Chap. 13

The Suffering Part 1

(Lyrics by Coheed and Cambria)

OK, I decided to split this into two parts, cause I just felt like it. This first half is from Beast Boy's perspective, and why he feels the way he does. The second half is from Raven's perspective, and it's her starting to like BB back. Both are narrated with Coheed and Cambria's song 'The Suffering.' (Fucking great tune) Enjoy, and please review.

After Brett and Sara left, no one came near the room for a few hours. The sounds that came from inside it were more frightening then any kind of magical creature that Rorek could have summoned from hell. Screeches of rage and the sounds of objects being hurled against the wall were all that emanated from within. And these were not the sounds of a girl venting her heartbreak; they were the sounds of something mad enjoying the rapture of killing. But such rapture only lasts for such a time, and this was no exception. Eventually, the noises subsided and the hallway became safe to walk down again. Yet no one would dare to try to do so, least they wake the dragon. Except one….

Is there a word or right to say
Even in this old fashioned way?
Go make your move, girl
I'm not coming home

Maybe this is a bad idea. He thought for the hundredth time as he paced outside the room. Running his hands through his hair, Beast Boy tried to rationalize the fear he was feeling. All he wanted to do was try to comfort his friend. Why was he so fearful of that? Because she might kill me? He thought. No it wasn't that, well at least not totally. Raven might actually be in a rage, but Beast Boy knew she would never hurt her friends, no matter what. And besides, it wasn't like he couldn't talk to her, right? Sure, as long you're the joking idiot. He thought. That's the only way you feel comfortable talking to her. To anyone. He sighed; BB knew he'd just found his fear. He knew that once he got in that room, he'd just pull on that laughing mask, no matter how hard he tried not to. It had been a part of his nature for so long he couldn't stop doing it. Every time something bad happened, he tried to joke his way out of it, because it was the only thing that helped him deal with it. But he didn't want to do that here. BB wanted to talk to Raven as himself, not as the joker she knew him as. It wasn't easy for him to do either; the only ones who'd ever seen the real him were the Doom Patrol and they'd pretty much fought it out of him. Behind his persona, Beast Boy was just an insecure kid. He was never totally sure of himself, no matter what he did. So he hid behind a sense of humor, which let him be cocky and fearless outside, while totally terrified inside. Beast Boy had always loved playing that part, but now it was a liability. He wanted to talk to Raven as himself, but once he got nervous, he'd never be able to keep that part of him back. And if that happened now, he'd never be able to act on what he felt.

Would things have changed if I could've stayed?
Would you have loved me either way?
Dressed to the blues.
Day to day with my collar up.

How he felt…. He'd finally admitted it. Brett had been right, he did love her. It hadn't been immediate, not like Robin and Starfire. Those two had been destined ever since their 'first kiss.' But Raven and he had been different, total polar opposites for each other. She was quiet, withdrawn, and liked to be alone. He was outgoing, loud, and loved having friends. For a long time, Beast Boy had wondered what it was that kept Raven with the Titans. But then, Terra had come. And after that, after he'd experienced the pain of her betrayal, he realized that his pain was due in part to his inherent and immediate trust of her. Raven had been wary of her since the beginning, and she seemed to be unaffected when she betrayed them. Angry of course, but not burdened with the pain that he and the others seemed to be saddled with. He hadn't started to love her then, but he'd started to see something in her, something that appealed to him and frightened him at the same time. Beast Boy wanted that ability of hers, that power to not feel the pain that was so rampant in him. He hadn't been open of course; that was not his style. He'd tried to get it by finding different people to love, but he knew that it was just a fake. So he watched her a little bit closer, trying to see the power in her. Then the dragon came.

Decision sits so make it quick
A breath inhaled from an air so sick
I cursed the day I had learned
Of the web you spun...
You had your hold till bleeding

Malichor. The dragon had been what shattered Beast Boy's idea of Raven's power. Seeing her in her room, after he'd revealed himself. The fragility in her, the brokenness, had destroyed it totally. He'd realized then that the pain couldn't be ignored, couldn't be unfelt. But what brought it out was different for everyone. He remembered, he'd hated her for a moment then, hated her for making him believe in the power without even trying to. But afterwards, he'd realized that that it was a power he'd always had. She was more like him then he thought. Raven wore a mask too, different from his, but with the same purpose. They both were afraid to let their real selves out into the world. It was that, more then anything that had caused to go to her room that night, to do his best to comfort her. And when she'd hugged him…….

Hey, Hey!
If it was up to me
I would've figured you out
Way before the year clocked out
Oh, I hope you're waiting

"I have to." He said softly, his eyes becoming dark with determination. Reaching out, Beast Boy grabbed the door and pulled it back, ready to enter and put his heart out. Closing his eyes and taking a deep breath, he walked in….

Hey, Hey!
If it was up to me
I would've never walked out
So until the sun burns out
Oh, I hope you're waiting