Almost as soon as she turned away from the oven, though, the door opened and Ross waved at her. "Hey."
"Hey." Ross looked around. "Where is everyone?"
"Don't know. Phoebe should have been here by now. Chandler and his new roommate should be coming over any minute."
"Oh? What's he like?"
A lot passed through Monica's mind in a second. "Why don't I just let you form your own first impressions. I'll just say that Chandler really likes him. And, with certain reservations, I like him too."
Ross nodded. "I could understand that you'd be cautious."
Monica turned back towards the oven so that Ross wouldn't see her wince. She truly had almost made the same mistake with Joey that she had with Kip - being overwhelmingly attracted right away, to the point where her judgment had been impaired. At least with Joey she had been able to pull back and recover in time. Hopefully.
The door opened again. "And this is where Janet and Chrissy live. Oh, and look, Mr. Roper's come to visit. I swear it was all a misunderstanding, Mr. Roper."
Monica smiled as she turned off the oven and took out the casserole. Behind her, Ross snorted and said, "Hi. I'm Ross."
"Hey. Joey. So you're Monica's brother?"
"That's right. And I used to room with Chandler in college. So you need any advice on how to adjust to him, let me know."
"And if you need any help dealing with Dinosaur Ross hanging out here all the time, let me know."
Monica put the casserole in the center of the table. "Let's not wait any more. Sit down and eat. Joey, close the door please."
Joey began closing the door, but it was stopped halfway and pushed back open by a harried-looking Phoebe. "Oh, I'm sorry I'm late for dinner, Mrs. Kowalski had such problems with her aura, it took me hours to straighten out." She set her guitar down with a sigh. "Oh good, I'm not too late, it smells very delicious Monica."
Joey closed the door. Monica noticed with annoyance that Joey was actively checking out Phoebe from behind and nodding appreciatively.
Chandler piped up. "Pheebs, I don't think you've met my new roommate."
Phoebe turned around. From the kitchen Monica had a good look at both of them in profile. Phoebe's eyes widened, and Monica could see that Joey has having the same initial effect on Phoebe that Monica herself had experienced. Phoebe's skin was naturally very pale, so when she began blushing, the effect was dramatic. Monica could actually see the red bloom from Phoebe's cheeks and creep down her neck.
Joey grinned and spoke with a peculiar emphasis. "How you-" He abruptly stopped, glanced over at Monica, then spoke in a more normal tone of voice. "Er, I mean, hi, my name's Joey Tribbiani."
Phoebe emitted a noise not unlike a mouse squeaking.
Joey chuckled and held out his hand. "Your name is Pheebs?"
"Mmm-hmm." Phoebe nodded rapidly.
"Great." Joey glanced over at Monica again, and she guessed that he was going through a great internal struggle. After a couple of seconds, he came up with, "So, Monica's fixed us something that smells great, shall we eat?"
"Mmm. Mmm-hmm."
Joey frowned very slightly, then tried moving to one side. Phoebe seemed to realize then that she was standing in Joey's way and quickly backed up. She turned and sat at the kitchen table, her face still beet red.
Ross and Chandler were both clearly quite amused by the encounter, but thankfully said nothing as they sat. Ross began serving the casserole as he asked, "So, tell us what you do, Joey."
"I'm an actor. Well, trying to be one." Joey sat at the only empty spot, straight across from Phoebe, who kept looking at him and away again. "I've done a couple of commercials and some small parts in off-off-Broadway plays."
"Oh?" Chandler accepted a plate from Ross. "I thought you were telling me it was off-off-off-off-Broadway, more like Des Moines-Broadway plays."
"Well, they are in New York," Joey said somewhat defensively. "Or the New York area. Anyway, I'm just getting started, it takes a while to break into these things."
"Right. Thank goodness you didn't have to go the slow way like Neil Patrick Harris."
"Hey, I could have played a teenaged doctor if they'd given me an audition!" Joey took a big bite of casserole, nodded at Monica in appreciation, swallowed, then glared at Chandler. "It's not like you're doing wonderful things with your life, is it? Been working as a temp for, what, two years now?"
Monica raised her eyebrows slightly. This seemed awfully aggressive, but then again, Chandler had started it with his comments on Joey's work. Monica kept her mouth closed and decided to see how it worked out.
Chandler, for his part, didn't seem the least bit offended. He simply grinned back at Joey. "Hey, at least it's within sight of Broadway. Okay, it's not in sight of an actual career, but it's getting there."
"You should decide on a career sometime," Ross interjected. "At least Joey's trying to do something he likes doing."
Chandler rolled his eyes. "Yeah. Poor me, I'll just have to settle for having rent money every week."
Joey grunted. "Well, that I'll give ya. Some weeks I've had nothing to eat but jam sandwiches. But I keep at it, y'know? I know a lotta guys that do stupid stuff, like being waiters or cooks, terrible boring things that just suck the life out of them. I'd rather starve."
Monica smiled very slightly, finding a strange kind of amusement growing inside her. Poor Joey; he seemed to have a terrible case of foot-in-mouth disease today.
"Uh, Joe..." Chandler's voice was slightly more serious. "Some people actually like to cook. Like, for example, Monica."
"Oh yeah, she's a great cook." Joey flashed her a grin. "But can you imagine having to do nothing but cook for hour after hour, day after day? It would drive me insane."
"I'm guessing that would be a short trip," Chandler quipped. There was a warning undertone to his voice.
One that Joey seemed to miss entirely. He chuckled. "Hey, funny boy, just you wait. I had this one girl tell me that there's a tiny line between smart and crazy. And Ma sometimes says-"
"What's your middle name?"
Joey blinked and turned towards Phoebe. The blush had faded slightly from her cheeks, and she was now looking steadily at Joey, a serious expression on her face.
"Uh..." Joey drew his eyebrows together in puzzlement. "Why do you want to know?"
"Because." Phoebe's voice was strangely matter-of-fact. "When you want someone to really focus on you, when you want them to truly listen and completely believe what you have to say, you call them by their middle name."
"Oh. Ma does that too, sometimes. Anyway, it's Francis."
"Francis?" Chandler was nearly laughing. "Isn't that awfully... girly?"
Joey looked at Chandler and narrowed his eyes. "What's your middle name?"
Chandler instantly assumed a sober expression. He nodded at Joey. "Francis. What a truly noble name."
"You better believe it is." Joey leaned in slightly towards Chandler. "So, you gonna tell us what-"
"Joseph Francis Tribbiani."
Joey's head whipped around as if compelled. Monica found herself looking at Phoebe as well. Phoebe's voice was hard and low, containing an edge Monica had seldom heard. Phoebe's expression was blank as she stared intently at Joey. Monica edged back a little from the table, ready for anything
Joey didn't know any of Phoebe's mannerisms, but he clearly knew he was in some kind of trouble. "Uh... Yes, Pheebs?"
"You said some very mean things about Monica just now. I want you to apologize to her."
"Mean... mean things?" Joey looked over at Monica, then back to Phoebe. "What, what mean things? I-"
Ross gently interrupted. "Monica is a cook. A professional cook. She works at a restaurant uptown."
"Oh." Joey looked at Monica. She raised an eyebrow at him, awaiting his reaction. Joey looked deeply embarrassed. "Oh God, Monica, I'm so sorry, I... oh jeeze." He looked up at the ceiling. "I can't have done this twice in twenty-four hours."
Because she wasn't truly upset and because he was so clearly suffering, she let him off the hook easily. "That's okay Joey. I know you only meant there's a difference between working at a job doing things you love doing and working at a job you hate."
"Yes!" Joey pointed his finger at her. "Yes, that's exactly what I meant." He paused, and said with several layers of meaning, "Thank you."
Monica smiled at him, then looked over at Phoebe. "See? All better now. And thanks for sticking up for me."
"You're welcome." Phoebe was slowly coming out of her expressionless phase, and her next statement contained a touch of her normal liveliness. "What's this about twice in twenty-four hours?"
"Oh." Joey glanced at Monica, who nodded her permission. "Uh, well, okay, I was moving in, and..."
(to be continued)