*A/N: Praise Allah! ff.net finally found a way to fix that annoying '…'turning to '.' thing, so now we don't have to space out our '…'s. These will stay spaced because I'm too lazy to unspace them lol. Anyway, thanks to Mirandabelle, we have another chapter for your reading and reviewing pleasure, so I hope you guys like it! And thanks to all my reviewers especially bbwholly1981 for her multiple reviews and to Exploded Pen for her extremely amusing review. Oh! And to Stalking Shadow and CKS24, newbies to this story. Thanks for taking the time to review, everyone! I really really appreciate knowing what you guys think!
'PA: Remember, the hospital is open 24 hours a day for your dining and dancing pleasure'
-From 'Five O'Clock Charlie'
*Disclaimer: I own M*A*S*H? I do? Oh, wait, I don't? Aww, now, I'm disappointed. . .*
-AEM
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Mill Valley California
Monday, April 25, 1956
8:00 AM
The calls started to come in the following Monday.
"Pierce, this better not be one of your jokes!" said Colonel Potter when he called the Hunnicut household on the Monday he received the invitation
"Hi Colonel, long time no talk. What's not one of my jokes?"
Colonel Potter laughed, "Same old Pierce. The invitation I received to a wedding of you and Margaret in Hunnicut's hometown. Is it true?"
"Is what true? The fact I'm with BJ in Mill Valley, yep that's true. . . say hi BJ," he said to BJ, who was standing next to him, arms crossed, and, like always, leaning on the wall
"Hi BJ!" called BJ.
"Very funny, Pierce and Hunnicut . . ."said the Colonel "You know what I mean"
"Do I?" Hawkeye asked innocently.
"Pierce, can't you act serious for once!" cried Margaret, running into the room. She grabbed the telephone away from her husband-to-be
"Colonel," she said breathlessly "Margaret Houlihan".
"Margaret, you don't need to tell me your name, I'd know your voice anywhere"
"Sorry, Colonel. . ." blushed Margaret.
"Nothing to be sorry about Major. . . oh that's right, you left the Army."
"Yes I did, sir and I'm dammed proud of it!"
"Glad to hear it. Now about this wedding. . ."
"Yes sir. Hawkeye and I. . ."
"NOOOOO!! You must not tell the secret!!!!" yelled Hawkeye maniacally and wrenched Margaret away from the telephone and started to kiss her.
BJ grabbed the falling phone and jumped into Hawkeye's routine like old times by starting to chat to Colonel Potter about the first thing that came to his head, which turned out to be his reunion with Peg and Erin when he returned from the war.
"Whoa, Hunnicut, time out. Tell Pierce to stop doing whatever it is he's doing and let me talk to either him or Margaret about this wedding shenanigan, which, I'm starting to believe with each passing second is a falsehood created by you and Pierce to get your jollies."
BJ smiled "Believe me Colonel, it's true. And if you want to talk seriously, you'd better talk to Margaret,"
"As long as you holster Pierce!"
"No problem. Bye Colonel,"
"Goodbye BJ." BJ wrenched his best friend away from Margaret and Margaret explained everything to Colonel Potter.
"Are you serious Margaret? I'm prouder than a peacock for the both of ya!"
"Colonel, You know my father died 2 months after the war. . ."
"How come everyone seems to know that, but me?" asked Hawkeye
"I didn't know either." pointed out BJ
"That's reassuring. . . "
". . . there's no one else I'd rather have walk me down the aisle but you" finished Margaret
"Oh Margaret, I'd be honored" breathed Colonel Potter.
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"Hawkeye, is that you?" asked Radar O'Reilly when he called about 10 minutes after Margaret hung up with Colonel Potter.
"Radar! Baby! Long time no see, eh?" yelled Hawkeye, who was growing more increasingly silly as the phone calls progressed.
"Geeze, Hawkeye, can't you be serious for once? What is this wedding invitation for you and Major Houlihan about? I mean it seemed to me you were close when you visited me, Patty, and Ma on the farm last week, but not this close. Was this whole wedding thing in the works then? Why didn't you tell me?"
"Radar, one question at a time!" laughed Hawkeye "Yes, I proposed to Margaret before we went to see you guys. I didn't tell you because it was all part of my master plan. You, my dear Radar, were a pawn in a crazy plan I had. . ." and he explained to Radar the plan he had had.
When he was done Radar said "So you didn't tell me when you were done because you wanted to tell Captain Hunnicut first."
"Eww, Radar!" said Hawkeye in disgust "Please, do not disgrace BJ or I by calling us 'Captain'. We aren't in the Army anymore and we didn't even act like Captains then."
Radar laughed "That's true. I'm really happy for you and Major Houlihan, Hawkeye."
"Radar, call me Margaret." interrupted Margaret, who was listening to the conversation from Hawkeye's end
"Whoa! How did she hear me?!" yelled Radar in shock and Hawkeye, Margaret, and Patty, who was listening in on Radar's end started to laugh.
"He's blushing, Margaret." laughed Patty.
Suddenly Margaret remembered "Oh right, Hawkeye, Radar, get off the phone I need to talk to Patty."
"Yes ma'am!" yelled Radar and handed the phone to his girlfriend.
"When will he ever stop being scared of me?" sighed Margaret
"Give him time, Margaret. Give him time. He'll come around." muttered Hawkeye and handed the telephone to Margaret.
Margaret asked Patty to be a bridesmaid and she accepted. Then, Margaret and Patty handed the phones to Hawkeye and Radar, respectively. Hawkeye started to talk first.
"Radar, you mean a lot to me, you know that" Hawkeye said seriously
"Yep" Radar replied, just as seriously
"I was wondering if you would be a groomsman-usher-thing in Margaret's and my wedding"
"Course I will, did ya even have to ask?" Radar replied, with a grin.
"One more thing, Radar. Give Margaret a chance. She's not the same mean, rules and regulations major that she was when we all arrived in Korea. She's changed, she has a heart. She won't bite your head off like she used to do. Give her a chance, Radar."
"For you, Hawkeye, anything" promised Radar honestly.
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Mill Valley, California
Tuesday, April 26, 1956
3:00 PM
"Um…is Margaret Houlihan there?" asked the man on the other end of the phone mid-afternoon the next day.
"Who's this?" asked BJ.
"My name is Frank Burns. I was a friend of hers in Korea". BJ started to snort and put his hand over the receiver. He glanced around and put the telephone down on a nearby table and walked to the living room, where Margaret was, watching television with Erin.
"Oh Margaret," sang BJ "Phone call for you!"
"Who is it?"
"Frank Burns."
"You can't mean our Frank?" asked Hawkeye, entering the room
"The very same." BJ said smugly
"Who's Frank Burns?" asked Erin
"An acquaintance of ours from Korea." explained BJ
As Margaret and Hawkeye walked towards the phone, BJ and Erin were wandering back to the living room Peg came around the corner looking a little green around the edges.
"Peg, honey are you all right?" asked BJ, his voice full of concern
A brief spasm of panic flitted over her face before she answered "I'm fine, BJ. I'm just not feeling well." She said finally "I think I'm coming down with something"
"Do you think you'll be all right for the wedding?"
"I hope so" she said quickly "I'm going to go lie down. Don't worry, BJ, I'm OK" she said reassuringly and went on her tiptoes to kiss her tall husband on the cheek after noticing the look of concern on his face. Peg then took the opportunity of his confused concern to slip down the hallway towards her and BJ's bedroom, before BJ could question her any more, leaving BJ staring at her back, not believing a word she had said.
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"Please Margaret, can I talk to him, make him crazier then he already is?" pleaded Hawkeye as the two approached the phone.
"No, then we won't shock him on our wedding day when he comes. That was your original plan, wasn't it?"
"Oh right, but can I at least listen into his stupidity?"
"Sure"
"Hello" Margaret picked up the phone and held it out a little so Hawkeye could hear.
"Margaret" said Frank excitedly "It's me! Frank!"
"Frank" said Margaret with an obscene amount of fake enthusiasm in her voice "It's been a long time since I've heard from you. . . not long enough" she mumbled to Hawkeye in an undertone, covering the receiver so Frank couldn't hear, making Hawkeye chuckle.
"So what's this I hear about you getting married, Margaret darling?"
"Oh you received the invitation. . . wonderful"
"I didn't know you divorced Penobscott. When did that happen?"
"Oh ages ago. Before the war ended"
"Oh the Korean War. . . I have some fond memories of then, don't you, Margaret darling?"
"If he calls you 'darling' one more time, I'm gonna call him something that's not so nice." mumbled Hawkeye
"Don't complain to me, Pierce, it was your and Hunnicut's idea to invite him not mine! If I see him anytime after this, it will be too soon!"
"What's that in the background, Margaret darling?" interrupted Frank.
"The radio" Margaret said, thinking fast.
"Oh," laughed Frank. "Anyway, I would be delighted to come to your wedding. My youngest daughter Stephanie will also come too. My wife and my other two daughters hate me so they wouldn't want to come. Who are you marrying, anyway? It was smudged on my invitation."
"What?" asked Margaret, thinking fast
"I said, who are you marrying?"
"What am I carrying?" she asked, finally deciding to pull the same trick she pulled on Klinger on Frank.
"Margaret, darling, what on Earth are you talking about? I never said anything about you carrying anything."
"Frank, I can barely hear you. You're breaking up!"
"It's fine on my end."
"I heard that! It might be fine on your end, but my end is lousy! I'll see you next week, Frank! Goodbye!" Margaret slammed the phone down, which was a good thing too because almost immediately she and Hawkeye started to laugh uncontrollably.