A/N: Just thought I needed some place I could put all my weird ideas of mad One Piece scenarios for everyone to see…
Parody/Humor & AUs; I've always loved those but there's just not enough of them in the One Piece section.
Let's face it people, the One Piece Universe is a crazy world! And all of us here know we're all a little insane somewhere for loving it so much.
So most of us should easily enjoy this somewhat original lunacy here, right? Right. No flames then!
I'd love to ask you to write plenty of reviews for me and leave enjoyable suggestions as well as lovely compliments but, guess what; I WON'T!
DISCLAIMER: I-DO-OWN-ONEPIECE!... In this fic…Yeah, I do. Really…
Want proof? Look. I am using some of my many, many dollars to separate the A/N from the fikkie! As well as to paper-paint the walls of my room, and the house, and the garden… Not that the covering paint coat would give you a chance to check, but…
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OnePiece Empires! by StarSparklez
Chapter One: Once upon a time…
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Once upon a time, in a far, far, far away land…
From a far, far, far away dimension…
Owned by an almighty 'beautiful, incredible, magnificent, amazing, invincible, irresistible, wonderful, superb, loveable, breathtaking, adorable, spectacular, astonishing, fantastic, extraordinary, etc., etc. etc. etc…AND modest fanfiction authoress called StarSparklez!'
But she is presently too --'beautiful, incredible, magnificent, amazing, invincible, irresistible, wonderful, superb, loveable, breathtaking, adorable, spectacular, astonishing, fantastic, extraordinary, etc., etc. etc. etc…AND modest'-- to be properly described, even by, yours truly, herself; her-- insert the 'what would be just about perfect description of her perfect self' here-- self.
So,
Once upon a time, blah blah blah blab la lala…
:sigh: Someone take over for me…I'm tired…Hmmm :scans about: Yup, you there, here's the microphone. Go ahead.
Okay, so here we start.
There was a man called Golden Roger, no not Gold.D.Roger. Golden Roger, yes.
So this guy, he's name was Gold.D.Roger before the authoress decided to turn him into a gold statue of himself. 'Why is that?' you ask.
Well, she kinda got mad at him when he wouldn't tell her where to find the One Piece. He didn't even tell her what was the One Piece. So she decided to hex him into stillness and since she has a pretty… 'rich' view of things, she didn't turn him into stone but into gold. Something about him living up to his name.
The thing was, on the day she spelled him, he kept that grin on his face all the time and, as a result, that same smile is still plastered on his golden face to this very day. Which, makes it very hard for the authoress to forget how much he ticked her off that day.
So basically, this guy, his name was Gold.D.Roger, but now that he's a golden statue, his name is Golden Roger. Now, one big mystery we're gonna try andsolve throughout this story is that of his last words and the smile that came with them. So the last thing he said before---
He said to go looking for One Piece, okay! Now, Gaimon, I suggest you make this story as interesting as it should be or else, you don't wanna know what I can do to you! Besides making you worthy of that treasure box you're in that is…
Hey, it's not like I asked to be reading this for you!
Fine! It's not like this part's of much relevance anyway! Give me the script and be gone:Shuts him inside his box and locks it. With the puffs of green frizzy hair sticking out from the sides of the box, Gaimon now looks like an unappetizing spinach-filled sandwich. She disposes of him. And hands the story to a different character to read before lying back in her lawn chair:
So here we go again, seriously this time.
Once upon a time, you know the rest.
There was a peaceful kingdom called Pirates, ruled by a kind young king who had recently been declared its supreme ruler.
Hence, Monkey. D. Luffy was the 'New King of Pirates', abbreviated NKP by the lazy authoress.
:Authoress glares:
I mean, hum, by the --insert here 'Perfect description of her perfection'-- authoress.
:Authoress smiles satisfied:
The reason Luffy had been crowned King at such a young age was that his older brother, supposedly the first heir to the throne, had been very sick since his youth.
The former King had tried many times to get him healed. He'd brought the very best doctors from all over his kingdom and the neighboring ones as well, to no avail however. The elder of his sons kept that very high body temperature despite all the fever treatments and other efforts from the physicians to get him to cool it.
This had worried the King deeply, for it was no ordinary fever either, it was very, very high. No thermometer had survived their test on the prince. None. The king had grieved; for healthy boys the age of his son were supposed to be acting 'cool'.
One day, a giant sorcerer presented himself at the palace and claimed he could help the ill prince, Portgas. D. Ace, control the fire that burned within him, literally.
To do that however, he had to take him away into some kind of teaching somewhere in the black forest. A training that would take years, so he could finally master is inner blaze.
And so, Prince Ace departed with Merlin White Beard and his nurses in hopes to someday be able to contain his hellish curse and also to get away from the too many physicians that had harassed him throughout most of his puberty, leaving his beloved father and brother behind.
Thus, when the King's time came, Luffy was left with the enormous responsibility of an entire Kingdom. A heavy weight for the rubber shoulders of the dense seventeen years old to bear.
This is where our story starts. In the great assembly room of the Pirates' Palace, where the members of the old King's council were having another meeting.
The topic of their discussion was one of immense importance, for it concerned the future of their entire Kingdom. And the young king, so loving of his country, proved to be actively participating in this vital subject. He shouted his opinions with conviction to the members of the council from where he stood at the head of the table.
"You want me to get married! Again! You're not any fun! Let's discuss the food issues instead again, I like that better!"
"But your Highness," spoke his eldest advisor, Damayor(1)," You must understand. We've dismissed this pressing matter too many times before. It is now urgent that we deal with it."
"But why exactly?" whined Luffy.
"We have explained the situation to you many times my King," Damayor answered in a somewhat annoyed tone, " We need to reinforce our new alliance with the Kingdom of Alabasta."
"But we're already allies. We have been so ever since we've helped them end the war with the Felines. Why do I have to marry Princess Vivi? Why now?"
Old Damayor's eyebrow was now dangerously twitching in irritation.
"Because Luffy-sama, the idea of a King ruling without a Queen is preposterous. At least to most people it is. Even the people of Pirates think it an unreasonable choice of you to rule alone."
"I never said I wanted to govern on my own. I just said I didn't want to get married for it! I'm too young, and Vivi is even younger then I am!"
By the end of King's sentence, a nerve had popped on the old man's temple. His patience was wearing thin.
Khalifa, the only female member of the council, chose then to speak.
"My Lord, I'm afraid you underestimate the importance of a female presiding by your side. There is no way, a man like yourself alone, could keep our Kingdom's serenity and prosperity much longer."
Hearing her words, Luffy ceased his pout and his face brightened in what was apparently, understanding.
"But if you wanted me to have a nice Lady help run the country you just to say so!" he said.
All ears at the table widened and stretched in surprised interest. Had they finally gotten through to their King impenetrable skull?
"I could just chose one to help me oversee the things in my country. She'll have to be very nice though, and smart too." he continued.
By now all wide eyes and attention in the room were turned to him awaiting his next words. Could the King really, finally, be thinking…
"I know just who that'll be!" he exclaimed whirling in his chair to look behind him. He smiled at who he saw.
The suspense in the room was higher then ever.
"Makino you're perfect for this tuff task!" he said to his kind chief maid and nurse.
The table shook under Luffy's hands. He turned from Makino's amusedly bewildered expression to see that everyone sitting at his long rectangular table had facefaulted.
"What? You know I'm right! She manages everything and everyone here in the castle so well."
As the members of the council peeled their respective face off the marble surface then their glasses or monocles, Makino hastily spoke to Luffy, but nonetheless still in a motherly affectionate tone.
"Luffy-sama, I cannot be the one to help you rule the Kingdom. It has to be someone of royal blood, or of importance in the society."
"But you're important too! You've been my warden since I was small!"
Makino laughed good naturedly. Their new monarch was definitely a little eccentric.
"No, Luffy-sama. It will have to be whom you chose to be your wife. And it will have to be soon."
She spoke a little firmly this time. Luffy's expression fell. He had been defeated.
By his nurse's change of tone.
Khalifa noted this and filed it away for future reference.
Damayor looked pensive. He mused out loud.
"You know Luffy-sama, maybe you and Makino have made a point here. Maybe we'll give you a chance to choose your bride."
All heads at the table turned to him in shock at this revelation. Khalifa raised an eyebrow at Damayor in a way that suggested more caution then curiosity.
"I know it is hard for an adolescent like yourself to bear the weigh of a great monarch's crown such as the one your father was. I suppose the least we can do, not only as considerate advisors but also as friends, is give you a chance to choose whom you'll marry."
"Dad's crown is not that heavy." Luffy tried butting in but was quietly hushed by Makino who was now standing right by his side.
Damayor continued, ignoring him.
"However, you must understand that, by law, the person you will choose will have to be of noble blood. We cannot obliterate this rule. And for that we shall hold a ball. In which you will have the occasion of meeting the most eligible bachelors throughout the land."
Khalifa laughed. While the King looked bemused and maybe a little incredulous.
"You're such a cliché Damayor," Khalifa commented, smiling.
"And you my dear, tend to think too modernly for my taste; ever the outspoken feminist. What better solution do you have to suggest?"
Damayor sounded somewhat affronted.
"Oh, none old man. I did not say it was a bad idea. However, I do have a condition to add. Let us not forget the reason why we suggested Princess Vivi first. Our alliance with the Kingdom of Alabasta is one of vital importance to us now. Especially since we keep hearing more of these increasing disturbances to the West.
"I say my King, that since you will have to choose a bride, should you not find a match at the ball, you will take none other than Princess Vivi."
"I agree with Khalifa my King, for once," said Damayor nodding, " So be it then. You may adjourn this meeting my Lord."
"Uh, do I get a say in this?" Asked Luffy.
Instantly all seven members of the council and servants standing by replied in perfect unison.
"No."
"Just say the words son," said the another advisor, the one sitting besides Damayor, Zeff.
He had been quiet thorough the entire meeting and was getting very eager to leave; he had other business to attend to and Luffy knew the reason he still bothered to come to these dull and boring meetings was out of respect for the previous King.
And as he looked around the table, he saw that most members had looked up from their face imprints on the table to glare at him.
Even Professor Clover, who had been sitting facing Zeff, was rubbing a sore looking big bump on is head that had appered soon after everyone had facefaulted. 'Guess that toque is solider and heavier then it looks' though Luffy.
"Okay, then we're done." Said Luffy obediently.
As the advisors exited the room, the young monarch stayed in his chair sulking and only once everyone but Makino had left did he speak.
"Being the King of Pirates is no fun. I have a totally different vision of it."
Makino smiled at him consolingly.
"Who knows my King, perhaps you could give this title a different meaning sometime. Now, let us get you changed my lord. It is almost time for your for your exercise."
"Makino, can you do something for me?" the King blurted out abruptly.
Makino looked surprised at the unnecessary question.
"My Lord; anything."
"Okay, but don't tell anyone about this."
The maid was startled by what she heard next.
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Good, good. Keep reading. I think this is getting good.
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Meanwhile in a different part of Pirates. Somewhere on the Chantilly path, the only pass that led through the Black Forest, a traveling carriage came to an abrupt stop.
Right there before them, in the middle of the road, stood five kids blocking their way. The coach driver was taken aback when they each raised a wooden sword.
One of the two taller ones spoke in what he though was supposed to be an intimidating voice.
"Taxes, for passage through the Black Forest!"
Just then a blond head poked out of the carriage window,
"Merry what is it?" she asked confused.
"Ojou-sama, I don't know. It's only children though, you may sit back inside."
"Only children?" the second taller boy sounded insulted.
"Hey, we're not just kids! I'm already 11!" said the one who'd first spoken.
"Yeah, and I'm 10 and half!" continued the second one, showing all his ten fingers for everyone to see and dropping his wooden sword in the process.
"Ouch," he sounded as he hastily picked it up and introduced loudly, "Beware, for we are the Fresh Warriors! I'm Kappa!"
"And I am Chabo the leader!" said the first one.
The three shorter ones then immediately followed with the introductions,
"I'm Pepper!"
"I'm Carrot!"
"And I'm onion!"
Merry, who had being watching them in amusement the whole time, laughed.
"I could have guessed for you three," he said looking tellingly at the youngest Fresh warriors. The way they were coiffed was quite a hint.
He continued smiling kindly at them,
"Why, it is very nice to meet you, young warriors. I'm Merry, humble servitor of our young Oujou-sama, Lady Kaya. We have to reach our destination before nightfall. Please kindly let us pass."
The boys looked apprehensive of Merry's words,
"But we can't let you pass! We need the money! For the taxes!"
"Taxes?" Kaya found herself interested.
"Yeah. We're from a small village in the forest by the lake. And there's this fishman sheriff who says we owe him taxes. And it's getting to be a lot. He even settled there with his men and they beat our dads if they don't pay!"
All the kids nodded and confirmed their leader's explanation,
"It's true! They're cruel to us!"
"My family moved from our Kingdom during the war to settle there. All was well, until they came. I hate it there now. But they won't even allow us to move back to our country. The fishmen got us on watch!" said Kappa.
"Really?" Kaya sounded curious.
"Ojou-sama, we have to continue on our way. What should I do?" asked anxiously.
She watched the kids for a moment, as if considering. Then, she smiled and her head disappeared back inside the carriage. Seconds later, she opened the door and descended holding a small purse.
She handed it to Chabo who immediately concluded it was one full of Bellies (2). He gave her an incredulous look.
"You're the leader. Share this equally among you and the rest of your group," she told him smiling.
Chabo noticed it was a somewhat forced smile and he immediately wondered about the genuineness of her intention.
Merry had also dismounted the coach and was by his Oujousama's side, holding her shoulders.
"Kaya-jousama, you need to get back inside. You are weak, and we need to get moving. You have what you wanted now, children. Now go back to wherever you came from, quickly. And let us be on our way."
Kaya did not respond to her warden, she, oddly, looked a little dazed and very frail all of a sudden.
Chabo noticed and was frowning, while Kappa and the three other boys watched in silent shock.
"Why do you do it? You didn't have to give me this." Chabo asked seriously.
"Isn't that what you wanted, boy? Merry snapped, now getting impatient.
"Didn't you say you needed it? I just wanted to help. Didn't anyone ever give you help in this way? I'm sorry if you mean you refuse charity—." Kaya looked shaky and worried and her managed tightened his hold on her shoulders as Chabo cut her off,
"I didn't mean that!"
A pause.
"And no," he paused again, as the travelers waited for him to continue, both a little perplexed, "No, only one person I know is so charitable. And she has reasons to be 'cause she's from our village."
Kaya noticed that Chabo's eyes were getting watery and Merry carefully asked,
"Who's that?"
"It's Nami-niisan," Carrot said without thinking.
Instantly all the boys looked alerted, Onion and Pepper who were standing on either side of Carrot both clamped their hands over Carrot's mouth until Kappa said sweatdropping,
"Too late guys."
Indeed, Merry cried,
"Nami? Nami of the Hoods? The one who robs rich celebrities?"
"Uh oh," said Chabo, before yelling, "Every F.W for themselves! Scramble for your lifes!"
And he ran, soon the other four were scuttling behind him.
Merry shouted after them as they faded from view
"Hey wait! Come back here, thieves! Rah, I should have known. And there's a price on Nami Hood's head too! If only we'd heard of them the location of their village first we—."
He stopped himself when he felt a tap on his arm. Kaya looked him, smiling reassuringly.
"Merry, it's alright. They didn't rob us, I gave them that purse."
"But Ojou-sama—," she cut him off,
"No, Merry. Besides, you heard the kids. Isn't itwonderful? The legend it true. Nami Hood really robs the rich to feed the poor!" she was smiling and her eyes were shining.
Seeing her like this, Merry could not bring himself to voice another pessimistic opinion on the so called Princess of thieves. Today, was the first time he saw his Ojousama smile in a long while.
So all he said was,
"Come on, then. Let's us be on our way again. It's a long distance still, to where we are going."
Her smile faded.
"Yes, Merry," she agreed as she mounted the carriage again with Merry holding the door for her.
And so soon they were off again. Where to? Why, even anyone of the Fresh Warriors could tell you that!
After all, there was only one path travelers can use to get through the Black Forest. And that was the Chantilly path, which Kaya ':sight from the current narrator:' and her warden used to get away from Drum Kingdom. So they were predictably headed…
To Pirates!
Back where, actually, somewhere in the large garden of the King's palace, a green head was snoring peacefully under the shadow of a tree. He was awaken from his slumber however, as an energetic voice cried over him,
"Hey Zoro, wake up. We're going to town!"
Zoro did as he was told but remained seated.
"What is it now, Luffy? What do you want?"
Only after he'd asked those two questions in annoyance did he notice Makino behind him looking at him disapprovingly.
"I'm going for a walk in town instead of training today. And you're coming with me!"
Zoro ignored Makino's glare and responded in an angry tone,
"You know you're not allowed to do that. And what if I don't want to accompany you?"
"Well, since you are Captain of the guard, you should assume your King's protection," said Makino.
"Exactly! You said it yourself. Captain-of-the-guard. Not this spoiled and whimsical idiot's personal bodyguard! That's someone else's job."
"Lucky Roux is no fun to be around anymore! We always end up fighting over the meat!" said Luffy.
"Well then that's your problem. Not mine!"
That said, Zoro laid back and shut his eyes, hoping it had put an end to this conversation. His hopes fell as Makino spoke again,
"Zoro-san, please just do it. You might as well spend some time with your friend, before it's too late."
She smiled; that caught his attention, as she had predicted. Bringing up his friendship with the young King was tool that never failed.
"Before it's too late for who?"
A pause, as he looked from Makino to his friend warrily.
"What's happening?" he asked, the slightest hint of concern in his voice.
Luffy gave a broad grin as he replied,
"I'm getting married soon."
Zoro's eyes widened. Much to the satisfaction of Makino and Luffy.
That simple?
He sighed.
There was a long pause before he said finally,
"We're not going anywhere near the forest, you hear me Luffy King?"
Yes, that simple.
Luffy laughed in response, he straightened the straw hat on his hat before moving up between two trees and extending a hand to each one. He then backed off and smile at Zoro expectantly.
"You've got be kidding me! You're gonna eject us out," asked Zoro, incredulous.
Makino urged them,
"Go on ahead, quickly. Some of the guards are coming. And I won't be able to hold Lucky Roux for too long."
As if to prove her words, they heard a distant voice somewhere behind them,
"Makino-san? Have you and his Majesty found Captain Roronoa yet?"
Makino turned and responded loudly,
"Hum. No, actually. Wait, I'm coming."
Then she turned one last time to Zoro and Luffy,
"Find Chouchou first. Don't go about town without him to help you find your way back!"
After that she started running in the direction she heard the guards, while Zoro made his way behind Luffy and held him by the shoulder.
"Luffy," he started as calmly as he could, tightening his hold as if to mark his next words,
"We are not catapulting ourselves out of the castle. Let's just ride the walls."
Much to his chagrin, Luffy chuckled in response to that suggestion as he stated simply,
"Too late."
Before Zoro realized he hadn't let go off his shoulder, he was already soaring through the air crying his sudden and unexpected departure in a loud 'AAAAHHHHHHH!'. And while the interjection Luffy emitted was very similar, it sounded less like an angry and surprised yell and way more like a laugh.
"Safe landing boys," murmured Makino as she reached the guards.
A/N:
1-Yes, 'Damayor' is ' the mayor' from Luffy's village, Fuusha. I didn't know his name. I wonder if he actually has one. Please, do inform me if you know it.
2-When I say 'Bellies', I mean many coins of the currency that is used in the OP universe and that is the 'Belly'. Or the 'Berry' depending on how you hear them pronounce it. But either way, when I put it in plural it sounds weird. 'Bellies or Berries'. I thought I'd rather have a purse of Bellies handed than one of Berries, it's scarier. Who knows though, the content of it just might change as the story goes. :Chuckles evilly: