Disclaimer: SotL? Mine? I wish! This belongs to the lovely Tamora Pierce (who is still lovely, regardless of her latest releases)

Love is Blind

Chapter 1

ALAN: THE GIRL

It was like being reborn.

After the time in the white room, everything suddenly appeared bright, shiny and new. Knowing this appreciation wouldn't last, Alanna prolonged it all she could and spent as much of hertime as she couldoutdoors, hidden from prying eyes. .

Meanwhile, the news of her true identity spread around the palace like wildfire. By the next day, everyone knew. Stares followed her like a plague. Whispers flooded through every single corridor.

But inevitably, some time had to be spent indoors, too. Alanna found herself in her room, one afternoon not long after, in her bed, on her back, staring at the ceiling contemplatively.

Now that her secret was out, and she was allowed to continue, Alanna had several interesting things to consider.

For one thing, binding her breasts HURT. The corset was no better. Although she had a very large size, the thing was still remarkably like a strangling device.

But if she didn't wear the corset, would people treat her differently? People would treat her differently anyway, but she didn't want to stick out too much. Swimming was still not an option.

"What are you thinking about?" a voice asked.

Alanna jumped, surprised at his presence. Then, she realised she left her door open. "Jon," she said thoughtfully, "how do you think the others will react when now that they know I'm a girl?"

Jon shrugged. "You were always particular about unbuttoning your shirt. I think everyone will piece it up easy enough. Gary, Raoul, Alex and I will always be there to support you. Not to mention Myles."

She wasn't sure about Alex, but she knew that her other friends and her favourite teacher would probably help her. Alex hadn't been the same since he had been Duke Roger's squire. Sometimes, Alanna didn't feel right whenever he was around.

"I guess," Alanna said slowly.

"You know, I'm still in a bit of a shock, finding out that you're a girl. It amazes me how you could have managed it," Jon commented.

"It wasn't easy," Alanna said wryly, plucking out a feather that stuck out of her pillow. "But I'm worried," she confessed. "Things will change, now that everyone knows. I don't like change."

He sat beside her. "Everything will work out," he promised. "They will forgive you, given time."

Alanna looked at him. "But how long will that take?" she murmured, burrowing her head in her pillow. "A week? A month? A year? Until the next brilliant thing I do?"

Jon had no answer

Alanna did her best to ignore everything, and focus on her studies. She knew (not happily) that her friends would stick up for her. During the first few weeks, there was an unnatural prevalence of bloodied noses and blackened eyes.

At dinnertime, some conservatives would refuse to be served by Alanna, demanding another page to wait on them. Other simply sat and blatantly insulted her.

Alanna took all this quietly. She did not say a single word. There was no point in doing so. She had to show everyone that she would be capable of being a knight. That meant obeying the Code of Chivalry and having a proper knight's etiquette.

But what hurt the most was being isolation by her peers. Some of her friends among the pages and squires distanced themselves from her. If she sat near them during mealtimes, the conversations would become strained.

Her instructors too, changed. They called on her frequently, as if making a point. She received more work, and harsher punishments for incomplete work. Her etiquette teacher had scowled when she had one single mistake in her bow, chiding her about 'taking advantage of being a female'. He assigned her to three chapters of reading out of the etiquette book, plus an essay and a report the next day.

Alanna bit her tongue, but thought furiously about how unfair it was. The Priests never set that much homework to the others!

Myles, however, called for her to stay back after class.

Alanna approached him nervously, wiping her sweaty palms on her tunic. "Yes, sir?"

Myles looked at her kindly, "Look, Alan - Alanna. I know that you must be treated quite differently now that everyone knows that you're a girl," he began.

She nodded timidly. "How do you feel about it, sir?" she asked directly.

"I knew," Myles said simply.

Her jaw dropped. "But..."

"I suspected," he corrected. "After the Sweating Sickness - and the time you went to Barony Olau."

Alanna closed her mouth, and when no intuition came, she simply shrugged. What he was saying wasn't making any direct sense, but she had a vague impression on what he was trying to say.

"Now, run along to class, you don't want to be late now, Alanna," Myles said with a sigh.

She managed a smile (albeit a slightly confused one). "Thank you, sir."

Alanna continued to wear her corset. When Jon asked her about it, she shook her head. "Why be different?" she had said with a shrug, averting her eyes.

Jon just shook his head.

A few weeks later, a message came to the Palace, and Alanna was summoned out of class.

She knocked on Duke Gareth's door nervously, wondering what he had to say.

"Come in."

Alanna entered the room, the find a grim looking Duke Gareth and an equally grim looking Coram.

Fearing the worst, Alanna bowed shakily to the Duke. "Y-your G-grace," she stammered.

The Duke motioned Coram to speak, which he did, in low, deadened tones. "Lass, your father is dead."

Alanna straightened. Mouth dry. "Father is - dead?"

She had never had a great love for her father, but at the same time, he was the only relative she had apart from Thom. It didn't hurt. But then, it did. There was a strange hollowness inside her.

"Alanna, you must go to Trebond immediately to attend your father's funeral," Duke Gareth said stiffly. The Duke hadn't liked Lord Alan much either.

"Yes, your Grace," Alanna bowed again, before she exited the room to go pack.

Much thanks to those who reviewed this chapter, oh-so-long ago. Star (my first reviewer!) HuntressDiana, Princess Amara of Conte, Forget-me-not, Cobweb, Reaya, White-wolf, Numie, Queenofdiamonds, Tomato Beatles Fan, dragon defender and pink kai.

I originally had long, nifty responses for each of you (though you may not remember). Thank you so much for your contributions. :) It was helpful, and inspiring.