A/N – Sorry it's taken me so long to update. I'm suffering from a bad case of Writers Block. They had to take me to the kitchen just to fix it! A lot of chocolate, and I was back, and normal again.

…not really, but still…

Disclaimer – I, Cheesy the Cheeseball, do not own any Harry Potter characters. They are all J.K Rowling's mindless slaves. I also do not own Lemo, Andy, Winston or Mince Sauce. Poopie McGee I also do not own, as he is the creation of my brother's crazy mind. I do, however, own Cheesy, as she is me, and I am her. You get the point. Also, Pickled Lemon Cheeseballs are my creation! –dances-

The Misadventures of Poopie McGee

CHAPTER 5 – The First Potions Class

The first night at Hogwarts had been uneventful. Harry, Poopie and Ron had had no more encounters with Draco Malfoy, nor had they seen Hermione Granger, who they suspected was off trying to get smarter (if that was even possible). Harry was happy, Ron was happy, and they thought Poopie was happy, but boy were they wrong. Poopie thought Harry was a rather large hypocrite, having told he, Poopie, not to make any friends, and then Harry goes off and makes friends with the Weasel. But then again, Poopie had become rather close with Lemo, Cheesy and Andy. Well actually, the three girls had become rather close with the three boys. And no, none of them were dating. It had only been a night, for gods' sake! Anyways, it was now the morning of the first classes. Poopie, Harry, Ron, and the trio of girls had Potions first up, which everyone (except Cheesy, who seemed rather excited) was dreading. After hearing that the Potions Master, Professor Snape, was a rather big asshole, and that he favoured his own house over the rest, everyone knew they were in for a rough year.

"Poopie, hand me the maple syrup", Harry said. They were currently at breakfast. Poopie ignored Harry, and continued to listen to the mindless chatter of the three girls. "And then I threw a snowball at him, and he ran off. Crying!" Cheesy said. Andy and Lemo burst into laughter.

"What a girl!" Lemo said.

"What a crybaby!" Andy added.

"Poopie, hand me the maple syrup", Harry said. Poopie continued to ignore him. After all, the maple syrup was an arms length away from Harry, so why couldn't he get it himself? Harry opened his mouth to ask again, but Poopie turned around, and said rather angrily,

"It's right there! Get it your bloody self you lazy asshole!"

Harry looked rather shocked at Poopie's outburst. Never in eleven years had Poopie spoken to him like that. Poopie didn't know why he did it. He supposed it was because Harry had kept him locked up, and hidden for the first eleven years of his life. Poopie turned back to face Cheesy, Lemo and Andy. All three of them were staring at Poopie with awed expressions.

The time finally came for Potions. Everyone slowly, and halfheartedly (except Cheesy) gathered their things, and walked slowly towards the dungeons. Cheesy, however, had a bounce in each step, and was singing rather loudly, and off-key. Pretty soon, Andy and Lemo had joined her in singing, and Poopie was bobbing his head in time with their singing. To be honest, he thought their singing was terrible, but he'd never tell them that. The three girls were the first friends Poopie had had that didn't lock him up, or hide him from other people. Not too far behind them, Harry watched on jealously. He had sung many times, and Poopie had not once bobbed his head in time to the singing. Poopie had wasted no time in telling Harry that he was a horrible singer. "Poopie, do you love potions? I love potions!" Cheesy said happily. Poopie shrugged.

"I don't hate it, I don't like it…" he said.

"I hate it", Lemo said.

"I despise it with a passion", Andy added.

"I love it!" Cheesy said. "How can you hate it?"

"Quite easily", Lemo said.

"Just like we hate Draco Malfoy", Andy added.

"I think we all hate him. Hey, Poopie?" Cheesy asked. Poopie nodded in agreement, and the three girls started singing once more. Suddenly, Cheesy let out a squeal, and pointed happily. "There's the dungeons!" she said. "And that must be Professor Snape!"

"The rumors were true, then…" Andy said.

"His hair is greasy…" Lemo added.

The group entered the classroom, and sat down beside each other at the same table. Cheesy, Lemo, Andy and Poopie had chosen to sit right at the end together, whereas Ron and Harry were stuck with Hermione, sitting in the middle of the table.

"There will be no foolish wand-waving in this class", Snape said as he entered the dungeon. "I don't expect many of you to admire the art of potions. I don't, but I pretend to. Anyway, it looks like we have a new celebrity. Everybody give a warm welcome to Harry Potter." Harry looked up, alarmed. This was… unexpected. Snape sneered at Harry.

"Mr. Potter, what would I get if I added powdered root of asphodel to an infusion of wormwood?" Snape asked. Down the table, Cheesy's hand had gone up excitedly, as had Hermione's. Harry shrugged.

"I don't know, sir."

Snape sneered. "What is the difference between monkshood and wolfsbane?"

Again, Harry shrugged. He didn't have a clue. Nobody seemed to know what Snape was talking about. Well, Cheesy and Hermione did, but that didn't count. "We'll try again", Snape said. "Where, Potter, would you look if I asked you to find me a bezoar?"

Cheesy let out a loud gasp, this time jumping out of her seat, and waving her hand around.

Snape ignored her, still watching Harry, who clearly had no idea. Snape's upper lip curled triumphantly. "Clearly fame isn't everything, Potter", he said.

"I never said it was!" Harry protested. Snape ignored him.

"For your information, asphodel and wormwood make a sleeping potion so powerful it is known as the Draught of Living Death. A bezoar is a stone found in the stomach of a goat and it will save you from most poisons. And monkshood and wolfsbane are the same plant, which also goes by the name of aconite", Snape said. "Why aren't you all writing this down?"

There was a sudden flurry of movement as the students hurried to get their quills and parchments out. Cheesy, who was the happiest to be there, had already gotten her things out, and had been writing whilst Snape had been talking. Lemo and Andy were both copying down everything Cheesy wrote, so, just to be an idiot, Cheesy had written, "I squeeze monkey butts for fun" on her parchment, knowing Lemo and Andy would copy her.

The rest of Potions went without a fuss, and Snape, who seemed satisfied that Harry was a complete idiot, stopped picking on him.

A/N – Again, sorry I took so long to update, but I updated! And yes, some of the quotes are from the book. Thanks for reading!

CtC