the wound combined. "Where's Aoyama?"
She said nothing, only stared, hands totally limp at her sides. That confused him for a moment; she wasn't reacting quite how he had expected. She had just gone after Aoyama, hadn't she?
Maybe… maybe…
No. No, that was ridiculous.
She had gone after him, of course. Yes. She must have just gone after him.
"Thought I'd get out of here," he continued, somehow swinging his legs over the side of the bed, finding energy from goodness knew where. Probably from desperation to escape her eyes and what he thought lay behind them.
"Thanks for the help and all, but I should be getting back, don't you think? Time for me to find some more Mew Aqua, wreak some more havoc… you know. All that fun stuff."
Ichigo didn't know what sickened her more: the fact that he was pushing his body as he was, or the fact that he thought…
He thought…
He…
"Baka."
At first, Kisshu had no reaction to the word, for she had whispered it so softly, she herself had barely known it had escaped her lips. He heard absolutely nothing and continued to push himself up, getting ready to stand. The boy was only beginning to put weight back on his feet when Ichigo's voice finally gathered enough power to be audible.
"Baka, baka, baka…"
First whispered, then murmured, the word slowly fell into rhythm with Ichigo's steps as she crossed the room. Still, Kisshu ignored it.
It didn't work with the situation he had just mentally set up, so he ignored it.
Not ignoring it meant…
He knew that what it meant had to be too good to be true, so he ignored the desperate note in her tone, ignored the weakness in her gait as she approached him.
The girl stopped in front of the alien, eyes boring into his as he slowly rose before her, legs trembling ever so slightly, smirk still firmly in place as he prepared to move past her.
He never managed to move an inch.
"Baka!"
She slapped him.
It wasn't a hard slap. She didn't mean to hurt him.
That was beyond the last thing she wanted to do. The very idea wasn't even in her head, but had it been, it would have made her nauseous.
The slap was only a means of driving any notion of his leaving from his mind, and it did that beautifully. So deeply stunned was Kisshu, that his knees gave out, and he sank to the floor, barely steadying himself with one hand, his other gingerly touching his stinging cheek.
His mind went numb; totally, absolutely numb. It offered him nothing, not the slightest response to the girl, who silently fell to her own knees before him. Slowly, barely recovering from his shock, the alien realized that she was shaking, just as badly as he was. As she lifted her eyes to his, he saw that she was smiling.
It wasn't the same smirk he had worn in a desperate attempt to prove to both of them that he accepted what he saw as the end. No, it lacked that anxious nonchalance; it lacked that frantically-hidden tinge of despair.
And her eyes…
He couldn't tell.
Kisshu was so frozen by sheer confusion that he just couldn't tell. He could only let his hand fall down into his lap as his gaze stayed captured within hers. Gradually, her eyes began to fill with new tears; her lips trembled even while the smile remained.
The alien wished he had the strength to get up. All he could see was the beginning of one thing he had come to hate ever since coming to the girl.
He thought Ichigo was about to cry.
The boy did the only thing he could do: he tried to turn his head away. Actually, it served two purposes.
It was an attempt to avoid her tears, and one to hide the anguish raging within him.
Ichigo saw him try. She saw him break eye contact, saw him begin to turn, and she hurried to speak, knowing she had to erase that heavy sadness in his face. Just as quickly, she realized that words would do her no good.
Words were useless now. He had fallen beyond their reach.
Fallen, because of her. Because of her recklessness. Because of her lack of sense, her flightiness, her rashness.
She had to fix this. Had to, and she knew words could not undo that sadness he was trying to conceal underneath bravado.
As a solitary tear trickled down her cheek, she knew that there was a way to banish those ideas of his from his mind. There was a way to undo the damage her running way had done.
The most wonderful thing about it, the most liberating, soothing, endearing thing about it, was that she did not hesitate to do it.
Not even once.
She had no qualms about reaching out and turning his face back towards her, touching her soft hand to his flushed cheek, no qualms as she felt him lean into that hand ever so slightly, no doubt reveling in its touch even while enduring those crushing assumptions about her choice.
Nothing stopped her from moving closer to him, listening to his breath, still weak, but growing ever clearer, ever surer, as she cupped his other cheek with her other hand, lightly stroking the spot she had slapped in silent, wordless apology.
All the while, her eyes remained on his, watching the light dance in his golden irises, willing the shame and doubt and frustration from their depths as she felt the first feathery wisps of his bangs tickle her forehead. Still she leaned closer, forever nearer, until she no longer felt strands of soft green hair, but the warmth of his forehead against hers.
For a few moments they remained like this, seemingly frozen in time, Ichigo gently pushing her awareness to this sensation, this pleasant tingle of affection that arose from the feel of his skin, too-warm and damp with the sweat of fever, but still undeniably smooth, soft, so right against her own. She could hear his breath quicken as he seemed to realize what she was doing. A new light, one so much brighter and stronger than the dull sheen of despair, lit his eyes.
Kisshu was…
He could only remain lost in her gentle, soothing gaze, lost in the dizzying sense of her eyes so close to his, her hair mingling with his, her forehead a soft pressure against his, her lips…
In the second it took for his heart to skip a beat at how small the gap between their lips was, Ichigo closed it.
In a single instant, her lips pressed tenderly against his, and their eyes closed as both unconsciously leaned into their first true kiss.
If the previous moments had seemed drawn out, this lasted a blessed eternity.
When the girl finally broke off, taking a shuddering breath as she fought to keep a sudden sense of giddiness from overwhelming her, she glanced back up into Kisshu's eyes, and was instantly captured.
No longer were they dulled by bewilderment or disappointment.
As soon as her lips had touched his, all of that had vanished, and as she looked into his eyes now, she was stunned by their intensity.
Anything she might have been planning to say died in her throat when she saw the love those terrible feelings of doubt had left in their wake.
Love… such a sincere, passionate love…
The girl was so absorbed, she could not deny the boy another, and as he took her face in his hands, delicately running his long nails against her temples, as their lips met again in a gentle pressure that left her utterly speechless, she could find only one thought occupying her mind:
This feels wonderful.
It was simple, but it was all she knew that could articulate her feelings as they separated again.
It was so wonderful, that it made her cry.
Her gaze never leaving his face, she began to cry silently, tears slowly trickling down her face and falling into her lap.
Kisshu watched passively at first, mind still belonging to the realm of a few seconds ago, but he soon realized that she was doing the one thing he hated watching her do, and the girl quickly found him trying to wipe away her tears with a tender hand.
It only made her cry harder, soft whimpers escaping her as her shoulders began to quiver.
A moment later, she found herself wrapped in the boy's embrace, resting against the bare skin of his chest, and she smiled through her tears because she realized how undeniably good it felt, resting against Kisshu, breathing in his alien, yet warm comforting scent, feeling his hands, often so quick and cruel in battle, now compassionate and firm against her back.
"I… guess I was wrong then, ne?" It was really more statement than question, and murmured in such a soft voice that Ichigo had to look up and confirm that it was indeed the alien who was speaking to her. Her smile only strengthened as she met his eyes again.
"Yeah, I'd say you were."
A comfortable silence reigned until Ichigo swallowed quietly, smile faltering as a soft humiliation entered her gaze.
"Kisshu… I'm sorry, for…"
"Honestly, koneko-chan, I think you've made up for it," he replied immediately, nuzzling her hair and making her giggle.
As she did so, her eyes landed on his bandage, and she placed a light hand on his chest.
"Does that still hurt?"
Kisshu was momentarily taken aback by the question, what with its apparent randomness, but ended up rather relieved she had mentioned it. It did still hurt, and he winced, reminded of its presence.
"A bit."
Ichigo bit her lip as she looked at it, not only because of the fact that it still caused him pain, but also because it had just managed to remind her of its creator. This time, however, the thought of him was not ushered into a dark corner of her mind and ordered to wait. Now she could do little to banish it; it was too late.
This moment and the confrontation were forever intertwined in her memory; the time to deal was…
"Ichigo?"
She looked up, startled, to meet Kisshu's gaze, immediately softening at the concern it conveyed. Suddenly, it darkened, and the boy's tone grew a mite tenser.
"Is it—?"
A shake of her head cut him off; her reassuring smile kept him silent.
"It doesn't matter now," she answered, and realized that it didn't. She could think that, could say it out loud, and suffer only the smallest twinge of uncertainty. That twinge would have to be dealt with, but she didn't need to do it now. Later, she would have to talk to Lettuce, talk to… talk to Aoyama…
God, she'd still have to talk to Aoyama.
Goodness knew what that would bring.
No one could know… yet as she gazed at her alien charge, she saw that it really didn't matter at the moment. Just as Lettuce had said, there were more important things to worry about…
"Do you think we could go and change the bandage now?" She meant, of course, that she preferred to wash his wound out well in the bathroom.
The alien gave her a wry smirk.
"I don't think I could walk if my life depended on it."
For some odd reason, that coaxed another giggle from Ichigo, but she sobered up quickly, gently wrapping one of her arms around the alien's waist and slowly helping him up. He leaned on her heavily until he was able to gingerly lie back down, and Ichigo, after seeing that he was lying comfortably, drew the covers up over him.
Allowed to lie down, the boy looked incredibly sleepy when compared to how alert he had been just moments before, and Ichigo realized that had had probably been fighting medicine-induced drowsiness during both Aoyama's visit and their… interaction of a few moments ago. The thought compelled her to give him one last tender caress on his cheek before straightening back up.
"Then… I guess I'll wake you up later?"
"Mmm…"
Ichigo hid a smile at how quickly his fatigue seemed to be building.
"Ne, Ichigo?"
"Hai?"
"Could you stay for a bit…?"
Again, that tender little smile. "Sure."
With that, Kisshu felt calm enough to fall asleep, and Ichigo sat down in her desk chair, breathing out in a rather loud sigh.
It had been, what, an hour?
How the hell had things gotten so complicated within an hour?
And what would she do about it?
Oh, it had been so simple when it had just been Aoyama… sweet, loving, loyal Aoyama…
But then… she smiled slightly… these last few minutes hadn't been bad at all.
How to reconcile them? How could she come to terms with two conflicting paths?
She didn't know. She didn't know, but she knew that she had just horribly complicated it for herself.
Somehow, though, it didn't make her cry now.
That kiss… that kiss….
It had confirmed the presence of two loves. Aoyama had not been wrong. But then, Kisshu had not been wrong in thinking she loved Aoyama, either.
Ichigo bit her lip. Well, there was no use in trying to figure it out now.
She smiled weakly, looking over at the now-slumbering Kisshu. No, no sense in it now.
There was no ruining this sense of safety and comfort so soon after it had been attained. For now… she'd just follow these new feelings for the alien boy and…
No!
What was she thinking?
She was with Aoyama.
…somehow, that statement did not ring as strongly as it once had…
It had all felt so nice, with Kisshu…
And she had known, since he had come to her, that something was about to change…
With another sigh, she got up, gently nipping her finger.
Nothing to do about it now, was there? No. But she'd have to talk to Lettuce later. That was for sure. Maybe after Kisshu received his next dose, after they cleaned his wound again and gave him something else to eat… Yes. This could wait until then.
Aoyama… wait, for a bit…
She knew, suddenly, that she couldn't end that thought with a reassuring affirmation of her love. That… that worried her.
And yet…
She shook her head. If she didn't stop, she might bring herself back to awful thoughts and tears, and a repeat performance of her escape attempt was not needed.
Later, she'd figure it out, ask Lettuce, and…
In an instant, her eyes widened.
Lettuce!
The cat-girl rushed to the door, pushed it open, only to reveal a rather stunned looking Lettuce standing in the hallway. Surprisingly, it was the green-haired girl who found her voice first.
"So… how did it go?"
"Eh…" Ichigo smiled nervously, "he's, uh, back in bed…"
Lettuce could only give a nod before a smile lifted her lips.
"Ichigo-san…"
"Y-yeah?"
"Does… does this mean you're staying with him?"
Aoyama's face flashed in her mind, and for a second, Ichigo faltered. Then, just as abruptly, Kisshu's face followed it, and she regained her smile.
"Yeah."
For now, at least.
And maybe…
AN: Ahem… yeah. Wow, I'm like… killing Ichigo's tiny brain. Fun stuff :P. Review, please. See you all in chap 17.
Oh! BTW, I know I'm ignoring the whole Ichigo-turns-cat thing. I'm aware of it, and truthfully, I always thought it was cute, but rather useless in terms of the show as a whole. That, and she slept with Aoyama while in that form. Thus, it's tainted :P. So, don't ask about it, I did it on purpose, because it's really just more convenient that way… and Ichigo + Aoyama + Bed equals Apocalypse. Heh. Yea, that's the one bit of anime/manga realism I'm cutting out. Sorry to anyone who likes that part, but it's really such a nuisance xx. So, there ya go. Later!