*Okay, here I go again not updating regularly...I'm really sorry about that,
but life's been insane these last few months (my usual excuse) between my
research paper from hell and other random stuffs. It'll calm down in May
hopefully, but maybe I shouldn't say that 'cause we all know what happens
when people say life will calm down...
Anyway, this is, I think (I'm updating from my Mum's computer and I don't have all my files on this one) this is the last filler chapter until we get to the action. I have this problem where I can't leave out detail, so sorry about that. What people can describe in two words, I describe in eleven. I'm wordy and I love details. I'm detail happy hee hee.
Special thanks goes out, as always, to my beta, Mirandabelle, who somehow puts up with my detail –happiness and to all you reviewers out there! Questions, comments, concerns, feedback, reviews, etc. just review this or feel free to e-mail. Thanks all!
Disclaimer: YAY! For the first time in this story's history, I have something important and worthwhile to disclaim that/whom will be mentioned in more than just this chapter! *feels proud* What is it, you ask? First, I must correct you, it's a him not and it. Secondly, the person I'm disclaiming is a baby by the name of Sherman Maxwell Klinger. Who is he, besides for the obvious that is? Read on, McDuff . . .
-AEM*
Mill Valley, California Wednesday, April 27, 1956 8:00 AM
"She's hiding something from me, Hawk" mumbled BJ the next morning in the living room. He was lying on the couch, his hands behind his head. Hawkeye was leaning forward in the chair in front of him.
"Who, Peg?" asked Hawkeye, and BJ looked up from staring at his hands.
"Of course Peg. Who else would it be!" Hawkeye broke eye contact and BJ said embarrassedly "I'm sorry, Hawk. I'm just so dammed edgy because my wife is keeping secrets from me!" He got up from the couch and started to pace. "She says it's nothing but if it was nothing she would tell me, wouldn't she?"
"Of course she would,"
"God, Hawk, you should've seen her. She looked horrible and when I asked her about it, this look of guilt and fear came across her face and then she hesitated before she answered me. I know my wife, Hawk, it's not like her to do that. It's also not like her to lie, and she's a horrible liar. I can always tell when she's lying, and I'm willing to bet anything...anything she's lying now. And what kills me is the fact that I don't know why!"
"BJ, don't worry. You're probably just jumping to conclusions. If it's anything, she probably didn't think it was the right time to tell you or something and will tell you later. I doubt it's anything to worry about."
"Well, I'm worrying more because she won't tell me!" BJ exclaimed as the telephone rang. He started to go and get it when Margaret ran by saying,
"Don't move, BJ, I'll get it" and picked up the phone. "Hello, Hunnicut residence," she offered
"Well, Maj. . . Margaret, why didn't you tell me you were marrying Hawkeye!" said the man on the other end.
Margaret grinned "Klinger, I didn't tell you because Hawkeye told me not to"
"And since when have you listened to him?"
"He had a good reason." she said simply "Are you mad I didn't tell you?"
Klinger smiled. "No. Just interested in the reason behind why you kept it a secret."
"Well, Hawkeye is the one who knows the answer. Do you want to talk to him?"
"Sure, why not. Put him on". Margaret smiled. "All right. Hold on. . . oh Klinger, how are my dresses coming along?"
The Lebanese grinned "Wonderful. I'm doing everything exactly the way you told me to. One question though, you told me to make 4 bridesmaid dresses, but only gave me the sizes for 3. Can I have the other size?"
"I can give you better than that. I can give you her name. It's Soon-Lee"
Klinger smiled "Really? That's really great of you. I assume you want to ask her yourself, she's right here if you want to do it now, which is a good idea considering if you don't, she's liable to bite my head off to get it out of me!"
Margaret laughed "OK, Klinger. Put her on then you can talk to Hawkeye." Klinger handed the phone to his wife.
"Soon-Lee. . . Margaret Houlihan."
"You don't need to say your last name, Margaret I know who you are," Margaret and Soon-Lee laughed. Margaret stopped and asked "Soon-Lee, I was wondering if you would be a bridesmaid in my and Hawkeye's wedding?"
"I'd be delighted!" cried Soon-Lee "I can't believe you and Captain Pierce are getting married! Congratulations!"
Margaret laughed "Thank you! But, don't call him 'Captain' to his face. He hates even being reminded he was once in the Army"
"Right, I'll remember that. Max wants to talk to Hawkeye now"
It took Margaret a few seconds to remember who Max was. She told Soon-Lee this, which made her laugh, "For as long as I've known him, I've called him 'Klinger'. The only one who calls him Max from the 4077th is Charles Winchester. I forget that Max is his first name!" this made Soon-Lee laugh more.
Margaret laughed too "I'll get Hawkeye," She covered the receiver and called for her fiancé. Hawkeye wandered into the kitchen, followed by BJ, who looked upset and confused.
"Yes dear?" sang Hawkeye.
"Klinger wants to talk to you"
"I thought the old scoundrel might!" Hawkeye grabbed the phone.
Margaret went to BJ and asked "BJ, are you all right? You look upset."
"Not just upset. . . upset and confused" he responded and left the kitchen.
"Klinger?" Hawkeye spoke into the phone.
"Hawkeye!" came the reply "I have a bone to pick with you"
"Wow, I haven't picked bones with you since the last time we ate in the Mess Tent." said Hawkeye sarcastically "We were always taking bones out of something. Like the soup or the mashed potatoes or. . ."
"Very funny, Hawkeye. I was being serious!"
"Sorry, what is it?"
"Why didn't you let Maj. . . uh. . .I mean Margaret tell me that the two of you were getting hitched?"
"Married Klinger, not hitched. And as for the other thing. . .you're probably expecting some spectacular, complex reason as to why Margaret pulled that big thing on you,"
The Lebanese grinned "Kinda yes."
Hawkeye smirked "Well, sorry Klinger, no long-winded explanations today! I just wanted to mess with your head, that's all!"
"Well, now I'm disappointed . . ." said Klinger, with a smile
". . .Also because I had something to ask you and I thought it would be better to tell you and ask all at once" Hawkeye continued
"Ask away!"
"Ask if you would be one of the groomsmen/usherthings at my wedding that's what"
"Hawkeye," yelled Klinger "Didja have to ask? Of course I'd be one of those groomsmen-thingys for you . . . now all we have to do is to decide who to leave the baby with. Obviously, he's too young to travel all the way to California. I know. . . we'll leave him with my ma. . . she loves it when her grandson visits. . . "
"Klinger. . . " said Hawkeye slowly ". . . back up a minute. . . what baby?"
"My son, of course!"
"Klinger, you don't have a son."
"Yeah I do,"
"No you don't,"
"Hawkeye," Klinger laughed "I think I would be the authority on whether or not I have a son or not."
"Yeah. You would be but you don't. I hope you would tell at least one of us from Korea,"
"I did. Soon Lee and I sent invitations to all of you. Didn't you get one?"
"I never got an invitation, Klinger."
"I swear, I sent them out. None of you, except Colonel Potter responded" said Klinger, confused.
"Klinger, I never got one. Hold on lemme ask Margaret." Hawkeye took the phone away from his ear. "Margaret, did you ever get an invitation to a baby shower for Klinger's son?"
"Klinger doesn't have a son" Margaret answered, matter-of-factly
"That's what I said but he doesn't believe me"
"That's because I do have a son" yelled Klinger from the other end of the phone "His name is Sherman Maxwell Klinger and he's nearly a year old" he continued, almost defiantly "I'll even ask Soon-Lee. Soon-Lee. . ." he called his wife "Do we have a son?"
Soon Lee laughed "What kind of question is that, Max? Of course we have a son"
"Well, Hawkeye and Margaret don't believe we had a son and never received any invitations"
"Are you sure you mailed them?"
"Of course I did, what am I, stupid? Do me a favor. Get me my blue windbreaker. I remember I was wearing it the day I mailed them and if the invitations aren't there, I mailed them"
Meanwhile, Hawkeye was asking BJ, who had just walked into the room, mumbling to himself darkly, the same question that everyone had been asking
"Hey Beej, does Klinger have a son?"
BJ looked up, as if startled to find people in his kitchen "What? No. Of course not" he waved his hand impatiently.
"Ha!" grinned Hawkeye "I got another one, Klinger. Beej says you don't have a son, either"
"Well ask BJ if he got an invitation because I'm positive I invited him . . . though I was positive I invited you too, but you seem to believe that I don't have a son and I never received an answer from you, so maybe . . . no I did send the invitations"
Hawkeye laughed "I'll ask him. . . " He covered the receiver, then uncovered it
"Beej" he called "did you ever receive an invitation regarding the birth of Klinger's son?"
BJ looked up from where he was staring at his hands "What? No never got one . . . besides Klinger doesn't even have a son . . . but why does that matter?" he asked anxiously.
"Beej, it was a simple question. No need to bite my head off. . ."
"Nah," smiled BJ ruefully "it's my fault, I'm sorry, Hawk. It's just this dammed thing with Peg that's getting me all tensed up and you're right, it's probably nothing. One of those woman things we're not supposed to know about . . .it's nothing . . . " he said in a thoroughly unconvinced tone.
While all this was going on in the Hunnicut household, in the Klinger household, Max Klinger was mumbling to himself "I'm positive I sent those invitations. . . I mean, why wouldn't I? They're the best friends I've ever had. But, that would explain the responses from them or lack thereof . . . no I sent them, I'm positive . . .this is probably one of Hawkeye's jokes . . . yeah that explains it . . . one of Hawkeye's jokes. . ."
"Talking to yourself, eh Klinger? You know what they say about that, don't you" said a voice on the other end, whom Klinger recognized immediately
"BJ!" Klinger yelled happily. The two talked for a few minutes, with corresponding comments added by Hawkeye, who was listening in. Then, Soon- Lee came in with the blue windbreaker.
"Prepare to feel stupid, oh friends of mine . . . including your soon-to-be- betrothed, Hawkeye." started Klinger as Soon-Lee handed him the windbreaker.
"I'll tell her you said that!" laughed Hawkeye.
"You see," continued Klinger "it was a day in April, just like this one. The 30th to be exact. I remember that because that's the day my son was born. He wasn't supposed to be born until the beginning of June. He was a bit premature, but he handled it. He's a Klinger, what do you expect? We were forced to put off the shower until later in Soon-Lee's pregnancy because we needed to get my business off the ground first. I was willing to have her shower before I started my business, but. . ."
"Klinger, get to the point" interrupted Margaret, who was now listening in too
"Jeez! How many people are on that phone?"
"Too many!" laughed BJ.
"Just get on with it, Klinger" said Hawkeye.
"All right, all right, sheesh, the grief I still have to put up with you guys. . . and I thought it would be different once we left Korea, but. . . "
"GET ON WITH IT, KLINGER!" yelled Hawkeye, BJ, and Margaret all at the same time, making Klinger laugh.
"All right I will!" he continued "On that aforementioned day in April I was going to the post office to mail the invitations to you three, Major Winchester, Father Mulcahy and Radar. I told Colonel Potter on the telephone. It was a rather windy day so I decided to wear my blue windbreaker. I put it on, much like I'm doing now though you can't see it to illustrate what I did. I picked up the five invitations from the hall table like I am now, though you can't see that either. . ." he pantomimed picking up something from the table ". . . and I stuck them in my pocket. . ." he stuck his hand into the pocket and continued proudly"...where they sit to this very day. . . WHAT!"
"What? What is it?" asked Hawkeye.
"Oh no" moaned Klinger "I never sent them! Remember I said that was the day my son was born? I was just about to leave when Soon-Lee told me her water had just broken. The excitement of that day made me forget all about the invitations. We had the shower a few weeks after Soon-Lee had the baby and I forgot that I had never sent them. I thought I had, and actually, since I thought I had sent them, I was a bit surprised and a tad offended that you hadn't responded."
Hawkeye laughed "And I don't know about the other two on this line, but I was a bit surprised and a tad offended that, I thought at the time, you didn't tell us you had a son".
"I feel like a moron . . ."
"Well, you are a moron, but you're our moron" said Hawkeye, good- naturedly.
". . . I feel really bad. . . "mumbled Klinger
"Klinger, don't" said BJ "you had a good reason to forget about the invitations".
Klinger laughed "It's good to know some things never change. Hawkeye's still sarcastic as all hell and BJ's still the same ol'rational BJ"
'Rational. . .' mused Hawkeye to himself, looking BJ, who at the moment was laughing for the first time in a day '. . .It's obvious Klinger hasn't seen BJ lately because he's anything but rational. . .'. Hawkeye made a mental note to try and find out what was up with Peg for the sanity of his best friend.
************************************************************************
1:00 PM
"I'll get it!" BJ said cheerfully as the phone rang again 3 hours after they hung up with Klinger. He entered the kitchen from the living room and his smile dropped the minute he left the company of Hawkeye and Erin. Peg and Margaret were out looking at flowers and cakes for the wedding. Hawkeye had told him that he shouldn't spend so much time brooding over this thing with Peg and it was probably nothing. He agreed with that; it would probably turn out to be nothing, but it still burned inside him that she wouldn't tell him. But, he had decided he wouldn't waste time thinking about it while he was around Hawkeye or Margaret, especially Hawkeye. He never saw Hawkeye much, about once a year if that and he didn't want to waste his precious time with him worrying about something no one could control, he would do when he was alone. Besides for the fact Hawkeye was getting married in a few days and there was no way he was going spend that day mad when his best friend was getting married and he was the best man. He was determined to be happy now if it killed him, but he knew it would be easy to be happy that day no matter what happened with Peg.
BJ picked up the telephone on the third ring. Hawkeye had wandered in behind him and, noticing BJ's pensiveness as he went to go pick up the phone, reminded him of the vow he had made to himself a few hours ago to find out what was the matter with Peg. He knew BJ's moods as well as his own. Now, instead of the anger that BJ had displayed earlier, he was pretending everything was great and Hawkeye hated to see him like this. Sometimes, Hawkeye felt BJ's 'pretend nothing is wrong when it is' mood was worse then his 'hold a grudge and get mad at the world' mood. Hawkeye was jolted out of his thoughts when BJ laughed at whoever was on the phone and handed the phone to Hawkeye.
"Who is it?" asked Hawkeye
"You'll see," smiled BJ and left the room.
"Yello, Fred's Department Store. You want it we got it." He said into the phone, though he had no idea who he was talking to.
"Pierce, you will never change . . . you will always be a juvenile delinquent . . ." said the person on the other end of the phone, and though Hawkeye couldn't see him, he was shaking his head. Hawkeye recognized the voice immediately. He grinned. Though he had sent this person an invitation, he had half-convinced himself that he wouldn't receive a response. "Charles Winchester! I'm honored you're attending my wedding!"
Charles rolled his eyes "I will be in attendance, not for you my old adversary, but merely in an attempt to snap poor Margaret out of whatever trance you had to put her in in order for her to accept a proposal of marriage from you."
Hawkeye sniffed in mock offense "Charles, I am deeply offended you are not happy for Margaret and I. And just for your comment, I'm not going to ask you the thing I wanted to ask you . . . "
"If it's money you want, think again, Pierce" Charles cut him off. "Not that I have any myself considering the fact that I have none myself and also the man I formerly called 'Father' is even now writing me out of his will and cutting me out of the Winchester fortune." He added to himself silently.
Hawkeye's laughter brought him back to the conversation. "Like I would ever accept charity from you. I was merely going to ask you to be a groomsman /usherthing in my wedding, but now, since you have offended me so . . ."
"I'd be honored to be a groomsman" Charles said honestly "and also, I am happy for you and Margaret . . . Hawkeye."
3:00 PM
Peg came upstairs from the laundry room, carrying a basket of laundry
"Hi Hawkeye." she addressed the black haired man, who was sitting at the kitchen table, reading the newspaper with his feet on the chair next him, and his chair tipped back. "Feet off the furniture." she said automatically.
"Yes ma'am." drawled Hawkeye in his fake Southern accent and took his feet off the chair and put his chair back in the normal position all in one fell swoop.
"Where are the others?" the woman asked.
"Well, Erin's in her room playing with her dollhouse..."
"Where else?" laughed Peg
"BJ and Margaret went to look at more cakes."
"More cakes!" Peg shook her blonde head "At this rate, we'll be floating in them! She just couldn't decide on a cake when we were there before for some reason. Now she's doesn't want marble. She's now choosing between carrot and lemon. With me, it was flowers...anyway, I'm surprised you didn't go with BJ. In all the times you've visited us here or we've gone to Crabapple Cove, I don't think I've ever seen you and BJ separated for more than 5 minutes!"
Hawkeye laughed "Well, there's a reason for that, we haven't. I was going to go look at cakes, in the hopes that I could make a decision about them faster than Margaret, who was gonna stay here and field phone calls until we realized the only person from Korea that hasn't called yet is my old friend Trapper McIntyre. He and Margaret weren't exactly bosom buddies, so I'm the one who'd be better off talking to him. Besides for the fact I haven't talked to him in years for one thing, and another thing is I want him to be one of those...whatsit...groomsman/usherthings...what are those things called anyway, groomsmen or ushers?"
Peg laughed, "I think they're called groomsmen, Hawkeye."
"Good that's been bugging me forever..."
"But on the other hand, I've also heard them referred to as ushers too. I'm not sure what the difference between the two are..."
"Aak!!" screamed Hawkeye "I'm never going to find out what they're called, am I? I'll just go the rest of my life not knowing...and it will bug me...and..."
Peg was in hysterics by the time Hawkeye finished his rant. Suddenly he remembered the second reason he had stayed behind...He drew a breath...Peg knew something serious was happening. It wasn't often she ever saw Hawkeye serious and when she did she knew by now that whenever Hawkeye Pierce was serious, he had a good reason to be.
"Though keeping a reunion of Trapper and Margaret from getting off on the wrong foot is a good reason to stay behind and not eat cake, I have another reason..." continued Hawkeye "This might not be any of my business, and you might get mad at me for poking my nose into it but it's driving BJ crazy. I can see it, though he's trying to hide it. I keep telling him it's nothing, which it probably is, but it would be better...I 'd like it if I knew for sure so I would at least know if I was lying to him or not. I don't like to lie to BJ, but if it's something between the two of you and none of my business, that you need to tell him in your own time, I will lie for now...you know what I'm talking about, don't you..." he finished as he watched realization dawn on Peg Hunnicut's face.
"That day..." she said quietly.
"That's a good way to put it...that day..."
"You're right, it is none of your business, but you do have a right to know if you're lying to BJ or not...that's what I've always liked when I watched the two of you together. You're so loyal and always looking out for the well-being of each other...about the other thing...to let you know, you're not lying to BJ." The two stared at each other for a few minutes, then the telephone rang.
"I'll get it." said Hawkeye, never taking his eyes off the woman. There was a little nagging voice in the back of his head telling him not to believe her statement, but the more rational part said, "Why would she lie?"
Hawkeye walked towards the telephone and picked it up mid-ring. "Yello, Marvin's Dry Cleaning open every day from 9-6, since 5 minutes ago, dry cleaning your clothing in 7 different countries including US, France and Ouigobou!" (The correct spelling of the town is Ouijonbou as in the atlas!)
"HAWK!" yelled a voice into the phone loudly making Hawkeye wince a little, but not take the phone away from his ear. He knew who it was.
He grinned "TRAP!" he yelled happily.
"I got your mail." said Trapper "What the hell is this, Hawk? You're marrying Hot Lips?"
Hawkeye winced again, this time at the old nickname "Not Hot Lips, Trapper. Hot Lips is long gone, thank you very much. I am marrying a wonderful woman named Margaret Houlihan, soon to be Margaret Pierce if she can decide on a cake one of these days."
Trapper waved his hand impatiently, though Hawkeye couldn't see it "Yeah, her. What happened? Last time I saw Hot Lips, you hated her guts, she was still GI all the way something you hate, I might add, and she was still perfectly content sucking the lips, or lack thereof, off of Frank Burns."
"What can I say, Trap? Things changed a lot after you left. Margaret decided she wanted more than a fling, ended things with Frank, went on R & R, married a jackass named Donald Penobscott, who we later found out was cheating on her and divorced him. She also loosened up a lot after Frank left..."
"Where did Frank go?" Trapper cut in. Hawkeye laughed and filled his old buddy in on what had happened.
Trapper burst out laughing "Couldn't 'a happened to a nicer...ok a rottener guy." Hawkeye laughed too.
"Tell me about the guy who replaced me..." Trapper looked at the note from Hawkeye "...BJ Hunnicut...you two must be really tight if you go to visit him and you're getting married in his hometown."
"Tight doesn't even begin to describe me and Beej." started Hawkeye happily
"What's he like?"
"Like you and me. He hated being there as much as we did. And he had a good reason. He was missing the first few years of the life of his first- born baby girl. His hobbies included thumbing his nose at the Army whenever he got the chance, performing surgery on kids as young as Radar, drinking lighter fluid martinis from the still, and getting bombed out of his mind if the occasion called for it, which as you know, was most of the time."
"You're right. He does sound like us. Good cutter?"
"As good as you and I are."
"Good egg?"
"The best."
This worried Trapper a little, but he didn't let it show. "Yeah, how is Radar, anyway?" he said lightly
"I'll let him tell you himself when you meet up at my wedding. You are coming, right?"
"And miss seeing Hot...er...Margaret again? No chance. We've already saved that weekend."
Hawkeye smiled "Hey as long as you're coming, do you wanna be a groomsman- usherthing?"
Trapper grinned "Definitely, buddy!"
"Good." smiled Hawkeye. He paused for a moment before continuing "I'm really glad you're coming. I've missed you, believe it or not. My wedding wouldn't be the same without you there, Trap...Geeze, this is turning into a real 4077th reunion. Everyone from all the years is coming."
"Except Henry." said Trapper sadly, making Hawkeye sad too.
"Why did you have to remind me of that, you big jerk?" he frowned
"I really miss him, ya know?"
Hawkeye nodded sadly. "Yeah, I know, me too."
"Wait a minute, who took command after Frank went crazy? Not you I hope! Though, on the other hand, if you did, North Korea would have won the war!"
Hawkeye laughed, "Oh, thanks a lot! That is what would have happened though. Frank was only in charge a couple of weeks after Henry died before I-Corps found us a new CO named Sherman Potter. He was regular army, but he was OK. He gave us discipline when we needed it, was always there to talk if we needed it, and could drink even me under the table."
Trapper laughed, "Nice to know the amount of drinking didn't change. Was he better than Henry?"
"At being a CO yes, but on the other hand, so would a chimpanzee. At being a friend, you can't compare because they're two different people."
"True. Oh, listen, Hawk, I gotta go. Louise needs the phone. I'll see ya in a few weeks, OK?"
"All right, Trap" said Hawkeye "See you then. Hey, Trap, it's been good talking to you."
Trapper smiled "Yeah, you too. See you". The two men hung up. Trapper stared at the phone sadly. He was glad Hawkeye had asked him to be a groomsman, but he was surprised Hawkeye hadn't asked him to be best man. From what Hawkeye had said about this BJ Hunnicut, his replacement, Trapper had a feeling he had been replaced in more ways than one. BJ had been asked to be best man and Trapper knew it. His stomach tightened. Trapper also had a feeling he had lost his best friend. Not even just lost, but lost. He had lost him a long time ago and hadn't even known it...
4:00 PM
"So Trapper called?" said Margaret when she and BJ came back after looking at cakes and Hawkeye filled her in on the goings-on of the previous hour, including the conversation with Peg.
"Yes, did you finally get a cake, or will you be needing an extra year to pick one out?" Hawkeye teased, knowing full well, he would be teasing her about the cake for years to come.
"Yes, for your information I picked one out you, big jerk. It's marble."
Hawkeye burst out laughing, "That's what you wanted in the first place!"
"Oh shut up, Pierce! What did Trapper have to say?"
"Not much. Yes he's coming and yes he'll be a groomsman/usherthing. I told him about the goings-on of the 4077th after he left. Not all of them of course. Have to save some for when the gang gets here. So we can tell the stories with all the concerned parties there telling their side of the stories. Funny though, Trap seemed really interested in my relationship with Beej..." mused Hawkeye.
Margaret smiled "Isn't it obvious? Trapper used to be your best friend, right?"
"Right."
"Then he left and BJ came along. He was checking out the competition. He's jealous that he's been replaced in the title of best friend."
Hawkeye scoffed "No he's not."
"Yes he is."
"No he isn't. Let's just drop this, Okay?"
"Okay."
Hawkeye looked around the empty kitchen before continuing on a subject that had been floating around in his head ever since the conversation with Peg. "I dunno whether I should tell BJ about what Peg told me. He didn't ask me to talk to her and I didn't tell him I was going to. Think he would be mad if he found out I talked to Peg?"
"In a word, yes. You know how BJ gets when someone gets into his business without him asking them to."
"True."
"Way I see it is don't mention anything about it unless he talks about it first. Then say what you found out without telling him what you found out."
"I think I need a road map for this conversation," remarked Hawkeye "What did you just say? And in English this time if you don't mind."
Margaret rolled her eyes "If BJ mentions it again, tell him that you know it's nothing, but don't tell him how you know it. If he asks just say because you know these things or one of your sarcastic remarks like you're just smart like that or something like that."
"Oh..." said Hawkeye in realization "You could have just said that..."
Anyway, this is, I think (I'm updating from my Mum's computer and I don't have all my files on this one) this is the last filler chapter until we get to the action. I have this problem where I can't leave out detail, so sorry about that. What people can describe in two words, I describe in eleven. I'm wordy and I love details. I'm detail happy hee hee.
Special thanks goes out, as always, to my beta, Mirandabelle, who somehow puts up with my detail –happiness and to all you reviewers out there! Questions, comments, concerns, feedback, reviews, etc. just review this or feel free to e-mail. Thanks all!
Disclaimer: YAY! For the first time in this story's history, I have something important and worthwhile to disclaim that/whom will be mentioned in more than just this chapter! *feels proud* What is it, you ask? First, I must correct you, it's a him not and it. Secondly, the person I'm disclaiming is a baby by the name of Sherman Maxwell Klinger. Who is he, besides for the obvious that is? Read on, McDuff . . .
-AEM*
Mill Valley, California Wednesday, April 27, 1956 8:00 AM
"She's hiding something from me, Hawk" mumbled BJ the next morning in the living room. He was lying on the couch, his hands behind his head. Hawkeye was leaning forward in the chair in front of him.
"Who, Peg?" asked Hawkeye, and BJ looked up from staring at his hands.
"Of course Peg. Who else would it be!" Hawkeye broke eye contact and BJ said embarrassedly "I'm sorry, Hawk. I'm just so dammed edgy because my wife is keeping secrets from me!" He got up from the couch and started to pace. "She says it's nothing but if it was nothing she would tell me, wouldn't she?"
"Of course she would,"
"God, Hawk, you should've seen her. She looked horrible and when I asked her about it, this look of guilt and fear came across her face and then she hesitated before she answered me. I know my wife, Hawk, it's not like her to do that. It's also not like her to lie, and she's a horrible liar. I can always tell when she's lying, and I'm willing to bet anything...anything she's lying now. And what kills me is the fact that I don't know why!"
"BJ, don't worry. You're probably just jumping to conclusions. If it's anything, she probably didn't think it was the right time to tell you or something and will tell you later. I doubt it's anything to worry about."
"Well, I'm worrying more because she won't tell me!" BJ exclaimed as the telephone rang. He started to go and get it when Margaret ran by saying,
"Don't move, BJ, I'll get it" and picked up the phone. "Hello, Hunnicut residence," she offered
"Well, Maj. . . Margaret, why didn't you tell me you were marrying Hawkeye!" said the man on the other end.
Margaret grinned "Klinger, I didn't tell you because Hawkeye told me not to"
"And since when have you listened to him?"
"He had a good reason." she said simply "Are you mad I didn't tell you?"
Klinger smiled. "No. Just interested in the reason behind why you kept it a secret."
"Well, Hawkeye is the one who knows the answer. Do you want to talk to him?"
"Sure, why not. Put him on". Margaret smiled. "All right. Hold on. . . oh Klinger, how are my dresses coming along?"
The Lebanese grinned "Wonderful. I'm doing everything exactly the way you told me to. One question though, you told me to make 4 bridesmaid dresses, but only gave me the sizes for 3. Can I have the other size?"
"I can give you better than that. I can give you her name. It's Soon-Lee"
Klinger smiled "Really? That's really great of you. I assume you want to ask her yourself, she's right here if you want to do it now, which is a good idea considering if you don't, she's liable to bite my head off to get it out of me!"
Margaret laughed "OK, Klinger. Put her on then you can talk to Hawkeye." Klinger handed the phone to his wife.
"Soon-Lee. . . Margaret Houlihan."
"You don't need to say your last name, Margaret I know who you are," Margaret and Soon-Lee laughed. Margaret stopped and asked "Soon-Lee, I was wondering if you would be a bridesmaid in my and Hawkeye's wedding?"
"I'd be delighted!" cried Soon-Lee "I can't believe you and Captain Pierce are getting married! Congratulations!"
Margaret laughed "Thank you! But, don't call him 'Captain' to his face. He hates even being reminded he was once in the Army"
"Right, I'll remember that. Max wants to talk to Hawkeye now"
It took Margaret a few seconds to remember who Max was. She told Soon-Lee this, which made her laugh, "For as long as I've known him, I've called him 'Klinger'. The only one who calls him Max from the 4077th is Charles Winchester. I forget that Max is his first name!" this made Soon-Lee laugh more.
Margaret laughed too "I'll get Hawkeye," She covered the receiver and called for her fiancé. Hawkeye wandered into the kitchen, followed by BJ, who looked upset and confused.
"Yes dear?" sang Hawkeye.
"Klinger wants to talk to you"
"I thought the old scoundrel might!" Hawkeye grabbed the phone.
Margaret went to BJ and asked "BJ, are you all right? You look upset."
"Not just upset. . . upset and confused" he responded and left the kitchen.
"Klinger?" Hawkeye spoke into the phone.
"Hawkeye!" came the reply "I have a bone to pick with you"
"Wow, I haven't picked bones with you since the last time we ate in the Mess Tent." said Hawkeye sarcastically "We were always taking bones out of something. Like the soup or the mashed potatoes or. . ."
"Very funny, Hawkeye. I was being serious!"
"Sorry, what is it?"
"Why didn't you let Maj. . . uh. . .I mean Margaret tell me that the two of you were getting hitched?"
"Married Klinger, not hitched. And as for the other thing. . .you're probably expecting some spectacular, complex reason as to why Margaret pulled that big thing on you,"
The Lebanese grinned "Kinda yes."
Hawkeye smirked "Well, sorry Klinger, no long-winded explanations today! I just wanted to mess with your head, that's all!"
"Well, now I'm disappointed . . ." said Klinger, with a smile
". . .Also because I had something to ask you and I thought it would be better to tell you and ask all at once" Hawkeye continued
"Ask away!"
"Ask if you would be one of the groomsmen/usherthings at my wedding that's what"
"Hawkeye," yelled Klinger "Didja have to ask? Of course I'd be one of those groomsmen-thingys for you . . . now all we have to do is to decide who to leave the baby with. Obviously, he's too young to travel all the way to California. I know. . . we'll leave him with my ma. . . she loves it when her grandson visits. . . "
"Klinger. . . " said Hawkeye slowly ". . . back up a minute. . . what baby?"
"My son, of course!"
"Klinger, you don't have a son."
"Yeah I do,"
"No you don't,"
"Hawkeye," Klinger laughed "I think I would be the authority on whether or not I have a son or not."
"Yeah. You would be but you don't. I hope you would tell at least one of us from Korea,"
"I did. Soon Lee and I sent invitations to all of you. Didn't you get one?"
"I never got an invitation, Klinger."
"I swear, I sent them out. None of you, except Colonel Potter responded" said Klinger, confused.
"Klinger, I never got one. Hold on lemme ask Margaret." Hawkeye took the phone away from his ear. "Margaret, did you ever get an invitation to a baby shower for Klinger's son?"
"Klinger doesn't have a son" Margaret answered, matter-of-factly
"That's what I said but he doesn't believe me"
"That's because I do have a son" yelled Klinger from the other end of the phone "His name is Sherman Maxwell Klinger and he's nearly a year old" he continued, almost defiantly "I'll even ask Soon-Lee. Soon-Lee. . ." he called his wife "Do we have a son?"
Soon Lee laughed "What kind of question is that, Max? Of course we have a son"
"Well, Hawkeye and Margaret don't believe we had a son and never received any invitations"
"Are you sure you mailed them?"
"Of course I did, what am I, stupid? Do me a favor. Get me my blue windbreaker. I remember I was wearing it the day I mailed them and if the invitations aren't there, I mailed them"
Meanwhile, Hawkeye was asking BJ, who had just walked into the room, mumbling to himself darkly, the same question that everyone had been asking
"Hey Beej, does Klinger have a son?"
BJ looked up, as if startled to find people in his kitchen "What? No. Of course not" he waved his hand impatiently.
"Ha!" grinned Hawkeye "I got another one, Klinger. Beej says you don't have a son, either"
"Well ask BJ if he got an invitation because I'm positive I invited him . . . though I was positive I invited you too, but you seem to believe that I don't have a son and I never received an answer from you, so maybe . . . no I did send the invitations"
Hawkeye laughed "I'll ask him. . . " He covered the receiver, then uncovered it
"Beej" he called "did you ever receive an invitation regarding the birth of Klinger's son?"
BJ looked up from where he was staring at his hands "What? No never got one . . . besides Klinger doesn't even have a son . . . but why does that matter?" he asked anxiously.
"Beej, it was a simple question. No need to bite my head off. . ."
"Nah," smiled BJ ruefully "it's my fault, I'm sorry, Hawk. It's just this dammed thing with Peg that's getting me all tensed up and you're right, it's probably nothing. One of those woman things we're not supposed to know about . . .it's nothing . . . " he said in a thoroughly unconvinced tone.
While all this was going on in the Hunnicut household, in the Klinger household, Max Klinger was mumbling to himself "I'm positive I sent those invitations. . . I mean, why wouldn't I? They're the best friends I've ever had. But, that would explain the responses from them or lack thereof . . . no I sent them, I'm positive . . .this is probably one of Hawkeye's jokes . . . yeah that explains it . . . one of Hawkeye's jokes. . ."
"Talking to yourself, eh Klinger? You know what they say about that, don't you" said a voice on the other end, whom Klinger recognized immediately
"BJ!" Klinger yelled happily. The two talked for a few minutes, with corresponding comments added by Hawkeye, who was listening in. Then, Soon- Lee came in with the blue windbreaker.
"Prepare to feel stupid, oh friends of mine . . . including your soon-to-be- betrothed, Hawkeye." started Klinger as Soon-Lee handed him the windbreaker.
"I'll tell her you said that!" laughed Hawkeye.
"You see," continued Klinger "it was a day in April, just like this one. The 30th to be exact. I remember that because that's the day my son was born. He wasn't supposed to be born until the beginning of June. He was a bit premature, but he handled it. He's a Klinger, what do you expect? We were forced to put off the shower until later in Soon-Lee's pregnancy because we needed to get my business off the ground first. I was willing to have her shower before I started my business, but. . ."
"Klinger, get to the point" interrupted Margaret, who was now listening in too
"Jeez! How many people are on that phone?"
"Too many!" laughed BJ.
"Just get on with it, Klinger" said Hawkeye.
"All right, all right, sheesh, the grief I still have to put up with you guys. . . and I thought it would be different once we left Korea, but. . . "
"GET ON WITH IT, KLINGER!" yelled Hawkeye, BJ, and Margaret all at the same time, making Klinger laugh.
"All right I will!" he continued "On that aforementioned day in April I was going to the post office to mail the invitations to you three, Major Winchester, Father Mulcahy and Radar. I told Colonel Potter on the telephone. It was a rather windy day so I decided to wear my blue windbreaker. I put it on, much like I'm doing now though you can't see it to illustrate what I did. I picked up the five invitations from the hall table like I am now, though you can't see that either. . ." he pantomimed picking up something from the table ". . . and I stuck them in my pocket. . ." he stuck his hand into the pocket and continued proudly"...where they sit to this very day. . . WHAT!"
"What? What is it?" asked Hawkeye.
"Oh no" moaned Klinger "I never sent them! Remember I said that was the day my son was born? I was just about to leave when Soon-Lee told me her water had just broken. The excitement of that day made me forget all about the invitations. We had the shower a few weeks after Soon-Lee had the baby and I forgot that I had never sent them. I thought I had, and actually, since I thought I had sent them, I was a bit surprised and a tad offended that you hadn't responded."
Hawkeye laughed "And I don't know about the other two on this line, but I was a bit surprised and a tad offended that, I thought at the time, you didn't tell us you had a son".
"I feel like a moron . . ."
"Well, you are a moron, but you're our moron" said Hawkeye, good- naturedly.
". . . I feel really bad. . . "mumbled Klinger
"Klinger, don't" said BJ "you had a good reason to forget about the invitations".
Klinger laughed "It's good to know some things never change. Hawkeye's still sarcastic as all hell and BJ's still the same ol'rational BJ"
'Rational. . .' mused Hawkeye to himself, looking BJ, who at the moment was laughing for the first time in a day '. . .It's obvious Klinger hasn't seen BJ lately because he's anything but rational. . .'. Hawkeye made a mental note to try and find out what was up with Peg for the sanity of his best friend.
************************************************************************
1:00 PM
"I'll get it!" BJ said cheerfully as the phone rang again 3 hours after they hung up with Klinger. He entered the kitchen from the living room and his smile dropped the minute he left the company of Hawkeye and Erin. Peg and Margaret were out looking at flowers and cakes for the wedding. Hawkeye had told him that he shouldn't spend so much time brooding over this thing with Peg and it was probably nothing. He agreed with that; it would probably turn out to be nothing, but it still burned inside him that she wouldn't tell him. But, he had decided he wouldn't waste time thinking about it while he was around Hawkeye or Margaret, especially Hawkeye. He never saw Hawkeye much, about once a year if that and he didn't want to waste his precious time with him worrying about something no one could control, he would do when he was alone. Besides for the fact Hawkeye was getting married in a few days and there was no way he was going spend that day mad when his best friend was getting married and he was the best man. He was determined to be happy now if it killed him, but he knew it would be easy to be happy that day no matter what happened with Peg.
BJ picked up the telephone on the third ring. Hawkeye had wandered in behind him and, noticing BJ's pensiveness as he went to go pick up the phone, reminded him of the vow he had made to himself a few hours ago to find out what was the matter with Peg. He knew BJ's moods as well as his own. Now, instead of the anger that BJ had displayed earlier, he was pretending everything was great and Hawkeye hated to see him like this. Sometimes, Hawkeye felt BJ's 'pretend nothing is wrong when it is' mood was worse then his 'hold a grudge and get mad at the world' mood. Hawkeye was jolted out of his thoughts when BJ laughed at whoever was on the phone and handed the phone to Hawkeye.
"Who is it?" asked Hawkeye
"You'll see," smiled BJ and left the room.
"Yello, Fred's Department Store. You want it we got it." He said into the phone, though he had no idea who he was talking to.
"Pierce, you will never change . . . you will always be a juvenile delinquent . . ." said the person on the other end of the phone, and though Hawkeye couldn't see him, he was shaking his head. Hawkeye recognized the voice immediately. He grinned. Though he had sent this person an invitation, he had half-convinced himself that he wouldn't receive a response. "Charles Winchester! I'm honored you're attending my wedding!"
Charles rolled his eyes "I will be in attendance, not for you my old adversary, but merely in an attempt to snap poor Margaret out of whatever trance you had to put her in in order for her to accept a proposal of marriage from you."
Hawkeye sniffed in mock offense "Charles, I am deeply offended you are not happy for Margaret and I. And just for your comment, I'm not going to ask you the thing I wanted to ask you . . . "
"If it's money you want, think again, Pierce" Charles cut him off. "Not that I have any myself considering the fact that I have none myself and also the man I formerly called 'Father' is even now writing me out of his will and cutting me out of the Winchester fortune." He added to himself silently.
Hawkeye's laughter brought him back to the conversation. "Like I would ever accept charity from you. I was merely going to ask you to be a groomsman /usherthing in my wedding, but now, since you have offended me so . . ."
"I'd be honored to be a groomsman" Charles said honestly "and also, I am happy for you and Margaret . . . Hawkeye."
3:00 PM
Peg came upstairs from the laundry room, carrying a basket of laundry
"Hi Hawkeye." she addressed the black haired man, who was sitting at the kitchen table, reading the newspaper with his feet on the chair next him, and his chair tipped back. "Feet off the furniture." she said automatically.
"Yes ma'am." drawled Hawkeye in his fake Southern accent and took his feet off the chair and put his chair back in the normal position all in one fell swoop.
"Where are the others?" the woman asked.
"Well, Erin's in her room playing with her dollhouse..."
"Where else?" laughed Peg
"BJ and Margaret went to look at more cakes."
"More cakes!" Peg shook her blonde head "At this rate, we'll be floating in them! She just couldn't decide on a cake when we were there before for some reason. Now she's doesn't want marble. She's now choosing between carrot and lemon. With me, it was flowers...anyway, I'm surprised you didn't go with BJ. In all the times you've visited us here or we've gone to Crabapple Cove, I don't think I've ever seen you and BJ separated for more than 5 minutes!"
Hawkeye laughed "Well, there's a reason for that, we haven't. I was going to go look at cakes, in the hopes that I could make a decision about them faster than Margaret, who was gonna stay here and field phone calls until we realized the only person from Korea that hasn't called yet is my old friend Trapper McIntyre. He and Margaret weren't exactly bosom buddies, so I'm the one who'd be better off talking to him. Besides for the fact I haven't talked to him in years for one thing, and another thing is I want him to be one of those...whatsit...groomsman/usherthings...what are those things called anyway, groomsmen or ushers?"
Peg laughed, "I think they're called groomsmen, Hawkeye."
"Good that's been bugging me forever..."
"But on the other hand, I've also heard them referred to as ushers too. I'm not sure what the difference between the two are..."
"Aak!!" screamed Hawkeye "I'm never going to find out what they're called, am I? I'll just go the rest of my life not knowing...and it will bug me...and..."
Peg was in hysterics by the time Hawkeye finished his rant. Suddenly he remembered the second reason he had stayed behind...He drew a breath...Peg knew something serious was happening. It wasn't often she ever saw Hawkeye serious and when she did she knew by now that whenever Hawkeye Pierce was serious, he had a good reason to be.
"Though keeping a reunion of Trapper and Margaret from getting off on the wrong foot is a good reason to stay behind and not eat cake, I have another reason..." continued Hawkeye "This might not be any of my business, and you might get mad at me for poking my nose into it but it's driving BJ crazy. I can see it, though he's trying to hide it. I keep telling him it's nothing, which it probably is, but it would be better...I 'd like it if I knew for sure so I would at least know if I was lying to him or not. I don't like to lie to BJ, but if it's something between the two of you and none of my business, that you need to tell him in your own time, I will lie for now...you know what I'm talking about, don't you..." he finished as he watched realization dawn on Peg Hunnicut's face.
"That day..." she said quietly.
"That's a good way to put it...that day..."
"You're right, it is none of your business, but you do have a right to know if you're lying to BJ or not...that's what I've always liked when I watched the two of you together. You're so loyal and always looking out for the well-being of each other...about the other thing...to let you know, you're not lying to BJ." The two stared at each other for a few minutes, then the telephone rang.
"I'll get it." said Hawkeye, never taking his eyes off the woman. There was a little nagging voice in the back of his head telling him not to believe her statement, but the more rational part said, "Why would she lie?"
Hawkeye walked towards the telephone and picked it up mid-ring. "Yello, Marvin's Dry Cleaning open every day from 9-6, since 5 minutes ago, dry cleaning your clothing in 7 different countries including US, France and Ouigobou!" (The correct spelling of the town is Ouijonbou as in the atlas!)
"HAWK!" yelled a voice into the phone loudly making Hawkeye wince a little, but not take the phone away from his ear. He knew who it was.
He grinned "TRAP!" he yelled happily.
"I got your mail." said Trapper "What the hell is this, Hawk? You're marrying Hot Lips?"
Hawkeye winced again, this time at the old nickname "Not Hot Lips, Trapper. Hot Lips is long gone, thank you very much. I am marrying a wonderful woman named Margaret Houlihan, soon to be Margaret Pierce if she can decide on a cake one of these days."
Trapper waved his hand impatiently, though Hawkeye couldn't see it "Yeah, her. What happened? Last time I saw Hot Lips, you hated her guts, she was still GI all the way something you hate, I might add, and she was still perfectly content sucking the lips, or lack thereof, off of Frank Burns."
"What can I say, Trap? Things changed a lot after you left. Margaret decided she wanted more than a fling, ended things with Frank, went on R & R, married a jackass named Donald Penobscott, who we later found out was cheating on her and divorced him. She also loosened up a lot after Frank left..."
"Where did Frank go?" Trapper cut in. Hawkeye laughed and filled his old buddy in on what had happened.
Trapper burst out laughing "Couldn't 'a happened to a nicer...ok a rottener guy." Hawkeye laughed too.
"Tell me about the guy who replaced me..." Trapper looked at the note from Hawkeye "...BJ Hunnicut...you two must be really tight if you go to visit him and you're getting married in his hometown."
"Tight doesn't even begin to describe me and Beej." started Hawkeye happily
"What's he like?"
"Like you and me. He hated being there as much as we did. And he had a good reason. He was missing the first few years of the life of his first- born baby girl. His hobbies included thumbing his nose at the Army whenever he got the chance, performing surgery on kids as young as Radar, drinking lighter fluid martinis from the still, and getting bombed out of his mind if the occasion called for it, which as you know, was most of the time."
"You're right. He does sound like us. Good cutter?"
"As good as you and I are."
"Good egg?"
"The best."
This worried Trapper a little, but he didn't let it show. "Yeah, how is Radar, anyway?" he said lightly
"I'll let him tell you himself when you meet up at my wedding. You are coming, right?"
"And miss seeing Hot...er...Margaret again? No chance. We've already saved that weekend."
Hawkeye smiled "Hey as long as you're coming, do you wanna be a groomsman- usherthing?"
Trapper grinned "Definitely, buddy!"
"Good." smiled Hawkeye. He paused for a moment before continuing "I'm really glad you're coming. I've missed you, believe it or not. My wedding wouldn't be the same without you there, Trap...Geeze, this is turning into a real 4077th reunion. Everyone from all the years is coming."
"Except Henry." said Trapper sadly, making Hawkeye sad too.
"Why did you have to remind me of that, you big jerk?" he frowned
"I really miss him, ya know?"
Hawkeye nodded sadly. "Yeah, I know, me too."
"Wait a minute, who took command after Frank went crazy? Not you I hope! Though, on the other hand, if you did, North Korea would have won the war!"
Hawkeye laughed, "Oh, thanks a lot! That is what would have happened though. Frank was only in charge a couple of weeks after Henry died before I-Corps found us a new CO named Sherman Potter. He was regular army, but he was OK. He gave us discipline when we needed it, was always there to talk if we needed it, and could drink even me under the table."
Trapper laughed, "Nice to know the amount of drinking didn't change. Was he better than Henry?"
"At being a CO yes, but on the other hand, so would a chimpanzee. At being a friend, you can't compare because they're two different people."
"True. Oh, listen, Hawk, I gotta go. Louise needs the phone. I'll see ya in a few weeks, OK?"
"All right, Trap" said Hawkeye "See you then. Hey, Trap, it's been good talking to you."
Trapper smiled "Yeah, you too. See you". The two men hung up. Trapper stared at the phone sadly. He was glad Hawkeye had asked him to be a groomsman, but he was surprised Hawkeye hadn't asked him to be best man. From what Hawkeye had said about this BJ Hunnicut, his replacement, Trapper had a feeling he had been replaced in more ways than one. BJ had been asked to be best man and Trapper knew it. His stomach tightened. Trapper also had a feeling he had lost his best friend. Not even just lost, but lost. He had lost him a long time ago and hadn't even known it...
4:00 PM
"So Trapper called?" said Margaret when she and BJ came back after looking at cakes and Hawkeye filled her in on the goings-on of the previous hour, including the conversation with Peg.
"Yes, did you finally get a cake, or will you be needing an extra year to pick one out?" Hawkeye teased, knowing full well, he would be teasing her about the cake for years to come.
"Yes, for your information I picked one out you, big jerk. It's marble."
Hawkeye burst out laughing, "That's what you wanted in the first place!"
"Oh shut up, Pierce! What did Trapper have to say?"
"Not much. Yes he's coming and yes he'll be a groomsman/usherthing. I told him about the goings-on of the 4077th after he left. Not all of them of course. Have to save some for when the gang gets here. So we can tell the stories with all the concerned parties there telling their side of the stories. Funny though, Trap seemed really interested in my relationship with Beej..." mused Hawkeye.
Margaret smiled "Isn't it obvious? Trapper used to be your best friend, right?"
"Right."
"Then he left and BJ came along. He was checking out the competition. He's jealous that he's been replaced in the title of best friend."
Hawkeye scoffed "No he's not."
"Yes he is."
"No he isn't. Let's just drop this, Okay?"
"Okay."
Hawkeye looked around the empty kitchen before continuing on a subject that had been floating around in his head ever since the conversation with Peg. "I dunno whether I should tell BJ about what Peg told me. He didn't ask me to talk to her and I didn't tell him I was going to. Think he would be mad if he found out I talked to Peg?"
"In a word, yes. You know how BJ gets when someone gets into his business without him asking them to."
"True."
"Way I see it is don't mention anything about it unless he talks about it first. Then say what you found out without telling him what you found out."
"I think I need a road map for this conversation," remarked Hawkeye "What did you just say? And in English this time if you don't mind."
Margaret rolled her eyes "If BJ mentions it again, tell him that you know it's nothing, but don't tell him how you know it. If he asks just say because you know these things or one of your sarcastic remarks like you're just smart like that or something like that."
"Oh..." said Hawkeye in realization "You could have just said that..."