Siiiiiiiiigh, I'm sooooooooooo sorry people! I'm gonna use the classic "but I've been severely bogged down for the past three and a half months in between tottering piles of books and papers and the freaking holiday rush at work!" card and try to get you to let me off the hook for staying away for…er…three months. Heh…
Thanks to xanya-forever! I hope your exams went well! Here're the promised gummy worms!
Disclaimer: I am not Jo Rowling. Or her husband Neil. Or McKenzie. Or David. I AM a Jessica, but that just bums me out 'coz I know I shall never see my name written on the pages of any of JKR's books…
Another MUST READ NOTE (which is, again, italicized, bolded, AND underlined): THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS EXTREMELY PAINFUL DETAILS FROM HALF-BLOOD PRINCE! SO IF YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT HAPPENS BETWEEN PAGES 596 AND 625 (US edition), CLOSE OUT OF THIS WINDOW RIGHT NOW AND FLEE FOR YOUR LIFE (preferably with HBP in hand, of course).
Siiiigh. Okay. Now for the long awaited chapter fiiiiiiiiiiive…
His Metamorphmagus
Chapter V:
Funerals and Flashbacks
It was the death before dawn. A haunting note clung to the cloak of darkness as Remus Lupin perched on a cool stone next to the Black Lake. The crisp coolness of the most silent part of night chilled his very skin, but the stone heavy bite in the pit of his stomach eclipsed the shivering and left him in a frozen state.
Light footsteps sounded from behind and a gentle hand brushed across one of his slumped shoulders.
"Remus?"
He looked up to find Tonks standing there with her uncharacteristic mousy brown hair and melancholy eyes. Eyes that mirrored the haunted ones of Sirius's before…
"Remus?" she repeated in her soft, concerned voice.
"Yes?" he jerkily turned his head back to the pitch-blackness of the still lake.
"The…the others sent me to check on you," she said, this time in a timid, hesitant tone.
He turned his graying head a few degrees and looked up at her. She looked so tired and afraid that he wanted to pull her into a long, warm hug. But he restrained himself as he searched her face. Something glimmered in the depths of her chocolate brown orbs. It was like a dying fire, struggling to remain alive, but slowly losing its spirit as it tried to work itself free. He took note of this glimmer of hers as he slid to one side of the large, oblong-shaped stone, inviting her to take a seat. She lowered herself down tentatively, her eyes never leaving his face as she searched for something. An answer…
"How are you?" he asked as he gazed at the gray horizon.
"I'm…"Tonks sighed heavily and rocked backwards and forwards. She raised a shaky hand to her slowly glistening eyes. Her chin trembled dangerously as her pale, slender frame started to shake uncontrollably. Remus automatically wrapped his arms around her. She leaned in and wept onto his shoulder. He started to make low comforting noises, but quickly stopped when his throat began to itch. He tried to focus the swimming tree line of the Dark Forest as he manfully held back his own tears.
As this was happening, though, Remus couldn't help but draw in the sweet scent of Tonks. A small, small part of himself deep within was secretly smiling and congratulating himself. He chided that small portion for patting himself on the back for something so insignificant as that in the midst of everything.
Tonks's sobs slowly subsided and she pulled away in order to wipe her tearstained face on the back of her hand. Lupin quickly drew a clean handkerchief out of his shabby robes and silently offered it to her, still hearing the explosive praises that small part of his mind had finished minutes before. She accepted it with a shaky hiccup and tragic smile.
"I can't believe Dum—Dumble—Dumbledore's…" her eyes welled up again, but she furiously wiped them away. "And Snape! He—!"
The frigid pit in Remus's stomach thawed and quickly melted away and was replaced by anger. Anger unlike anything he had ever experienced swept through his tired body, shaking every limb, causing every last strand hair to stand up on ends. He felt like an irritated cat. An irate manticore. A livid dragon. An enraged Chimera. He sprang to his feet, letting them lead the way, from the stone to the nearby cluster of birches and back. Snape. His mind spat. The little greasy haired, Dark Arts infatuated, two faced, sniffling—.
"Remus?"
His eyes fell on Tonks as he continued to stalk back and forth. Heated words formed and swept up his throat like molten lava of a suppressed volcano. "I…Dumbledore!" he erupted, losing his composure just as he did earlier in the hospital wing when he first learned the news of Dumbledore's murder by Severus Snape. "Dumbledore! He's the greatest wizard in the world and then he lets someone like Snape outsmart him! It's degrading! It's disgusting how he could trust someone as vile and horrible as him!"
"Which makes him a great wizard," Tonks said in a low voice.
He stopped his furious pacing. His shoulders slumped forward again as he processed the simple sentence.
"He tried, didn't he? He believed in unity, in the perfect world, and the paradox, the oxymoron that wizards and Muggles alike seek—world peace. He was a great believer in passive fighting by building on the power of love instead of brute force and fear—the source of Voldemort's powers. Dumbledore was different and accepting. He let you into this school," she waved her hand at the silhouette of the still sleeping Hogwarts, "because he knew there was more to you than a mad, foaming werewolf. He let me in even though I kept accidentally giving myself highly contagious rashes that spread through the place like dragon pox." Both the speaker and listener smiled at the thought, one recollecting, the other quietly picturing the scene.
"He gave Snape a second chance because he knew there was some good beneath the erred surface…and there may still be, despite what he's done."
Remus had to catch his breath after Tonks's speech.
"Not that I think I'll ever forgive him," she added bitterly.
He couldn't help it; he reached out and cupped her heart-shaped face in his hands. Tired gray met hopeful brown and he felt his heart give a pounding wrench.
"I'm sorry," he whispered, slowly brushing his thumb across her cheek.
Her brown orbs dulled and she drew away from his hands.
"No, no, Tonks," he gently brushed his hands against her slumped shoulders. "I'm sorry I've been an ass for the past year."
She looked up, her eyes moist again.
"I've been driven insane since last June," his hands fell from her shoulders down to her small hands. He clasped them as he spoke, drawing her closer to him. "Not a day has gone by have I not thought of you. I've replayed that day at the park over and over again, wishing that I had said yes and have you by my side…or at least corresponding with me during those long six months with the werewolves.
"When you didn't come to the Weasleys' for Christmas, I was disappointed—I wanted to see you so badly, to make sure you were fine. But I thought then that it would be difficult since…" he smiled bitterly. "Since I thought I was doing the right thing by letting the woman I love go."
"Oh, Remus," she murmured as a single tear slipped from the corner of her eye.
"I went to see Dumbledore a week after the school's winter holidays ended. I watched you wander down the lane to the Shrieking Shack. I fought to keep from running out and hugging you when you sat beneath the tree and cried.
"And the next day I saw you. You walked into Dumbledore's office and…" he grasped her hands tighter, his eyes never leaving her. "It almost killed me. You looked so lost and confused and Dumbledore had just told me how you and I should help each other," Remus chuckled quietly. "He even told me when I was leaving to stop thinking with my hard head and say what I've been preventing myself from saying. And I'll say it now.
"Tonks, I love you with all of my heart," he proclaimed in a soft tone. "I probably always have. And I always will. I don't' care if you hate me for being an idiot this past—"
"Remus!" she interrupted sharply.
He stopped speaking, afraid of what she might say.
"Remus," she said again, but in a gentler tone. He savored the moment; he could listen to herwonderful voice utter his name over and over again for the rest of time. "I don't care. You know that, don't you?"
He cocked his head to one side, unsure of what she was getting at.
"First off, you're not an idiot," she pulled him down to the stone again. "But if you ever get on about how dangerous dating a werewolf such as yourself is, I may as well call you the foggiest crystal I've ever met."
He chuckled.
"I love you, too," she whispered shyly, gazing at him with her mesmerizing eyes.
It was as though an unknown force had taken over his body; he leaned forward to fill the small gap between their lips and gently brushed his lips against her plump pink ones—the ones that he had been longing to make contact with for the longest time. Her hands cupped his cheeks as she gently returned the gesture. He breathed in, willing himself to take in the moment. She loved him. She said she loved him. They were kissing. The cool night air with a hint of his Tonks's scent filled his lungs. He slowly expelled the long breath. Her eyes were closed and a dreamy expression flittered across her face. It quickly wrinkled disappeared when her concerned eyes opened.
"What is it?" he asked, worried.
"Do you…do you think this is all right?" her hands waved between their bodies, the tips of her finger brushed across his chest and sent electric shocks through his body. "How Dumbledore died mere hours ago and we're down here…"
"Yes, but Dumbledore would probably forgive us," Remus let a small smile play across his rejuvenated face. "After all, McGonagall did say that Dumbledore would have been happier than anybody to think that there was a little more love in the world."
Her face brightened; the happiness spread across her whole body and to the very tips of her hair. The mousy brown shook and shivered before becoming a familiar electric pink. He lovingly fingered the short pink locks before pulling her into a stronger, more certain kiss. He could feel her lips form into a smile as the sun rose and a single morning bird chirped a solo of the sight before its nest.
Remus sat on the crowded lawn next to Tonks, her bright magenta hair reflecting the glare of the sun and a few old fashioned mourners, in front of the Hogwarts castle. Row and rows of mourners from all over the world surrounded them, all facing a pure marble table. The great oak front doors of the school swung open and a mass of heavy-hearted students filed down the lawn, all unusually neat, heavy footed, and melancholy. Remus spotted a down trodden Harry with a teary-eyed Hermione, trembling Ron, and heavy-footed Ginny. Their eyes met and nods were exchanged when they gravely acknowledged one another's presence. As the students took their seats, Remus released a small, wry smile as he noted the irony of the situation: Dumbledore always stated with content that death was merely the next great adventure. However, here sat half the wizarding world, mourning for a man who did not see death as a journey into the unknown, but just a journey to the next step in life.
The last students took their seats, staff members were also seated, and eerie music permeated the grounds. Quiet murmurs buzzed as everyone sought the source of the mysterious mixture of melody and harmony. Hands motioned at the lake and Remus turned to find the colony of merpeople singing with mournful expressions beneath the surface of the still lake. With the source of disturbance found, the rows directed their attention to the marble table again.
Rubeus Hagrid made his way up the long aisle with an armful of purple and gold velvet, his giant shoulders shook as he repressed his hacking sobs, but his tears ran freely. Remus's heart gave a painful wrench, for he knew the body of the former headmaster lay within the folds of the material. Tonks's fingers wrapped around his and she squeezed them with dear mercy, her thin frame shook as Hagrid gently set the body of his mentor on the marble table. A wizened wizard in expensive dark robes approached the front as the blubbering Hagrid retreated to the back. The man started to speak, welcoming everyone to the final farewell of the renowned headmaster. There was a brief pause as the man conjured a long roll of parchment, brought out his reading glasses, and carefully perched it on his nose before beginning his long, prepared speech in a dull, monotone drone.
Remus's mind lost focus as the dull monotony slowly penetrated his skull. His eyes floated from the speaking wizard to the grand marble table. The velvet blurred and swam before him as he recalled the first time he met Dumbledore…
"Now Remus," Mrs. Lupin stooped down to straighten his tight satin tie and brush off the sleeves of his new, stiff suit jacket, "remember to be on your best behavior."
He nodded silently as he gazed at the weatherworn oak doors before him. His mother pulled him into a quick hug, her protective arms enveloped him, bringing him to a calm state. She brushed her lips across his forehead and murmured something into his hair. She gave him a watery smile before straightening her frame and brushing his dark hair back.
Mr. Lupin grasped his shoulder in a fatherly manner, "Son, we're going to speak with Dumbledore and a few ministry representatives. If all goes well, you may start school here at the end of this summer."
His father squeezed his shoulder encouragingly before turning to the great oak doors of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Mr. Lupin tapped the ring handle of the door with his wand. The door swung open and there stood a severe looking woman. She donned a set of black robes and her equally black hair was pulled back in a tight bun beneath her pointed black hat.
"Mr. and Mrs. Lupin," she gestured them to enter, "I'm Minerva McGonagall, professor of Transfiguration."
The adults exchanged greetings as Remus took in the aged stone walls, tasseled velvet tapestries, clanging suits of armor, and whispering portraits. Professor McGonagall led the way up three flights of stairs, through two passages hidden behind heavy tapestries, and came to a halt before a gargoyle statue.
"Pepper Imps," said she. Evidently, it was the password for the gargoyle came to life and leapt to one side, revealing a revolving staircase. McGonagall stepped aboard and the Lupins quickly followed. The stairs traveled upwards, revolving at a slow, dizzying rate. As they approached a gleaming oak door, Remus could hear the buzz of many people speaking at one time crescendo. The movement of the stairs continued and disappeared beneath the wall of the tight tower. However, Professor McGonagall stepped off and knocked the oak door with its brass griffin knocker.
The buzz of voices stopped abruptly and quick footsteps sounded. Remus's knees buckled slightly and his mother gave his arm a quick, comforting squeeze. The door opened silently and there stood a wise wizard with twinkling blue eyes and long auburn hair and beard with silvery streaks.
"The Lupins, Professor Dumbledore," said McGonagall.
"Hello," greeted the man. "Please come in," he stepped back. Remus's parents shook hands with the headmaster. As Remus walked past, staring at the man in awe, the headmaster gave him a quick wink before shutting the door.
The chamber was magnificent. Delicate instruments sat on top of tables and glass cases, twirling, whirling, and whistling, as the group filed past. Hypnotized, Remus fell behind and quietly examined an array of clinking crystal tubes whose thickness ran from that of thread to that of a pencil. He watched the bits bend and twist acrobatically, forming various shapes so quickly that the boy could not tell where one image stopped its formation and the next began.
He went on to another table, this one covered with rolls of parchment and a strange telescope-like object with four eyepieces on one end and three thick hook-like pieces of metal protruding from the other side. The parchments were covered with many complicated looking calculations. He examined the strange instrument, wondering about its purpose before glancing over the parchment. His eyes quickly watered when he tried to decipher the columns of loopy notes.
The parchments soon lost his attention when he spotted a cauldron filled with still liquids. Next to it stood a table with a row of black vials. Remus peered into the cauldron and was met by a blast of protective steam and a rather sour scent. Stifling his coughs, he quickly stepped back, wrinkling his nose as he recalled the strange smell.
"I see you've taken a liking to my latest experiment," commented someone from behind.
Remus turned slightly and was horrified to find Professor Dumbledore standing there watching him. His spirit sank when he realized that he had gone through the HEADMASTER of HOGWARTS'S things. "I…er…" Remus blinked, preparing himself to swear that he would never reveal what he had stupidly poked through—whatever they were.
The man chuckled. "Curiosity is not a crime, my dear boy, but how one satisfies the thirst for knowledge."
"Yes…yes sir," mumbled the boy.
"Now, this," Dumbledore gestured at the strange telescope-like contraption, "is a star charter. After spending many years charting stars and asking the astronomy teacher, Professor Sinistra to, monitor the action of specific astronomical events, this automatic recorder—hence the hook-like ends—has done away with any need for rousing oneself at the dead of night to gaze at Mars. However, this is merely a prototype and," Dumbledore's lips twitched, " students will still be required to take astronomy in school for many years to come."
"What's that, sir?" asked Remus as he waved his hand at the still waters of the cauldron.
"My attempt to discover all the uses of dragon's blood," said the man in a conversational tone. "The vials have been blackened on the outside to prevent radiation damage."
"But why does it smell so…?"
"Alas," Dumbledore's eyes gave an extra bright twinkle, "I forgot to add the bezaor before the arrival of the parties of this meeting."
Remus felt his face color when he realized that a small crowd of adults was waiting around a handsome mahogany desk, watching the pair discuss the many things strewed about the room.
"Remus," Dumbledore's electric blue eyes studied the boy's face, "do you wish to learn and understand all that you possibly can?"
"Yes sir," Remus answered promptly.
"And if you were to come to Hogwarts, would you discipline yourself to study until your mind bursts and make friends despite your condition?"
"I'll…try," Remus said sincerely.
"Well, then, I suppose that's settled," Dumbledore turned to the group around his desk. "As I said before, as long as someone in this world wishes to learn, he or she will have a place in this school."
"But Dumbledore—!" began a pinch-faced wizard.
"Precautions will be made, no doubt about it, but this young man will come to Hogwarts at the end of this summer."
Remus's insides swelled as the ministry officials muttered to one another. His parents sprang up to embrace him. He was going to Hogwarts. He was going to Hogwarts!
The small man at the front of the lawn ended his speech at long last and took his seat. Remus felt Tonks's frame shake uncontrollably and quickly wrapped his arms around her as she continued to suppress his sobs.
He jumped. White flames erupted around the marble table, engulfing the table and velvet. The flames slowly died away, long wisps of smoke spiraled into the air, and a white marble tomb stood in the place of the table and velvet. Arrows from the Dark Forest shot through the air and Remus look up in time to see a group of centaurs turn away and trot into the shadows of the trees.
The crowd moved to leave, but the couple remained seated. Tonks released her silenced sobs and sank into her seat. Remus's eyes ran freely, the tomb blurred and swam before him as he remembered the man who helped so many.
Whoa. That took a looooooooooooooooong time!
Again, sooo sorry it took me absolutely FOREVER to get this up. But the good thing is that I felt so guilty that I didn't cut anything out of this chappie...at least, I think it's a good thing…
Okay, from what I see, there might be one last chapter. I was gonna extend it. But seeing that this took almost four months to get up, I'm not sure if I'm gonna stick in an epilogue. Still pending. Will know by the end of this week…
Yeah, I know I don't deserve this, but…review? Please? PLEAAAAAAAASE? I have lots and LOTS of leftover Lindt chocolate…! (and if you've never had any, seriously, what's wrong with you? Unless you don't have a Lindt chocolate store near you, 'coz then it's really not your fault.) And if you're an anonymous reviewer, leave your email address so i can respond to your review (with this whole new system going on and all...)
HAPPY HOLIDAYS! (does the dork dance)
Until next time,
Farfanugans,
Chikin Wang.