Uncertainness and a hug

It had been a week since Lily had been attacked, she hadn't told James about the baby's powers or what she suspected Peter had done to him. She was being released from hospital.

"No I'm not doing it" Lily shouted.

"Calm down" said James, worried about how worked up she was getting.

"Will you stop telling me what to do and just let me go home." she shouted

"That is where I want you to go, home"

"I don't live there anymore"

James could understand why she was reacting this way, he had suggested that she go back their house to stay.

"You could, it's your house too, I want you to have it, for you and the baby" said James.

"I don't want it" snapped Lily.

'Just like she doesn't want me' thought James miserably.

"C'mon Lily be sensible, after what happened, you won't be allowed to go home. Do you want to go to some safehouse, or somewhere familar, where you feel comfortable. Come on you know it makes sense" said Sirius wisely.

"I won't even stay there, if you don't want me to" said James.

"No, no you're right I guess it does make sense, and you shouldn't have to leave your home" said Lily.

"It's fine" said James then he muttered, "it should have been me that left in the first place"

"Well I suppose this will save someone having to do the night watch, since there will be an Auror living in the house" said Sirius brightly.

"So... you'll do it" James asked Lily.

"Yes. But just for a few days" said Lily sternly.

"Fine, whatever you want" said James.

THE NEXT MORNING

"You okay Liy. I heard you up in the middle of the night" said James as he, Lily and Sirius sat round the breakfast table.

"Uh yeah. I had a nightmare and couldn't sleep" said Lily uncomfortably

James suddenly had a overwhelming urge to wrap his arms around Lily and tell her that she needn't be afraid of anything cause he would never let anything happen to her. In fact he thought, he should have been there when she woke up from her nightmare to make her feel better and safe. She shouldn't have been left to wander in the big house all alone in the dead of night scared. Just thinking broke his heart, because he knew he would never get to hold again or make her feel safe or...anything. He could feel a lump rising in his throat.

Sirius then suddenly noticed how this had affected James.

"uh Prongs, can I talk to you for a sec" said Sirius practically dragging James from the room.

"You okay" he asked.

"No, no I'm not okay, my wife is in there, scared. She was attacked, she could have lost our child and I can't even so much as hug her" said James, angrily even though his eyes were filling up with tears.

"James" said Lily quietly from behind.

"Uh yeah, I'll be in, in a minute" said James wiping his eyes, not wanting Lily to see him like that.

"I uh have to go to work" said Sirius before apparating.

"Are you okay? Do you need anything?" said James turning to Lily.

"Uh no I'm fine" said Lily quietly, "it's just... the baby is feeling a little lonely"

"The baby" said James slowly.

"Uh huh, I think it could use a hug"

"Okay what about mummy?"

Lily didn't answer she just bit her bottom lip.

"Get over here" said James kindly, his arms outstretched, ready to embrace Lily.

Lily went over to James, melting into his arms, she couldn't help but feel so safe there, as if nothing bad could ever happen as long as she had him. She began to think about what Peter had said to her about James being under the Imperial curse, when he had kissed Louise, (she was the minister of Magic's neice and James couldn't fire her and she had refused to be transferred), she knew she should tell him but the memory of seeing them kiss was still too fresh and hurtful in her memory.

"Does the baby feel better now?" said James pulling away.

"Yeah thanks" said Lily.

"Anytime. I mean it, sweetheart, anytime, anything you want"

"Thank you, James"

"I love you Lily, I love you so much"

"James, don't please, I can't" said Lily taking a step back

"I'm sorry, I never meant to..."

"Come on or we'll both be late for work" said Lily suddenly acting as if nothing had happened.

"Y-you're going back to work"

"Gotta go back sometime"

"Okay, but you be careful and come and get me if you need me" said James.

' I need you now, I've always needed you, I always will need you. I love you, I just can't think straight now, but I do love you. We will get through this somehow, cause I don't think I can life without you, exist yes, but not live' thought Lily.