A/N: I own Jenny and Josh ). And sorry, I deleted the reviews! Ugh and I had 14! If you submitted a review or can tell me how to un-deleted my story, e-mail me at I know there were 13 good reviews and 1 bad review. Please help! Thanks!

Disclaimer: Sadly, I don't own anyone else besides Jenny and Josh.

I wasn't always who I am now. I didn't used to have my reputation that I have now. I got to be the way I am in my sixth year. Most people don't remember it. No one really told any one about that summer. There are only five people who know how it all happened: Jenny Duke, Blaise Zambini, Josh Manning, Draco Malfoy, and me.

FLASHBACKS

"Pansy, come on! Blaise is waiting for me! And Drake's waiting for you!" Jenny yelled at me. I was half asleep, considering it was one in the morning. I was staying the summer at Jenny's before our sixth year at Hogwarts. Her parents were gone on holiday until September in the Caribbean, and we were having a little party for her sweet sixteen. The "housekeeper" we supposed to watch us. Yeah right.

Crashed on the floor when I moved in.

I came downstairs, after getting ready, and saw Draco, Blaise, and Josh sitting in a circle, holding a glass of clear liquid.

"Hey Pansy." Draco said, giving me his trademark smile. "We're playing a little game here. Wanna join?" He raised the glass to me. I later found out it was a glass of some kind of alcohol. Jenny and I joined the circle. We played I have never. After about six rounds around our circle, we had to refill our glass. Jenny tried to stand up, but wobbled and nearly collapsed onto Blaise. He didn't seem to mind. We were all drunk, except for one person. It was Draco's turn to think of a phrase. He was the only one yet to take a drink. He had done everything we could come up with.

"I have never…" he thought about what to say. "I have never given or gotten head." he said at last. He didn't take a drink. He passed the glass to Jenny, who passed it to Blaise, who passed it to Josh, who passed it to me. I took a drink.

"Well, Pansy. We'll just have to fix that, won't we?" Draco said smoothly.

This little bungalow with some strange new friends.

I had the worst hangover the next day. After Draco shoved me into a guest room and moaned and groaned while I did a little work, I half walked, half fell up to Jenny's room, where I heard her voice as well as Josh and Blaise's voice. Damn gangbang. It was five in the morning, damn it. Just go to sleep! I was going to yell at them, but I passed out.

It was not like I didn't have Draco before sixth year, it was just never as serious as this summer.

Stay up too late,

I had been concerned about my image since my first kiss, which was when I was ten. I started binging at age twelve. Draco caught me one day.

"Fuck, Pansy! What the hell are you doing!" I had the door locked, so he couldn't get in, but he could hear me. "Damn, if you get any fuckingskinnier, I won't be able to see you!"

and I'm too thin.

I sat on the couch with Draco, his arm draped loosely around my shoulders.

"I love you Draco." I whispered. He didn't hear me.

"Hey babe." Draco said, turning to me. "Wanna ditch these two and have a little fun?" he jerked his head at Josh and Jenny, making out on the couch to the right of us. I knew what he was talking about. Not sex, but something else close.

"Ok." I said.

"You're great, Pansy. You know. You're my girl, and only mine. With me until….well, always." Or until you find someone prettier than me, I thought. We went upstairs to an empty room.

We promised each other it's 'til the end.

After Blaise chugged a beer in roughly ten seconds, we usedthe bottleto play a game. A game. That's how this all got started, I remembered. I was wearing skimpier clothes than I had at the beginning of the summer, which was only about two weeks ago. Shorter skirts and shorts. Lower cut shirts. Josh spun the bottle. It landed on Pansy. They kissed. Pansy spun it. It landed on me. We kissed. Rules were girls could kiss girls, no guys kissing. The guys seemed to like the whole girl on girl action, so we decided to use a little tongue, a silentagreement between us to tease the boys. The kiss ended.I spun. It landed on Blaise. We kissed.

Now we're spinning empty bottles, it's the five of us.

The game went on. Finally, Draco spun it and it landed on me. I looked into his eyes before we kissed. I loved his eyes. Silver, they made him look mysterious. But he wasn't. He was horny. But I wanted him so bad, so I would do anything to keep him. I couldn't let him leave me.

With pretty eyed boys girls die to trust. I can't resist the day, no I can't resist the day.

Blasie stayed the night after spin the bottle. He was so drunk. They went to Jenny's room to, what Jenny said when I asked what she was going to do, dance.

And Jenny screams out and it's no pose. 'Cause when she dances, she goes and goes.

I asked her abouther and Blaisethe next day. We each got a beer and talked about it.

"Why do you call it dancing?" I asked, taking a drink.

"Well, 'cause it kinda is like dancing. In a way, 'cept you're in bed, and you're naked, and he's fucking you."

"That is dancing, if you're a stripper or a prostitute."

"Yes, then I'm a stripper!" she yelled. She ran over to one of the support beams in the basement and began to dance, putting a leg around it and other such things. I laughed so hard.

And beer through the nose on an inside joke.

I heard Blaise and Draco talking once. I listened to their conversation through the door

"Damn, Drake, I'm pretty jealous."

"Why's that?"

"You got Parkinson, she's got a hot body!"

"She's a fucking stick with legs and arms and a head."

"Yeah, it's hot. I'd like to screw her!" Blaise was drunk, as usual.

"Yeah, she is pretty damn hot. But I haven't seen all her body, not yet."

"Oh, so The Drakster is gonna go for it! Way to go man!"

"I never said that."

"Yeah, but you were thinkin' it, weren't you?"

"Yeah."

"So, when ya gonna go for it?"

"Soon, real soon. She's pretty damn good. She could be better though."

"She's have to be a fucking whore to be better, or watch porn or something. I saw you guys that one time. Don't lie to me, fucker. I saw her sucking you."

"Shit, when did you see that?"

"I don't know. But it seemed to be liking what Parkinson was doing to you. Did ya?"

"Yeah."

"So go for it real soon. A girl like that don't come around a lot."

"Yeah. She is really good. I really need to fuck her good."

And I'm so excited I haven't spoken.

"You heard them say that!" Jenny squealed when I told her.

"Yeah."

"Oh my God, I'm so jealous! You get the Slytherin King, all I get is…" I cut her off.

"Every other guy in Slytherin." It was the truth, she had screwed almost all the guys in our grade that stayed in the same common room as her.

"Every guy but the guy! He's the one I want." And she could have had him. Jenny was gorgeous.

And she's so pretty and she's so sure, maybe I'm more clever than I girl like her.

"Jump in!" Jenny yelled. Everyone else already had. The other four had al jumped in. I dropped my towel. Blaise whistled. I dove in.

"This is summer!" Josh yelled. Yeah, skinny-dipping in your friends pool, really sounds like summer. I looked down and noticed my boobs were floating.

Summer's all in bloom. The summer's ending soon.

Jenny and Josh went at it that night. Maybe the whole swimming naked thingturns guys on. From what I saw in the pool, it sure seemed to. I wondered, as I listened to the two of them, if Blaise knew about all this. Of course he did. He and Josh were both going at Jenny the night of I Have Never. Her mom would kill her if she found out about all this.

It's all right. And it's nice not to be so alone. But I hold on to her secrets in white houses.

We went to a club on Saturday. No need to sneak in, Josh had gotten fake ID's. They guy at the door barely had to look at Jenny and I, who were wearing almost no top and the world's tightest jeans, before letting us in. I got so drunk. Everyone did. Especially Blasie. I was dancing in the middle of the floor, the DJ yelling out to me, saying something along the lines of "Sexy chick in the middle of the floor. Way to go, hott stuff!". At that moment, both Josh and Draco came up to me. I had only kissed Josh a few times that summer, so it wasn't like I was into him as much as Draco. But at that moment, I realized that I could have more than Draco. Josh wanted me, I could tell. The DJ thought I was hot. At least six guys at the club and grabbed my butt. At least ten guys tried to get my number. At least five guys tried to get me to go home with them. But I wanted Draco. The boys said something to each other, picked me up, and brought me to the bar. I wasn't quite drunk but that was about to change. I just didn't know it. They grabbed a nozzle of some sort. It turned out to shoot cheap beer. Josh shoved it into my hands. They each grabbed one of my legs. A put my elbows on the bar and they lifted me up. People around us started to chant. I drank and drank and drank.

Maybe I'm a little bit over my head.

By the time they let me down, I could barley stand. I ran to the bathroom. Then I ran out the back door. I couldn't breathe. A few minutes laterBlaise came out holding a drink.

"Hey baaabe. Niiiice job baaack there." His words were so slurred, I could barely understand him, but then again, I could barely understand what was going on. Suddenly he dropped his glass, it shatterd, and heshoved me up against the brick wall.

"Drake saaaays that you're preeety damn goood. Let's seee about thaaat." Hepushed his lips on to mine. He tasted like whatever he had been drinking. I tried to push away, but the drinking slowed my mind and I couldn't figure out why I would want to do that. Blaise put a hand up my shirt. That woke me up a little.

"Blaise! What the fuck!"

"Hey babe. We wuuuz just having a little fun. Riiight?"

"No, Blaise. I've got Draco. I don't fucking want you." Blaise looked really pissed.

"Fine, bitch! Have it you're fucking way. Go throw up some more, cuuuz yoooh really need tooo. You're just a whooore. Haha, you're like a fuuucking bowling ball. Haha, yoooh get picked up, fingered, thrown down, and come back fooor moooore!" That cut me deep. He called me fat. He called me a whore. He called me a ho. He called me a bitch. I was going to hit him, but a hand grabbed my wrist and pulled me inside.

I come undone at the things he said.

I slept until one the next day. I had been sick all night. When I heard a knock on my door, I threw my shoe at it. Too damn loud. Who ever it was came in my room. I rolled over to see Blaise.

"Hey Pansy."

"Come to rape me?" I asked coldly.

"No, to apologize. I was drunk. I shouldn't have done that. We're sixteen. We broke the law by being in that club. We got about four years left 'til it's actually legal. Anyway, I'm really sorry." He looked and sounded as if he was being sincere. I smiled.

"Nice shirt." I said. He looked at his chest.

"Yeah, pretty damn hot, if you ask me." It was a crimson shirt. The same color of the roses he brought me. Then he was telling jokes, just trying to cheer me up somehow. Jokes I was only half listening to because I had such a headache, but I appreciated the effort to make it up to me.

And he's so funny in his bright red shirt.

Later, I found out what happened while I was with Blaise. Josh was with another girl, who was twenty-three. Jenny got pissed and tried to get Josh jealous by making out with Draco. Draco was ok with it for a while, until he wondered where I was. That's who grabbed me. Jenny went to the twenty-three year old, bitch slapped her, and drug Josh away. We all walked home. At least, they did. Draco carried me because I had passed out.

We were all in love and we all got hurt.

My mobile was ringing.

"Hello?" I asked groggily.

"Pansy, come downstairs. I'm outside." It was Draco.

"Ok, be down in a sec." I said, now wide-awake at hearing Draco's voice. I could tell her was turned on by the way he was talking. I hung up, changed into jeans and a t-shirt, opened the door as quiet as I could, and snuck down the hall. As I passed Jenny's room, she woke up and looked at me from the other side of her open door.

"Where ya goin'?" She was still half asleep.

"Uh, I gotta piss." I lied.

"Mmk." she mumbled and fell back to sleep.

I went out the back door, and saw Draco in his car waiting for me in front of the driveway.

I sneak into his car's black leather seats. The smell of gasoline in the summer heat.

We drove down a deserted road.

"Where are we going?" I asked. I could see lights in the distance.

"You'll see." Draco said, smiling. Eight minutest later, I found out.

It was a fair. You read about all those people way back when who say they met at a fair and were in love since they kissed on the Ferris wheel. It was almost like that. He won me a stuffed bear. We ate cotton candy. And through the whole night, Draco had held my hand. I never knew he could be so sweet.

As we got in line for the Ferris wheel, Draco slipped over to the guy running it and talked to him.

"Hold my spot." he said. There was reallyno need, there was only one other person in line, and when she saw that Draco and I were getting on, she left. She must not have wanted to see a teenage couple making out. The fair was about to close anyway.

Draco came back from his chat and we got on. The bar lowered to us.

"Uh, Draco?" I said nervously.

"Yeah babe?" The wheel began to move. I hesitated to tell him. I felt stupid.

"Um, I'm, uh,kinda afraid of heights." I said, looking down. It was a big Ferris wheel. We were about halfway up to the top.

"Don't worry Pansy." He said. He put his arm around me. "It'll be great." I snuggled up against him. He was awful muscular from Quittich. He made me feel safe. It took a while to get to the top. But when we got there, it was beautiful.

"Look at it all." I said. It was as if someone had thrown a billion diamonds into the sky. In the distance, you could see storm clouds coming, and lightning flashed every so often.

"Yeah." he said. "It's great." I noticed he wasn't looking at the stars, but at me. Then suddenly he leaned over the edge and yelled "Ok Frank!". Immediately, the giant wheel stopped moving.

"This is what you were talking to that man about?"

"Yeah. I wanted to be up here with you. No distractions, no people. Just us and the night sky." He could be really romantic at times. Especially at times like this.

"Aw, Draco. Thank you so much." I tilted my head up to his and kissed him. The kiss turned into making out. Making out turned into Draco's hand up my shirt. That turned into Draco fingering me. It was a wonder that Frank couldn't hear me moan from down below. Suddenly Blaise's words popped into my head. "You get picked up, fingered...". Was this all really happening so fast? Did he really think of me as a whore? God, the game where all this started only happened three weeks ago. That wasn't too fast, was it?

Boy we're going way too fast. It's all too sweet to last.

After about twenty minutes up there, we were tired, and Draco called for Frank to let us down.

"Hope you kids had a good time here." Frank said as we were leaving. "I met mywife here nearly forty years ago." He smiled, remembering the event.

"Thanks so much." I said, walking out.

"Hey, Pansy." Draco said as we walked to the car.

"Yeah?"

"Would you mind not telling any one about this? You know, this whole entire thing. I wouldn't want Jenny to get pissed, you know?" Jenny would get pissed.

"Yeah. I won't tell." I said. Then I smirked. "But you owe me, 'cause I really want to tell Jenny." I didn't really. That was a lie.

"I think I can repay you when we get back to the house." Draco said, with the same grin I had.

It's all right. And I put myself in his hands. But I hold on to his secrets in white houses.

We stumbled in the back door to the basement, tangled in each other. We were only half trying to be quiet. At the moment, we really didn't care if the whole world heard us.

Love, or something ignites in my veins. And I pray it never fades from white houses.

At last we found a bedroom and he pushed me onto it. I tore off his jacket and threw it behind him. He pulled of my shirt, and then attacked my breasts. I moaned a little. It seemed to please Draco. I tugged Draco's shirt off over his head and kissed his muscular chest as he pulled off my jeans. My hand found his back pocket. I felt a circle of something wrapped in foil. I knew what I was. A tingle went through my entire body. He grabbed the item from his pocket, just as I heard a clap of thunder.

My first time, hard to explain.

I was totally naked by now. Draco merely had his boxers on, but not for long. You could tell he was incredibly turned on. We both were, but you could actaully see he was.Though right now he was interested in his tongue being between my thighs. He felt so good. Then I got that feeling like someone just yanked me from somewhere behind my stomach. The feeling you get when you watch a sex scene in a movie. Like a spike or something just hit me. I used to hate that feeling, but at that moment, I loved it.

"Oh Draco." I moaned. He stopped for a short moment and then his boxers were off.

Rush of blood, oh.

I wasn't ready. But I said I was.

"You sure you wanna do this?" he asked, breathing hard. I nodded. Then he leaned up to my ear, his chest against mine. "I hope it's special to you." he whispered. Then he grabbed my thighs and wrapped them around his waist. I was scared, but it felt so good. Not exactly right, but I felt so good. Then he was inside me.

And a little bit of pain.

I cried out just as a clap of thunder boomed above our heads. My hands were on his back, pulling him toward me. He started out slow, and then got faster. I was sure my nails were making scars on his back.

"Oh God! Draco!" I moaned loudly. It all felt so good. He felt so good. He went faster, pumping himselfinto me. He was breathing heavily now and I saw small beads of sweat on his forehead. I began to grind with him, pushing my abdomen to his. We worked together. Now I could see why Jenny called it dancing. Draco started to moan. We were both panting by now. Suddenly I felt something cominginside me.

"Oh…ohh…"I moaned loudly. It was pouring rain outside. I was thankful for the thunder and lightning. If there hadn't been, I was sure that the whole neighborhood could have heard us. I felt myself getting tired, I was reaching my peak. I suddenly felt myself have something that I could only describe as a warm explosion.

"Oh, fuck!" I yelled. I felt so good, but we were both so tired. I didn't want to stop, but Draco slowed. He moaned as I had my orgasm against him. We were done. I fell asleep in his arms.

On a cloudy day, it's more common than you think. He's my first mistake.

I woke up the next day alone and naked. The wrapper from the condom was on the dresser and my clothes were scattered around on the floor. I looked down at myself and saw a little blood on my sheet where I was laying. Suddenly reality hit me, I was sixteen years old and I lost my virginity to the King of Slytherin. It wasn't exactly like I planned, but in the end, it was great. Of all people to lose it to, I got a good one. Then why do I feel like I regret it, I thought.

I got up, took a shower, changed the sheets and went upstairs. There was a note on the table. It was from Draco.

Hey Pansy. Sorry, but I had to run. Thanks for...well, you know. I want you to know that you'll always be special to me. Let's, uh, 'meet up' again.

Draco

Little did I know that I was never special to him again. Blaise was right, I was a whore.

END OF FLASHBACKS

My hands slowly glide over the keys. My parent's old baby grand was slightly out of tune. But I don't care. No one knows I play the piano. Everyone thinks of me as the slut who has slept with Draco many times and who knows who else, that I have no feelings. But I do. I have feelings, but someone inside of me tells me to keep them in, not to show anyone. Just play along and be Draco's little sex toy. I sing along to last verse in my favorite song.

Maybe you were all faster than me. We gave each other up so easily. These silly little wounds will never mend. I feel so far from where I've been, so I go. And I will not be back here again. I'm gone as the day is fading on white houses. I lie, put my injuries all in the dust. In my heart it's the five of us in white houses. And you, maybe you'll remember me. What I gave is yours to keep in white houses. In white houses. In white houses.

I played the last note of the song, a low C. This song practically described my life. It was three years ago in Jenny's basement, when we played that game. That's how it all got started, just a little game.