Hello everyone! Welcome back to Something More! Sorry for the wait, you can expect much greater time gaps between new chapters for a while.

Now where were we? Oh, right. Finn's dating a cambion vampire, people are getting abducted, Lemongrab is crazy, a cupcake and a strawberry are having relationship issues, necrophilia, that kind of stuff.

Enjoy!

I do not own 'Adventure Time'.

Chapter 27

The Evolutionist

Shoko rode her tiger across the lands of Ooo. The sun was setting as Joice ran across the green fields, filling the sky with a beautiful, orange glow. The green-skinned girl with the charcoal hair spurred the tiger's sides with her heels, and Joice was glad to comply and speed up. Excitement shone in Shoko's yellow eyes. That excitement burned even brighter when she saw the gorge coming up. Joice sped up even more in preparation for the jump. Right at the last minute, Shoko and Joice leapt into the air across the canyon.

Finn and Jake landed on the other side of the gorge. Both of the boys had a big grin on their face as Jake ran on all fours across Ooo with Finn on his back. The Ice Kingdom and the Candy Kingdom could be seen in the distance. Finn and Jake were heading right towards a tall cliff overlooking them. Jake ran right into a chasm that cut into the cliff face.

Shoko and Joice raced through the narrow chasm at full speed. Shoko hung on to the tiger with her one arm as Joice's paws and claws tore up the dirt. The two of them ran until they came to a dead end in the chasm.

Jake applied the brakes and dug his paws into the dirt as he skidded to a halt. Finn was thrown off of Jake's back as the dog skidded to a stop. He hit the dirt with a painful thud, before standing up and dusting himself off. Finn looked up at the wall in front of him. A large shadow covered the entire ciff wall in front of Finn. The wall of shadow emitted a cold aura of evil.

Shoko took a scared step back from the shadowy wall. She looked behind her at Joice for support, but the white tiger had vanished. Shoko looked back at the shadow wall towering over her. She rubbed the stump of her missing right arm. Seeing this wall made Shoko feel like she was back in Witch Grinket's hut, getting her arm cleaved off.

An evil chuckle sounded from the wall of shadow. "I just love it when someone does my work for me."

Finn stumbled back onto his rear. The sound of the Lich's voice resonated off the shadow wall like a giant speaker.

"You have no idea what's about to happen, do you?" the Lich asked. "You poor, naive fool. The cleansing of the world is inevitable. I can't be kept in my prison forever. In the midst of the chaos created by this world's own accountability, I am bound to be set free, sooner or later."

Shoko stood back on her feet. She stood her ground in defiance, doing her best to keep calm under the Lich's influence.

"Do you know what I love about the history of humanity?" the Lich asked. "It's all written in blood on tear stained pages. Kingdoms and countries being invaded and conquered. Villages and towns being put to the torch as the people are butchered like sheep." the Lich let out a laugh. "History has a way of repeating itself. The same pattern, over and over. It's all the same shtick… Death...justified by the desire for glory."

Finn pressed his hands up against his temples. "Leave...me...alone."

"What comes next will prove your loyalty, once and for all." said the Lich. "I am actually a little curious as to who's side you will choose."

Shoko looked up at the wall of darkness with anger burning in her eyes. "I am not afraid of you!" she shouted.

"Oh?"

A giant clawed hand shot out of the wall and grabbed Finn. He cried out as he was pulled into the darkness.

With a startled yelp, Finn's head shot off of the pillow. Sitting up on the bed, Finn panted in fear with eyes wide open. "...Man, I hate having nightmares."

"When you're a vampire, all you have are nightmares." Marceline sat up on the bed. Finn's blue shirt covered her top half and the blanket covered her bottom half. "You learn to have fun with them, though. It's like directing a horror movie after a while."

"You know I don't like horror movies," said Finn.

Marcy ran a hand through Finn's golden hair. "What was going on in your nightmare?" she brought her hand down to Finn's bare chest. "It wasn't me, was it?"

Finn couldn't fight back his blush. Marceline still had that heart stopping effect on him, and she knew it. Finn gently took Marcy's hand off of his chest so he could think straight. "It was a weird nightmare. I kept shifting back and forth between myself and Shoko."

"Your past incarnate?" Marceline asked.

"The Lich was there too." Finn added grimly. "He said a bunch of stuff about the inevitable cleansing and bloody history and proving my loyalty. He was vague, but in a scary, foreboding way."

"Dude, ya gotta tune out everything the Lich says to you." said Marcy. "I've met him before. He'll say anything to throw you off your game. And believe me, he knows exactly what to say. The freak gets in your mind and messes with you in all the worst ways."

"Well, I won't lie. He succeeded." Finn admitted. "From what I can tell, he likes to hit me while I'm down. I'm not sure what the occasion is this time, though. All that's going on is a missing Candyperson."

"Yeah, I heard about that. Mr. Cupcake, right?" said Marcy.

"Yeah, him." Finn replied. "Me and Jake are gonna go looking for him again tomorrow."

"Mind if I tag along?" Marceline asked. "Vampires are predatory hunters by nature, I could totally help you find a big, cupcake man."

"I would love that, but you know Jake is terrified of you," said Finn. "He won't even come over to the treehouse unless he knows you're not there."

"Come on. I promise I won't be too scary." said Marcy. "I'll be too exposed to do anything scary anyway. I'd have to get my sunhat and umbrella." Marcy nestled her head in the crook of Finn's neck. "Pleeeeeeease?"

Finn sighed in immediate defeat. "Fine. I probably shouldn't tell Jake. He won't come within a twenty mile radius of me if he knows you're here with me."

"Your dog is a wuss." Marcy commented.

"Only when it comes to vampires." Finn said. "And zombies, I think."

"Oh, yeah. 'Cause of the thing with Bubblegum's necromancer potion or whatever the hell she called it." said Marcy. "Man, that was a whole lot of fun."

"Jake told me about that. You and Bubblegum were able to stop all of the zombies. The two of you worked together and-"

"Stop it."

Finn paused. "Stop what?"

Marceline looked Finn in the eyes, a somewhat tired expression on her face. "You were about to say something like 'You and PB were able to set aside your differences that one time, so it's possible you can be friends again.'" she said, adding in her Finn impression.

Finn blinked. "...Not...those exact words...but…yeah."

"Finn. First off; me and Bonnie fought like wolves over how to solve the zombie outbreak. Peppermint Butler literally had to slap both of us in the face to get us to stop arguing and start working." said Marcy. "Second; I don't see any reason why I should try to make amends with Bubblegum."

"Come on, Marcy. You can't tell me there's no part of you that wants to be friends with PB again." Finn said.

"Of course there's a part of me that wants to be friends with PB again. But…" Marcy sighed. "That bridge may have burned down for good, man. And to be honest, I was the one holding the lighter."

"You really think it's too late?" Finn asked. "All you have to do is talk to her. Heck, it worked with your dad, right?"

"I turned into a monster and ate you."

"You sort of still do that."

Marcy snickered and rolled her eyes. "I'll...I'll think about it, okay? What you're asking me to do isn't easy for me."

"I understand that, Marcy. I'm just trying to help two of my friends make peace."

Marceline smiled. "I know, and you're a sweetheart for it."

Finn smiled back before letting out a yawn. "I should go back to sleep. We have a cupcake to find in the morning." he said before lying back down.

"Well, since you're up," Marceline leaned down and kissed Finn's forehead. "I think it's time to pay the rent again."

Finn blushed and gulped. "Come on, Marcy. We're searching for a missing person tomorrow. I'm gonna need my energy."

Marcy smiled wickedly. "I didn't hear a 'no'."

"Look, I'm not fighting you guys." Jake firmly stated. "I mean, for crying out loud. You guys are literally called the Cuties."

"How dare you deny our request at combat!" the Cute King cried in his child-like voice. He and the rest of the fungus-looking, hummel-sized, colorful creatures surrounded Jake by the treehouse's pond.

"Look, I'm gonna be painfully honest with you. You could drown someone's grandma, and I still wouldn't have the heart to fight you adorable little munchkins." Jake admitted.

"Don't call us munchkins!" The Cute King screamed. The tiny crown on top of his mushroom head shook as his body quivered with anger. "We are a villainous force to be reckoned with, and we demand respect! And if we don't get it, then we'll take it!"

The Cuties all rushed Jake and began punching and kicking at Jake's legs. The dog bit his lip in an attempt not to laugh as the Cuties tickled his legs.

"Heh-heh-heh. Okay, okay. Tell you what, King Cutie, if you really wanna prove how bad and tough you are, then go to the Candy Kingdom Orphanage and uh, 'terrorize' all the orphans."

"You're not just trying to make a bunch of sad orphans happy by sending over a bunch of Cuties to entertain them, are you?" the Cute King asked.

"...No."

"Okay, good. Come on, Cuties! To the Candy Kingdom!" The Cute King led the marching Cuties away to the Candy Kingdom.

"Atta boy, Jake." Jake said to himself. "Atta boy." Jake's new phone rang and he pulled it out to answer it. "Jake the Dog speaking."

"Hey, Jake. It's Finn. You ready to start searching again?"

"Yeah, I'm good to go. Where we looking?"

"Remember when you told me Flambo went missing? I know you said he goes missing all the time, but maybe we should look around the Fire Kingdom border anyway. If his and Mr. Cupcake's disappearances are connected, then Flambo is our next lead."

"Eh, I don't think we'll find any more leads lookin' for Flambo. But, it's not like we have any other ideas. I'll meet you at the Fire Kingdom border in a half an hour."

"Sounds good. See ya then. Oh, and by the way, I'm bringing a friend along to help us with the search. Hope that's cool."

"Hey, we can use all the help we can get." said Jake.

"Great. See you there." Finn replied before hanging up.

'He's probably bringing over Huntress Wizard.' Jake thought to himself before dialing another number.

"Annyeonghasibnikka?"

"Hey, beautiful. I'm just calling to let you know I might be late coming home, again." Jake said.

"Dasi? Dangsin-eun deo isang jib-e geoui eobs-seubnida." Lady complained.

"Hey, come on, baby, I've been busy." Jake argued tenderly. "Not to mention Finn needs me by his side, what with his hero biz and all the lady advice I've had to give him."

"Ugh. Marcelineeun geu sonyeon-ege johji anhseubnida."

"I thought you liked Marceline?" Jake asked.

"Naneun geunyeowa datum-i eobs-seubnida. hajiman pin-i malsseongkkuleogiboda deo jalhal su issdago saeng-gaghabnida."

"Oh. Yeah, me too. But, hey. Finn's happy, so I'm happy for him."

Lady sighed. "TVga hamkkehabnikka? geuneun eoje oechul-eul hago dol-aoji anh-assda."

"TV? No, he's not with me. He's probably at the Library, they have free wifi."

"Geuleul chaj-eumyeon jeoege jeonhwahalago jeonhasibsio."

"Sure thing, babe. See you soon. Kiss, kiss." Jake hung up and put his phone away. "BMO. Neptr. Keep an eye on the place while I'm gone."

"You don't live here." Neptr replied down from the window.

"Yes. You live in your girlfriend's house." BMO said next to him. "Because you don't have a real job."

"Oh, give me a break! Finn basically does the same thing, what's his excuse?"

"He stopped two major kingdoms from going to war, he's twice the hero you are, and he has to pay his girlfriend in either gold or coitus." said BMO.

"...Do you even know what 'coitus' is, BMO?" Jake asked.

"It is a form of dancing, right?"

"Eh, close enough."

Jake arrived at the Fire Kingdom border at the designated time. Even from this far of a distance, Jake could feel himself begin to sweat like a dog. It didn't help that he was covered head to toe in fur. It was a really cloudy day, so the sunlight thankfully made little to no contribution to the heat.

"Hey, Jake!"

Jake turned and saw Finn approaching him, a smile on his face.

"Hey, Finn! Ready to start-"

He froze in terror when he saw Marceline floating behind, wearing a big, black sunhat and a black umbrella over her shoulder.

"How ya doin', pooch?" she greeted with a grin.

Finn walked up and placed a hand on Marcy's shoulder. "Marcy wanted to help out in the search." he said as he and Marcy looked into each other's eyes. "Now I know you're a little scared of Marceline," Finn turned back to Jake. "but I'm sure you-"

Jake had already disappeared.

"Holy smokes. That was quick." said Marcy with a look of astonishment.

Finn looked around in disbelief. "Where the heck did he go?"

"Oh, forget him." Marceline floated up and rested his arm on Finn's shoulder. "Now it's just you and me. It'll be like a date, except we'll be searching for a missing cupcake guy for my ex-girlfriend."

"Sounds like a pretty weird date, but okay." said Finn. "Are you safe from the sun?"

"Don't worry about me. It's a cloudy day and I've got my hat and umbrella." said Marcy. "I'll be fine. Now, what're we looking for?"

"Anything, really." Finn replied. "Anything that might suggest that Flambo was kidnapped."

Marceline sniffed the air, then shook her head in frustration. "Dammit. Your human blood is really making it hard to concentrate on any other smell."

"Right. 'Cause humans are a vampire's natural prey." Finn remembered.

"I might be able to help."

Finn and Marceline turned around to see Cinnamon Bun riding towards them on his Fire Wolf. He wore the flame shield spell over his knight uniform, as usual.

"Hey, CB!" Finn greeted. "What's up?"

"Oh, Flame Princess sent me to go look for Flambo again." said the pastry knight. "She wants Flambo to come home. I guess she feels a little guilty for kicking him out the way she did. The Princess chewed Flambo out pretty harshly when he ate Randy's birthday cake."

"Do you know where he is?" Finn asked.

"No. But, I might know a way you can find him." Cinnamon Bun reached into his uniform and pulled out a red, handheld device. It looked sort of like a geiger counter. "This device was a gift from Princess Bubblegum years ago. A sort of 'please don't hate me' gift."

"What is it?" Marceline asked.

"A Flambit Finder. You know, in case your flambit goes missing. I thought it was a nice gift, but Flame Princess ordered me to dispose of the thing. I kept it instead. Comes in handy when Flambo goes missing." Cinnamon Bun tossed Finn the device. "Flambo's heat signature is already logged in. Just hit the bottom on the side, and it'll start beeping for him."

Finn pressed the button on the side, and it started to beep at a slow frequency. "Thanks, CB. Why don't you come with us? We could use the extra help since Jake ran off on me."

"If you think Flambo might've been kidnapped, then I'll leave this to you guys. Plus, I should really stay by the Princess's side. I'm the only one that can calm her down when she gets angry, and she's been getting really angry recently."

"Why? What's wrong?" Finn asked.

Cinnamon Bun glanced at Marceline too quickly for Finn to notice. "Uh...one of her favorite characters on this show she loves died."

"Aw, man. That does suck." Marceline commented.

"Yup… Well, gotta go. Hope you find Flambo. That rhymed." Cinnamon Bun spun his Fire Wolf around and rode back to the Fire Kingdom.

Finn looked at the Flambit Finder in his hand. He then held it out and slowly surveyed the surrounding area with it. The device beeped a little faster when Finn aimed the device south.

"Looks like we have our lead," said Marcy. "Lead the way, sleuth."

(Several hours of walking later)

"Finn. I gotta say, this is a really lame date." Marceline complained as she floated behind Finn, her posture and face expressing intense boredom.

"You're the one who wanted to come with me." Finn argued. "And it's not my fault this thing isn't getting a real good signal." Finn smacked the side of the device, but the beeping made no change in rhythm. "How hard is it to find a Flambit?"

The device had led them to a field of giant bones within the Boneyard Kingdom's territory. The light mist and grey sky gave the field of giant bones a spooky feel.

Finn ducked under a large rib bone. "What is this place?"

Marceline flew over a skeletal foot. "Ah, a bunch of giants had a fight here hundreds of years ago. Long story short, there were no survivors." she explained. "That battle created the foundation of the Boneyard Kingdom. It's been a place of death ever since the battle. That's why Skeleton Princess's people feel so at home here."

"Do you like it here?" Finn asked.

"You kiddin'? I'm practically worshipped in the Boneyard Kingdom. These bone heads are my biggest fans." said Marceline.

"...Is it...is it an undead thing?" Finn asked.

"That, and the Skeletons have really good taste in music," said Marcy.

Finn waved the device in front of him in an attempt to get a stronger signal. To Finn's joy, the beeping increased by a full second when he pointed in the right direction. "This way!"

Finn followed the beep trail with Marceline floating behind him. The behemoth bones loomed over them, grey and without a trace of life. "Man, there are a lot of bones." Finn commented.

"If it makes you feel any better, these guys were complete assholes." said Marceline. She happened to pass by a giant's skull and kicked in one of its teeth for fun. "No one was sad to hear these pricks all killed each other. They gave the word 'loudmouth' a whole new meaning."

"I keep forgetting how old you really are," said Finn.

"I've the body of a young hottie, with a thousand years of experience." Marceline grinned. "You know that better than most."

Finn blushed, but it quickly subsided. "Yeah…you'll be living it up long after I'm dead in the ground."

Marceline's eyes widened, then she let out a sigh. "I didn't think we'd have this talk so soon."

"What talk?" Finn asked.

Marceline met Finn's walking speed with her floating speed and levitated beside him. "The 'the age thing is gonna eventually make it weird' talk. Come on, man, you can't tell me you didn't know this was coming."

Finn blinked. "Oh. Well, yeah. I knew. I just never really...put much consideration into it." Finn confessed. "I don't really see what there is to talk about. You're immortal, and I'm mortal. We can't change that."

"...We could, actually."

Finn stopped in his tracks and looked at Marcy in confusion. "Say what now?"

The top half of Marcy's face was hidden by her sunhat, making it impossible to read her expression. "...If things between us were to get serious…then...one of us would just have to become what the other is."

"You mean...you'd become mortal?" Finn asked.

"All of the wizards, alchemists and scientists I've gone to have failed to cure my vampirism. Even Bonnibel, as close as she came, never managed to figure it out entirely." said Marceline. "As far as I know, there is no cure for vampirism."

A bead of sweat ran down Finn's face. "...So...that...would mean-"

"You'd have to become a vampire." Marcy finished. "I'd sink my fangs into your neck and turn you into a creature of the night. A direct bite from the reigning Vampire Matriarch, just as I received it. It'd be you and me...forever."

Finn gulped and took a step back. "...Uh-"

"But hey, we've only been dating for what, a week and a half?" Marcy lifted her head and revealed her casual expression. She smiled nonchalantly. "Come on, let's keep the whole 'soul mate, eternal love' junk off the table and just keep having fun instead."

Finn blinked his eyes in confusion. "Marcy-"

OH MY GLOB, IT'S MARCELINE THE VAMPIRE QUEEN!"

Finn and Marceline turned to see a group of Skeletons approaching them, waving around Vampire Queen T-shirts, albums and other merchandise. They all were screaming their skulls off for an autograph or a selfie or both.

"Like I said: Practically worshipped." Marcy booped Finn's nose. "Wait here, boo. This shouldn't take long." she said before floating over to her ecstatic fans. With Marceline gone, Finn took a deep breath.

"OH. MY. GLOB."

A tiny Jake jumped out of Finn's jacket and grew back to a normal-sized Jake as he landed on the ground.

"Woah! Jake?! You've been hiding in my jacket this whole time?" Finn asked incredulously.

"Praying to Glob almighty it wouldn't start to get intimate between you and Marceline, yeah." said Jake. "But that's besides the point." The bulldog looked really serious. "I heard the whole 'turning you into a vampire' talk."

"Oh, that? It's fine, dude. We just discussed a big, potential what-if." said Finn. "Nothing to get worked up over."

"For real, man?!" Jake exclaimed. "She was talking about turning you into a vampire, like her. To be by her side till the end of freaking time and that whole shtick! She brought it up for a reason, Finn. She likes you, yeah, but she might be starting to like you a little too much."

Finn groaned. "Look, I'll admit hearing Marcy talk about all that kinda freaked me out. But we haven't even been dating for that long, it doesn't mean anything."

"It means she's considering it!" Jake exclaimed frantically. "It's basically the 'move in with me' phase of every relationship that makes it that far. Next thing you know, she'll start leaving a fangbrush at your place."

"Well...maybe one day, it'll happen." Finn argued, but he couldn't hide his anxiety from Jake. "But 'maybe' is the key word there, and Marcy knows that… Right?"

Jake brought his hands up on a calming gesture. "Finn. You really like this girl, and this girl obviously really likes you. But if this girl is already talking about giving you an immortal, everlasting place by her side, then you need to figure out how much exactly you like this girl, and you need to do it quick. That's all I'm sayin'."

Finn licked his dry lips anxiously. "So, what am I supposed to-"

"Hey, look. Fido came back."

Marceline, now done with the autographs and selfies, floated back to the two boys. "Good to see we got our bloodhound back on the team." she said with a smirk.

"Please don't call me 'Fido'. It's kind of a stereotype for dogs." Jake said pointedly.

"So you've never met a dog named 'Fido'?"

"...I don't have to answer that."

Marceline chuckled. "No, I guess you don't. Hey, now that you're back, think you can sniff around for any clues? We're looking for-"

"For Flambo, I know," said Jake. "Look, all I can smell in this spooky place is bones and dust. Nothing's burnin'."

"Well, can you smell anything else?" Finn asked. "Something that you wouldn't normally smell in the Boneyard Kingdom?"

"Aside from you, no." said Jake. "And Marcy smells like she lives here."

Marcy hissed angrily at Jake, who quickly yelped and hid behind Finn in response.

"B-but, I guess I could do another sniff around." Jake stammered. He let his nerves calm down and closed his eyes before sniffing the air. Jake's brow furrowed in confusion. "That smell…"

"What is it?" Finn asked.

"I think I smell...hold up, now." Jake let his nose guide him through the giant boneyard. Finn and Marcy glanced at each other before following after their canine companion. Jake's nose led him to a massive femur half buried in the ground.

A long crack ran along the bone, like the giant who's bone this used to be took a cudgel to the thigh and fractured it. The fracture grew thinner as it lowered to Finn's height. A lock of blonde hair had gotten caught in the fracture. It looked like some careless girl had walked past it and gotten her hair caught.

Jake gave the lock of blonde hair a good sniff, then his eyes went wide. "...Tiffany."

"Uh, who?" Marcy asked.

"Tiffany Oiler." Jake said distastefully. "Was part of my crew, back in my stealing days. Knew how to get around unnoticed. One of the best thieves I ever worked with."

"How about that; a dog with a criminal log." Marceline commented with a smirk. "What, is she your ex-girlfriend or something?"

"What? No! Tiffany's a dude." said Jake.

"Fine, whatever. Ex-boyfriend then?"

"Woah! No! No! No! I ain't like that!" Jake exclaimed.

Marcy shrugged. "I'm not judging, man."

"Alright, backup." said Finn. "So, this Tiffany girl, guy, whatever, is an old friend of yours, and he or she is the one who took Flambo?"

"Maybe Tiffany has a hand in this, maybe not." said Jake. "Abduction was never really our MO back in the day. Sure we were thieves, but we made sure no one ever got hurt. Or, I did, anyway. One thing's for sure: Tiffany was here, and recently."

"So where can we find him?" Finn asked. "Does he have a secret lair or something?"

"No, I think he has a studio apartment." Jake said. "We sort of lost touch years ago, but he still sends letters about the thieving days and how he wants to get back in the business with me and how much his life sucks now. Honestly, I have no idea what the letters actually say anymore. The amount of bad poetry he puts into his letters makes them read like ciphers."

"You have an address?" Marceline asked.

"Yeah, I know where it is," Jake replied. "Time to pay an old friend a visit, I guess."

It was a sad, little apartment complex. Like somewhere a recently divorced guy would go after being thrown out of the house. The brown paint was faded, pipes were leaking, and the pool out back looked more like a cesspool. The stairs creaked and groaned as Finn and Jake climbed up to the second floor. Marceline floated behind them, looking around the complex with an unsure look on her face.

"This definitely seems like a place an abductor would hang out in. I'll say that much." Marcy commented.

"Are you sure this is the right place, Jake?" Finn asked. "It's major depressing here."

"After my crew split, we all went our separate ways and did the best we could." said Jake. "Tiffany got the raw end of the deal, really. Being a thief was all he ever knew."

Shoko appeared by Finn's side. "Sometimes, it's all we can do." she remarked bitterly. "I stole in order to survive, and I was good enough at it to make it into a profession."

"If he's just a thief, then why would he kidnap Flambo or Mr. Cupcake?" Finn asked. "For ransom?"

"If it were for ransom, then Tiffany would have kidnapped someone more important." Jake replied. "Listen up. He's apartment's right up ahead. You should hang back, Marceline. I don't want to spook Tiff. He can get worked up pretty easily."

"I'll do ya one better." Marceline turned invisible. "I can see you, but you can't see me. Ha ha ha."

"Alright. That works I guess." Jake said. "Come on, Finn."

Jake led Finn to Apartment 212. The room number was painted on the door with white letters, which were peeling and fading, making it difficult to actually read the number. Jake knocked on the door three times. "Yo, Tiff! You home?!"

There was a rustling sound and the crash of something falling and breaking on the other side of the door. A few seconds later, the door swung open, revealing a guy who looked about Finn's age if not a little younger. His messy blonde hair was shaved at the side and hung down below his neck. He had a barely noticeable, wispy mustache, and a pair of black eyebrows that seemed almost impressive compared to the mustache. He wore a pink T-Shirt tucked to a pair of navy-blue shorts and brown shoes with navy-blue socks. He would've looked human if it wasn't for his baby-blue skin.

"Jake!" Tiffany exclaimed excitedly. His voice was surprisingly high-pitched, making him sound like he was still seven. "I knew you couldn't stay away! I just knew you would get the gang back toge-" Tiffany stopped mid-sentence when he noticed Finn standing next to Jake. Tiffany's smile was immediately replaced by a frown. "Oh… It's you."

"Do I know you?" Finn asked.

"I doubt it, but everyone knows who you are." Tiffany crossed his arms. "Finn the Human. The brave and mighty hero who teamed up with Jake." Tiffany's eyes narrowed angrily, like that last part really upset him. "Everyone thinks you're so amazing, but I know the truth. You're just piggybacking off of Jake's greatness." Tiff stuck a finger at Finn's face. "You're. Nothing."

"Knock it off, Tiff." said Jake. "And for the record, Finn here is three times the hero I could ever be."

"But now that you finally realized being a hero is a load of bull stuff, you've decided to come back to the thieving business!" Tiffany shouted with joy. "Is Gareth with you? What about the Flying Lettuce Brothers?" Tiffany glanced disapprovingly at Finn. "If he's here to join up, then I have to point out that this goody two-shoes would make for a terrible thief-"

"I'm not getting the gang back together, Tiffany!" Jake interrupted. "Those days are over."

Tiffany frowned and blinked. "You're...you're not?" he sounded genuinely disappointed.

"No. I'm only here to ask you about the disappearances of Flambo the Flambit and Mr. Cupcake the Candyperson." Jake explained. "What do you know, Tiff?"

Tiffany crossed his arms. Anger and hurt burned in his eyes. "I ain't tellin' you nothin'!" he declared.

"So you do know something," said Jake.

"I never said that!" Tiffany replied a little too quickly.

"Did you do it, Tiffany?" Jake demanded. "Did you kidnap Mr. Cupcake and Flambo?"

"Why do you care, huh?" Tiff asked. "You shouldn't care. You should be with me, stealing to our heart's content! But instead, you're playing hero with this loser!" Tiffany stuck a finger at Finn. "What does he have that I don't have anyway, huh? What makes him so great? He's just a worthless, useless, good-for-nothing, stinking, pile of-"

Marceline suddenly materialized in front of Tiffany, her eyes glowing venom-green. Tiff looked like he about crapped himself at the sudden sight of the Vampire Queen. He immediately froze in terror and stared up at Marcy, shaking with fear.

"You know who I am?" Marceline asked.

Tiffany slowly nodded.

"You know what I'm capable of?"

Tiffany nodded once more.

"No you don't." said Marcy. "But unless you tell us what we want to know, you're gonna find out the hard way. Now, why did you kidnap the Flambit?"

"I-I-I didn't! I-I swear!" Tiffany shouted. "I'm not the kidnapper! I just work for her!"

"Her? So there is a kidnapper?" Finn demanded. "You said you just work for her? Who is she?"

Tiffany looked around nervously like he was afraid of being overheard, but he seemed to be afraid of Marcy more. "Alright, look. I honestly have no idea who she really is. A few days ago, some strange lady wearing a big, black cloak came to me and offered me money for my services. I don't even know what she even looks like under the hood, she always wore her hood up. She talked like a professor though, a real brainiac type."

'Sounds like Bubblegum.' Finn couldn't help but think. "Did she give you a name?"

"Not a real one. She calls herself the Evolutionist." Tiffany replied. "I have no idea what her deal is. The work I did for her was like what I used to do back in the crew: Scout out the best places and people to rob. In this case, it was the people that got stolen instead of their belongings."

"Why? What does she want with the people she's stolen?" Jake demanded. "And why are you helping her?!"

"You know how it is Jake. I gotta make ends meet." Tiffany defended. "And the Evolutionist was paying me good. I don't know why she's doing it. And frankly, I don't care. I just pick out easy targets for her, and she picks her favorite from the selection. Yeah, I may have lent a helping hand now and then, but the kidnappings were all her idea."

"Do you know where the Evolutionist is now?" Finn asked.

"Not a clue." Tiffany replied. "I was kept on a strict need-to-know basis. Whenever she needed me, she found me when the time was right. Didn't tell me nothing she didn't think I needed to know."

Finn took a breath. "Okay. So there is definitely an abductor. An abductor who calls herself the Evolutionist, which is totally a supervillain name. She kidnapped Mr. Cupcake and Flambo for reasons unknown, and you, Tiffany, have no idea where she might be even though you helped her with her abductions."

"That's all I know, I swear." Tiffany said.

"Not a whole lot to go on, though," said Jake. "Sure, we now know Mr. Cupcake and Flambo were kidnapped by some spook called the Evolutionist, but we've got no idea where she is or where the kidnapped peeps are."

"Wait. You said you made the Evolutionist a list of easy targets?" Finn asked.

"Yeah." Tiffany replied. "The Evolutionist only picks one person from each list I give her, though."

"How many lists have you made for her, Tiff?" Jake demanded.

Tiff didn't answer.

Marceline let out a scary hiss.

"Ten!" Tiffany cried. "I've made her ten lists!"

"That's ten abducted people." Finn angrily pointed out. "How could you help someone kidnap a person?!"

"Quick cash for each kidnapped person, that's how." Tiffany said. "I was actually planning on moving out of this dumpy apartment and moving in somewhere better. I've got enough scratch to do it."

"So Mr. Cupcake and Flambo aren't the only ones who were kidnapped?" Jake asked. "Who else was kidnapped?!"

"People nobody would really miss." Tiffany replied. "She's kidnapping the bottom-of the-barrel members of society. The ones who, if they went missing, not a whole lot of people would notice."

"That didn't work out too well, huh?" Marceline asked.

"Who else was kidnapped, Tiff?!" Jake demanded once more.

"I don't know! She never told me who she would go after!" Tiffany exclaimed. "The boss just reads my list, gives me my money, and walks away. I only know about the Flambit because the Evolutionist met up with me in the Boneyard Kingdom after she nabbed it and told me to make another list. She doesn't like to waste time, and she works with efficiency and precision. You're making a powerful enemy going up against her, that I can promise."

"So, there's ten kidnapped victims and we only know about two of them?" Finn complained.

Finn's phone rang.

Feeling a chill down his spine, Finn pulled the phone out of his pocket and answered it. "Hello-"

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Finn pulled the phone away from his ear at the sound of the high-pitched wail of dismay. "Woah, chill! Who is this?"

"Finn! Fiiiiiiiinn!" The voice cried. Finn recognized it as Ice King's voice. "He's gone! He's gooooone!"

"Settle down, Ice King!" said Finn. "Who's gone?"

"My best friend! My home-boy! He's been taken!" Ice King wailed.

"Dangit, IK! Who?!" Finn asked.

"Gunter!" Ice King replied mournfully. "I can't find him anywhere! Someone took him, I just know it!"

"What's going on?" Marceline asked. "What's wrong with Simon?"

"Gunter's gone missing. He thinks someone took him." Finn explained.

"Yo-boy. That ain't good." said Marcy. "Gunter was basically Simon's therapy pet."

"The Evolutionist did ask for a list of Ooo wildlife." Tiffany pitched in. "I think she chose 'penguin' because they don't talk back, they just quack back."

"Ice King. Do you know anyone else that's gone missing?" Finn asked into the phone.

"Well, I haven't seen Abracadaniel since he went on his date." the ice wizard said. "But who gives a crud?! My little Gunter's gone missing!"

"He used to call me his little Gunter during his fits of madness." Marcy reminisced.

Finn looked at Tiffany. "Would your boss want to kidnap a wizard?"

"She also wanted, and I quote, 'A list of low-caliber magicians." said Tiffany.

"And Abracadaniel is pretty low-caliber." Jake pointed out.

Finn spoke into the phone once more. "Okay, Ice King. We'll find Gunter and Abracadaniel, I promise."

"If you have to choose between the two of them, choose Gunter!"

"You got it." Finn replied before hanging up.

"So that's four missing people, including the penguin." Marcy pointed out. "Four out of ten."

Jake's phone rang.

"I don't wanna answer it, but I know I should." Jake said before pulling out his phone. "Hello?" he answered cautiously. "...Oh, hey, baby!"

"Who is it?" Finn asked.

"It's just Lady," Jake said to Finn. "Whatcha need, babe…? Look I told you, I don't know where TV is. He ain't with me… He missed dinner? You're right, that isn't like him-"

Jake suddenly froze and his eyes went wide.

"...I'll call you back, babe." Jake said before hanging up. The bulldog slowly turned his attention to Tiffany. The blue-skinned blonde didn't have it in him to meet Jake's gaze.

"Tiff...did you put my son on one of your lists?"

"The Evolutionist wanted a list of magical creatures." Tiffany protested. "I put 'Rainicorn' at the bottom of the list. I had no idea that lunatic would go after Lady or one of the kids, I swe-"

An inflated fist sent flying into his face stopped him before he could finish. Tiffany was flung back into his apartment and crashed onto a coffee table, where he landed in a heap, unconscious.

"I guess that makes five." said Marcy. She regarded Jake sympathetically.

"That also makes it personal." Jake said. "Finn, we have to find this madwoman and get my kid back!"

"I know," said Finn. "I just don't know how we're gonna do that. Tiffany here was just a stooge. He doesn't know where the Evolutionist is."

"We need to talk to Princess Bubblegum then," said Jake, beginning to sound frantic. "We need to spread the word and figure out who else has been taken!"

"Mr. Cupcake. Flambo. Gunter. Abracadaniel. TV." Finn listed off. "I don't get it. What do they all have in common? What's the connection?"

"It's a collection." Marceline pointed out. "Each of the kidnapped victims is from a different part of Ooo. The Candy Kingdom, the Fire Kingdom, the Ice Kingdom, Wizard City, even the Crystal Dimension."

"Hey, you're right." said Jake. "But, what does that mean?"

"If this Evolutionist chick is starting a stamp collection, she may start looking to get her hands a more," Marcy looked over at Finn. "rare prize."

Finn blinked. "You think the Evolutionist is gonna come for me?"

"There's only three Humans in Ooo, Finn." Marcy pointed out. "One of them is corrupted by a crown's mad magic, the second one is a nine-foot mass of mutated muscle with the mind of a five-year-old, and then there's you."

Finn looked down at the ground in thought. "The Evolutionist might want to get her hands on a limited edition species."

Marceline nodded. "We might not know for sure yet, but you may very well be on the Evolutionist's radar."

"Well, Football, how do you like it out here in the pond?" BMO asked.

"I love it here!" the robot's reflection answered. "There is so much more to see than in the bathroom!"

"I am glad you like it!" said BMO. "So, we are in agreement?"

"Yes, yes. I am content staying out here." Football replied. "The pond is nice. The swans are good company and the sky is so beautiful day and night."

"Wonderful! I am glad you are happy, Football!" BMO cheered.

"Talk to yourself often?"

BMO turned away from the pond to see a figure in a black, hooded cloak approaching him.

"Hello!" BMO greeted in a friendly manner. "I am BMO! Who are you?"

"You were created by the great inventor Moseph Mastro Giovanni, weren't you?" the figure asked, ultimately dodging the question. Her voice was that of a woman's.

BMO's screen face lit up with excitement. "Yes! Do you know Papa?!"

"I am a big fan of his work." the hooded figure replied. "Might I ask, is Moe Giovanni still alive?"

"No. Papa went into sleep-mode and did not wake up." BMO explained.

"Oh. I'm sorry to hear that." said the hooded figure. "He was one of the greatest human minds this world has ever known."

"Yup." replied BMO.

"Say, how would you like a present?" asked the hooded figure.

"A present?!" BMO asked. "I LOVE presents!"

"Me too." The hooded figure pulled a blue, square object half the size of a coaster out of her black cloak. "If I install this into your system, you'll be able to fly." she added a whimsical wave of her hand when she said 'fly'.

"Oooooooooooooooo." BMO marveled. "Gimme, gimme, gimme!"

"With pleasure." the hooded figure knelt down and turned BMO off. The robot's screen face went completely dark. The figure then opened up BMO's front panel, revealing all of his inner mechanics, including the heart-shaped power core placed in the center of all the workings.

"Remarkable." the Evolutionist said. "A shame Giovanni wasted his talents creating toys like these. Still though, incredible robotics."

The Evolutionist installed the hard drive into the robot's systems, then tinkered with its memory banks to delete the last ten minutes of its memory. After she was all done, the Evolutionist closed the robot's panel and laid it on the ground on its back.

"Don't worry. You'll turn back on in five minutes." The Evolutionist stood back up. "After you wake up, you'll be helping me keep an eye on 'Finn the Human'."

The Evolutionist chuckled like the name 'Finn the Human' amused her, then she turned around and walked away.

(four minutes and fifty seconds later)

Neptr rolled up to BMO, who was lying on his back on the grass, staring up into the sky with no face. "Hey, BMO! Whatcha doin' out here?"

BMO's face reappeared on his screen. "WAHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"AHHHHHHHHHHH!" Neptr shouted back. "Why are you yelling?!"

BMO blinked up at the sky. "...I do not know." the little green robot sat up off the ground. "...Want to play checkers?"

"Sure. I am game." replied Neptr before following BMO into the treehouse.

You all thought BMO was about to be kidnapped, didn't you?