This chapter takes place after Ch61 of SFTD.

Maybe, considering everything that happened, sleep was a bad idea.

Jax found himself in the Meeting Hall, muscles frozen. The area was deathly quiet, the braziers dark. He hated this. He knew what was in store for him every time he came here. Not even Lucifer had been able to stop the torrent of power that would always come, always drag him screaming into the waking world. It didn't matter how much he stalled—eventually, Cronus would be there to drag him forwards and tear him down, time and time again. Jax could already feel tears pricking at his eyes out of fear, but he swallowed, moving forwards. At least getting it over with quickly would wake him up.

The braziers roared to life. Jax knelt, closing his eyes and trying to will the tears away. Crying just made it worse. His blood turned to ice as he heard the orchestra approach, but... there was something off to it. It was softer, sounding a more melancholy tone. There was no thunder to it, just a haunting, mourning refrain, like a nocturne. Jax didn't dare look up as he heard Cronus manifest. He just took a breath in, head bowed.

"My son." No. No, this wasn't right. Cronus's voice was so soft. Vulnerable. What was this? "I... I am glad to see you alive. I don't know what came over Me. I had gotten so frustrated over you not listening to Me. But I didn't mean to hurt you."

Jax blinked, breath stilling, more terror coming over him than when Cronus had erupted in rage before. He looked up to see Cronus had manifested right in front of him, far smaller than he usually projected. Still taller than the Chosen, but not the godly heights he always appeared at. "—you didn't?"

"No. Never, never, never. I lash out in anger but it's because I always see you can be so much more." Cronus knelt down and eased a hand onto Jax's cheek, who held back the urge to recoil. "You are my only child, and I love you more than My next breath. Can you see that?"

Jax didn't know how to respond. This... this was magnitudes worse than his other nightmares. This was giving him hope. Hope for Cronus. "Then why? Why would you try to kill me? Why call my own emotions a weakness?"

"Because others will try to hurt you when you appear vulnerable. They will see the Mindbutcher shed tears of fear and see that he is not infallible, and My heart aches to think that you could be taken advantage of. And please, son. My anger escapes Me, but I never mean it." His hand dropped. "Can you forgive Me? You mean so much to Me, Jax-Rai. You are Our champion, standing head and shoulders over your brother and sister. You are My Champion."

He swallowed, the lump in his throat refusing to move. This wasn't Cronus. This couldn't be Cronus. But... what if it was? Jax had known the Cronus before he had started making mistakes, the one that had once appeared in person with his son, singing his praises to all. The one who provided him with his former Priests, with Maria. Argus couldn't have been telling the truth. There had to be a shred of love underneath that rage. "I... I f—"

"Get away from him!"

Lucifer physically manifested between him and Cronus, hands held out and psionics pooled within them. It was a token gesture, really—Lucifer could never stand up to the dreamt power of Cronus. But he would always try. Cronus reeled back, looking genuinely hurt. "My son, what is the meaning of this?"

"I..." Maybe there was something to be saved. "Please, father, answer me. If you are loving of me, then—"

"Jax, this isn't Cronus." Lucifer looked back to Jax. "You'll never get the answer you want. You need to wake up!"

"But I must know!" Jax stood up. "What if he—?"

Lucifer fully turned around, using two of his hands to grasp Jax's arm and pulling him away. "Please, Jax, trust me! I'm going to try to wake you up!"

"Son!" Cronus reached forward, making it a few steps. Jax blinked, and suddenly Cronus was physical, looking the way he had almost nineteen years ago. He stumbled, falling to the floor, reaching after Jax. "Don't leave me! I can answer whatever you need, just don't leave me alone!"

Jax dug his heels in. "Lucifer, unhand me!"

"Don't believe a word he says!" As Jax struggled, Lucifer added in all of his hands to the effort, ruined wings beating as he dragged Jax backwards, away from Cronus. "Do you actually think Cronus would say any of this?!"

"Jax-Rai!" Cronus was trying his best to stand, but it was as if his limbs were weakening by the second. His voice still rang loudly in Jax's head, and the volume of the orchestra was mounting. "Please, help me! Don't leave me, I need you!"

Cronus was getting farther and farther, and Jax couldn't struggle against Lucifer's might. "Unhand me! He needs me! I can save Him!"

"His saving is not your burden!" The details of the area were getting blurrier, and Jax could feel himself rising in an indescribable way.

"Don't leave me!" Cronus made one final push, seeming to speak right into Jax's nerves. "Don't leave—!"

Jax jolted awake in bed. The low ambiance of the ship's engines was only broken by his frenzied breathing. He quickly clutched his chest, then felt for his legs. Missing still. The dream finally caught up to him, and Jax's breathing stilled. Sympathy. He was feeling sympathy for Cronus still. For the Elder who had tried to kill him one and succeeded another time. He was unforgivable, him and all his kind. Jax should have felt no sorrow for him.

And yet, is He not the one who needs your forgiveness most?

"Jax." In the low light of the room, Lucifer appearing caused a red glow to be cast on the metal around them. "It was just a dream. Just a part of you thinking Cronus could be saved. But that's not your burden, if he can change at all."

"I..." Jax clutched his head, hunching over. "Why? Why do I still have hope for him? Why, when he—when he..." He hiccupped, hands shaking, eyes watering. "He is unforgivable! And here I am, thinking he means only good in his intentions! Why can't I truly hate him?! I want him dead! B-but what if—what if?!"

"Jax, please, breathe." Lucifer's arms closed around him. "Please. You know what he did to you, how he built himself up on a pedestal. Twenty years, Jax. He did it for twenty years. It'll take a while for all parts of you to take him off of that. Please don't blame yourself."

"I—I believed him, when he said... when he said he..." He couldn't articulate himself anymore. Jax desperately hugged Lucifer back, sobbing. Hatred, fear, misplaced hope, all swirling in his gut and stabbing him. He wanted it to be easy. He wanted what his brother and sister had—to hate the Elders and be done with it. But Cronus always found a way back into his dreams, and the notion that he could forgive him scared Jax more than anything else.

He stayed like that with Lucifer for a bit, working through his feelings. What would the others think if he still held mourning in his heart for Cronus? The others he could not forgive for striking his siblings—if anything, he was regretful that he didn't try to support or protect either of them. Even if he knew the Elders would likely resent and punish him appropriately for doing so... he still regretted not being there for his brother and sister. He gave a shuddering sigh, trying to take deep breaths to calm his crying. He'd had his fill. He just wanted to—

"Jax?"

Jax jolted, head snapping to the door. That had been Fal-Mai's voice beyond. He gave a shuddering sigh. "C-come in."

The door opened, and Fal-Mai stepped in, in her sleep clothes—shorts, a t-shirt, and her undersuit beneath it all. She was quick to come over and sit on the bed, joining the hug. "—another nightmare?"

Jax softly hiccupped, nodding. "S-so much worse. So m-much worse than usual." Both Lucifer and Jax did their best to relay the dream, with Jax trusting that Fal-Mai would not judge. He had already confessed to not entirely despising the Elders still before. He still trusted that Fal-Mai understanding remained.

That it did. "I... I can only imagine how horrifying it must have been, to have that hope towards an Elder. To think that, despite everything you knew, that they could change." Fal-Mai squeezed Jax. "But it was just that—a dream. Our 'parents' do not deserve our forgiveness, and never will. For someone as... well, soft as yourself, I know you would want to see the best in them. So I do not blame you. Just know the best version of your family is here, outside of whatever Cronus could provide."

"I... I just want to be like you. Unified in my hate." Jax palmed at his tears. "Not having this back-and-forth with myself."

"As unified as I may seem..." Fal-Mai wilted. "I still sometimes hold myself to her standards of perfection. It is something I struggle with to this day. But one day, I will be free, and I know I will have to live to see that day. The same as you, the same as Mordenna. And we will never be free if we go back, if they do not kill us immediately. If not for yourself, then... for the rest of us? For Eliza?"

Jax shuddered. "I... I would never go back. Not now. But I understand what you mean." He had to live to see that day. He would. He just needed to get there. "... thank you, Fal-Mai. For everything."

Fal-Mai smiled. "I would do it time and time again, for time unending. Do you think you can go back to sleep?"

He sighed, shaking his head. "No. F-for fear that it could resume."

"Ok." Fal-Mai pulled back from the hug. "I will go and get my sewing tools—Edgar and Pattie have been teaching me, and I have been practicing on my own. I will stay with you for the night so you have some company along with Lucifer."

Jax returned her smile, feeling himself relax. The horror of his dream lingered, yes. But it was assuaged by the reality of his waking world.