Chapter 7
Three months later…
It was quite a special three months for both Roy and Winry. Roy was surprised that he received the letter from Winry only two days after he returned to Central Headquarter. He wrote back. Since then, the two of them were writing to each other back and forth. Over time, writing to Roy became a habit for Winry. In fact, she became attached to Roy's letters. But it was not hard to understand, though. Throughout her life, there weren't much men who truly cared for her. Her father died when she was six. She never met her grandfather (husband of Pinako). Ed and Al were her closest friends when she was young. However, after they reached to adolescence, they began to drift apart. According to Mr. Hughes, it was normal. Older boys just don't want to share their feelings. And of course, there was the dear Mr. Hughes who was very kind to her. He reminded her of a father she hardly had. Yet, soon after she and Ed left the Central City last year, he was killed in action.
Through the letters, Winry told Roy many things—her loneliness, her joy, her bossy grandmother, her love for tools, how Den got his automail leg, etc. Roy, in turn, told her many things in his personal life, a lot of them surprised Winry. She could hardly imagine that Roy also grew up in the countryside. And little could've she guessed that Roy was also a lonely man. Sometimes the place where you are surrounded by the crowd is the loneliest place on earth, he told her. Well, that was not easy for Winry to understand. After all, she lived in a house only with her grandmother.
At first, Winry thought she had found a good friend in Roy. They had similarities—their loneliness, their painful pasts, their seeking for understandings from others. Overtime, unbeknownst to her, Winry started falling for Roy. She still had some feelings for Ed, though. In the first few letters, she was asking about the Elric brothers, their whereabouts, Ed's automail, Al's safety, etc. Then, she just stopped asking. Instead, she was more concerned with Roy's situation. How are you Roy? Are you recovered from your wounds? Are your superiors too hard on you? You are not ill, are you? Roy's letters always arrived at every Saturday. That was the day when Winry excitedly ran to the mailbox. If she did not find Roy's letter there, she would worry, and write to him immediately asking about his situation. In the past, she used to address Roy as Colonel Mustang. Yet, overtime, it changed. Colonel Mustang became Dear Colonel, then became Dear Mr. Mustang, and finally became Roy. And Miss Winry Rockbell simply became Winry. Dear Roy, signed Winry.
But she still was denying the fact that she no longer loves Ed but his commanding officer. Mostly, it was because of her guilt. Ed never liked Roy from the start. It was Roy who invited Ed and Al to the military, simply for his own benefits. In Ed's words, we were sent to the most dangerous place just to make him look good while he was comfortably sitting in his office. How would Ed feel if he found out that his best friend is having something special with his commanding officer he hated the most? She could hardly imagine. She wanted to continue the letters between herself and Roy, but she certainly was not ready to have any physical relationship with him.
As for Roy, everything went just as he planned. Ed and Al wouldn't be back for a long time. In his letters, his words were passionate, caring and sincere. This was exactly what a girl with a lonely heart needed. Once a while, he would not write to her. He did that purposely, just to see her reactions. Exactly as he expected, she would panic and thought something bad happened to him. She was falling for him, jackpot!
But Roy was human too. When he told her how lonely he was, he was telling the truth. Roy never really had anyone who understood him. There was Maes Hughes, but he died. Riza Hawkeye seemed to understand him enough, but only as a military man, not as the man beneath the uniform. All his other subordinates were only sucking up to him. In his letters to Winry, it was the first time ever in his life when he admitted his true inner feelings. Unbeknownst to himself, he was falling in love with Winry for real.
Roy had relationships with other women in the past. But that was merely to satisfy his temporarily sexual lust as well as his loneliness. What he had with Winry was different. It was emotional attachment, and happiness. His behavior changed too. Everyone in the Central Headquarter noticed. He was smiling a lot more than smirking. Every time the phone rang, he would hum a romantic song instead of pick it up. Instead of doing his paperwork, he was busying writing letters. Often, he demanded privacy. He even forbade Hawkeye and Havoc to enter his office without knocking. And most shocking of all, he stopped talking about women and miniskirt.
But emotional attachment was emotional attachment. The real deal between him and the Fuhrer was having a physical, sexual relationship with Winry. The letters were sweet. Yet, if he wanted an extra star on his uniform, he must take Winry to the bed. He may be in love, but Roy never ceased his ambition to climb up to the top.
---x---x---
It was a busy day for Winry. Not only she had to help her grandmother run the automail shop, she had to take care of their vegetable garden. Pinako had granted her wish—to open a flower shop. But that meant more work. As Winry was taking care of the roses and lilies, she was not aware that a figure was watching her from afar. She was wearing a white t-top and a white skirt. With her smooth, long blonde hair and her milky-white skin, her outfit suited her well. And with the flowers in the background, she was indeed beautiful.
The figure walked closer to her. When Winry turned around, she found herself facing a tall military man in a black coat. It was Roy Mustang.
"Roy—I mean, Colonel Mustang. What are you doing here?" she asked, unable to hide her joy.
Normally, she would take this opportunity to ask about Ed and Al. But she didn't.
"I come to say goodbye," Roy replied, with some sadness in his eyes.
"Goodbye? What do you mean by that?" Winry was worried.
"There is an uprising at Lior. I have to go take care of it."
"How long will you be gone?"
"That will depend."
"What do you mean by that?"
Roy hesitated. "There might be a chance that I won't be back at all."
Winry was stunned. "You won't be back?"
"I can't tell you anymore than that. But there is something…there is something dangerous…"
"Are you telling me that you might die?" Winry interrupted.
Roy nodded. "I am a military man, Winry. I am a state alchemist. The state always comes first, even before my own life."
"But you said you might not come back…Is there a chance that you come back alive, is there?"
"That is up to you," Roy said, with his ungloved hand touching her cheek.
"Up to me?"
"Do you want me to come back to you? Do you love me?"
Winry wanted to answer, but she just couldn't respond. Roy silently looked at her, then he leaned down to kiss her. Winry dodged, he ended up kissed her on the jaw.
"I…I can't. I'm sorry." Winry began to walk away from him.
Roy ran to her. "Why, why can't you?" he demanded. "Don't you see your own feelings? Why are you torturing yourself like this?"
"I'm not…I'm not torturing myself. What are you talking about?" Roy's demanding action scared her.
"Are you telling me that when you saw me it was not the happiest the moment in your life? Tell me!" Roy grabbed her shoulders, preventing her from running away, which was what Winry wanted to do. Realized that he was scaring her, Roy softened his tone. "Look at me in the eye, and tell me that you don't love me."
"I…I…" Winry tried to say the words "I don't love you", but she couldn't look at him in the eyes. She knew how she feels, but she was no able to admit it. Hell, what would happen if she did? She was like standing in front of a closed gate with an unknown future behind it. She feared to open it.
"You do, don't you?" Roy asked.
Winry remained silent. There were tears in her eyes. She broke down and sobbed. Her knees felt weak and she sank down. Roy caught her and held her tightly in his arms. Both of them ended up sitting on the ground. Winry cried against his chest.
"You…you…please, don't do this to me…I…I can't deny it anymore…I, I…yes, I do…I, do love you, Roy…" she said, looked at him in the eyes, in tears.
Roy looked at her. With his fingers gently wiped her tears away, he leaned to kiss her. This time, Winry did not dodge, but she quickly pulled away before Roy reached to her lips. She got up, while Roy remained on the ground.
"Death it is," Roy murmured. It was loud enough for Winry to hear. Roy slowly got up, and took out his silver watch.
"Here, keep this," he said, placed it in her hands. "Don't take it apart."
And he was gone.
---x---x---
Roy…Roy…Roy…
I adore you…
Your unhappiness is my unhappiness…
My love for you is true, it's crystal clear…
I'm trying to be a better man…
I love me, don't you…I can't live without you…
Look at me in the eye, and tell me that you don't love me…
These words ran in Winry's mind over and over again. Tossed and turned, she couldn't sleep. She couldn't stop thinking about Roy. Roy loved her, and she loved Roy. But why was she denying it? Because she was afraid. Then, what was she afraid about? That people would talk about it? That Ed would be angry at her? Or was it…
Death it is…Roy was going to die. He would go to Lior, and not coming back. He would be killed in action. He chose to die, because of her. He gave her his silver watch. Ed never allowed her to go near his. But Roy placed it in righther hands, with his both hands. And he walked away…
Just like ten years ago, when her parents walked away. She was sleeping, and her father woke her with a kiss.
"Goodbye angel, mom and dad had to go. We'll be back before you know it."
Winry was too sleepy to realize that her parents are leaving. She just drifted back to sleep. Her parents walked out of the house, and never came back. But Roy could, only if she wanted to. Winry looked at the silver watch again. Roy…Roy… She had lost enough of the ones she loved, hadn't she? Her mother, her father, Ed, Al. She couldn't lose anymore. I can't lose Roy. And she still had time. With that in mind, she got out of the bed, threw a coat over her nightdress and ran out of the house to the train station.
---x---x---
Roy Mustang was at the train station in Central City. All the soldiers had bordered. He was the last one.
"Colonel, we have to go," Havoc told him. He didn't get it. Why is colonel standing there?
"Colonel, it's time," Havoc said it again. But Roy continued to ignore him. He seemed to sunk in his own thoughts, a little too deeply.
"Get on the train, Havoc," Roy told him. "I'll be on soon."
"But Colonel…"
"When do I need to repeat myself?" Roy said with anger. "Go!"
"Yes sir!" Havoc saluted, and hopped on the train.
Roy continued to stand there. Was he waiting for something? Roy himself couldn't answer the question. He told Winry that he wouldn't be back. Did he mean it? Was he really going to lose his own life?
"Roy!" a voice cried from afar. Roy startled, and looked at the direction where the voice came from. It was Winry. She was wearing a long coat, unbuttoned, revealing her white nightgown. White, she always loved to wear white. She was running toward him. Two soldiers blocked her way.
"Miss, you can't go there!"
"Let me go! I have to go!"
"Let her go!" Roy ordered. The two soldiers recognized his voice, backed up.
"Winry," Roy walked up to her, then stopped. "You shouldn't be here."
"Roy, come back."
"What?" he was a little confused.
"Come back, Roy, alive. Come back to me," Winry's voice was shaking. She took out the silver watch and placed it in his hands. "Here, this is yours. Take it, you can give it to me when you come back. I'll wait for you."
Roy just stood there. Winry couldn't hold it any longer. She stood on her toes and kissed him on the lips. She broke away to catch her breath. The soldiers who were watching from the windows whistled and howled. Roy took the glove off his hand to touch her cheek.
"I'll come back to you, I promise," he said. "Wait for me at the place where I saw you in Resembool. I'll be there five weeks from today."
After stared at her face for a long moment, a soldier ran up to him. "Sir, the train is starting to leave."
Roy nodded, let go of Winry and turned his heels. Winry tried her best to hold her tears. She watched until the train disappeared from the sight. Then, she sank on the ground, weeping. Meanwhile, Roy was sitting on the train, looking out from the window. Was he looking at Winry? Perhaps he did not notice, but there were tears in his eyes.
Four months earlier, Winry was on the train heading down to Resembool while Roy was watching her leaving from the station.