Chapter VIII

Goobye sphere

I woke up with a hand stroking up and down my arm. I yawned and pushed the hand away. "Mum... Leave me..." "Why thanks." I jumped up with a yell. Audax laughed and I chuckled slightly. After the laughter stopped we gazed at each other for a moment. I kneeled down in front of his bed. "Glad you're okay," he mumbled. I smiled. "Idem dito."

We stared into each other's eyes for minutes, without saying anything. I know you might think that's almost impossible, but for the two of us back then, it wasn't. "Well I uh..." he mumbled after a while. "I can't get up because of the dizzyness yet, so, I guess we won't be leaving very soon." "That's fine with me," I whispered. I closed my eyes and laid my head on the bed. "What time is it?" "Almost 2 o' clock in the afternoon." I groaned. "You're joking." "Not really. You slept all morning." I laughed quietly. "You know, you saved my life, Audax. If there's anything I could do for you." "Quit your pilgrimage."

I stood up and sighed. "I can't, you know why. Weren't you there yesterday?" He stared at the ceiling and I rubbed my eyes. "I overheard two Crusaders talking. They lost over one thousand people." My lip thrilled. "I almost lost you. I can't afford losing you again." He closed his eyes and hummed. I sat down on a chair thinking of what I would be doing at that moment if he would've died. Crying, probably.

"You know..." Audax said all of the sudden. "I just realise how selfish it is." "Selfish?" "Yeah, your pilgrimage. You're acting like my death would mean the end of Spira for you." He glared at me. "I'm actually gonna go through that with you." I had been wanting to say something but closed my mouth again. And he just lied there, looking at me. "Don't act like it's a selfish thing to do. I will save Spira!" I snapped at him. "If I would've started my pilgrimage earlier, I would've brought the Calm before... before... before all this!"

Tears ran down my face. He sat up straight and beckoned me. Still crying I sat down next to him and he carefully pulled me against his chest. I sniffed and heard him crying quietly as well. "I have to continue my pilgrimage, Audax, I must," I whispered. He said nothing.

The beach was right back in the state it had been before Operation Mi'ihen. Clean, and quiet. I sat down on the edge of the Djose Highroad and watched the endless ocean. Sin must've been hiding somewhere in its depts. The Highroad was empty again. There were no cannons anymore, no cages containing Sinspawn, no Crusaders nor Al Bhed. Just me. And so I sat there, doing nothing, just watching the sun set.

I wished Audax could be sitting here beside me, but he still had to rest. He could barely leave his bed. Everytime he tried he had to sit down again because else he would just bang onto the ground. So I was alone. I stayed with him as much as I could, but I had to get out sometimes. Besides, I had to do something for him as well. He had saved my life. If it wasn't for him, I would be dead no. That I ever doubted his abilities as a guardian. He was the best a summoner like me could wish for.

I heard a distant barking and turned around. "Pyrefly!" I had almost forgot about the little guy. Pyrefly jumped barking loud against my chest, knocking me onto the ground. His furr was wet and dirty and above his left eye he was bleeding. "Oh, Pyrefly, I'm so glad you made it out of there alive," I smiled scratching him behind his ears. He wagged his tail for joy and licked my face. I laughed and took him back to the travel agency.

"Look who turned up," I said as we enterred the room. Audax looked up. "Hey," he laughed as Pyrefly jumped on the bed and offered him a face-lick as well. "Man, Pyrefly, you sure need a bath." Pyrefly yelped and jumped off again. I laughed and sat down on the chair. "So, how are you feeling?" "Well, I can make it to the other side of the room buuut..." "Not back?" He rubbed the back of his head in pain. "Nope."

Pyrefly laid down on the ground and fell asleep quickly. I smiled and rubbed my eyes. "Slept all morning and still I'm beat," I mumbled. "I better go ask for a room downstairs." "You can sleep here," he said and somehow sounded a bit disappointed. "I believe we both need our privacy," I smiled and shook my head in a sad way. "So..." I opened the door. "You got any gil left?" he asked before I went out. "Yeah, don't worry about it."

Downstairs I rented a room and immediately stocked up as well. I bought a couple of Potions, Remedies, but most of all, Phoenix Downs. You had to act quick with those, but you never knew. "Will that be it?" the lady asked as she put everything into a paper bag. I checked the list I made before and then nodded. "Oh, no wait!" I said quickly, something suddenly reaching my mind. "You haven't got any spheres by coinsidence?" She nodded and pulled out a sphere. My hands trembled slightly when I payed her and took the bag upstairs.

I went to say good night to Audax then went to my own room. I tossed the contents into my shoulder bag and lied down on my bed. After thinking deeply I stood up again and pulled out the sphere. I twisted it around in my hands as if it was the first time I saw one. With a big sigh I placed it on the table and sat down in front of it. After staring at the blue bulb for a while I turned it on.

I forced a smile on my face. "Hi everyone, it's me, apparently. This will probably be the last thing you'll seeof me and... uh... I'm only halfway my journey, but, I do believe that if I wait any longer it'll be too hard." I smiled sadly while the first tears started to burn in the corner of my eyes. "I'm just gonna talk too each one of you at a time, so, beginning of course with my family. Mum, you've always been my number one. Whenever I was sad you comforted me and cheered me up. You've been my tower of strength since I was just a little girl."

I swept some tears away. "Sorry I'm crying, I just can't believe I'm actually doing this." I paused for a while, catching my breath and calming down. "Okay, snif, I'm cool. I'm just gonna leave it there. I love you mum... It's best if I keep going, so, Joen. I've always looked up to you, to my big brother. In my eyes you could do nothing wrong. Great at blitzball, great at beating up fiends. I owe you one big time.Well, now we're on the same subject, Kilika Beasts." I smiled my tears away. "You rock! I don't care what happened at the blitzball tournament, you just had bad luck. And bad losers as competition." The smile disappeared from my face. "And then that leaves us with another person. Audax."

"I uh – I wanna thank you. If it weren't for you I wouldn't have been able to get this far. You saved my life and I don't know how many times you'll save it again. And everything I said about you – not being that much of a guardian – I'm sorry. Truely, I am. And I'm sorry I won't quit my pilgrimage, cause well, when you see this. That'll mean you weren't able to stop me, but... It's better this way, Audax. For everyone. And once again I'm sorry." I sighed and stroke my hair behind my ears. "I don't know what else to say..." I mumbled. I looked at the sphere like I would look at him. The words slowly reached my lips: "I love you."

I could not say any more. I turned off the sphere and burst into tears. After almost half an hour, I cried myself to sleep.

Audax knocked on my chamber door. "Jentl? Are you awake?" He checked the door. I had forgotten to lock it last night and he slowly pushed it open. "Jentl?" He found me sleeping with my head in my arms on the table. He smiled pitiful. When he laid his hand on my back I groaned for a moment but continued sleeping. "Jentl, time to wake up, it's past ten already." He softly rubbed my back. "Jentl." I woke by his gentle voice and looked at him. "Hey." He smiled. "Hi, how are you?" I raised an eyebrow. "Wha?" He stroke away the hair from my face. "Why did you cry?"

I touched my cheek and realised my face was probably terribly red. "Oh, I – I just... I miss home." He nodded understandingly. "I know you do." He pulled me next to him onto the bed. "Come here," he said and swung his arm around my shoulders. "You can go home if you want to. And this is not a way to stop you, Jen, it's just a suggestion." I looked up at him, fighting back tears. "You can go back for a while and afterwards you can continue your pilgrimage." I sadly shook my head. "You know I can't, it-t-t w-will o-only m-make things – harder..." I stuttered.

He pushed my head against his chest. "Hush, it's okay... Just cry away..." I tightened my arms around his waist. I had to continue my pilgrimage. I had to beat Sin, else, one day, I would lose everthing precious to me. Including him.