Title : Sirius For a Change
Summary : Sirius finds himself the pawn in an unusual game. Will S/R love win out in the end?
Chapter 3:Remus' Freedom - Remus finally breaks from her
A/N : Please note summary above. Remus does not forget. It is ultimately a R/S lovestory.
He brought his arm back and then whipped it forward sending the stone skipping across the cobblestone street.
"Ouch! Watch it!" An angry voice came from the steps in front of Gladrags.
"Sorry. Are you all right?"
Remus was momentarily embarrassed. He had thrown the stone without a thought of anyone else on the street. Yet as soon as he had determined everyone was ok, he turned his face towards the sky, allowing the sun to warm him.
He felt like he was 17 years old again. He wanted to dance in the streets, yet, as always, he found a way to contain his joy.
Since when did the sun shine so brightly? Since when was the sky so blue? He couldn't recall them ever being so brilliant. For the longest time he had seen nothing but dreary greys.
Remus was out and about Hogsmeade, getting needed supplies. He should have turned right and headed towards Scrivenshaft's. He really meant to. Instead he looked straight ahead. Shopping could wait. Maybe he would go to the Three Broomsticks and drink in celebration. It may take a quite a few firewhiskies, but he wanted to get wasted.
Bubbling up from inside, threatening to overflow were feelings he had suppressed for so long, feelings he held down, covered in dank nothingness. He smiled, a bit surprised at how quickly everything was coming back.
Inside he stretched his arms towards the sky and began dancing. Inside the wolf joined in and howled. "Free. I'm Free at Last!" He could finally live his life the way he must…as a very free and very gay man.
He soon thought better of going to the Three Brooms. She might be there and he would not have her upset. It wasn't her fault. He really did love her, just not in that way. And he had tried. Really he had. After all this time he finally faced the truth. She had done that too.
Something stirred inside Remus as he slowly breathed in the sweet air of freedom. He bent his head toward The Hogshead. He knew who was there; someone who was waiting…. waiting for a free Remus. Remus bit his bottom lip, put his hands into his pockets and hurried to the pub.
Remus tapped his glass on the bar and it was soon filled for the second time. He felt someone staring at him from a nearby booth. This someone hadn't taken his eyes off him since he entered the pub.
Remus wanted to take this slow, keep his cool. Today, for the first time in forever he was free. He no longer needed to sneak. The relationship was no longer a tryst. He knew this was a friendship, not true love. Yet it was truer than anything he had left here in this world.
"Don't act like you're desperate," he told himself. Well he wasn't. He just wanted to kiss this man again and again.
He turned his head to see a handsome young wizard staring straight at him. The wizard's face showed no emotion yet his eyes said much.
Remus stood up. "Keep 'em coming," he instructed the bartender as he walked across the floor and slid into the booth across from his friend.
Angus' eyes sparkled, brightening his entire face. Even in this dark pub, his face shone, emitting a light aura. Remus had often called Angus his personal cheering charm. With his white blonde hair and blue eyes, Angus appeared to be an angel, out of place among the patrons of this pub.
"OK Remus?"
OK? It was much more than ok. He was sitting here with Angus, in front of everyone. He could sit here forever if he wanted. Remus drank in Angus' scent and smiled.
Angus winked slyly and downed his drink. "B-a-a-a-a-a-a" he mouthed silently.
Remus laughed. He often joked that Angus was a wolf in sheep's clothing. He appeared to be meek and helpless, thin and frail. Yet Remus knew better.
Remus leaned forward and kissed Angus. "Let's go," he whispered.
For the first time the two men walked together, arm in arm to a place behind the bar. Normally Remus would have left alone and Angus would have followed a few minutes behind. Everything had been done as quietly as possible so as not to hurt 'her'.
Remus moved a butcher block table from against the wall and rolled back the rug that covered the floor where the table had stood. Underneath the rug was a wooden door. Remus quickly opened it, revealing a ladder which descended into a dark passageway.
Remus turned and quickly slid down to the tunnel floor. He held his arms toward Angus, helping him climb down.
Angus had barely removed his foot from the last rung when Remus pushed him against the wall and kissed him.
"Remus," Angus sighed, "Let's get to my place. Come on." He slid from Remus' hold.
A while later
Dawn was only a few hours away, yet Remus had not yet fallen asleep. He stared out into nowhere. He was empty inside. He was alone. Hopelessness echoed through him, yet the air was silently singing.
How could he put himself through this again? His lover laid here with him, yet he felt another's arms surrounding him….
Carefully, Remus moved Angus' head from his chest and laid it gently on the pillow. He didn't want to wake him.
Angus was a real grouch when he woke up…almost as bad as... Remus tensed. ….almost as bad as Sirius. He felt nauseous. Angus was as opposite Sirius as one could be. Yet in this they were alike.
Remus didn't think he could stand it if Angus awakened right now. He quickly slid out of bed, wrapped a quilt around himself and opened the back door.
It was a dark, clear, moonless night. There seemed to be nothing out of the ordinary, nothing to draw Remus outside, yet he was drawn all the same.
A flash appeared overhead, momentarily lighting the sky. He turned, hoping to wish upon the shooting star, but there wasn't one. It was the Dog Star. It appeared just as it normally did at this time of the year. There was nothing out of the ordinary.
"Enough," he thought to himself. He had to get out of here before he went crazy. Yes, that was it. He would go on a trip, somewhere far away. There were many places he hadn't been. He would go by himself.
Angus had awoken and now stood next to Remus. He put his arm around him. "S-h-h-h," he whispered, "It will be all right." Remus nestled against Angus' chest, trying to find a way to break the news.