Chap. 2
Fury and Sound
"You guys still working on that thing?" Beast Boy came as he came over. "The initiation? Actually we're just about done with it." Sara said. "The other Elementals will be coming over for it soon." "I thought you said it was Raven's uncles." Beast Boy said. "And they are. All of the Elementals are siblings, in every sense but blood. So we refer to each other as brother, or in my case, sister." "Cool. So what is this ceremony about anyway?" "Beast Boy, they haven't even told me. I don't think you're gonna find out." Raven explained. "We thought it up after Sara joined up." Brett said. "We don't get too many chances to invite someone into the family, so it's a pretty big deal. It's like a wedding and funeral rolled together; everybody gets together for it no matter what." At that, Sara and Raven both turned and looked at Brett. The bat shrugged and said, "OK, bad analogy."
Suddenly, Beast Boy looked over Brett's shoulders and a small grin broke out on his face. "Speaking of weddings.." he said, pointing behind them. The three of them turned to see Starfire and Robin embracing in a kiss. "Hey guys, get a room." BB yelled out. The two of them quickly broke the embrace and grinned sheepishly. "Is it just me or do they do that all the time now?" he said as he turned back. "They are in love, you know." Brett said. "About time too." Sara said. Indeed, the two heroes had become closer ever since the disaster with Trigon. Maybe it was the danger involved, maybe the fact the world nearly ended, but ever since, they seemed to throw all their inhibitions to the wind. Everything that the other Titans and BRATS had seen in their friends finally came to the surface, and they'd admitted their feelings for each other. "I still say it's a beautiful thing." Sara said. "And they look so happy." "Yeah, but I'm still glad that it didn't happen to me." Beast Boy said. "What do you mean?" asked Raven. "I don't want to get attached like that. I'd be too depressed from what I was missing." "And what exactly would that be?" Raven asked.
"Why, the rest of the ladies of course." Beast Boy replied. "They all love the green you know." "And exactly how many women have you brought home? After all, you've been going out for what, six months now?" Brett asked. "I never said I brought them home." BB grinned. "Well, well, I suppose I'll just have to go club-hopping with you one night." Sara said with a smirk. "Of course, I don't know how many blind clubs there are in the city, so you'll have to show me." "Oh ha ha." The green one muttered. "If you guys wanna stay with each other fine, that's cool. Me, I'm gonna really see the world." "Yeah, but you never remember it." Raven said back. "Face it, that's not what you want. You're just scared." "Scared of what?" "Finding another Terra."
At that, a hush fell over the room. Sara sucked in a breath and Brett's face took on an even grimmer look. The BRATS and Titans stopped working out and stared at the developing situation. Beast Boy however, merely stood there, a stunned expression on his face. Then it darkened. "Take. That. Back." He said with venom. "I'm just telling the truth. You need to get over her and this isn't the way." "Well, excuse me Raven, oh mistress of love! And how many people have you cared about!" Beast Boy snapped back. "This isn't about me. I don't need to find another person to love." "Oh but I do? Well at least I'm trying! At least I don't spend my time in my room, meditating and reading those stupid books! You don't even need to do that as much now." "I enjoy it." Raven said through gritted teeth. "It's more fulfilling then going out and hanging with strangers who don't even remember your name." "That's enough." Brett said, trying to end it there, before it went in the direction he feared. But it happened regardless. "At least I'm trying something! But hey, maybe you are looking. After all, you found a dragon in those books, maybe next you can fall in love with the devil!"
Everything stopped. Sara's mouth fell open. Robin and the others just stood there with shocked expressions. Brett's face was a mix of pain for Raven and anger at Beast Boy. As for him, even he seemed taken aback by what he'd just said. Raven just stood there, barely moving. Her eyes were narrow, but whether in anger or pain, no one could tell. "Raven, I.." Beast Boy began, but it was too late. At the sound of his voice, Raven turned on her heel and stomped out of the room. As she slammed the door on her out, Brett and Sara both looked at BB with rage caking their features. "You are a complete jackass." Sara snarled. "What is wrong with you? Do you ever think?" Brett screamed. "Didn't you think that maybe Raven is still hurt? Did you?" "I-I thought…" Beast Boy stammered. "What? That she doesn't think about it anymore? Well she does. Don't you get it? Malichor was the first person that ever really loved her, even if it was fake. That's something that's hard enough to get over by itself, but like this it's damn impossible. But you know? I figured that if anyone knew about that, it would be you. Guess I was wrong."
Raven angrily shut the door to her room. Walking over to her bed, she sat down and finally allowed herself to wipe her eyes. Stupid Beast Boy. Why'd I let him do that to me? Sheangrily asked herself. But maybe he'd had some reason. After all, Terra was as much a sore point for him as Malichor was for her. Bringing it up like that was certain to hurt him. But I was trying to help him. She shot back. He's just ignoring his pain. I can still feel it every time he walks into the room. And I don't even think about Malichor anymore. Why does it hurt so much then?
"Because he's not wrong." She said aloud. It surprised her, to hear those words from her mouth. Yet, Raven knew that it was true. When Malichor had met her, she'd felt truly happy for the first time in her life. Somebody loved her; Raven, daughter of the demon. She'd felt like she'd been walking on air right until the end. Then Raven had felt something inside her crack into a million pieces. Pieces that she still hadn't been able to put back together. Having Brett and Sara in her life had put a lot of them back, but Raven still felt like pieces were missing. And the worst was that it wasn't even that many pieces left. Just to have someone love her like that again, was that so much? Raven had been though so much pain in her fifteen years. Was a little happiness too much?
Sadly, she turned her head to the chest by her bookshelf. That was where she had imprisoned the book containing the dragon. Raven knew that she would never open it, but sometimes, she would look at it and wonder why it couldn't have been better. "Why couldn't somebody else have been in there?" she wondered aloud. She would have contemplated it more, but then there was a knock at the door. "Can we come in?" Sara's voice asked from the other side. "Sure." Raven said. The door slid back as her parents walked into the room. "Are you ok honey?" Sara asked as she sat down next to Raven. "I don't know anymore." The empath sighed. "Don't think about what he said." Brett said. "It wasn't true and we both know it." "Maybe, but I'm just not sure anymore." Raven said. "I mean, having you two around is amazing, but sometimes, I just think that I'm missing something. I-I know what he was, but I still miss him. Well, not him, but what he.." "What he did for you." Sara finished. "I want that again, and I just don't know how to get it." Raven said sadly.
"I know just what you mean." Brett said. "I felt the same way when I was trying to get your mother. The Knights are family, but sometimes you just want more. You want one person's love, because it makes you feel complete. It makes you feel stronger, because then you're not two people anymore; you're one. And I knew that this was the person that I could make love me. Because if I could do that, then I'd be whole." "Still a way with words." Sara said. Turning to her daughter, she said, "Everyone wants that Raven, and you will find that person. Maybe sometimes we think that it's someone else, and we get hurt. But that's part of life. What's important is that we move on and keep trying." "I know. I guess that's what I was trying to make Beast Boy understand." "I know. But you can't make him face it, just like he can't make you face it. You both have come to grips with it on your own. And you will. Both of you."
Raven nodded, and then said, "Thanks Mom." "Always." Sara replied. "Now then, why don't we do something to forget about this? Doesn't the new Dragonlance come out today?" "No, Terry Brooks." Brett and Raven both said at once. They paused a moment, then smiled at each other. "God, you two are nerds." Sara said. "Well, to the book depositary!"