Hey, everybody! In this chapter, I introduce another character into my fanfic. You may not like him, though. He's a bit of a lemon… LOL.

I do not own 'Adventure Time'.

Chapter 26

Sweet and Sour

"Alright, this is Mr. Cupcake's house." Jake said. "Let's take a look inside for clues."

Finn and Jake had decided to begin their search for the missing pastry man at his residence. Jake had searched outside of the Candy Kingdom when he had done his search, figuring if Mr. Cupcake was in the kingdom then he would have been found by now. Since there was no sign of the buff cupcake, Finn and Jake were hoping to go detective mode and find some clues in his house.

"Who was the last person to see Mr. Cupcake?" Finn asked. He wore Nothung on his back. A sign to the people of his vow to protect them.

"According to Bubblegum: Chocoberry." Jake replied. "I guess she and Mr. Cupcake got into a fight and the mister went out for a walk to get some air."

"Well, let's take a look inside." said Finn. "Hopefully, we'll find something."

Finn and Jake walked up to the house and knocked on the front door. "Anyone home?" Finn called.

The door opened, revealing Chocoberry. The chocolate covered strawberry girl was dabbing her teary eyes with a handkerchief. "Oh. Hello, Finn. Hello, Jake." Chocoberry greeted in a french accent. "Have you found Mr. Cupcake?"

"No. Sorry, Chocoberry." said Jake. "We actually came here to see if we could find any clues on where he is."

"You von't find anyting here." Chocoberry said woefully. "Mr. Cupcake just grabbed his coat and left. He didn't say vhere he vas going, he just said he, sniff, he needed to be anyvhere but here."

"Oh." Finn and Jake glanced at each other. "I'm…sorry to h-"

"I don't ask for too much, do I?" Chocoberry asked. "He says I am clingy and possessive, but ve've been dating for a whole year and a half. Of course I vant to know everyting about him and everyvhere he goes."

Jake rubbed the back of his head. "Uh, yeah. So, did MC happen to say exactly where he was going, or-"

"And yes, I tink it is time vee considered tying the knot. And someday, I would like to have kids. I vant the Princess to marry us on top the tallest mountain in all of Ooo, and have two little strawberry girls and a cupcake baby boy."

Finn pulled on his collar. "Ah, geez. A lot to unpack there. Can we just look around for-"

"And now, Mr. Cupcake is novhere to be found!" Chocoberry cried. "I tink I may have chased him avay for good! Oh, how I miss the feel of his big, strong, muscular, pastry arms around my strawberry-"

Jake closed the door on her before she could finish.

"...Okay, so I don't think we can rule out staying at a hotel in some other Kingdom." Jake said.

"I looked into that. No dice, I'm afraid."

Finn and Jake turned around to see Princess Bubblegum approaching them, wearing her regular pink dress.

"I made a call to the other Princesses. None of them report a cupcake guy checking into one of their hotels." Bubblegum explained. "If he is just avoiding Chocoberry, he's gone pretty off grid to do so."

"Uh...hey, PB." Finn smiled awkwardly and rubbed the back of his head. "How's it going?"

"Hello, Finn." PB's greeted blandly. "So it seems you're still among the living. I guess I owe Peppermint Butler three weeks of vacation."

"Yeah, it's, uh...it's pretty much 'go big or go home' when it comes to Marceline." said Finn.

"That sounds about right. She can never figure out when enough is enough." said Bubblegum. "My advice? Bail while you're still in one piece, before she starts to rub off on you."

"I'm...actually having a lot of fun with Marcy." Finn confessed. "That's all it is: harmless fun… Well...okay, relatively harmless."

"Well, if the novelty ever wears off and you come to your senses, I promise I'll be mature enough not to say 'I told you so'." said Bubblegum. "Just find Mr. Cupcake, please. I'm out of ideas on where he could've gone, and I have a lot of work to do today. I'll leave the detective work to the two of you. If you require any resources, ask Peppermint Butler."

"I thought he got three weeks vacation?" said Jake.

"Come on, man. I wasn't being serious." Bubblegum turned around and walked away. "Contact me if you find anything."

Once PB was gone, Finn cleared his throat nervously. "You felt that, right?"

"Oh, yeah. She's mad." Jake confirmed. "We should just go look for Mr. Cupcake and try not to bother her."

"Well, where could he have gone?" Finn asked.

"Hard to say. The Candypeople don't normally leave the Kingdom." Jake said. "We should try asking Starchy, he might know. Starchy loves to get the inside scoop for his talk show."

Finn shrugged. "Worth a shot, I guess. Where is Starchy?"

"Same place you would normally find any gravedigger."

"The Candy Kingdom Graveyard." Jake announced.

Finn looked around at the small cemetery. "Doesn't seem like Starchy gets a lot of business."

"Yeah, the Candypeople PB can't keep from dying, she just clones."

"...I can see what Bubblegum and Marceline saw in each other." Finn commented.

"Yeah, right? Like if Dr. Frankenstein and Dracula dated." Said Jake. "Come on. Starchy's cabin is up ahead."

Finn and Jake walked through the cemetery to a small, gloomy, gravedigger-edition cottage. The lights were on inside, so the boys guessed Starchy was home. Jake knocked on the door. "Yo, Starchy. You home?"

Starchy burst through the front aiming a candy cane shotgun at the boys. "BACK! BACK YOU UNDEAD MONSTERS!"

Finn and Jake threw their hands up in surrender. "Woah! Chill, Starchy. Chill!" Jake cried.

"Oh, it's just you guys." Starchy put his gun down. "Sorry about that, fellas. Starchy's armed to the teeth in case of another zombie attack."

"Another zombie attack?" Finn asked.

"Oh, yeah. That was before you came to Ooo." said Jake. "Few years back, Bubblegum decided to test out her decorpsinator serum and turned a bunch of dead Candy peeps into an army of Walkers. It was crazy-freaky-horrifying. I got turned into a zombie and suffered three months of night terrors for it. Marceline was actually the one who saved us all from that nightmare. She knew how to handle the undead and Bubblegum knew how to cure us all from the zombism."

"Yeah, that was the last time the two of them ever worked together," Starchy added. "After that, they went right back to hating each other."

'Huh. So they can work together.' Finn thought. "Bubblegum and Marceline got rid of all the zombies, right?" Finn looked around nervously. "A zombie attack would really suck."

"Says the guy who's currently in a relationship with the Vampire Queen." Starchy pointed out. "Like you would object to a bunch of zombies, ya necrophiliac."

"Dude, just tell us if you know where Mr. Cupcake is." Jake demanded. "Do you have any idea where he could have gone?"

"Mr. Cupcake? He and Chocoberry got into a pretty big fight the other night from what Starchy heard." said the malt ball. "He's probably checked into a hotel somewhere in another Kingdom."

"Nope. the Princess looked into that." Jake said.

"Oh. well then, he might be staying with a friend." Starchy suggested. "He and Cinnamon Bun used to hang, maybe Mr. Cupcake's staying with him at the Fire Kingdom."

"Huh. Yeah, that could be." Jake surmised. "Cinnamon Bun is the only Candyperson outside of the Candy Kingdom. It makes sense that Mr. Cupcake would go to him to lay low for a while."

"Alright. I'll give Flame Princess a call and ask her if Mr. Cupcake is over in the Fire Kingdom." Finn took out his phone, but Jake slapped it out of his hand.

"No. Bad idea. Not ready. No."

Finn tilted his head. "What do you mea-"

"Up, up. Look, I'll give Cinnamon Bun a call and ask him if Mr. Cupcake is over there. I can't use my phone since it blew up, so let's go use a payphone."

"Can't we use my phone?" Finn asked.

"Yeah, but I like using payphones. I like to pretend I'm a hitman for the mob calling the Don to tell him the job is done." said Jake.

"That does sound like fun. Alright, let's do that." Finn picked his phone up off the ground and he and Jake headed out of the cemetery. Before they could pass the exit, Finn froze in his tracks with a look of horror on his face.

"Oh, glob."

"What? What's wrong?" Jake asked.

"...Do I technically qualify as a necrophiliac now?"

Jake blinked his eyes. "...Dude...I think it's better if we don't come up with an answer to that." Jake walked out of the cemetery. "Come on, let's go."

Jake put in the quarters and dialed in CB's number. He brought the phone up to his ear and waited until the knighted pastry answered. "Hey, Cinnamon Bun! It's Jake! How the heck are ya…! I'm doing good too! Hey, listen, I'm calling because Mr. Cupcake's gone missing and we were hoping you would know where he is… For a couple days now, at least… Oh, you don't…? Ah, he and Chocoberry got in a fight, and he just left… No, we looked into that… Well, alright. Thanks anyway, CB. Give me or Finn a call if you hear anything, okay…? Flambo…? Well, that's just Flambo. You and I both know how he is… Alright, you take care, big guy. Later."

Jake hung up and stepped out of the phone booth where Finn was waiting for him. "What's the verdict?" Finn asked.

"Cinnamon Bun doesn't know where Mr. Cupcake is." said Jake. "He was actually looking for Flambo when I called him. I guess he got kicked out of the castle again, probably for eating all the snacks or something, and didn't come back."

"What? So, Flambo's missing too?" Finn asked. "That can't be good."

"I wouldn't worry about it. Flambo does this kind of thing all the time. He cleans out of cabinets and runs away until the heat's down." Jake explained. "Trust me, that little Flambit will turn up sooner or later."

"Oh, okay." Finn said. "But, what about Mr. Cupcake? Where could he be?"

"I don't know, man." Jake admitted. "I can't think of any other place he could've gone. And I don't think he would have willingly gone off grid just to get away from Chocoberry. The Candypeople don't like to travel far from the Kingdom."

"Willingly?" Finn echoed. "Maybe we're thinking about this all wrong. Maybe Mr. Cupcake didn't leave. Maybe he was taken."

"Taken? What, like kidnapped?" Jake asked. "Why would anyone kidnap Mr. Cupcake? What's in it for them?"

"I don't know, it's just a theory." said Finn. "Maybe whoever kidnapped Mr. Cupcake wants to eat him or something. Or, who knows, maybe they already ate him!"

"Take it down a notch, bro." said Jake. "Look, let's just say, for the sake of argument, we go with that. Who in Ooo would wanna kidnap a Candyperson?"

"Ice King?" Finn suggested.

"Nah, not his MO." said Jake. "He only kidnaps princesses. Well, and Doctor Princess. She's not an actual princess, that's just her name. But still, she's Ice King's second favorite lady right under PB."

'The lady doctor from when I was put in a stab-coma.' Finn recalled the green-skinned doctor. 'Looking back on it, she looks a little like that Betty woman from the picture Marcy showed me.' "Well, can't you think of anybody else?" Finn asked. "Anybody with any motive?"

"Look, a lot of people might have a few reservations about Bubblegum, but the Candypeople have got to be the most innocent and friendly people in Ooo." said Jake. "No one would have it out for any of those guys aside maybe from-"

Jake gasped. "...Aw, crap."

"Who? Aside maybe from who?" Finn asked.

"Well, I can only think of one person in all of Ooo who would kidnap a Candyperson." Jake reluctantly said. "But, I really don't want to go see that guy."

"Why? Who is he?" Finn asked.

Jake grimaced. "Tell you what; I'll explain on the way." The magic dog grew to van-size and picked Finn up. He extended his legs before placing Finn on his back. "This is the kind of guy you really have to work up the nerve to go see."

"So, you worked up the nerve yet, bud?" Finn asked as he and Jake traveled across Ooo. "Come on. Who we going to see?"

"The Earl of Lemongrab." said Jake. he didn't sound too happy about it, though.

"Oh." said Finn. "...You wanna tell me who that is?"

"Oh, right. I keep forgetting you haven't been here as long as everyone else." Jake said. "The Earldom of Lemongrab is a subordinate territory of the Candy Kingdom. Or at least, it used to be. Earl Lemongrab sort of cut his earldom off from the Candy Kingdom when the Lich broke out and has been avoiding Princess Bubblegum ever since, claiming independence. PB was ticked, but she never bothered to go talk to Lemongrab about it, what with the Lich and Flame Princess to worry about. It just wasn't her highest priority."

"But, why would Lemongrab kidnap Mr. Cupcake?" Finn asked.

"Lemongrab has...issues." said Jake. "And that's putting it lightly. I only met him once, when he came to visit the Candy Kingdom about a year before the Lich massacre. Long story short: He put ten Candies in the infirmary and threw Peebles out a window. Then hopped on his lemon camel and rode away."

"...Wwwwwow."

"Yeah, PB and Lemongrab don't talk much anymore." Jake said. "Lemongrab still writes her angry letters and stuff, though. And a couple years ago, Bubblegum found the time to send him some lemon candy seeds along with a recipe on how to make his own people. I don't know, I guess she feels a little bad for the crazy lemon head. He was all alone in his castle and Bubblegum might still feel responsible for the way he turned out. Lemongrab was one of Bubblegum's earliest creations, but something went wrong with his formula or something and he was born a little loopy."

"Oh, dang." said Finn. "But, do you really think he would kidnap a Candyperson?"

"It might just be a cry for attention." Jake said. "You know, to get PB to notice him. Heads up, we're here."

The Earldom of Lemongrab was set on a small mountain with a long, stone bridge that snaked up to the front entrance. The castle was a circular stone structure with a lemon head statue centered in the middle on a small tower. The whole place looked a little dull to Finn. It looked more like a penitentiary than a settlement.

"This is the place?" Finn asked.

"Yeah, this is the place." said Jake. "Brace yourself."

Jake carried Finn up to the front gate. A pair of weird-looking, lemon gremlin guys were guarding the front gate, both wielding a long, yellow spear. These guys seemed even more useless than Bubblegum's Banana Guards, though. At first, they didn't seem to even notice Finn and Jake as Jake shrunk back down and placed Finn and himself in front of the guards. They made weird grunting sounds as they both slowly blinked their eyes open. When the guards did notice Finn and Jake, their eyes shot open and they both let out a startled 'quack' sound before crossing their spears.

"Uh...hey." Finn greeted. "We're here to see Earl Lemongrab. Is he home?"

The guards looked at each other and mumbled. Then the one on the right reached over and pressed the button on the wall intercom.

"Yes?! Who is there?!" A loud, shrill, high pitched voice called from the speaker.

"Oh, uh, hi." Finn greeted. "Are you the Earl of Lemongrab?"

"I am the Earl of Lemongrab!" the voice on the speaker cried.

"...Okay. I'm Finnegan Campbell, here with my friend, Jake the Dog. We wanted to ask you about-"

"Begone, agents of Princess Bubblegum!" Earl Lemongrab shouted. "BEGONE!"

"Woah, hold on!" said Finn. "The Princess didn't send us. We just wanna know if-"

"Goodbye." there was a click sound and then silence on the speaker.

Finn blinked. "Glob damn."

"Yyyyyyyup." said Jake. "Plan B." The dog jumped onto Finn's back and morphed into a backpack. Backpack-Jake then sprouted a pair of eagle wings. "Let's fly!"

Finn ran back to the bridge and jumped off. He soared through the air around the castle with his new Jake-backpack-wings. The two of them rounded the castle until they found a large pipe with lemon juice gently trickling out. Or at least, they were hoping to holy hell it was lemon juice. Finn and Jake flew into the pipe and Jake withdrew his wings. Finn continued down the pipe with Jack still on his back.

"You can get off now, if you want." said Finn.

"No, thanks. I think I'll stay in backpack mode in case that's not lemon juice." Jake replied. "And besides, you look good wearing a backpack. You should consider getting one."

"Seriously? Who the heck wears a backpack wherever they go? I'm not in college."

"You'd have something to carry all your stuff in wherever you go."

"Huh...okay, tell you what; I'll think about it. Maybe a green, round pack if I actually consider it. But for now, I'm sticking with my dad's sherpa jacket."

Finn walked through the pipe with Jake on his back until they came to an access ladder chute. Finn crawled up the ladder into a maintenance room. A short, lemon candy janitor with a mustache was mopping the floor when Finn opened the access hatch. The lemon janitor squinted his eyes at Finn, then slathered him with his mop before continuing his duty. Finn crawled out of the hole and closed the hatch.

"Alright, now what?" asked Finn as he wiped the mop water off of him.

"Now we look for Mr. Cupcake." said Jake. "We go room to room looking for a big, cupcake guy."

"Sounds like a plan. What if we get caught, though?"

"Honestly, I don't think these lemon heads are gonna be much of a problem for us." Jake replied. "Let's go find that pastry!"

Finn carried backpack-Jake out of the maintenance room into a long, dreary hallway. Finn went to the nearest door and opened it up. On the other side of the door was a small room, where a single Lemonperson was standing in the middle of the room, staring at Finn as he entered as if he were awaiting him. The Lemonperson kept eye contact as he slowly applied lipstick.

A disturbed look was plastered on Finn and Jake's face as Finn closed the door, refusing to even set foot into the room.

"What the stuff?" said Jake.

"Let's check another room." said Finn. He walked over to another room and opened the door. Two Lemonpeople wearing white and pink dresses stood in the center of the room holding hands. They stared at Finn and backpack-Jake with vacant eyes.

"Red rum." They both chanted.

Finn just stood there for a second before closing the door. "I guess Lemongrab is a Stephen King fan."

"Dude, this is getting seriously creeping." Jake stretched off of Finn's back and morphed back to his normal appearance. "I hate myself for it, but maybe we should consider leaving Mr. Cupcake for the lemons."

"We can't do that. Think about Chocoberry!" Finn argued.

"We can hook her up with Starchy. It beats searching through this hall of horrors!" Jake cried.

Finn sighed. "Come on, Jake, I really need to do this for Bubblegum. She's upset with me enough as it is, I can't go back empty handed. I gotta do everything I can to get her to stop hating me."

"Woah. Time out." said Jake. "PB doesn't hate you, Finn, she's just not taking you and Marceline being a thing very well. You just need to give it time. Bubblegum is mature and smart enough to know she shouldn't stay mad at you. I can't tell you how long it'll take, but she'll eventually go from bitter back to sweet."

Finn rubbed his arm anxiously. "I hope you're right. Still though, we need to find Mr. Cupcake."

"Yeah, yeah. I know." said Jake. "So, what's the game plan? I really do not want to check behind all of these doors."

"You're a dog. Can't you just sniff around for Mr. Cupcake, bloodhound style?" Finn asked.

"If there wasn't so much sour in this place, then maybe I could." said Jake. "Trying to sniff out Mr. Cupcake's sweet scent in this lemon infested place would be like trying to smell a needle in a scent haystack." Jake sniffed the air, and his eyes went wide. "Hey, hold on."

"What, you got something?" Finn asked excitedly.

"Quiet for a minute, let me concentrate." Jake sniffed the air again. "Dang, I lost it. Sniff, sniff. Sour. Sniff, sniff. Sour. Sniff, sniff. AHA!"

With his nose in the air, Jake ventured down the hall in pursuit of the scent. Finn followed behind him, feeling glad they didn't have to check any more rooms. They continued through the surprisingly unoccupied fortress until they came upon a set of wooden double doors.

"There's something sweet behind that door." Jake stated.

"Is it Mr. Cupcake?" Finn asked.

"Dunno. The sour smell of this place is making it impossible to say for sure what I'm smelling." Jake said. "But there is definitely something sweet on the other side of that door."

"In case that," Finn drew his sword. "Let's squeeze some lemons."

"Ah, yeah!" Jake raised his fist and it inflated. "Lemonade time!"

Jake bashed the door open and he and Finn charged through. The two boys found themselves in an orchard of lemon candy trees. Surrounded by a few dozen odd-looking Lemonpeople was a twelve foot tall, three layer cake with white frosting, decorated with lemon candies. The Lemonpeople all turned their attention to Finn and Jake.

"Woah. Is there a wedding going on or something?" Jake asked. "Man, this is embarrassing."

"What is this?!"

Finn and Jake looked up. Above the double doors was a balcony overlooking the orchard. Standing on the balcony was a Lemonperson about a foot taller than Finn. He wore a dark-grey, long sleeve shirt with a matching pair of dark-grey pants. A gold-brown sheathed sword hung on his green belt. His head was a lemon with two far-apart eyes and an Ice King approved long, pointy nose.

"How DARE you intrude in my domain during Cake Day! Our most sacred of holidays!" the lemon head cried.

"That voice," said Finn. "You were on the speaker. You're Earl Lemongrab."

"That is correct." said Lemongrab. He seemed to suddenly and unexpectedly calm down. Even his eyes went from crazy to slightly stable. "I am The Earl of the Earldom of Lemongrab. You may call me Lemongrab."

"Nice to meet you." said Finn.

"The pleasure is mine. I must kill you now." Replied Lemongrab. "SEIZE THEM!"

The Lemonpeople turned to Finn and Jake and raised their hands up, reaching out to grab them. Finn drew Nothung as the lemons approached, causing them to halt in fear.

"I got this." Jake scooped Finn up and launched into the air on a pair of spring legs. He fell towards the cake like a furry meteor. "Cake bomb!"

Finn and Jake crashed into the center of the cake and it blew apart, blasting all of the Lemonpeople back in a barrage of icing and filling.

Lemongrab's eyes nearly bulged out of his lemon head. "You…" his arm shook with rage as he pointed his finger at Finn and Jake. "You trespass into my castle! You destroy the cake that took several weeks to make! And you knock down all of my subjects and cover them in the previously mentioned destroyed cake! Your behavior thus far has been…"

Lemongrab drew his sword. The orange-brown blade glowed and hummed with a strange, burning light. Instead of a tip, the end of the sword split like a tuning fork.

"UNACCEPTABLE!"

Lemongrab swung his sword at the boys and a blast of powerful sonic energy shot towards them. Finn and Jake jumped back quick enough so the blast missed them by a foot. Although, they both felt their ears pop as the blast hit the ground.

"Hold still! So that I may BLOW YOUR HEAD OFF OF YOUR SHOULDERS using the power of my SOUND SWORD!" Lemongrab shrieked as he continued to swing his sword and shoot off sonic blasts. Finn and Jake ran and took cover behind one of the lemon candy trees. They covered their ears as the blasts of sound energy hit the tree.

"For the love of Glob! Is this guy off his meds or something?!" Finn shouted over the noise.

"There's a reason he's not welcome in the Candy Kingdom any more!" Jake shouted back. "This guy is worse than the Ice King! He just flies off the handle without warning!"

"Come out from behind that tree!" Lemongrab shouted. "So that I may blow your head off of your shoulders as previously discussed!"

Finn raised a hand and summoned an ice ninja star. He waited for the right moment before stepping out from behind the tree and chucking the ninja star at Lemongrab. The lemon earl shot the ninja star with a well-aimed sword blast and it shattered into pieces before it could hit him.

"Nice try! But I have the high ground, and the sound sword!" Lemongrab raised the sound sword in the air. "I have the advantage! Bow down to the might of-"

A second ninja star knocked the sword out of Lemongrab's hand, and it fell down from the balcony to the ground.

Lemongrab stared down at the sword and blinked. "...Oh...now it's down there…" The earl pointed at Finn. "Do not move! I will be down there shortly to retrieve my sound sword!" Lemongrab exited the balcony and made his way down to the orchard. But by the time he got there though, Finn already had the sound sword in his hand, standing alongside Jake where the sword had fallen.

"Ah, dang it. No fair!" Lemongrab cried.

"Enough, Lemongrab!" Finn declared. "Mr. Cupcake of the Candy Kingdom. Did you kidnap him?"

"Whaaaaaaaaat?!" Lemongrab shrieked. "You think I took one of mother's favorite children?!"

Finn blinked. "Favorite children?" he asked.

"Of...course!" Lemongrab cried. "All of the Candypeople of the Candy Kingdom! They are all mother's prized children! They receive her love, and her affection! But I, however, was sent away! Because I, turned out WROOOOOONG!"

Finn and Jake glanced at each other. "Dude. that's...actually really sad." said Jake.

"What do you care, agents of mother?!" Lemongrab shouted. "You have the sound sword! And my subjects are all covered in the cake you destroyed!" Lemongrab gestured to all of the Lemonpeople either slipping in or eating the cake. "Do what mother sent you here to do, and then begone! Begone I say!"

Finn sighed. "Alright, look. Princess Bubblegum didn't send us. We're here on our own terms looking for a missing Candyperson: Mr. Cupcake. We thought maybe you might've taken him. You know, because you're a schizophrenic psychopath."

Lemongrab just blinked. "You mean…mother didn't send you?" The lemon head hung his lemon head. "So...she really doesn't care anymore."

"No, no. She still cares." Finn walked up and placed a hand on Lemongrab's shoulder, praying to Glob he wouldn't bite it off. "You're just kinda hard to deal with. Remember when you threw the Princess out of a window?"

"She wouldn't let me have the last crumpet."

"Right, right, crumpet, right. Tell you what, I'll tell Bubblegum to give you a call so she can tell you how much she cares about you. Cool?"

"Can I have my sound sword back now?" Lemongrab asked.

"Are you going to try to kill us with it if I do?"

"Yes."

"Then no."

"Then I demand you mail the sword to me at your earliest convenience!" Lemongrab shouted.

"Couldn't I just give it to one of your guards on the way out-"

"EARLIEST CONVENIENCE!"

""Okay! Okay! Geez!" Finn said. "Come on, Jake, we're leaving."

"Thank Glob." said Jake as he followed Finn out of the orchard.

"Thank you for visiting Castle Lemongrab!" the Earl shouted after them. "Be sure to leave a good review online!"

"Welp. Looks like we hit a dead end." Finn said as he and Jake left the Earldom. "Know any other subordinate rulers Bubblegum doesn't talk to any more?"

"Well, there's the Duke of Nuts, I guess. He rules over the Duchy of Nuts." said Jake. "But trust me, there's no way he could've kidnapped Mr. Cupcake. The guy is the sweetest man on the planet. The worst thing I've ever seen him do is eat all the pudding, and that was just because he has a pudding eating disorder."

"Not even a little evil?" Finn asked.

"He once started a charity for baby ducklings."

Ohhhhh, that is the most non-evil thing I can think of." Finn sighed. "Well, this mission was a total failure."

"It hasn't been a total failure." Jake said. "You got that sound sword."

"I'm not keeping this thing. I'm gonna return it."

"Aww, but it's actually really cool."

"Yeah, but only a jerk would actually keep it. First chance I get, I'm mailing it back to Lemongrab." Finn's phone buzzed in his pocket and he pulled it out. "Oh, crud. I bet it's Bubblegum."

"Well then, answer it." said Jake. "And be cool."

Finn took a deep breath before answering the phone. "Hello. Finnegan Campbell, aka, Finn the Human speaking."

"Finn. It's me, Bubblegum."

"H-Hey, Bubblegum." Finn replied nervously. "How's, uh...How's it going?"

"Did you find Mr. Cupcake?"

"No." Finn admitted guiltily. "The trail's gone cold. We went to see Earl Lemongrab took Mr. Cupcake, but he's not in the earldom. By the way, you really should give Lemongrab a call every now and then. I think he's dealing with some serious abandonment issues."

Bubblegum sighed. "Yeah, I know… Listen, Finn… About...you know; earlier..."

"It's fine, Bubblegum. Don't worry about it." said Finn.

"No, no, it's not fine. I'm not mad at you, Finn, I want you to know that. I'm not trying to be weird about your relationship with Marceline, I just… Me and Marcy… You once asked how we know each other. Well...you see… Ah, geez, I haven't actually talked to someone about this for decades... Me and Marcy...used to...sort of..."

"Be a couple, hundreds of years ago." Finn finished. "Yeah, I know."

"She told you about that?!... Verdammt, Marceline. Okay, listen, Finn. I'm not angry with you, I promise. It's just...weird for me… seeing the two of you together...I hope you can understand that."

"I do, PB." Finn said sincerely. "You're my friend. I don't want anything to change that."

"Neither do I, Finn. I'll see you later." PB hung up, and Finn put his phone back in his pocket.

"See, what'd I tell ya?" said Jake. "The Princess could never hate you."

"Still, though. I don't wanna lose PB as a friend just because I'm dating her ex-girlfriend. I won't...have to choose, will I?"

"No, of course not." said Jake. "...Well, maybe. Try to keep PB and Marcy as far away from each other as possible for the time being."

"Ah, boy." Finn muttered.

"Hey, come on. Don't worry about that stuff right now." Jake said. "We need to focus on finding Mr. Cupcake."

"Do you have any more ideas on where he could've gone?" Finn asked.

"Not a glob damn clue." Jake confessed.

Finn took a deep breath. "Maybe we should pick this up tomorrow. Go home and think of a game plan."

"Okay, sounds good." said Jake. "I think we should both take a shower after going through a pipe flowing with what I'm really hoping was just lemon juice."

"You know, even if it was pee-pee, it would still be lemon juice, wouldn't it?" Finn asked.

Jake paused for a minute. "...Okay, you and I really should take a shower. I'm going home to do just that." Jake took off. "See ya tomorrow, Finn!"

Finn watched as Jake headed home. He lifted his arm up and sniffed his armpit. "Oh, gross! I smell like a lemon!"

"Come on! You can do it! Feel the burn!"

With a weight in each hand, Abracadaniel lunged in place as instructed by the exercise video. The mediocre magician took deep breaths and sweated bullets as the music played off of the TV.

"Almost there! Just five more minutes to go!"

"I can do this. I can do this." Abracadaniel chanted to himself. "Feel the burn. Love the burn."

On the coffee table, the phone rang.

"Ah, phooey on the burn!" Abracadaniel dropped the weights to grab the remote and turn the TV off. He then walked over and put the phone on speaker. "Whoever this is, thank you for saving me."

Yo, AD! It's Ice King!"

Hey, hey, IK!" Abracadaniel greeted as he wiped the sweat from his forehead with a towel. "What's up?"

"Me and Life Giving Magus are gonna go egg the Breakfast Kingdom. You in?" Ice King asked.

"Egg the Breakfast Kingdom?" said Abracadaniel. "Doesn't that seem a little ineffectual?"

"It's called poetry! Look, you coming or not?"

"Can't. Yours truly has a date tonight." Abracadaniel stated proudly.

"WHAT?! No kidding?!" Ice King cried.

"I kid you not, my good snowman." said Abracadaniel. "I met her online, and I'm meeting her in person later in the Enchanted Forest for a nature walk."

"Hot dog! You go, bro!... He says he's going on a date… Right?!... Alright, I'll ask him. Magus wants to know if she's hot."

"I have no idea." Abracadaniel confessed. "All I have is her username. Nothingsuspicious187."

"She sounds trustworthy." IK commented. "Alright, you have fun on your date, bro! Let me know if it goes well. I'll kidnap Breakfast Princess and we can have a double date."

"You got it." said Abracadaniel.

"And if things start to get freaky, you know to use protection, right?"

"Yes, Ice King." Abracadaniel said in exasperation. "If she turns out to be evil and tries to kill me, I have a thing of pepper spray in my fanny pack for protection. I was at the seminar."

"Just looking out for ya, bud." said IK. "Later."

Ice King hung. Abracadaniel took a deep, calming breath. "Okay, Abracadaniel. Time to hit the shower and go on that date!"

The Enchanted Forest was truly beautiful. Lush green foliage and cute forest animals scurrying about. As Abracadaniel walked through the woods, he picked a variety of flowers. "I bet she'll love these." Abracadaniel said giddily. He was dressed in a finely tailored, pink suit that fit him perfectly, a gift from Life Giving Magus, along with his trusty fanny pack.

Abracadaniel stopped walking and looked around. "...Huh...this is the spot...Am I early?" Abracadaniel checked the time on his watch. "No, I'm right on time. Oh, no. Did I get stood up?" the wizard sighed and hung his head. "Well, I should have seen this coming." the depressed magic user said. "No one wants to go out with a guy who's body is shaped like a big, pink, co-"

"Abracadaniel?"

Abracadaniel turned around to see a hooded figure in a long black robe standing in front of him.

"Nothingsuspicious187?!" Abracadaniel asked excitedly.

Abracadaniel saw the hooded figure smile under her hood. "That's me."

The hooded figure brought a taser up to Abracadaniel's chest. Abracadaniel twitched and danced as fifty thousands volts of electricity was administered into his sternum. The hooded figure pulled the taser away and Abracadaniel fell to the ground unconscious.

The hooded figure smiled down at Abracadaniel. "And now a magician, to aid in my mission." the hooded figure chuckled. "Damn, I'm good."

The hooded figure picked Abracadaniel up and hoisted him over her shoulder. "Sorry about this, but a wizard is too good of a prize to pass up." the hooded figure began walking away with the unconscious wizard. "For what it's worth, I think you're actually kinda cute."

And so it continues…