first, thank you to my wonderful reviewers! without you all i never would have got this far.

sorry x 100 for not updating for so long, but I've had the worst possible case of writer's block combined with mega homework. At least I'm on holidays now (because of the commonwealth games behind held here in Melbourne) so I'll have more time to write.

This is the second last chapter, and i'm sorry it's so raw but i wanted to get it up. a word of caution - have the tissues ready...

Merlin's words haunted me for a long time after that. About three months passed after I had visited him – but I didn't mark the days, which flew by in a blur.

I decided not to take the shape of a hawk again, and Tristan didn't ask me why. He understood that we both had secrets.

We had become lovers by now – after all, I was close to his age now and there was no reason why I shouldn't. But we never talked of marriage – to me, it was still a far distant dream and I wasn't sure that Tristan could ever settle down like a husband was supposed to.

We were happy, and I was happier than I ever had been before in my life. But Merlin's words still echoed in my dreams, and our joyful time was drawing to a close.

There was nothing about the day to suggest that it would the turning point in my life. It was raining – it usually was – and Arthur had received word of some bandits living in a nearby forest, stealing from villagers.

And so, of course, he and his knights rode out. I was no more worried than usual over Tristan – although I feared for him, I knew that he could take care of himself.

I watched from the wall as he rode off, wishing that I could go with him. Instead I helped Vanora replenish the stock of ale in her tavern. It was morning when they left, midday when I started to get restless.

I don't know why, but I just couldn't settle down. My chest felt tight and my heart was beating faster than usual. I stalked around the fort five times, jittery for no reason that I could name. Vanora found me as I stared out from the wall in the direction the knights had gone.

'What's wrong, love?' she asked softly, putting a comforting hand on my shoulder.

I sighed and shrugged. 'I don't know. But I'm worried.'

Vanora was silent for a second. 'Why don't you go after him?' she suggested gently. 'Make sure they're okay. You'll just make yourself sick worrying otherwise.'

I was torn, wanting to go but bound by the promise I had made. I had sworn that I wouldn't fly again, wouldn't risk the years I had left with Tristan…

But then, he might be in danger. Or he might not – it might just be me overreacting to nothing. I could take a horse and ride after them; I wouldn't be breaking my promise and I could make sure he was alright.

'Well?' Vanora prompted.

I thought through my options. I could stay here, I could ride out or I could fly. I made my decision.

'Screw it,' I snarled.

Vanora raised an eyebrow and stood back as I changed. When my empty dress fell to the ground, she picked it up and looked down at me.

'I'll see you when you get back,' she said. 'Be careful, Aderyn.'

I took off, my wings clumsy in the air after three months in human shape. I was a little rusty – but it came back, and soon I was flying as fast as I could towards the forest where they had been heading.

I got there soon enough, but had to slow my wild pace as I dived down through the trees. Branches tore at my wings, but I didn't stop until I saw them.

They were among the trees, walking slowly. I counted them – Tristan wasn't there. He must be scouting. I turned to fly ahead, but at that moment Dagonet glanced up and saw me.

'Aderyn!' he called. 'Is that you?'

I couldn't fly on and ignore them, so I dived lower and landed on the arm he held out for me. He looked more closely at me, and noticed my agitated state.

'What's wrong?' he asked, concerned as he pulled his horse to a halt. Arthur and the others clustered around, watching me.

I screeched and flapped my wings a few times, trying to tell them that I needed to fly on. Arthur got my meaning before the others.

'You want to fly after Tristan?' he asked.

I nodded my head, keeping my wings spread to help balance. Arthur nodded, although he still looked a little confused.

'You don't have to worry Aderyn, he's fine. He's up the path, scouting.'

I didn't wait for anything else. I took off, flying as fast as I could up the path – which wasn't a great speed. I had to be careful, and therefore slow, to avoid the branches and leaves.

At last I caught up. He heard me and turned in his saddle, surprised by my sudden appearance. I landed on the arm he held out for me, and he looked worried as he held me up.

'What's wrong?' he asked urgently.

I shook my head, relief coursing through me. He was alright – my over active imagination had provided far too many pictures of Tristan's body, bloody and lifeless, sprawled on the ground with a blade through his chest.

He ran a gentle hand down my back – and it was at that moment that I saw the arrow.

Even as I heard the bowstring snap back I took off with a screech. It was an instinctive reflex really, to fly – but it cost me dearly. It wasn't me that was hit – it was Tristan.

There was the awful sound of steel punching through armour and into his skin. The only noise that escaped Tristan's throat was a kind of grunting gasp of something between anger and surprise.

I looked down and saw him sway in the saddle, the arrow in his ribs. Another followed the first, higher up this time. Tristan's horse, suddenly without guidance, snorted and swung around almost throwing the knight from the saddle.

Without even noticing that I did it, I opened my beak and screamed. It was a sound so loud that it tore at my throat and one of the bandits clapped his hands to his ears.

I dived, singling out the bandit who had shot Tristan. My claws found his face, and I drove my sharp beak into his eye. I felt revulsion well up even as I did it again before taking off.

The man thrashed around and screamed, blood streaming from his ruined eye. I could taste his blood in my mouth, and wanted to throw up. But I forced myself to watch as Tristan drew his sword – but I could see how his strength was deserting him, leaving his sword hanging limply by his side as he struggled to stay upright in the saddle.

I had to get Arthur, but I didn't want to leave Tristan as more bandits jumped out of the bush. I made a split second decision, even though I knew that I would regret it for the rest of my life.

I turned and flew as fast as I could. I flew faster than I ever had before, even though I repeatedly caught my wings on branches as I fled through the forest.

Arthur stared as I approached. I screeched loudly, wheeled around and went back the way I had come. The sound of galloping horses wasn't far behind when I made it back to Tristan.

At least three of the bandits were dead, but more were fighting Tristan who was obviously weakening badly. Blood soaked his clothes and ran in rivulets down his grey stallion's shoulder.

The knights roared and drew their swords, but I saw a flicker of disbelief cross Arthur's face. He had, like the rest of us, come to believe that Tristan was invincible and would never be beaten. The contradiction was right before his eyes.

I hovered above them all, not quite sure that this was happening. Tristan couldn't be dying. He would live, he would pull through… but then Merlin's words came back to me.

Your life has been hard, but the end is near… your time on this world without Tristan will not be long… No, I thought desperately. Not now. Please, not now. Don't let him die, don't let him die…

But I couldn't ignore the truth. I dived down, helping him as much as I could. The men weren't expecting an aerial attack, and certainly weren't expecting a hawk to become so angry as to recklessly go for their eyes and throats. Several lost eyes, and were left screaming in pain until their life was ended by a blade.

It was bloody, disgusting work. It wasn't like a movie – there was no music, no sound effects, nothing to mask the horrible sounds of death and pain. The only thing that kept me diving in and gouging eyes was my love for Tristan. I wouldn't let him die without fighting myself.

I was exhausted by the time the battle was finished. There had been many more than originally thought – the price for the mistake was huge.

Tristan collapsed and fell from the saddle even as I landed. I didn't have the strength to turn back into my human shape, so I walked over to stand beside his head. His eyes flickered open as my shadow fell over his face.

'Aderyn,' he whispered.

Blood was thick in his mouth. After so long with the knights, I had learnt a little of wounds. I knew that blood in the mouth meant a pricked lung – and that meant death. Tristan, my knight, was to die this afternoon. The carefree early morning seemed a lifetime away.

'I'm sorry.'

I shook my head, wishing I could talk. It was my fault – I had distracted Tristan at the worst possible moment. If I hadn't been there, if his attention hadn't been on me, he would have noticed the bandits. He would be fine, not lying on the ground dying. He seemed to realise what I was thinking.

'No, girl, it's not your fault. Don't think that it is.' Tristan's voice was weak, his breathing harsh and ragged. There was a horrible bubbling noise as he breathed – his own blood was choking him now.

I made a low noise in my throat, the equivalent of crying. He looked at me, his dark eyes holding mine.

'I wish,' he said slowly. 'I wish I had learnt your old name…' he coughed, the blood coming faster now. He knew he was dying, that it would be over soon. 'But I never will.'

I tried so hard then to turn back into a human, but I just couldn't. There was no way that I could in my state of near exhaustion. Bitterly I wanted to cry, but a bird cannot. I was trapped in my hawk form in a way I never had been before.

'I love you. Always have, and always will.'

I wanted to reply, but I never got the chance. He died then, his eyes flickering shut. Those eyes that had held me captivated so many times before were dimmed forever.

I nudged his cheek. He didn't move. I called to him, a low sound that I had never used before. He didn't stir, and it finally hit me.

Tristan was gone.

Arthur came up beside me and knelt down. He reached out a hand towards me, but I snapped at him and took off. My wings were tired and sore, but none of that mattered. All I knew was that he was gone.

I circled once over him, then flew away.

I only managed a few minutes of laborious flight before exhaustion set in. I landed badly on a branch of a tall tree, so tired that my emotions were numb.

All I could think of was Tristan – dead. How could I ever live in this word without him? The gap left in me by his death was just too big to ever be filled.

Even as I slipped into an exhausted sleep I knew the answer; I couldn't live without him. Tristan was dead, and I knew I would follow him soon enough.

once again, sorry this chapter was so rough. please review, and i'll get the last one up asap.