This chapter takes place after Chapter 49 in SFTD.

It was midnight in the Avenger and Mordenna was doing just dandy.

Of course, that statement would have to be marked with an asterisk and followed with a lengthy footnote describing the details of his condition. Mordenna was fine. Ostensibly. But his brain wanted so badly to beat him the hell up with self-loathing. He was keeping it at bay by walking to the Mess Hall, making himself a pot of the strongest, darkest coffee he could muster, then walking back to the Workshop with it. Yeah, he'd brought a mug, but he'd really need to remember to return the pot before morning, or he'd have more rioting than when he suggested removing it for an afternoon or so to upgrade it.

His thoughts were kept off a little longer when he tapped the door to the Workshop and a familiar face was in there. "Lily Shen," he muttered, loud enough for her to hear, "I thought I told you to go to bed."

He kept his voice low, because it was pretty obvious she was going through something herself. She was slumped over on her worktable, supporting her head loosely with one of her arms and staring at a blueprint. There was nothing on it, tellingly. She sighed. "Couldn't sleep."

Mordenna walked in, and after a moment of thinking, he set his mug down in front of her, pouring her a cup and keeping the pot for himself. He dragged his workbench over, sitting down and sipping at the glass pot. "So."

Lily closed her eyes, though it did nothing for the bags under them. "Not feeling for jokes right now, Mordenna."

"Well, lucky you, I'm not feeling for them either. There's a reason why someone eternally-awake like me went for coffee, because it was that or alcohol." He took another drink. "Depression? Welcome to the club, what's going on."

"It's... not like it matters, especially considering you're—"

"Lily, I hate to be blunt," he interrupted her with, "but your imposter syndrome is showing. Is that what's got you this time? Because let me tell you, you were keeping XCOM afloat and impressing me long before O'Leary nabbed me."

"... not as afloat as—"

"Oh hush for god's sake." Maybe he was being a little too brutal, but Lily needed to hear it. "Starting to think that ever since I showed up you see me as some sort of competition to be surpassed. Well, news flash, Lily—I'm immortal, don't need to eat or sleep, and forcibly had my mind altered to accommodate all this technical knowledge I'm slinging around, and Odin had to practically erase the memories of my past life to imprint it all in there. Not to mention I've got Eliza's tactical knowledge—and a few other bits—kicking around in my skull. Hate to break it to you but that's not something you're ever going to keep up with, unless you'd like to look into becoming a Chosen like me. Take it from me—the idea's nice until you're tired or just want to stop thinking for like, seven hours. Bottom line? I'll let you stay up now so we can talk about all this, but you need to start actually looking after your goddamn self."

Lily was quiet for a minute, opening her eyes but not meeting Mordenna's. After a while, she finally spoke back up. "... I wasn't awake thanks to the imposter syndrome, but I guess it doesn't help. I'm just... I'm just always afraid I'm going to fall behind or be replaced. That I'm not going to live up to the legacy left to me."

Mordenna considered that, drinking more of the coffee. "You and Eliza are pretty alike in some aspects. She's thinking she needs to be strong for everyone, so she works herself to the breaking point. You think you won't be good enough, so you do the same. Bet you if she knew you'd be breaking her heart."

Lily groaned, squeezing her eyes shut. "Please don't bring that up. I don't need to know anything about breaking Eliza's heart right now."

Hm. Mordenna was cottoning onto what was keeping Lily awake. Still, he'd get around to asking eventually. "Then stop it. Give yourself breaks and know that destroying yourself is the least likely way to live up to any legacy left to you." Mordenna knew the legacy she was on about, at least. He'd been to those towers after XCOM cleared them out, and watched the video from Raymond. It... made him a little jealous, then, to know Lily had a father that loved her more than the world and considered her his greatest gift to humanity. He'd wanted that. Might've led to another episode, and thinking on it now? He still felt that stab of envy. "I don't think your father would've wanted you to break down over not being good enough."

Lily winced, muttering "how did you...?" She pressed her hands to her eyes. "I... I-I just don't want to..."

Well, Mordenna could see when he struck a nerve. This time it wasn't a barbed remark, just a soft reminder that hit home. He put the coffee pot on the table, getting up and sitting next to Lily. He drew her in for a hug, holding her tightly. "Hey. When I say that, I mean it in the best way possible. I'm sure your father wanted the best for you—so taking breaks and acknowledging that you're doing the best you can would be living up to that legacy. Plus... I don't want to see you broken down because you're trying to keep up with me. My advantages come with their own problems, sis. Hurts me to see you thinking you're not good enough."

Lily leaned into him, hiccupping. She didn't say anything, just sniffled and sounded like she was doing her best to prevent herself from crying. Mordenna sighed. "Look, if you need to cry, you need to cry. Don't play tough trying to save face. Let me put it this way: I will feel better if you cry because then I'll know you're working through it instead of trying to bottle it all up."

It was then that Lily hugged him back, pressing her face into his chest and slowly working her way into sobbing. Mordenna held her as she did, softly rubbing her back. If Eliza could be there for him—if he could be there for Eliza, he could be there for Lily, his unofficial sister. It really did hurt him to imagine her hurting herself trying to keep up, to an ideal she'd never meet without drastic changes to herself. Honestly, Mordenna didn't want her to change herself if it was just to keep up with him. It wouldn't be good for her.

Eventually, Lily cried herself out, leaning against Mordenna quietly for a bit before sniffling. "Sorry."

"Don't you apologize to me, missy."

That got a weary chuckle. "Fine. Thanks."

"Don't mention it. Anything you wanna talk about?"

Lily backed off from the hug, palming at her eyes. "Not much, other than you're right. It's... hard to get out of the mindset of just not being good enough. I worry a lot that I'm not doing enough to live up to dad's legacy. But, I think you said it best. I'll have a really hard time keeping up if I'm dead from stress."

"That's the spirit." He put his hands on his hips. "Now, what was keeping you up?"

Lily sighed, finally taking the mug and drinking from it. "... can you keep a secret?"

"Depends on what it is, though I wouldn't share it from it being juicy. Just if it's something that someone like Eliza really needs to know."

"Oh god please don't tell Eliza what I'm about to tell you." Lily massaged her temples. "I... I think I'm in love with her."

Despite himself, Mordenna couldn't stop himself from shaking his head. He picked up the pot again and took a swig. "Jesus christ, join the club."

"Y-you too?"

"Me, Jax, Fal-Mai, pretty sure about Bradford, Rodin, god knows the other rulers too, Volk, and I caught the Baroness giving her some funny looks."

Lily groaned. "Now I really don't stand a chance."

"What, who do you think will actually win?" She stared at him as if it was obvious. He rolled his eyes. "Count of three. One, two, three."

"Bradford," they said simultaneously.

Mordenna let out a breath. "It's so damn obvious, ain't it? Classic love story: 'Commanding Officer Falls in Love with Underling.' The chemistry is fucking off the charts and you know the two of them will be dancing around it the whole way."

Lily threw her hand out. "Oh, you know Bradford's so old fashioned that he's gonna go around saying 'an officer shouldn't fall in love with his superior!'"

"XCOM ain't a fucking military outfit anymore," Mordenna grumbled empathetically. "He could at least see that."

Lily leaned back on the table. "Only a matter of time, really."

"Still, what about Eliza?" He threw up a hand. "Never really heard her pining for anybody." She'd acknowledged a few people as attractive, but he was pretty sure that wasn't indicative of romantic viability.

"Good point." Lily shrugged. "Maybe we're all barking up a tree that'll never respond. Maybe Liz just doesn't want a partner."

Well, that only added to Mordenna's defeatism. "Yeah. Could see her at least not wanting one now while the war's going on. Distraction from commanding."

"Maybe none of us are meeting her standards."

"Fair point." Maybe he could work on himself a little bit more. "Guess we'll never know."

Lily took a long drink of her coffee. "That just leaves the feelings we have to deal with, huh?"

"Yeah." Mordenna rubbed his neck. "I'd... like to think I'm at the stage where I'm just happy to have her as a friend. Don't get me wrong, I'd make that girl mine if she were fine with it, but... having known her like I have, I think that's good enough for me. She makes me happy enough just as a friend."

"Wish I was that adjusted. I'm happy to know her too, I just..." She sighed again. "I just really wish I was brave enough to find out what she was thinking."

"Me too." Mordenna paused. "So. Wanna work on Jax's armor together?"

"Yeah."

That, Mordenna could get behind. It was better than pining uselessly.