A/N – The Cheeseball is back! Whoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! –runs around in circles squealing like a little piggeh- Now that I've gotten that out of the way, I'd like to take this time to tell to STOP BEING GAY AND LET ME UPLOAD MY STORIES! Well, it's not actually fault. It's BIGPONDS! THE STUPID TURDS DON'T LET US DO ANYTHING! I SHALL BEAT THEM WITH BADLY PLAYED ELVIS MUSIC! –cough- On with the disclaimer thingy-ma-jig-a-bob

Disclaimer – I, Cheesy The Cheeseball, do not own any of the fantabulous Harry Potter character's that the wondrous J.K Rowling has come up with. Nor do I own the exquisite Lemo and Andy. Also, Mince Sauce and Winston are not mine. Neither is Muffin. Or Poopie McGee. BUT Cheesy and Sparkles are MINE! ALL MINE! MY OWN! MY PRECIOUS!

I'm over it. On with teh storeh!

The Misadventures of Poopie McGee

CHAPTER 11 – A Big Ass Troll Traps Hermione In The Toilet

The next few months passed without a fuss. It was now Halloween, and Cheesy, Lemo, Andy and Muffin couldn't be happier.

a) It was Halloween, so they could play practical jokes without getting into trouble and

b) It was – ironically – Poopie's birthday, so they could shower him with gifts. Well, one gift each. So that was four gifts.

Oh, did I say it was Halloween? Well, I meant it was the day before Halloween. Andy, Lemo, Cheesy and Muffin had lost Poopie when he said he needed some time alone. The girls thought this was the perfect time to see Dumbledore in his office.

So off the girls went. Soon, they were standing in front of that thingy that guards Dumbledore's office until you said the password.

"Umm… Elmo?" Muffin said, trying to guess the password. Andy and Cheesy stared at her.

"Who the fuck is Elmo?" Andy asked.

"Is he some sort of bum-rapist?" Cheesy asked.

"Elmo is this red dude on Sesame Street. Wait… you know who Elmo is! We watched Sesame Street that time!" Lemo said.

"Oh, him…" Cheesy said.

"Is he the one that talks to his rubber ducky?" Andy asked.

"No, that's Ernie", Muffin said.

"Umm… Pickle Pie?" Cheesy said.

"Licorice Snaps!" Andy tried.

"LEMON DROPS!" Lemo screamed.

The statue jumped to life, and moved aside saying,

"Lucky guess, bitch…"

Lemo blinked. "Did that thing just call me a bitch?"

"Let it go, Lemo", Muffin said.

"No, I will not let it go! It just called me a bitch!"

Cheesy and Andy grabbed both of Lemo's arms, and dragged her into Dumbledore's office.

"Hello, girls", Dumbledore said calmly, as though he had known they were coming.

"'Lo Dumbles!" Lemo said cheerfully. "Didja get my Lemon Drops this morning?"

"Yes, I was quite pleased, as you haven't sent them in a while. I'd thought you'd forgotten about me."

"Sorry Dumbles. Cheesy and Andy went on a Lemon Drop diet for two months", Lemo said, glaring at her friends, who just smiled.

"I see… well girls, I would like to know why you are up here", Dumbledore said.

"Well you see, Dumbles, tomorrow is Poopie's birthday, and we kinda wanted to get him a present of some sort", Andy said.

"I said we should sing to him, but those two don't wanna!" Cheesy said. "Muffin was all for the idea!"

"We told you, Cheesy! You have a horrible singing voice!" Lemo said. Cheesy crossed her arms and pouted as Dumbledore thought about their question/request thingy.

"Well, girls, I think I can arrange a Hogsmeade trip for you –"

"TODAY!" Andy said.

"RIGHT NOW!" Muffin added.

"Right, well, I think I can ask Professor Snape to supervise you… I'm sure he will, as Rianna is his star pupil…"

Cheesy stopped pouting, and put on her 'award-winning' smile. "I do what I can, Albus. I'm just thinking of the… Cheese People."

"Indeed. Well, be back here in an hour."

XxXxXxX

An hour later, the four girls, and Snape, were in Hogsmeade. "Alright Snapey, I'll make a deal with you", Cheesy said.

"I don't do deals, Miss Kently", Snape said.

"Alright… well how's about you go get drunk off of ButterBeer, and we'll meet you at the Three Broomsticks in an hour and a half?"

"Done. I assume you're paying…?"

"What? No! Greedy little bastard!" Cheesy said as Snape walked away chuckling to himself.

"Where to first?" Lemo asked.

"Somewhere that sells… vampire stuff!" Muffin said.

"TO THE SHOP!" Andy said, pointing.

"AWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!" Cheesy added.

XxXxXxX

"…do vampires eat pie?" Lemo asked.

"For the last time, Lemo, NO!" Cheesy, Muffin and Andy shouted.

Lemo rolled her eyes and held up the pie she was talking about. "What if it's a blood pie?"

"Oh, then I guess that's different…" Cheesy said. Lemo grinned, and the four girls went to purchase their products.

XxXxXxX

At lunch that day, Dumbledore – to Cheesy's excitement – had an announcement to make. "Now, a number of people have been asking me about Quidditch", Dumbledore started. "And I would like to take this opportunity to let you know that as of next year, there will be on team from each year level. So there will be a first year team, second year team, et cetera. There will be no Quidditch this year."

Cheesy, Lemo and Andy screamed happily, whilst Poopie looked bored, and Muffin looked on in confusion. "Quidditch? What's that?" she asked. A little way down the table, Harry had just asked Ron the same thing.

"Let me explain…" Cheesy said, but Lemo and Andy stopped her.

"You explain everything!" Andy said.

"YEAH! I wanna explain!" Lemo added.

"Go right ahead."

"It's a sport", Lemo said.

"…way to be blunt…"

XxXxXxX

The day passed quickly, and soon, everybody was in bed. Everybody except Lemo, Cheesy, Poopie, Andy, Muffin, Harry and Ron, of course. Lemo and Ron had gotten sick of having a glaring match, so the two decided to take their anger out on each other by playing a game of chess. Poopie and Harry were attempting to do their homework, and Andy, Cheesy and Muffin were happily squealing over the Ravenclaw hotties they had scored themselves. "So Andy, what was the name of the guy you scored?" Cheesy asked.

"Matt Something-or-other", Andy replied casually.

"…is 'Something-or-other' his real last name?"

"No, I didn't catch his actual last name. I was too busy basking in his hotness."

"Righto… hey Muffin, who did you get?"

"I dunno. I think he said his name was Nick. Maybe it was Dick… I can't remember", Muffin said. "I, too, was too busy basking in his hotness."

"What was the name of the guy you scored?" Andy asked Cheesy.

"Cameron, or something", Cheesy replied.

"Well, whilst you three were busy hooking up with Ravenclaw hotties, I almost died!" Lemo said.

"Uh-huh…" Andy said.

"And how did this happen?" Muffin asked.

"My pumpkin pie exploded!" Lemo exclaimed. "And it was full of spiders!"

Cheesy and Muffin started laughing, Lemo eyeing them suspiciously.

"What are you laughing at?" she asked. Muffin and Cheesy waved their hands towards Andy, asking her to explain.

Andy cleared her throat. "Well, whilst we were talking to our new boyfriends, we asked them how smart they were, and they replied with 'How smart do you think we are?' So Cheesy asked them, 'Are you smart enough to put spider's in Lemo's pumpkin pie?' Of course, they didn't know who the fuck she were talking about, so Muffin and I pointed you out. So, to prove their smartness, the guys got their wands, said some random spell, and voila! Your pie was filled with spiders!"

"Oh, and by the way, Lemo, you and Ron don't make a good couple", Poopie commented from behind his Potions book. Lemo blushed, and Muffin, Cheesy and Andy cracked up.

XxXxXxX

The next day, Lemo spent her time ignoring her friends. She stopped ignoring Poopie long enough to give him his birthday present. "Happy birthday, Poopie", Lemo said stiffly.

"Thank you, Lemo", Poopie said, grinning as he took his present from Lemo. He opened it, and his eyes lit up happily. "A blood pie. How thoughtful."

Lemo smirked at Muffin, Cheesy and Andy, before turning on her heel and walking away.

"Ah, she'll come back. She always does", Andy said, before handing Poopie her present. Muffin and Cheesy gave him their presents as well. Poopie opened Muffin's present to find a few bags filled with blood.

"Thanks, Muffin. What made you get me blood?" Poopie asked.

"Vampires drink blood, correct?" Muffin asked, and Poopie nodded, "Well, seeing as you can't drink any of the students' blood, I thought it was appropriate to get you some blood."

Poopie nodded, and opened his next present, which was from Andy. "Underwear", he said.

"Not just any underwear!" Andy said happily. "It's red underwear!"

Cheesy took the underwear from Poopie, and burst into a fit of giggles. "It says 'Hot Stuff' on the butt in flames!"

Muffin took the underwear from Cheesy. "Do you think Poopie's hot, Andy?"

"No. I just think they suited him", Andy said dryly.

"Thank you, Andy", Poopie said, taking the underwear back from Muffin, and opening his last present. "A face mask?"

Cheesy grinned. "It gets rid of pimples, and I noticed you're starting to get a lot of them", she said. Poopie nodded, and with a wave of his wand, his presents were all safely in his room. The four friends started to eat their breakfast, which was interrupted by the Great Halls being thrown open, and Professor Quirrel running in with a rather scared expression on his face.

"T-t-t-t-troll! In the dungeon!" he shouted, stopping at the teacher's table. "Thought you ought to know…" And with that, the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher fainted. The students started to panic, and Malfoy, Poopie noticed with satisfaction, was screaming like a little school girl.

"SILENCE!" Dumbledore roared. Cheesy squealed happily, and clapped her hands over Muffin's and Andy's mouths to shut them up. Poopie looked at her questioningly.

"If I had a third hand, I'd put it over your mouth, but unfortunately, I don't", Cheesy said.

"Now that we're all settled, you will remain calm. Prefects, you will accompany the students to your common rooms. Teachers, you will accompany me to the dungeons to take care of this troll", Dumbledore said. "Students, you will not leave your common rooms until I have given the all-clear. Understood?"

There was a murmur of agreement, and everybody started towards their common rooms. Poopie looked around, frowning. "Where's Hermione?" he questioned.

"I heard the Know-It-All bitch was in the bathrooms, crying because Ron was teasing her, or something", Andy said.

"We have to get her. She doesn't know about the troll."

"But… she's not our friend!" Cheesy whined.

"I don't care! She's still in Gryffindor, and Gryffindorian's have to stick together!" Poopie said.

"Oh, fine… let's get Lemo, and we'll go find the Know-It-All bitch…" Muffin said.

"Find me? Puh-lease. I came as soon as I saw Poopie frown", Lemo said. Cheesy squealed and threw her arms around Lemo.

"Never ever leave us again!" she said. Lemo rolled her eyes, and the group set off towards the girls toilets.

XxXxX

"Lock it in! Lock it in!" Cheesy shouted, jumping up and down. They had found the troll, and were now trying to lock it into a room. Poopie slammed the door shut, and dusted his hands off.

"There. Stupid troll can't get out now", he said. Suddenly, a loud scream came from inside the room.

"Uhh.. what room did you lock it in, Poopie?" Lemo asked. Poopie checked the sign, and sighed.

"Oh for the love of fuck…" he muttered, and opened the door again. "Hermione!"
"Poopie?"

"Yeah, it's me. Stay hidden! The troll's in there with you!"

"No, really? I never knew that! I thought it was Millicent Bulstrode!" Hermione said dryly.

"Well, it's a simple mistake to make", Andy said thoughtfully. "Millicent does look like a troll…"

"Stop thinking about Millicent Bulstrode and help me!" Hermione, who was now trapped underneath a sink, shouted.

"Fine, fine…" Andy muttered. She, along with Poopie, Muffin, Cheesy and Lemo, entered the bathroom.

"What do we do now?" Muffin asked.

"Throw stuff at it!" Lemo said. Cheesy picked up a bit of the sink, and threw it at the troll.

"Hey! Millicent!" she shouted.

"Uh, Cheesy, it's not Millicent…" Hermione said.

"I know! I just called it Millicent, you idiot!" Cheesy said.

"Oh this is getting us nowhere!" Poopie shouted, and whipped out his wand, saying the first spell that popped into his head. "Wingardium Leviosa!"

The troll's club flew out of the troll's hand, and hit it in the head. Muffin and Lemo screamed, hurrying out of the way as the troll fell onto the ground. And, right at that moment, the teachers decided to arrive.

"What the hell is going on in here!" McGonagall asked.

"I believe the answer is lying on the floor in front of you, Minerva", Snape said.

"…who did this?" McGonagall asked, looking pissed.

"The wonderful wizard of Oz…" Poopie said flatly. "Who do you think did it? Do you see anybody else in here?"

"Language, Mr. McGee!" McGonagall said.

"Whatever."

"Five points each from Gryffindor", Snape said.

"Tut tut, Severus, I believe this is my house", McGonagall said, "So I believe I will take and give points as I see fit. All your points will be given back, as well as an extra twenty, for sheer… well, dumb luck."

"Who are you calling 'dumb', bitch?" Cheesy asked. Lemo, Andy, Poopie and Muffin sighed.

A/N – Okay, it was crap, I know, but don't kill me, please! I'm so losing interest in this. I need ideas, people! GIVE ME IDEAS! Read and review. Thanks.

CtC