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I knocked on the door.

'What?' was the growled reply.

I took a deep breath, and Vanora nodded encouragingly. I opened the door, stepped inside.

Tristan glanced at me from where he was lying on his bed. His eyes raked me up and down, and for a moment I felt very awkward and out of place. Then he sighed.

'What?' he asked again.

I walked forward, until I was only a couple of paces from his bed. I looked down at him, keeping my face as blank as possible. The knight looked irritably up at me.

'You don't remember me?'

Even to my own ears my voice seemed flat. Tristan's eyes narrowed as he looked at me more closely. I saw him take in my reddish brown hair, my face – and then something clicked.

'Hawk?' he gasped, staring.

I nodded, thinking that I had the dubious privilege of being the first person in years to catch Tristan off guard.

He held my eyes with his own unreadable gaze. Then he snorted, his gaze mocking.

'So, you deceived me.'

I raised an eyebrow, feeling my heart sinking. He wasn't going to make this easy.

'You're not who I thought you were.'

Still I didn't answer. There wasn't really anything I could say that would placate him.

'Go away. Never come near me again, or I swear by the gods I'll kill you.'

I bowed my head, this time it was me mocking. I felt anger well up inside me, but overriding it was hurt and indignation.

'So sorry to disturb you, great lord,' I said in a voice of pure derision. 'I'll leave you to heal.'

I saw something flicker in his eyes, knew I had hurt him, but I didn't care. I turned, flicking my long hair over my shoulder as I did so. I didn't look back as I closed the door behind me.

Vanora saw my face and she patted my shoulder sympathetically.

'Don't worry love, he'll get over it,' she said softly. 'Give him time.'

I sighed heavily, fighting back tears as I leant against the door. I knew Tristan by now, I wouldn't let him win by reducing me to crying. I wouldn't cry, wouldn't let him win.

'Is there a horse I can borrow?' I said as steadily as I could. 'I need to ride.'

Vanora nodded understandingly. She led me through the fortress to the stable. The familiar scent of hay and horses was reassuringly. Vanora spoke to Jols, and within minutes he had a horse ready.

I thanked them both and mounted quickly, cursing in a whisper as my long skirt caught on the saddle. I pulled my skirt up to my knees so that I could ride properly – I wasn't going to ride side saddle.

I turned the horse and kicked him hard. He snorted, rose slightly on his hind legs and burst into a gallop. I didn't slow down as the horse galloped down the street. People scattered out of the way as the as I passed.

It was hard to ride with only one arm – my left was bound up in bandages. Vanora had said that I had fractured it, but it wasn't bad.

It was only when we were among the open fields that I slowed the horse from his wild gallop. I immediately felt guilty as the gelding lowered his head, panting heavily as he walked.

'Sorry, boy,' I said softly.

I didn't know what his name was, but he was a good enough horse. I looked around, enjoying being alone. Tristan's rejection of me stung. I hadn't expected him to be overjoyed, but neither had I thought he would threaten me with death.

I turned the gelding around, back to the fort, but I kept him at a walk. I was in no hurry to get back to the Wall.

Then a thought occurred to me. I had become human – was it possible that I could become the hawk again? At least as a bird I could be free.

I tried as hard as I could, doing everything I could think of – but nothing happened. I wanted desperately to be a bird again – I had had so few problems as the hawk.

At last I gave up, and dismounted at the stable door. Jols offered to take my horse, but I preferred to do it myself. I wasn't looking forward to going back to the fort, so I took as long as I could brushing and sponging the sweat out of the horse's coat using only my right hand.

At last, though, I had no option but to go back to the fort. I avoided everyone I could, even Vanora. At last I made it back to my room. I went back to bed.

At least when I was asleep my heart didn't hurt with the ache of losing Tristan's affection.

I kept to my room for a long time after that. I can't really remember how long – I had sunk into a state of depression so bad that even Vanora didn't know how to cheer me up.

One morning I heard her raise her voice at Tristan, whose room was down the hallway from mine.

'She risked her life to save you!' Vanora's yell was furious.

Tristan's murmured answer was too low pitched for me to hear it, but whatever it was Vanora took as an insult to me.

'Of course not!' Vanora's voice was scathing. 'If that's what you think, you're a bigger fool than I thought!'

Tristan's voice rose only a notch in volume, but I caught the soft undertone of menace even through the walls.

'I never asked for her help!' he said dangerously. 'She should've known better than to meddle.'

Vanora laughed, but there was no mirth in it. 'Oh, and you've never meddled?' Tristan didn't reply. 'Tristan, she has helped you so many times, both as bird and human-'

'I wish I'd left her to the wolf!' Tristan exploded suddenly. I cringed, wanting to bury my head in the pillow to drown out his words. 'She's been nothing but trouble.'

Vanora snorted. 'Who showed you that Wenda was a snake? Who hunted for you? Who saved you from Cerdic?'

'She didn't save me,' Tristan mumbled, his voice lower. 'She was knocked out before she did anything with that sword.'

'She distracted Cerdic before he could kill you, she blinded him in one eye…' Vanora sounded exasperated. 'She's no coward, if that's what you think. She distracted him enough that Arthur got there in time to kill him.'

Tristan was silent for a moment, then Vanora sighed in irritation.

'For once, Tristan, swallow your pride and apologise! She hasn't eaten in days, she hasn't left her room…'

'You can talk,' Tristan said suddenly, a sneer in his voice. 'You don't even know her name.'

'True,' Vanora admitted. 'But did you know that she has died? She told me. That's how she became the hawk – she left her family and friends behind, became the hawk. She's aged eight years, she's got a fractured arm…' Her voice was both exasperated and pleading. 'Please, Tristan, just apologise. I don't want her dying because your pride is to strong.'

Tristan grunted. 'Go away. Leave me alone.'

'No.' Vanora's voice was low and strong.

I raised an eyebrow. I suppose that I shouldn't have been listening, but there was no way I couldn't – their voices carried clearly through the walls.

'I care for that girl, Tristan. She's been thrown into a new world, you're the only one she really knows, really trusts. Please, will you just say that you're sorry?'

Vanora sounded like she had reached the end of her patience. She was half pleading, half threatening, but Tristan heaved a sigh in defeat.

'All right, if it'll make you shut up,' he snapped. 'After lunch.'

I was sitting on the bed, looking out the window when Tristan came into my room. I didn't looked around – I knew what he was going to do.

'I'm sorry,' he said abruptly. 'I didn't mean to scare you.'

For some irrational reason I felt anger blaze. I should have been happy that he was apologising, but all I felt was hostility.

'Yes you did,' I spat, still not looking at him. 'You meant to get rid of me. You think I can't tell when someone is lying?'

I turned to face him, and he actually took a step back from me as I stood up.

'I trusted you,' I said in a low voice, taut with anger. 'I was loyal to you. Now that you know what I really am, you throw me aside.'

'I-' Tristan started.

'I'm not finished!' I yelled. I'm not sure which one of us was more startled by my outburst. 'I'm leaving,' I said, walking forward and meeting his gaze. 'It's obvious you don't want me here. So I'll leave. You'll never have to see me again.'

I brushed past him, made for the door with a step that wasn't too steady.

Tristan spoke as I reached to open the door. 'Woads are still out there, so are Saxon-'

I turned to stare at him. After so long as his bird, I could read him easily. There was no concern or worry in his eyes – he wasn't warning me, he was stating the facts. But somehow I wasn't surprised at the lack of care.

'You once said to me, Tristan, that you would never send me away again. Looks like your word is about as trustworthy as a Roman's.'

It was the most insulting thing I could think of. I saw something flicker in his eyes, knew I had hurt him badly. A muscle twitched in his jaw, then he was pinning me against the wall with a dagger at my throat.

'Take that back,' he snarled. 'Take it back.'

I met his gaze, unafraid. Do it, I told him silently. Kill me. I have nothing left to live for.

But he didn't make a move to end my life. Slowly he regained control of himself and took a step back. I moved towards the door again, but his voice stopped me.

'How am I to know that you didn't frame Wenda?'

I froze, unable to believe what I was hearing. I turned to face him, found that his eyes were burning with bitter victory.

'I've no way to know if you are true at all. So why should I trust you?'

I couldn't believe it. My heart was pounding hard, I could feel tears stinging my eyes. I wouldn't let him see me cry.

Then he hit me.

I reeled back a step, my eyes closed as I felt the sting of his punch to my jaw. I moved my mouth slightly, cautiously testing. My jaw wasn't broken. I opened my eyes, looked at him.

Tristan was looking at his hand. He looked up at me, and I saw a range of emotions – sadness, anger, despair, bitterness. He regretted hitting me, I saw that he was going to apologise sincerely – but I didn't want to hear it.

The hand that had just hit me had often stroked the back of my head, often fed me. The voice that carried such stinging insults had once whispered words of affection.

It was the last thing. I felt a tear trickle down my face, didn't lift a hand to wipe it away. I met his gaze, let him see my anger.

'Rot in Hell, Tristan,' I choked in English. 'Rot in Hell!'

I turned and left, slamming the door behind me.

In case you're wondering, this isn't the last chapter, but we are getting closer to the end. hopefully I'll be able to update again within the week.