Chapter 41: Her

Anakin woke the next morning in a fright! He frantically ran from one room to the next in his suite, praying to find Obi-Wan in one of the rooms. He did not. Panic rose within him, threatening to burst as a flurry of horrific scenarios mocked him. He tried to breath. In. Out. In. Out.

He shut his eyes and concentrated. He reached through the Force to Obi-Wan, following the connecting bond. A sigh of relief slipped from his parted lips when he sensed Obi-Wan was well and retired in his bedroom. Someone must have sent him there because Obi-Wan wouldn't leave him alone.

Anakin went to the door to go to Obi-Wan only to find his way blocked by droids and... Abe.

Abe politely addressed Anakin. "Good morning, young master," he said, bowing. "I hope you had a pleasant sleep. I am here to discuss your day's activities."

Anakin wrinkled his nose, staring up at the manservant with disdain. He reached over for the panel and punched the button. The door slid shut and Anakin promptly locked it. Returning to the common space, Anakin sat on one of the couches, calling for Obi-Wan through the bond to get his attention. To come rescue him from these fiends.

He didn't get an answer. Obi-Wan was nearby, but unavailable. That much Anakin sensed.

Unsure what to do, Anakin did what he thought Obi-Wan would instruct him—stay put until he came around for him. So, Anakin stayed exactly where he was, his toes wiggling in anticipation for Obi-Wan's appearance. Minutes ticked by and Anakin kept his eyes on the door. He listened too, hoping to hear some kind of loud confrontation.

But, he heard nothing and Obi-Wan didn't arrive.

Before Anakin contacted Obi-Wan again, the door to his rooms opened. Anakin sucked in a sharp breath, jumping to his feet in ready to sprint to the workbench for any tools he could use as a weapon. But, rather than Abe or the droids, the person who entered was Qui-Gon Jinn.

The Sith Lord took one, quick glimpse at him. "Hungry?"

Minutes later, Anakin found himself seated across a small table in another part of the palace. They weren't eating in the main dining hall like last time. Less extravagant and less open, keeping the occupants in close quarters.

The table was filled with small plates and bowls of breakfast foods that Anakin never knew existed. He eyed them suspiciously, not trusting their outer appearance. Much like the Sith Lord sitting across him. Qui-Gon ate his breakfast, nibbling on some dry bread and drinking tea. He was reading something on a holopad, brows furrowing deep to the center as he continued to read. He finished reading and slipped the holopad in his large pocket.

Qui-Gon noticed Anakin's empty plate and offered him the bread bowl. "Eat, young one," he advised. "Shouldn't let food go to waste."

Anakin stared at his empty plate to the bowls of food surrounding it. "No thank you," he muttered in one breath. "I'm not hungry."

Qui-Gon peered down his nose to him. "You need to eat," he said, pushing another bowl of unrecognizable food to him. "Otherwise, you won't have enough energy to keep up that pout of yours."

"I'm not pouting!"

Qui-Gon lightly chuckled. "I'm only teasing," he said followed by a pregnant pause. "You're worried about Obi-Wan."

Not a question. A statement. There was no point in denying the truth. "He wasn't there when I woke up."

"Is he usually?" Qui-Gon asked to which Anakin nodded his affirmation. "I'm sure Obi-Wan's fine. He's not a morning person. There were days when he was younger I used the Force to dangle him upside to get him to wake up," he smiled again. "He'll come out of his room closer to noon."

Anakin didn't think he would. He was aware Obi-Wan preferred to sleep in rather than wake to birds chirping, but this wasn't Obi-Wan's normal behavior. Not answering his calls was a sign that something was off. That something was wrong.

Qui-Gon must have noticed his doubt for he reached across the small table and took Anakin by the shoulder. "He's all right, little one. If he was in trouble, you and I would know. He's not. Just…brooding," Qui-Gon said with mild exasperation. "Let him be and he'll come around when he's ready."

"Why is he brooding then?"

"I don't know. Doesn't take much for him to do so," he commented, taking another bite of his bread. "If it makes you feel better, I can go check in on him while you eat. Get him to come and join us?"

That didn't make Anakin feel any better. He picked up his head and eyed the Sith Lord carefully. "Why do you care?"

"Excuse me?"

"Sith Lords aren't supposed to care," Anakin elucidated. "You only look after yourself and your own interest. So—why are you trying to act like you do?"

His question stupefied Qui-Gon for the Sith Lord fell speechless far longer than Anakin expected. Qui-Gon set his breakfast aside, fingers folding on top of one another as he rested them on the table. "Life is complicated, Anakin," he began. "It's a lot murkier than what songs and stories portray. Not everything is black or white.

"I imagine Obi-Wan told you differently," Qui-Gon continued, his tone casual and nonthreatening. "That there is a right and a wrong and that, sometimes, the right answer is the hardest to follow. Am I correct?"

Anakin had gripped the edge of his seat. Obi-Wan had said something along those lines to him a few times. Anakin didn't vocally confirm Qui-Gon's assumption, but the Sith Lord already knew the answer.
Qui-Gon chuckled, the laughter reaching his eyes. "Obi-Wan always followed a narrow path," he said. "Made life explicitly difficult than it should be. I always told him as a boy he needed to relax. To not focus on his anxieties so much, but... he's stubborn. Hardly listens when he's dead-set on something."

He reached for his tea and took a drink, satisfied of its warmth. "Myself? I like to have some leeway. Give myself leg room when I walk. I don't give ultimatums. Why? Because life is not a single ultimatum," he quietly explained and then, he gave a hard look to Anakin. "Now—because Obi-Wan and I have disagreements, doesn't mean he's my enemy. I still care for him. That won't change."

Anakin eyes narrowed, wary. "Why not?"

"Because he's like a son to me," Qui-Gon answered without missing a single beat. "I raised him since he was a boy. Know a lot of things about him that even he doesn't know about himself. Bonds like that… they don't break easily." Qui-Gon leaned over the table and crooked a finger to get Anakin closer to hear his next words. "Tell me Anakin—could you truly hate Obi-Wan? Even when you disagree on something important?"

The word 'no' instantly popped in Anakin's head. Not because he believed there would be a point in his lifetime that he would truly despise Obi-Wan. No, he never thought of it possible because he and Obi-Wan would never truly reach the same level of animosity as Obi-Wan has with Qui-Gon and Dooku. They were on the same side and always would be.

"No," Anakin proudly replied. "But, we're not like you. We don't betray each other."

A bit of mirth laced in Qui-Gon's expression. "Is that what Obi-Wan told you? That I betrayed him?"

"He said you were supposed to guide him in the ways of the Force, but then failed him."

"I didn't fail him."

"That's not what he said," Anakin argued. "He said you swore to protect and teach him, but you threw it all away for power."

"That's not how it went," Qui-Gon's tone was sharper than Anakin had ever heard. "I didn't throw him away! Everything I have done was in his best interests."

A deep crevice formed in between Anakin's eyebrows as he pursed his lips in question. "How?"

"What?"

"How?" Anakin repeated, louder. "How is torturing him in his best interest?"

The Sith Lord rolled his eyes. "I have never—"

"Dooku has," Anakin interrupted. "You know he has. So, why do you let it happen?"

Qui-Gon went silent, too shocked by the accusation to come up with a lame excuse. Anakin smirked in triumph on outwitting him. He got the Sith Lord backed into a corner. Obi-Wan would have been proud.

The Sith Lord unfolded himself, straightening up in his seat. "I don't approve Dooku's brand of discipline, but I cannot argue that it yields results," he said. "Obi-Wan's pride and stubbornness got him into more trouble than necessary. I did my best to help and shield him from all that, but... again, stubborn boy."

"You blame Obi-Wan?"

"I blame us both." Qui-Gon rubbed his hands over his face and sighed deeply. "A lot of things went wrong between us. Things could have been better said or done, but that's how life is I suppose. Doesn't change how I feel. Obi-Wan is still a son to me, much like you are as well. I'll always do whatever is best for you, even if you cannot see it right away."

He got up from the table. "Best you eat," he said, gesturing to the untouched plates and bowls of food. "Or else you may not get any food until well after noon."

Qui-Gon pushed his chair in and walked straight to the doors. He paused briefly, whispering final instructions to Abe and the droids. Probably something about keep an eye on him or send him straight to the dungeons to be tortured for his misbehavior. Anakin didn't know. All he knew was that he would not like whatever Qui-Gon ordered Abe to do.

Abe nodded and bowed, opening the door for Qui-Gon to leave. The door closed, leaving Anakin alone at the table with the exception of his prison guards.

Abe hurried over to him. "Eat your breakfast then I must escort you to the library."

"The library?" What was in the library? Or was it a codename for something else?

Abe nodded. "Yes, your instructor will be arriving in an hour."

"What instructor?"

"For schooling," Abe answered. "You are not yet eighteen. You still have some schooling to finish."

Oh. Are they serious? "Obi-Wan teaches me."

"Not today, I'm afraid," Abe said, trying to sound apologetically, but failing miserably. "He's busy with his own schedule. Now—finish your breakfast and then get changed. Best to have a first good impression."

Anakin grumbled under his breath at the absurdity of attending a private tutoring. He wholeheartedly doubted that he would make a good impression with the instructor. Mostly because he planned to not be the best student. Once he drives the instructor away, then maybe he'll get to spend time with Obi-Wan instead of strangers.

A plop of goo landed on his plate. Anakin curled his nostrils away. Abe, holding a spoonful of another dish, dropped the contents next to it. "Eat! You need nutrients!"

Anakin only turned his head away. Where's Obi-Wan when he needed him?

Obi-Wan didn't sleep at all since he was unceremoniously shoved back into his cell. The droids must have been given strict orders in regards to him. Not once did they feel the need to give him space. They practically boxed him in between them as they marched him through the corridors.

Once inside his cell, Obi-Wan fretted over the information he learned. All this time, he was being trained to not simply be an apprentice, but to be a soldier for Qui-Gon and Dooku. To be the person who would unleash Anakin and an army onto the innocent civilians. They wanted him to do their dirty work. All of it! They wanted him to corrupt Anakin. Turn him into a weapon!

All the revelations caused Obi-Wan to spew in the toilet. Even then it didn't cleanse the poison from his systems.

Deep breaths, he reminded himself. Deep breaths.

Obi-Wan muted his Force presence. He didn't want his distress to affect Anakin's well-being. No need to worry Anakin as the boy often escalated his fears into hysteria. And that led to trouble. Obi-Wan had no wish to bring trouble down onto Anakin.

He watched night brightened to morning. No one entered his cell. Not the medical droids. Or guards. Or, more importantly, Sith Lords.

He leaned up against the wall and took stock of his cell. He noticed the crib was removed. That was no surprise. Obi-Wan expected they would immediately remove it. The next thing was his desk was cleared and new books were added to his collection. Obi-Wan reviewed the titles and then promptly yanked them off the shelves. One by one, he tore into the book, ripping sheet after sheet until all the new additions were destroyed and his bedroom resembled the mountain peaks outside his window.

As he finished destroying the last book, he smiled at the littered sight of military strategic books. A small rebellion that may have damaging consequences, but he wasn't in the mood to care.

His solitary ended when his doors reopened. Obi-Wan assumed the guards were instructed to take him back to Dooku for another round of torture. After all, Dooku didn't seemed entirely pleased that he beat him in dejarik.

But, it wasn't the guards nor Dooku.

"Why am I not surprised?" Obi-Wan muttered when Qui-Gon took stock of the mess Obi-Wan made with the ruined books. "What do you want now?"

Qui-Gon lifted his gaze from the floor to Obi-Wan. "Well, for starters, you can ease up on your tone," he said, "and second, what happened here?" He gestured to the ripped pages showering the floor.

Obi-Wan half-shrugged. "I didn't like them."

"So you went on a murderous rampage and tore them into pieces," Qui-Gon poised with a small huff. "That's not like you."

No. It wasn't.

Qui-Gon stepped around the mess, glancing from it to him. "Care to tell me what this is really all about? Or would you prefer I guess my way to the answer?"

"I know what you promised."

That forced Qui-Gon to halt in his procession. "What?"

Obi-Wan wasn't fooled by the blank expression. "You disgust me," he sibilated, turning away from the Sith Lord. "To think I even once believed you cared…"

"I think I missed something," Qui-Gon said, looking lost as to what Obi-Wan rambled on. "What's wrong?"

"You!" Obi-Wan yelled. "You and your… lies, manipulations!"

Qui-Gon tried to get a word in, but Obi-Wan refused to let him. No more lies. No more half-truths. No more. "I will not become the soldier you promised Dooku," he asserted. "That's my promise!"

Qui-Gon only blinked and swallowed a big breath. "You spoke to Dooku," he deduced. "What did he tell you?"

"Everything."

"Did he?" Qui-Gon darkly inquired. "Perhaps not everything."

Obi-Wan shook his head. "No—no! I'm not listening to more lies."

"I'm not lying to you," Qui-Gon swore, but again, Obi-Wan hardly trusted his words. "Now—what did Dooku tell you?"

"He told me the truth."

"What truth?"

"That you promised him I would be a soldier for his war," Obi-Wan responded in a snarl as he searched Qui-Gon's face for flickers of remorse or truth. "That I would use Anakin to destroy the galaxy."

Hearing his own voice say those words brought Obi-Wan to shudder. A chill trickled down his spine. He sharply inhaled and moved away from Qui-Gon. "That's it, isn't? The promise you made that was more important than the one you made to me. You promised Dooku I would be an asset."

"No."

Obi-Wan flicked his head up, but didn't look to Qui-Gon. "No, what?" he accused. "It's true though. You wanted me to be a soldier for your war."

A short pause. "Yes, Dooku wanted to train you into a soldier," Qui-Gon confessed, "but that wasn't the promise."

Everything slowed down. Obi-Wan turned on his heel and fixed Qui-Gon with a skeptical gaze. "Oh? Dare I even ask or will it make matters worse?" he mockingly asked. "So, what promise did you make to Dooku?"

The Sith Lord sighed, folding his arms into his dark robes. "The promise has nothing to do with Dooku."

"That's not what Dooku said."

"Dooku was not present when I made the promise," Qui-Gon's voice was sharp and yet, haunted. "I took a vow, procured from me with her last breath."

Obi-Wan's brows formed a quizzical stance. "Her?"

The Sith Lord barely nodded. "Yes. Her," he confirmed and he suddenly aged rapidly before Obi-Wan's eyes.

Obi-Wan began to piece the mystery together, but he needed the final confirmation. "Who?" he asked, but he already knew who. "Who was it?"

Qui-Gon responded with only one word. "Tahl."

The name swept the entire room into silence. So long had the name fell from Qui-Gon's lips. Since her tragic death, he hardly ever said her name out loud, avoided it like was a curse. Obi-Wan remembered the night of her death. He even remembered finding her first, eyesight gone and blood covering her hands. He didn't want to leave her. Not when she was in pain. He cried for her as he held onto her hand. And as he cried, she hummed. It was a gentle, kind melody that made him relax. The same song she used when he was being difficult in going to the Halls of Healing. The song stopped him from crying, but the pain remained. He wanted to talk. He needed to talk about her after her Jedi pyre, but Qui-Gon was in no mood to discuss Tahl.

Even now, Obi-Wan sensed the heartbreak within him. "Tahl."

Qui-Gon soberly nodded. "Yes, she… she made me promise to not let you share our fate," he uttered in a look of pained grief. "She wouldn't stop begging me until I agreed. And when I did, she smiled as if she bore no pain at all and died."

Qui-Gon glided to the window, looking out to the mountain range. His eyes glistened in the morning light. "I know I promised to train you to become a Jedi, but after that, I knew that I could not keep both promises." He turned away from the window to look back at Obi-Wan. "I told you the truth. Everything I have ever done was in your best interests. I only wanted to protect you and staying as a Jedi, with the Republic corrupt and the Order just as corrupt, I knew I could not do so. Dooku came to me with an offer and I knew that his plan was far better for us all. I didn't want the Jedi or the Republic to destroy you like it did her."

Obi-Wan believed him. Perhaps, it may be the first time Qui-Gon was truly honest with him in a long time. Obi-Wan sensed through their fragile bond that deep remorse and plunging grief and knew Qui-Gon spoke in earnest to him. Didn't mean Obi-Wan agreed.

"It wasn't the Jedi or the Republic who killed Tahl," Obi-Wan said after a moment. "It was Balog. Remember? You killed him."

A dark shade fell over Qui-Gon's face. "Not soon enough," he muttered. "The Order did nothing and the Republic never offered assistance to New Apsolon. Tahl should not have gone alone, but the Council thought it best. They knew of the dangers and yet sent her in alone. They risked her life and for what? New Apsolon is still corrupt! The Republic and the Order did nothing. I had to avenge her."

The room chilled. The Force tightening. Qui-Gon grinded his teeth together at the flashbacks replaying in his mind. "You're right, Obi-Wan. I killed Balog and annihilated the rest of the Absolutes. But, it couldn't end there. Too many systems are broken. Too many corrupted individuals with power, taking advantages of others." Qui-Gon took a seat, hands on his knees. "Tahl feared for you and I soon understood why. I had to do what I promised. Keep you safe and make you a leader of a new galaxy."

He raised his gaze back to Obi-Wan. "I'm sorry I never told you any of this.

The memory of Tahl deepened their bond. They both loved her and missed her. When he lived in the palace alone, without Anakin, he often dreamed of her. Sometimes when she was alive. Other times when she was covered in blood. But, every night he woke to those images, he always thought he heard her voice, calling out to him.

But right now, the sadness churned into bitter anger. Heat drew to his cheeks, flushing as he glared at Qui-Gon, who slumped in the chair, wrangled by sorrow. Obi-Wan shared no pity for the man. Only scorn. "That's it? That is your excuse? You blame Tahl for my suffering?"

Obi-Wan jerked his head up. "No! Of course not! I told you the truth—"

"That you betrayed and brought misery upon me in her name?" Obi-Wan's voice grew louder as his anger fueled his energy. "You are far crueler than Dooku. He at least is upfront with what he wants, and doesn't drag someone's good name but his own through the mud."

The corners of Qui-Gon's mouth dangerously twitched. "Watch your mouth, Obi-Wan."

"What did you expect? That I would be grateful that you ruined my memory of Tahl?" Obi-Wan shouted back at him, but his throat made a noise that nearly resembled a cry. "Be thankful for tarnishing a good woman's name? You didn't honor her. You destroyed her!"

Qui-Gon shot to his feet. "Obi-Wan…" he growled in warning.

Unafraid, Obi-Wan kept up his rant. "How could you do this to her?" he cried, the wound deep that it reached his heart. "You turned your back on everything she believed in and fought for!"

Qui-Gon's face contorted into a tight rigidity. "Don't—"

"She died for justice and freedom, and you—you have become the very person who murdered her."

"—I'm warning you—"

Obi-Wan continued, his hands balled into fists. He was furious! Not for himself anymore, but for Tahl. She did not deserve this legacy. She was far better than what Qui-Gon did in her name. "She would be horrified by what you've become! She would probably die all over again if she saw you now," he vented. "In fact, I'm glad she's dead. That way she didn't have to live knowing all your atrocities were done in her name. It would have killed—"

A sharp, strong pain burst on the side of Obi-Wan's face. It was all he remembered before he fell unconscious.