A/N – This is going to be a side story about my brother, Poopie McGee and his misadventures. My brother (whose real name shall remain unknown) wanted me to write this, so I did. HAPPY NOW, POOPIE! And by the way, I'm changing the story. A lot. Sorry J.K Rowling.

Disclaimer – I do not own Harry Potter and co. who shall appear randomly throughout the story.

The Misadventures of Poopie McGee

The Philosopher's Stone

CHAPTER 1 – The Misadventure at the Reptile House

There was something strange about the boy who lived at number 4 Privet Drive, Little Whinging. There were many things strange about him.

Strange things happened around him.

He wasn't like the normal boys that lived near/with him.

He hated his home more than anything in the world.

He was a wizard.

He had a friend named Poopie McGee, who lived in his closet.

Now, the boy's family didn't know about Harry's friend, Poopie McGee. Poopie chose to only come out at night. There was something strange about Poopie, as well. And if there was one thing Poopie couldn't do, it was get onto MSN.

He was nocturnal.

Strange things happened around him.

He could turn into a bat.

His eyes were red (like Voldemort's. Ooooh.)

He was a vampire.

Poopie's eyes were indeed red, and his skin was indeed pale. He dressed only in black clothes, and only came out at night, which I have already mentioned. But the strangest thing of all was Poopie had been accepted into Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

Harry had suspected that he was different for quite some time now, but when the letter came for Poopie instead of him, he was heartbroken. His best friend of eleven years would be leaving him in just two months, and wouldn't be back until the next year, for six weeks. Or something like that. And on top of that, Harry knew that Poopie would probably get more friends. Friends of his own kind. Wait a minute… Harry was going to Hogwarts! He remembered a few days ago when a letter had come for him. His uncle, Vernon Dursley, had ripped it up, claiming it to be a mistake. And then the next day, some more letters came. All addressed to Harry. After these letters had come, Harry had moved into his cousin Dudley's second bedroom. It wasn't the biggest room in the house, but it was bigger than his cupboard under the stairs, which he had once shared with Poopie.

"Poopie, we need to talk", Harry said. There was something in Harry's voice that Poopie didn't like. Not one bit. His voice was quiet, almost sad. But Poopie, being the good friend he was, climbed out of his cupboard, and stared intently at Harry. "Poopie, I want you to promise me, when you go to this 'Hogwarts' school, you won't make any other friends", Harry said. Poopie remained silent. You'd be lucky to get even one word out of him. But surprisingly, Poopie went against his own non-speaking rule to say,

"You want me to be a loner?"

Harry sighed. This wasn't what he wanted at all. Or was it? Harry was so confused. For some time now, there was nothing Harry wanted more than to have Poopie meet his family – the Dursleys. But then Harry had decided against it. He knew what his family was like. They weren't a very open family, and didn't take kindly to anything that was different. "Poopie, I want you to have friends. But I don't want you to forget about me."

Poopie let out a laugh that sounded more like a high-pitched squeal. "Forget about you? Harry, how can I forget about you? I live with you twenty-four/seven! It's kinda hard to forget about you!" This cheered Harry up greatly. But what made Harry most happy was what came next. "And besides, I can't forget about you even if I wanted to. Because you're coming to Hogwarts with me", Poopie said. Harry was ecstatic! He would be going to Hogwarts with his best friend! At that precise moment, nothing could have made Harry unhappy. That was until his uncle's voice came up the stairs. "Harry, get downstairs and flip the bacon!" Vernon said rudely. And then came Dudley's voice.

"And stop talking to yourself!"

Harry's face drooped sadly. "Poopie, you have to go back into the cupboard." Poopie let out his high-pitched squeal laugh.

"I think not, mortal. I can turn myself invisible, ya know?" And so, Poopie indeed turned himself invisible, and followed Harry into the kitchen.

Once in the kitchen, Harry proceeded to flip the bacon, whilst Vernon, Dudley, and his aunt, Petunia, talked about what would be happening that day. Because it was Dudley's birthday that precise day, the Dursleys would be going to the zoo, along with Dudley's friend Pier. "Bad news, Vernon", Petunia said unhappily.

"What's wrong, Petunia?" Vernon asked.

"Mrs. Figg has broken her leg. She can't baby-sit him –" Petunia shot a dirty look at Harry "- today."

"Well what are we going to do with him? I'm not having him ruin Dudders' birthday", Vernon said.

"I could always stay here!" Harry said. Poopie noticed that there was a hopeful tone in Harry's voice.

"And come home to ruins? I don't think so. You're coming with us", Vernon said. Harry looked in the direction of Poopie, and the two of them held a silent cheer. If Harry was going to the zoo, there was no way he'd let Poopie miss out!

So Vernon, Petunia, Dudley, Pier and Harry all piled into the car, and Poopie was strapped to the bottom of the car.

Many bumps and bruises later, they arrived at the zoo. And naturally, Dudley and Pier wanted to go straight to the Reptile House. So off they went. Poopie made sure to trail slightly behind until they reached the Reptile House. "Make it move!" Dudley said, pointing to a large, sleeping snake. Vernon tapped on the glass. "Do it again!" Dudley said. Vernon did it again, but the snake continued to sleep. "This is boring", Dudley whined. So he and Pier moved to a different part of the Reptile House. Poopie and Harry stayed with the snake. The snake lifted its head, and looked at them. "I'm sorry about them. They're a bunch of idiots", Harry said.

"Itsssssssss okay", the snake said. Harry fell over.

"You can talk?" he hissed.

"Yessssssss." Harry was scared. Majorly freaked out. He almost pooped himself. But having Poopie around seemed to calm him down slightly.

"Hey daddy! The snake moved!" Dudley said, suddenly running over. "It looks scared. Maybe it saw Harry's face." Petunia and Vernon laughed at Dudley's poor excuse for a joke. Harry suddenly got very angry. So angry that his face went red.

…just kidding. All of a sudden, the glass disappeared, and the snake slithered out. "Thanksssssss mate", the snake said.

"No worries!" Harry said cheerfully. He and Poopie watched the snake slithered away.

"YOU!" Vernon said angrily.

"I didn't do it!" Harry said quickly. Vernon frowned.

"I was just going to point out that your hair was messy again, but AHA! Sounding pretty guilty there!"

Harry sighed. "I still didn't do anything." And with that, he and Poopie turned on their heels and walked back to the car.

A/N – That's Chapter 1 done! Hope you liked it! It'll get better, I guess. Next chapter they'll probably meet Hagrid. Yay for Hagrid!

Ta ta for now

CtC (Cheesy the Cheeseball)