"Wait a minute. Radar was the one that visited us on the way back to his
home when he got discharged, wasn't it?" remembered Peg.
"Yep that was him." grinned BJ.
"Oh" laughed Peg "I totally forgot about this until just now. Remember BJ, I wrote you after he left that when Erin first saw Radar she."
Hawkeye gave a very forced laugh "Yes BJ told us all about that. It was hilarious." Hawkeye interrupted, glancing over at BJ. He remembered how BJ had acted when he had gotten that fateful letter after the departure of their old company clerk.
"What did I do?" asked Erin
"I'll tell you later" Hawkeye intercepted the question quickly, knowing that if he didn't answer, Peg would because from the look on her face, BJ had never told her about the aftermath of the letter.
Hawkeye's actions when the letter was first mentioned was making Peg suspicious. Why was he trying to avoid all conversations about the letter by answering all questions about it quickly? She also noticed BJ hadn't said a thing since the letter had been first mentioned. Why didn't Hawkeye want anyone talking about it? Peg didn't know the answers to these questions. All she knew was it was making her mad that Hawkeye was trying to stop anyone from talking about it. She didn't know why he was doing it, but she was going to find out.
"Hawkeye" Peg said icily "May I speak to you for a moment in private?"
"Sure, Peg" answered Hawkeye, throwing his best friend a confused look that said 'What does Peg want with me?' and receiving one back that said 'I have no idea'. Hawkeye got up and followed Peg to the front of the restaurant where they had given the number of people in their party 45 minutes ago. Then, it had been filled with people waiting for a table, now it was deserted.
Peg stopped and spun around to face Hawkeye "All right, Pierce, what's the deal?" she asked in a startling impression of the 'Major Houlihan' part of Margaret.
Under normal circumstances, that would have made Hawkeye laugh, Peg was normally a sweet, kind, wouldn't-hurt-a-flea kind of woman, but the look on Peg's face told him that a joke would earn him nothing less then a slap in the face, so he settled for a subtle "What's up?"
Peg snorted "What's up? What's up? Well for one thing, I can't remind my husband of something funny that happened that we can share about the one thing in our marriage that we didn't go through together without his best friend trying to pretend it never happened, that's what's up!" Hawkeye stared. 'Damn that BJ for not telling Peg what happened!" he thought to himself 'He made me out to be the bad guy and I was trying to protect him from a bad memory! The only thing I can do is tell her what happened.'
Hawkeye took a deep breath and started to tell "Peg, BJ missed you and Erin a hell of a lot doing that so-called police action. He spent the whole war feeling guilty. Guilty he wasn't there for you. For Erin. For the beginning of Erin's life. When he got that letter and found out his own daughter didn't even know him, didn't know what he looked like out of a soldier uniform, it hurt him. A lot. Most of all he was jealous of Radar. Jealous that Radar was back in the States and seeing his family. Jealous that Radar was the first one his own daughter ever called 'Daddy'. BJ became depressed. I came back from Post-Op duty one evening to find BJ drunk by the still in our tent. I tried to console him with the fact that I missed my father too, but he told me it wasn't the same. He ended up totaling the still and hitting me. A little while later, I saw him again and all his problems came out. He told me of his envious feelings towards Radar. He even mentioned my old friend, Trapper, the guy he replaced. Beej said though he had never met Trapper, he was jealous of him too. BJ was jealous of them both. Jealous that members of the 4077th had gone home and none of them had been him."
The furious look on Peg's face melted off and was replaced with a look of remorse "Oh my God."she whispered "Poor BJ. He never told me. I never knew. If I had I wouldn't have mentioned it tonight. If I had thought all those years ago. Thought.even entertained the thought that BJ wouldn't think it funny. I knew he hated the fact he couldn't be there for Erin. He even told me a few times. It should have occurred to me that he wouldn't want to hear that Erin called someone else Daddy. It should have occurred to me that knowing that would tear him up inside more then he already was!"
Tears started to run down Peg's face. Hawkeye wrapped his arms around her. "Ssh.don't blame yourself" he whispered soothingly "It wasn't your fault. It was your big-footed moronic husband's fault. He should have told you. How could you have known how he felt about it if he didn't tell you?"
"He-he's m-my husband. I'm supposed to know what he's thinking, without him even telling me. I-I sh-should have known." she trailed off, crying harder then ever.
"You might be his wife, but you're not a mind reader. You can't be expected to know what someone is thinking all the time, even if he is your husband." Hawkeye released her from his hug but still kept his hands on her shoulders "Peg.Peg.listen to me, Peg.don't beat yourself up over this, it's not your fault. Anyone could have made the mistake you made. Any human could have made the mistake you made. And if you don't think yourself human, you're gonna hate every mistake you make in your marriage, and from what I've heard about marriage, there's a lot of mistakes waiting to be made. You're gonna go from hating your mistakes to hating yourself, to hating BJ and hate and marriage don't mix. And that will be the end of your marriage. You'll lose the one man I can tell you love more then anything. And you don't want that do you?" Peg wiped the tears out of her eyes and shook her head. Hawkeye smiled "I didn't think you wanted that."
"What should I say to BJ?" asked Peg "I feel awful about what I wrote in that letter and I want to say something to him to make up for it but I don't know what to say."
Hawkeye looked unusually grave and said "There's only one thing to do. Just don't mention it to BJ. The wound that was made by that letter was closed a long time ago. Any mention of it would hurt BJ more. I doubt you want to hurt him. Don't mention it. Don't reopen the wound. Come on," he said in a lighter tone "let's get back to the table before someone thinks you've run away with the groom-to-be." Peg laughed softly and started to lead the way back to the table when she was hailed by Hawkeye. She turned.
"There's something I've been meaning to ask you for a while." He said
"What?"
"Why did you let BJ keep that cheesy mustache?"
Peg laughed "Well, I liked it. It made him look taller and older and handsomer and." she giggled and a faint touch of pink formed on her cheeks "it tickled when I kissed him!"
Hawkeye laughed "Well that's a reason to keep a hairy upper lip if I've ever heard one!" Peg laughed too. They walked back to the table still chuckling.
"Yep that was him." grinned BJ.
"Oh" laughed Peg "I totally forgot about this until just now. Remember BJ, I wrote you after he left that when Erin first saw Radar she."
Hawkeye gave a very forced laugh "Yes BJ told us all about that. It was hilarious." Hawkeye interrupted, glancing over at BJ. He remembered how BJ had acted when he had gotten that fateful letter after the departure of their old company clerk.
"What did I do?" asked Erin
"I'll tell you later" Hawkeye intercepted the question quickly, knowing that if he didn't answer, Peg would because from the look on her face, BJ had never told her about the aftermath of the letter.
Hawkeye's actions when the letter was first mentioned was making Peg suspicious. Why was he trying to avoid all conversations about the letter by answering all questions about it quickly? She also noticed BJ hadn't said a thing since the letter had been first mentioned. Why didn't Hawkeye want anyone talking about it? Peg didn't know the answers to these questions. All she knew was it was making her mad that Hawkeye was trying to stop anyone from talking about it. She didn't know why he was doing it, but she was going to find out.
"Hawkeye" Peg said icily "May I speak to you for a moment in private?"
"Sure, Peg" answered Hawkeye, throwing his best friend a confused look that said 'What does Peg want with me?' and receiving one back that said 'I have no idea'. Hawkeye got up and followed Peg to the front of the restaurant where they had given the number of people in their party 45 minutes ago. Then, it had been filled with people waiting for a table, now it was deserted.
Peg stopped and spun around to face Hawkeye "All right, Pierce, what's the deal?" she asked in a startling impression of the 'Major Houlihan' part of Margaret.
Under normal circumstances, that would have made Hawkeye laugh, Peg was normally a sweet, kind, wouldn't-hurt-a-flea kind of woman, but the look on Peg's face told him that a joke would earn him nothing less then a slap in the face, so he settled for a subtle "What's up?"
Peg snorted "What's up? What's up? Well for one thing, I can't remind my husband of something funny that happened that we can share about the one thing in our marriage that we didn't go through together without his best friend trying to pretend it never happened, that's what's up!" Hawkeye stared. 'Damn that BJ for not telling Peg what happened!" he thought to himself 'He made me out to be the bad guy and I was trying to protect him from a bad memory! The only thing I can do is tell her what happened.'
Hawkeye took a deep breath and started to tell "Peg, BJ missed you and Erin a hell of a lot doing that so-called police action. He spent the whole war feeling guilty. Guilty he wasn't there for you. For Erin. For the beginning of Erin's life. When he got that letter and found out his own daughter didn't even know him, didn't know what he looked like out of a soldier uniform, it hurt him. A lot. Most of all he was jealous of Radar. Jealous that Radar was back in the States and seeing his family. Jealous that Radar was the first one his own daughter ever called 'Daddy'. BJ became depressed. I came back from Post-Op duty one evening to find BJ drunk by the still in our tent. I tried to console him with the fact that I missed my father too, but he told me it wasn't the same. He ended up totaling the still and hitting me. A little while later, I saw him again and all his problems came out. He told me of his envious feelings towards Radar. He even mentioned my old friend, Trapper, the guy he replaced. Beej said though he had never met Trapper, he was jealous of him too. BJ was jealous of them both. Jealous that members of the 4077th had gone home and none of them had been him."
The furious look on Peg's face melted off and was replaced with a look of remorse "Oh my God."she whispered "Poor BJ. He never told me. I never knew. If I had I wouldn't have mentioned it tonight. If I had thought all those years ago. Thought.even entertained the thought that BJ wouldn't think it funny. I knew he hated the fact he couldn't be there for Erin. He even told me a few times. It should have occurred to me that he wouldn't want to hear that Erin called someone else Daddy. It should have occurred to me that knowing that would tear him up inside more then he already was!"
Tears started to run down Peg's face. Hawkeye wrapped his arms around her. "Ssh.don't blame yourself" he whispered soothingly "It wasn't your fault. It was your big-footed moronic husband's fault. He should have told you. How could you have known how he felt about it if he didn't tell you?"
"He-he's m-my husband. I'm supposed to know what he's thinking, without him even telling me. I-I sh-should have known." she trailed off, crying harder then ever.
"You might be his wife, but you're not a mind reader. You can't be expected to know what someone is thinking all the time, even if he is your husband." Hawkeye released her from his hug but still kept his hands on her shoulders "Peg.Peg.listen to me, Peg.don't beat yourself up over this, it's not your fault. Anyone could have made the mistake you made. Any human could have made the mistake you made. And if you don't think yourself human, you're gonna hate every mistake you make in your marriage, and from what I've heard about marriage, there's a lot of mistakes waiting to be made. You're gonna go from hating your mistakes to hating yourself, to hating BJ and hate and marriage don't mix. And that will be the end of your marriage. You'll lose the one man I can tell you love more then anything. And you don't want that do you?" Peg wiped the tears out of her eyes and shook her head. Hawkeye smiled "I didn't think you wanted that."
"What should I say to BJ?" asked Peg "I feel awful about what I wrote in that letter and I want to say something to him to make up for it but I don't know what to say."
Hawkeye looked unusually grave and said "There's only one thing to do. Just don't mention it to BJ. The wound that was made by that letter was closed a long time ago. Any mention of it would hurt BJ more. I doubt you want to hurt him. Don't mention it. Don't reopen the wound. Come on," he said in a lighter tone "let's get back to the table before someone thinks you've run away with the groom-to-be." Peg laughed softly and started to lead the way back to the table when she was hailed by Hawkeye. She turned.
"There's something I've been meaning to ask you for a while." He said
"What?"
"Why did you let BJ keep that cheesy mustache?"
Peg laughed "Well, I liked it. It made him look taller and older and handsomer and." she giggled and a faint touch of pink formed on her cheeks "it tickled when I kissed him!"
Hawkeye laughed "Well that's a reason to keep a hairy upper lip if I've ever heard one!" Peg laughed too. They walked back to the table still chuckling.