Chapter 13: Believe in Me

Obi-Wan Kenobi still wore the same clothes he had worn for the past two days. He laid on the cot, dead to the galaxy. His head was pressed against the wall, trying to get some sense of, well, anything! Enclosed in his personal cell, he lost all sense of time and space. Ripped away from the very fabric of life, Obi-Wan strained to even breathe. Every muscle ached and his fogged mind left him disoriented. A miasma of despair polluted any last sense of hope or happiness he held. He was left with nothing but damnation.

A ploy. This was what Dooku and Qui-Gon wanted from him. They situated him to the brink, leaving them to be his only rescuers. All he had to do was stop fighting. It sounded simple. An easy and quick solution to get him out of the void. It would be a wonderful feeling to get away and to just not care. To sleep blissfully without terrors or visions was a yearning desire, easily accessible if he only took Qui-Gon's offering hand.

But he won't. He can't. It's the line he would not cross. It was his indefinite sadness.

Compressed in an eternity of numbness and a mind-splitting headache, he missed the sound of his Force shield being deactivated and the door sliding open. When he heard the soft footsteps of someone entering his cell, he believed it to be one of his tormentors.

He kept his mouth pressed, refusing to acknowledge him. He was too damn tired to be civilized and far past caring about consequences.

When the footsteps stopped and no words were exchanged, Obi-Wan hated it more. The silence crawled under his skin and aggravated his soul. "Go away."

A snap of wood striking the floor jolted Obi-Wan to a sitting position. He slewed around on his cot, his eyes wandering blindly for a moment until his focused cleared and he found Master Yoda standing not only a few feet away.

"Master Yoda?" Obi-Wan hacked, throat too dry that his words cracked over his surprise. "I'm sorry."

"Your thoughts your tongue flies faster than," Master Yoda observed.

Obi-Wan slowed to his knees to control the light vertigo that disoriented him. He rubbed his hands over his face. "Hard to think when your head is fogged up."

Master Yoda leaned heavily on his gimer stick, quietly studying him. Obi-Wan realized it had been nine years since he last saw Yoda. Back then, he was an unsure sixteen year old boy, quietly sharing his doubts of his apprenticeship to Master Jinn. Obi-Wan had a vague memory of that boy; youthful, spirited and vigorous in his journey to become a Jedi. Then, he remembered that boy died, replaced with a young man with much sharper and hardened features and a glare that distrusted everyone. He became someone he never dreamed he would become.

Master Yoda probably thought the same thing. After all, Yoda exerted a lot of effort to ensure Obi-Wan was assigned a master. To see his efforts belittled by Obi-Wan's departure only hurt the Grandmaster even more. Obi-Wan never meant to dishonor everything Yoda had done for him. He only followed the will of the Force as Yoda instructed him to do when he was a youngling. Yet, he got a deep impression that Master Yoda looked on with grave disappointment. Whatever plans he had for Obi-Wan were lost.

Obi-Wan shuddered and dared not to look up. "What brings you to my domain, Master?"

"Your attention I would settle for," Master Yoda said.

He obliged, raising his eyes from the floor to Yoda. The Grandmaster nodded in appreciation. "Been some time since you and I last spoke, it has," he commented. "Changed since then, you have. Older. Cynical."

"Time and experience, I suppose," Obi-Wan replied as the corners of his cells darkened. "I had to grow up far quicker than expected. And alone for that matter."

"To be alone, you chose."

"I chose to save a child," Obi-Wan quickly confuted, "I know I have made mistakes in my life, Master Yoda. I've made far too many to count, but I do not regret what I have done."

"Happy to leave the Order, you are, hmm?" Master Yoda inquired, surprised.

Obi-Wan drew in a deep breath, the passion from before draining from him. He looked to the floor. "I thought being a Jedi was what I was supposed to be," he began, remembering his dreams when he was an Initiate. He pleaded with Qui-Gon to take him as a padawan, promising to be a great Jedi Knight. Things were different then. The Force changed his destiny. "I worked hard to be the Jedi you wanted me to be. I did. But… I failed. I can't… doesn't matter if I wish I could return. I am no longer a Jedi. I cannot be a Jedi."

"Hmph!" Yoda snorted, twisting the gimer stick in his hand. "You believe that when one leaves the Order, no longer a Jedi, they are, hmm?" He paced in front of Obi-Wan, stick clicking. "A foolish belief. More than just the Order, a Jedi is. Goes straight to our bones. Deep into our very souls." He raised his gimer stick and pointed it at Obi-Wan's heart. "We no longer be Jedi, only until we sacrifice it to the Dark Side will."

Obi-Wan furrowed his brows, deliberating Yoda's words. Years after forgoing the Order, he never believed himself to be a Jedi. He never finished his training and he never took the trials. And no matter how many times he recited the Jedi Code, he never believed that it made him a Jedi. Too many things happened for him to claim the title. He had strayed too far from the path. He might not have chosen to follow the ways of the Sith, but he was no Jedi.

"I'm still not a Jedi."

Master Yoda furrowed in a calculating observance. "Used the powers of the Dark Side have you, hmm?"

"No, but—"

"Used the Force for selfish wants have you, hmm?"

"Of course not! But that doesn't make me—"

"Jedi, you are," Master Yoda declared with a loud whack of his gimer stick against the floor like it was a gavel. "Always a Jedi, you will be. You followed the Force's command. What it asked you to do, you did."

Obi-Wan's cool features were hacked by severe lines of displeasure. "And in return I'm denounced and deemed a traitor," he huffed and shot up to his feet. A dizzy spell almost put him flat on his back, but he kept himself upright with assistance from the wall. "Hypocrisy is an ugly feature and I think the Council should examine itself for a long time before condemning others."

He spun on his feet and returned to his cot, collapsing with a loud thud. His head was maddening! No blissfulness to guide him to sleep. Only terrors of the shadows that hid frights in its dark shroud. No peace in mind for him. He kept vigilant, spying firebeetles that nestled in the corners until he looked and then they would vanish. He thought he heard a gundark's growl under his cot until he checked and saw nothing.

The world around him was mad! And it dragged him into its net, folding him into a compressed state of insanity.

Obi-Wan dropped his head in his hands, fingers groping his long strands. "I cannot entertain you anymore, Master," he said as he stared at the floor. "Tell me of the Council's decision."

He heard Master Yoda's gimer stick groan against the stone. "Yet to make a decision, the Council has."

"Then what the blazes are you doing here?" Obi-Wan had forgone the exchange of civilities. "I said all I needed to say in my sessions. Believe whatever you wish, but I stand by my answers."

He wanted Master Yoda to leave him. Not because he was resentful to the old master. Quite the opposite. Master Yoda was a man Obi-Wan believed would be the only Jedi in the Order to believe in his words. After all, Dooku was his padawan. Yoda must have sensed the dark temptations in his old protégé during their years as master and apprentice. But each minute that passed dulled Obi-Wan's hope and he was left again to fend himself against the enclosing shadows.

Master Yoda ears drooped, his gimlet eyes falling to his cane. "I know," he quietly murmured. "Your wisdom I believe in."

Obi-Wan snapped his head back, his eyes latched onto Master Yoda. He slid back to the floor, kneeling close to the old master to see his face clearly. He studied the Grandmaster, searching for signs of deceit or madness. All he found were traces of hidden burdens flitting across Yoda's eyes.

"You… you believe me?" Obi-Wan asked as he looked beseechingly at the Grandmaster for confirmation and reassurance. Hope rekindling the fire in his soul again. "Tell me you believe me!"

Master Yoda's eyes closed and his shoulders resigned back. He nodded. "I believe you."

No words could ever describe the exultant feeling that erupted from Obi-Wan. All the haze he felt in his head dissipated and the tightness that cocooned him relaxed. Clarity returned. The weight of trepidation lifted from his heart and he felt a stronger beat in his ribs. Relief rinsed away the fears and struggles, cleansing him in solace. Despite being bound to a cell and the Force snipped away from him, Obi-Wan had never felt freer.

Master Yoda believed him!

"How? When? I mean… when did you know about Qui-Gon and Dooku?" Obi-Wan asked, still gratifying from Yoda's agreement.

The room seemed to have lightened up since Obi-Wan's arrival. The shadows retreated. The air more fresh than its original state of thick and stale. A beacon of light shone down rather than the grim dim it normally bestowed.

Master Yoda drew small circles with his stick. "Changing, I knew my old padawan was. Always an idealist, but with the Order he became quite discontent. He claimed, forgoing its duties in favor of appeasing the Senate, was it," he said. "I sensed a dark foreboding." Master Yoda stopped and his gimlet, tired eyes strained. "You left, the Dark Side grew stronger ever since. Covered the Republic, a dark shroud has."

"I'm aware," Obi-Wan said. "Even with little access to the Force, I feel a great disturbance is on the horizon. Something bad is going to happen."

"Take action first unless we."

Obi-Wan side-glanced at the Grandmaster, assessing the situation. "Dooku and Qui-Gon are too deep in Coruscant. They have ties in the judiciary system and I am certain they have friends in higher places like the Senate."

There was a sudden twinkle in Master Yoda's eyes. "As well, it appears you do."

Obi-Wan's eyebrows slanted in muddled thoughts. "I think you're mistaken."

Master Yoda held tight to his gimer stick. "To the Chancellor, I spoke," he said to which Obi-Wan nodded in remembrance. "Demanded for yours and Skywalker's release, Queen Amidala has."

Obi-Wan was stunned. "I didn't ask her to do that."

"Aware of that I am. Unwelcome and a step out of line for the Senate, her meddling into Jedi affairs is. Support your release the Council will not," he confirmed Obi-Wan's disbarment of freedom. "Unlike you, no true jurisdiction over Skywalker, the Order has. Able to leave on his own accord, will he be," Master Yoda said with a terrible sigh. He looked old and frail, time and stress chipping the Grandmaster in pieces. "Which for us is fortunate. If the Chosen One, Skywalker is, too dangerous for him to be on Coruscant, it is."

Obi-Wan agreed. Dooku and Qui-Gon would have no difficulties in securing Anakin if he remained on planet. "There is still not enough protection for Anakin on Naboo. The Queen's power is nothing compared to a Sith Lord. If Anakin goes, they will follow," Obi-Wan rubbed his now scruffy chin in concentrated thought. "We'll need diversions of some sort. Move Anakin around the galaxy to keep him safe."

Master Yoda hummed in thought, peering up at Obi-Wan with distinct sadness. "And what of you?

"I don't matter," Obi-Wan brushed away any concerns the old Jedi Master had for him. "They're not after me. They want Anakin."

Master Yoda chuffed at Obi-Wan's insouciance. "You underestimate your importance," he pointed out. "Let you go, they will not."

Obi-Wan shrugged, still unconcerned about his predicament. He didn't matter. Anakin mattered. "I'm nothing to them," he said, his reality too focused on Anakin's safety than his own. "I know a person from Mandalore. She'll be able to assist in relocating Anakin and keeping him safe for some period of time. Then he'll need to keep moving."

The Grandmaster's weathered ears curled forward, discomposed by the former padawan's nonchalant attitude. "There is another way."

Obi-Wan cast a circumspect glance at Master Yoda as he tilted back from the master. There was no obvious way other than letting Anakin flee the planet with Queen Amidala. The only other possibility was a consideration Obi-Wan did not want to even discuss. "I won't have Anakin join—"

Master Yoda smacked Obi-Wan's shins. "Quiet and listen, you will be," he commanded and Obi-Wan closed his mouth. "The plan, this is."

The next morning, Anakin found himself alone again in the corner of the room. All the other Jedi younglings were practicing their katas. Anakin refused to participate. He told Master Krav and Master Dralig that he wasn't a Jedi and; therefore, did not need to follow their instructions. That didn't go over well. Anakin felt their agitation through the Force as they commanded him to stand still in the corner as punishment for disobedience. Not sitting or leaning. He had to stand to his full height and watch.

Anakin didn't mind. He was glad to be away from the harsh whispers the other younglings said behind his back. Their words were not kind. They snickered at his suppose boorish behavior and disapproved of his emotional instability. Anakin physically restrained himself from starting up another fight. There was no need to cause any more grief to Obi-Wan. So he had to bear their snickers and whispers.

He stood in his spot and watched with slight amusement at the Jedi younglings' failure to complete a simple kata. Obi-Wan taught him that kata last year and Anakin found it simple enough to accomplish it after five attempts. So far, the Jedi younglings were on their twelfth round of the kata and none of them succeeded in completing it. Anakin smirked in triumph at their struggle.

"Why are you not out there, young one?"

Anakin whipped his head around to see Obi-Wan's Mon Calamari friend standing next to him. Her silver eyes sparkled in the light and her skin shined from the moisture that kept her skin cool. He didn't think he would ever see her again after she abandoned him to this lot.

He bristled under her gaze and crossed his arms. "I told them I'm not a Jedi and that I don't have to participate in their teachings."

Bant, Anakin believed her name to be, glanced from him to the struggling students. "I see," she noted with delicacy, "but don't you think it might be useful to learn a few things about the Force? Obi-Wan has told me that you're Force-sensitive like him."

Anakin shot his eyes up to Bant. "You spoke to Obi-Wan? Is he okay? Where is he? Where did they take him?"

Bant blinked rapidly at the quick succession of questions. "Slow down, young one," she murmured. "Yes—I spoke to Obi-Wan yesterday. He's okay. He actually wished to know how you are doing. I would hate to report back that you were placed in time-out for poor behavior."

"Then don't tell him," Anakin suggested. "Tell him that I miss him and that I want to see him."

"I think he knows that," Bant confided to him and her hand brushed his arm. "I'm sure you and him will see each other soon. Why not impress him with learning more about the Force?"

Anakin looked to the struggling younglings. A few glanced in their direction with a questionable wonderment as to why a padawan was visiting him. "I already know this," he said to Bant. "Obi-Wan taught it to me last year."

Bant leaned back in skeptic belief. "Did you? That's a difficult kata for a human at your age."

Anakin took her statement as a challenge. He spaced himself from the wall and with more grace than the other younglings, he performed the kata to perfection. He straightened himself up and looked to Bant in smug pride. The Mon Calamari padawan had her mouth gaped opened.

"I'm sorry," she apologized, impressed. "You are far more talented that I credited."

"Obi-Wan says that if I keep up with practice then I might be able to beat him in a duel," Anakin said, proudly. His grin widened at the prospect of becoming as powerful as Obi-Wan. "Can you imagine that? Obi-Wan is a really good fighter. Have you ever seen him in a fight?"

He could almost see the memories fluttered in Bant's silver orbs. Memories of the past when Obi-Wan and her were friends. "I've seen him spar when he was younger," she finally said, her words somewhat unsteady as if hard to digest. "He was good then too."

That was right. Obi-Wan grew up in this fortress and was a member this elitist group. He looked back to the Initiates and he pictured a very young Kenobi standing out there with them, learning the same katas. He was surrounded by friends. Shelter and food was provided for him and small comforts were given rather than sought. No one was hunting him. He didn't have to fight for his life. And he didn't have to raise a boy while running. Here, he could have been a bit more carefree, enjoying less responsibilities and living in a more comfortable, supportive environment.

Yet, Obi-Wan gave it all up. For him.

Anakin sunk back to the wall's shadows. "I forget that he grew up here," he admitted to Bant. "What was he like? As a boy?"

"As a boy?" Bant repeated, tilting her head in reflection. "Very much like he is now. Headstrong, loyal, bold and on occasion, annoying as hell." She spoke with a fond smile like she came across a funny memory. "I had the urge to push him into the artificial river on several occasions."

Anakin slanted his eyebrows, befuddled. "Really? What did he do?"

"Oh… nothing too serious," Bant assured him. "It was his silver tongue that got him into trouble—or out of it." She paused for a moment, a misty haze covering those silver irises. Then she looked back down, beaming at Anakin. "He was a lot like you."

"Me?" Anakin didn't believe that at all. Obi-Wan was his complete opposite. He preferred simple things rather than thrills. Obi-Wan never engaged in any highly adventurous stunts like Anakin. He was far more responsible and stricter on rules. Uptight, serious and cautious are the words Anakin would describe Obi-Wan. "I think we are discussing different people."

Bant chuckled as if Anakin's analysis was an attempt of a joke. "I think you are only looking at the surface, young one," she said after a moment. "Yes, Obi-Wan tends to be on the more serious side and he enjoys far simpler things like reading or meditating, but he craves adventure. He was like that even as a boy. Always wanting to prove to people that he could be a great Jedi. He would duel padawans that were much older than him and even Masters.

"Also, he cared deeply for people," Bant said, her words a mere caress than a hard statement. "He would do whatever he could for his friends. Wore his heart on his sleeve. He was reprimand for it by the Council a few times. But, that was Obi-Wan. He appears aloof and cold at times, but in all honesty, that's his way of hiding his emotions."

In all his life, not once did he ever recognized those traits within Obi-Wan Kenobi. He knew Obi-Wan was wise, caring and brave, but the way Bant described him, Anakin never would have thought of it. But, as he reexamined his guardian, he saw the same things Bant described. There were hints of boldness in his escape plans. He refused to be beaten by either the Jedi, Sith and bounty hunters who confronted them. And he loved Anakin enough to sacrifice his home—his life—to raise him.

Maybe they were far more alike than Anakin ever credited. It would make sense. Obi-Wan did raise him. Anakin was bound to pick up a few traits from the man. "I never thought of it like that," Anakin said to Bant. "I knew he cared for me, but he was always serious around me that I never noticed."

Bant rested her hand on Anakin's shoulder. "That's because he cares for you. He's too worried that he'll screw up," she commented. "Obi-Wan will always do the best he can, but even then he thinks it's not enough. The poor man suffers so much from his own mind than his actual enemies."

A sound of a whistle blew and all the Jedi Initiates stopped their kata practices. Master Dralig, red hair tied in a ponytail, huddled them up to speak. Anakin didn't move to join the group. He opted to stay with Bant. "Obi-Wan told me that you stopped talking after a while," Anakin said, surprising the Mon Calamari. "Are you mad at him for that?"

Bant twisted her hands. "I—that's a complicated question. I was never mad at him," she explained. "Hurt? Yes. I had hoped we would always be friends, but then I lost contact with him for nine years and to be frank, it felt awful not being able to talk to him."

"Why didn't you com him?" Anakin questioned. She knew his number, so why didn't she commed him? "Why didn't you try to find him?"

"That's a long story, Anakin," Bant insisted again. "Also, I think for seven of those nine years, Obi-Wan wanted to stay hidden from the Jedi."

"But what about those two years?" Anakin grilled her. He wanted to know why Obi-Wan's friends abandoned him to his fate with Qui-Gon and Dooku. "Didn't you know he was struggling?"

"I—I knew he was having problems with Qui-Gon, but things like that happen during teenage years," Bant said with an uneasy voice. It was clear she was distraught about the subject. Her silver eyes looked to the floor in torment. "Friction could occur between a padawan and a master. That's normal. It was happening to Obi-Wan…"

"That's not what Obi-Wan told me."

Bant bowed her head. "I know," she said, her gills flared outward. "I know."

Anakin wanted to press her, but Master Krav returned to the corner. Her arrival officially ended their conversation. Bant erased her distress, replacing it with a content, friendly demeanor. "Good morning, Master Krav."

"Morning, Padawan Eerin," Master Krav returned, not looking entirely pleased with Bant's interference with Anakin's punishment. "I need to take Skywalker with us."

Anakin's shoulders dropped. He would rather stay with Bant than go with the other younglings to whatever their next destination was. But, in this prison, he had no choice. He gave an apologetic wave to Bant. "Thanks for talking to me," he said. "If you see Obi-Wan—"

The doors opened and a gangly figure stumbled across the threshold. Head thrashed from side to side, scanning the room until its eyes rested in happy relief on Anakin. An easy, lopsided grin greeted him. "Anakin," came the familiar voice of Obi-Wan Kenobi.

Anakin looked on, stunned at the sudden appearance of his guardian. Then, his frozen captivity relinquished and Anakin, without any forethought or decorum, rushed to Obi-Wan in a tornado speed of force. "Obi-Wan!"

He slammed into Obi-Wan, arms locked behind Obi-Wan's back. He buried his face into Obi-Wan's chest, consoled on the fact that Obi-Wan was standing before him. It wasn't a figment of imagination or a vision. He could hear Obi-Wan's feathered heartbeat and feel the rise and fall of Obi-Wan's chest as he breathed. He was alive and holding him in a caring embrace.

Anakin lifted his head to look into Obi-Wan's amused expression. "You're here!" he told him. "You found me!"

Obi-Wan could only laugh. "Yes, yes, I found you," he agreed and he tried to break Anakin's grip. But, Anakin refused to budge. If he let go, he may lose Obi-Wan again.

Obi-Wan sighed, exasperated. "You can let go of me, Anakin. I'm not going anywhere."

Tentatively, Anakin pried his fingers apart and freed Obi-Wan from his grip. He took note of the dishevel appearance. The messy hair, bagged eyes, pale and taunt skin and the overall sickly exterior riled Anakin. They tortured him! Anakin easily sensed it through Obi-Wan's dimmed, somewhat muted Force presence. They hurt his only family member, leaving him in a weak state that looked wrong on Obi-Wan. He was always so strong and resilient that his fatigue and sickly nature looked like a horrible carbon copy of the dead.

Anakin wanted to ask how Obi-Wan what happened to him and how he managed to be free from the Shadow's captivity when Master Krav stepped beside him. "Kenobi," she said, suspiciously. "I wasn't aware you were granted freedom to roam the Temple."

"Oh, I'm not," Obi-Wan confirmed to the distrustful master. "Only given permission to seek out my ward."

"Master Yoda and the Council are aware of this?" Master Krav challenged.

"Master Yoda granted it," Obi-Wan informed the suspicious master. Obi-Wan then nudged his head behind him. Anakin looked over and spotted two Temple Guards. "I have a personal escort to see to our departure."

Anakin straightened, his feet rocking on his toes. Did Obi-Wan say 'departure'? "Does that mean we can leave?" he asked, his eyes brightening to a majestic blue in the flames of hope.

Obi-Wan took Anakin by his shoulders and, with a wry grin, asked. "How do you feel about returning to Naboo?"

Anakin's face split into the widest smile ever that his cheeks burned. "We're going to see Padmé again?"

Obi-Wan nodded, a corner of his mouth twisted ruefully. "Yes, apparently, she missed us terribly," he said. "We are to depart in an hour."

Anakin couldn't restrain his excitement. He jumped in jubilation of being free from the enemy. "Yippee! Let's go now!" he snatched Obi-Wan's hand and tugged him to the exit.

Obi-Wan resisted. "Hold on, Anakin," he said. "Don't you need to gather your belongings?"

"I don't have any."

"Don't you wish to say good-bye?"

Anakin glanced from Obi-Wan to his fellow peers that stood off to the side, watching the reunion in quiet criticism and distrust. He didn't care to say goodbye to any of them. If anything, he would say good riddance. He looked back to Obi-Wan with a thin line and a hard shake of his head. "No."

Obi-Wan exhaled at the lack of manners, but Anakin cared less. They were leaving. They were never going to see this group of self-righteous fools ever again. But, Obi-Wan felt obligated to do their good-byes. "Sorry for Anakin's poor manners," Obi-Wan addressed to Master Krav. "Thank you for taking care of him in my absence. Much appreciated and I hope he didn't give you a hard time." Obi-Wan then turned to Bant without waiting for Master Krav to respond. "Bant—thank you."

Bant, who stayed off to the side in quiet reflection, stepped up with a warming presence upon seeing an old friend again. "I guess this is good-bye then?" There was a sadness in her words. A terrible expectation that she realized and accepted.

"Not forever, old friend," Obi-Wan replied with the same warmth.

They shared a hug, an affection Anakin was not expecting. Their friendship was deeper than Anakin believed it to be. It lasted not long before Obi-Wan parted away from her, a sad smile etched on Bant's face as Obi-Wan stepped away. "May the Force be with you."

Bant's eyes held unshed tears. "And also with you."

It was that goodbye that Obi-Wan bowed before the Jedi respectively and turned to lead Anakin out of the room. Anakin nearly skipped beside Obi-Wan, ignoring the trailing Temple Guards who followed them with clanking armor and electric prods. He was overtly happy to be back in Obi-Wan's care and that he was going to see Padmé again.

The galaxy had turned itself right back up. And, Anakin was thrilled beyond his dreams. They have beaten the Jedi Order and were free men. They were returning home.