23. Under the Hood, Part 1

"Jason," Dora whispered.

With a trembling hand, she cupped his cheek. She had to make sure he was real, that she wasn't hallucinating, that she wasn't having another feverish lust-driven dream that was too good to be true.

"Jason," she said again. She could feel his stubble on her fingers. "It's really you..."

He touched her hand. "Yeah."

"You're alive."

"Yeah. I am." His expression was straining to be neutral, but his blue-gray eyes were wet. Tears were there, but not falling.

However, they were pouring freely down Dora's face. "But... but you're... dead."

One drop escaped Jason's eyes, rolling down his cheek. "Not anymore."

"We... we buried you!" Dora sobbed, trying to catch her breath. "I was at your funeral! Your foster dad Bruce, he..."

"Yeah, I know, it's a long story." Jason tried to wipe the tears from her face, but she shied away. "Dora, I can explain."

Dora shook her head, trembling. It was too much. It was impossible.

Jason wasn't dead? He's alive?

And he's Red Hood?

Dora backed away, frantically fumbling for the car's door handle.

Jason reached out, pleading, "Dora, wait!"

But she wouldn't let him touch her. She found the handle, yanked it, and crawled out of the car.

The world was spinning and she was so dizzy. Memories were flooding back into her head, making her thoughts roil. Her brain was about to burst.

And her heart too. It was beating too quick, too hard. Her lungs were heaving, but no air was getting in.

She was having a panic attack.

"Dora, breathe!"

And then suddenly she was breathing, but too much, too fast.

Her chest spasmed and her stomach lurched. She stumbled around, searching for something. Whatever it was, she couldn't find it. She fell to her knees, heaved again, and vomited onto the floor.

"God damn, am I really that ugly?" Jason joked anxiously. He knelt down and patted her back.

Dora jerked away from his touch, tears streaming down her face. "Don't touch me!"

Jason withdrew his hand, the hurt in face all too clear.

Dora felt hurt, too. No, he wasn't ugly, but he was... Jason Todd. It was him. It was really him.

"I..." Dora gasped for breath, looking at him. "I can't deal with this right now."

"What do you mean?"

"I... I need some air." And before she knew it, her feet were already carrying her out of the garage.

"Wait," Jason shouted after her. "Come back!"

Once outside the garage, Dora broke into a run. Dizziness made her stumble the first few steps, but eventually she found her stride. She sprinted across the lot to the clubhouse and yanked open the door, praying Jason wasn't following her.

Inside the clubhouse, he spotted Jessie by the bar, having a conversation with Reilly.

Jessie offered her a cup when she approached. "Whiskey?"

Reilly immediately noticed her state. "Whoa, kid. What's wrong?"

"I have to go," Dora told Jessie, gasping for breath.

Jessie looked at her up and down, concerned. "Why? What happened?"

Dora sobbed. "I don't want to talk about it. Please," she begged desperately.

That was all Jessie needed. She put her whiskey down and slid off her stool.

Reilly stood too, but put his hands on Dora's shoulders. "Dora, tell me what happened."

She gave Reilly an apologetic look. "I... Reilly, I'm sorry... Just tell him... tell him to leave me alone."

The expression on Reilly's face went from concern to rage. "What did he do? Did he hurt you?"

"He..." Dora didn't know. "I just... I have to go."

Dora turned and left the clubhouse with Jessie, glad that she was so tall. She stayed close to her back, trying to hide her tear-streaked face from all the bikers that were watching them leave. As they mounted Jessie's bike, Dora wished her helmet was full faced. It was just as well, though.

The wind dried her tears as they rode away.

#

Back at the Alibi, Dora went straight to the bar shelf, ignoring Rochelle and Lily's greetings. She reached for her favorite bottle of whiskey... but hesitated. Whiskey was what Red Hood—no. Whiskey was what Jason sometimes tasted like when he kissed her.

She grabbed a bottle of Santa Priscan rum instead, and planted herself on the couch by the TVs. She didn't bother to pour herself a cup. She just drank straight from the bottle, watching the hockey game, even though all her friends knew she didn't like hockey, much less any sport.

"Dee, are you okay?" Rochelle asked, sitting on the arm rest.

"I'm fine," Dora said, not looking at way from the TV. She took a huge swig of rum.

"What happened?" It was Lily this time, sitting on the coffee table.

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Did you find your car?" Rochelle asked.

Dora finally looked away from the TV.

Lily, Rochelle, and Jessie were all staring at her, their expressions full of concern. How could she even begin to explain what happened to them? She couldn't believe what happened herself.

"Dora." Rochelle saying her name with such pity in her voice was the last straw.

Dora sighed in frustration and stood up. She went into the office, locked the door, and set the computer to blast loud heavy metal music.

She couldn't bring herself to go down into the cellar, just like she couldn't stand the idea of drinking whiskey right now. Those things brought up too many memories of the night she and Red Hood almost had sex. The night she and Jason almost had sex. She needed to organize her thoughts and process them one at a time. It was the only way to make sense of this impossible situation.

Jason Todd was alive.

Jason Todd was Red Hood.

It all made sense now.

The last time they were together, he said he grew up in Park Row, he said he was her age, he said he knew her father.

The dreams she had been having for the past two months, imagining that Red Hood had blue eyes even when she had never seen him unmasked before. In her dreams, he felt familiar to her, like she knew him, but she just couldn't explain why, and when she woke up, she would forget what his face looked like.

That stupid little mask did almost nothing to conceal his face—after all, it just covered his eyes, but...

God damn it. She was in such denial that it could be Jason, that only her subconscious had been able to pick up on the truth. How could she be so fucking stupid?

But then... she couldn't have been stupid and in denial. It was logical given what she was led to believe. Jason Todd had been dead for years, so how the hell could he be Red Hood?

The answers tumbled into place.

Jason never died.

He abandoned her.

Faked his own death.

Disappeared for years.

Came back as a vigilante.

Kept his identity a secret.

Then seduced her.

It was all a lie.

Was it some kind of sick joke?

Well, fuck him.

Dora stayed in the office until well after closing time. When she finally emerged, she hoped everybody had gone home, and she could clean and lock up in peace.

However, Rochelle was still there, sitting in a booth that faced the office door. She had obviously been waiting for Dora to come out.

"What are you still doing here?" Dora asked.

"Jessie filled me in."

"Of course she did." Dora walked around the bar, trying to find something clean up or put in order, but it was already done. She groaned.

"Don't be mad at Jesse," Rochelle said, beckoning her to sit down. "I forced her to tell me everything. Dee, you're my best friend. If something bad happens to you, I have to know about it."

Dora sighed and slid into the booth. Rochelle reached out, took her hand, and squeezed it. Dora didn't expect it to make her feel better, but it did. "What did Jessie tell you?" she asked.

"It was Red Hood that stole your car." Rochelle scoffed. "And he's the new leader of the Street Demonz. And after fifteen minutes alone with him, you ran out of there like a bat out of hell."

"Yeah, that's pretty much it."

"But why?" Rochelle asked anxiously. "Did he hurt you? Did he…"

Dora knew what Rochelle was thinking. "No, not like that."

But in hindsight... Was it like that?

Dora had punched and slapped Jason, and he had kissed her without consent. They were both toeing a dangerous line of mutual abuse, provoking each other. Their relationship, or lack thereof, was really fucked up.

"You look like you've seen a ghost," Rochelle asked, breaking Dora's train of thought.

She put her head down and crossed her arms, trying to fight the tears that were welling up again. It wasn't her secret to tell, but the weight of it was so heavy, she couldn't breathe. Whenever she thought about any of it, literally felt sick. Her head pounded, her chest tightened, and her stomach tied up in knots. Ironically, alcohol blurred her thoughts and numbed the pain.

"Dora, tell me what's wrong." Rochelle pleaded. "I hate to see you like this. Let me help you."

"You can't help," Dora sobbed. "What can you say or do that will fix any of this fucked up situation?"

"I don't know, Dee," Rochelle said, getting up from her side of the booth and sliding into hers. She pulled her into a hug.

Dora didn't fight it. She leaned into Rochelle and cried again.

"I don't know what I can do to help, Dora, but want I can do is listen." Rochelle squeezed her tight. "Let it out. Tell me what's wrong. Tell me how you feel. Whatever's weighing you down, share that weight with me. You don't have to carry it alone because you got me. I will never judge you. I will never tell anyone what we share."

Dora sat with those words for a long moment. If she couldn't trust Rochelle, who could she trust? She needed at least one person in this world she could trust with all this or she was going to lose her mind talking to herself while over-analyzing every interaction she ever had with Jason.

"You asked me if I saw a ghost," Dora sighed. "I did see a ghost."

"What do you mean?" Rochelle asked.

"Red Hood showed me his face. I know who he is."

Rochelle's jaw dropped open. She slammed her fist on the table. "I fucking knew it. Who is he?"

"Jason Todd."

"Jason fucking Todd!" Rochelle spat, then blinked. "Wait, is that supposed to mean something to me?"

Dora sighed. She reached across the table to the pitcher of ice water and a cup Rochelle had put out. With shaky hands, she poured herself a glass. It was time to sober up.

"Back in high school, Jason was my... Well, he was a lot of things to me. He was my best friend... my first kiss, my first boyfriend... my first love..." She blushed and couldn't look Rochelle in the eye. "My first everything. I was his first everything too."

Rochelle's eyes went wide. "Oh, shit. So you're saying you not only know who he is, but you like... know him."

Dora nodded.

"I'm guessing you guys were together for quite a while?"

Dora nodded again.

Rochelle scoffed and threw up her hands. "Well, that explains why Red Hood so into you. Guys never forget the girl that swiped their v-card. He probably never got over you."

"Apparently." And it took me forever to get over him, too...

"How did it end?"

Dora groaned. "It's complicated."

Rochelle snapped her fingers. "Hey, just had a thought. Not judging, Dee, but if you knew this Jason guy so well, how come you couldn't tell he was Red Hood until he showed you his face? You pashed the guy like, what, two times now?"

Dora thought about it. "Too many times to count."

"No, I meant since he popped up as Red Hood. You said he only has a little mask on under the helmet. How come you couldn't tell it was this Jason dude? You literally had your mouth all over his face and your hands all over his junk."

Dora scowled at Rochelle's crude, but rather apt, description. "Listen, Jason was the last person I would've thought could be Red Hood!"

"Why?" Rochelle asked.

"Because Jason died eight years ago!" Eight years. Had it really been that long?

Rochelle actually took a moment to process that statement, and Dora wanted to commend her for it. "What do you mean he died?"

"Died as in he was killed in a bombing and we buried him. That's how it ended between us. I was at his funeral. Me, his foster dad, foster brother, their butler..."

"Bombing? What the fuck?" Then Rochelle shook her head. "Wait a sec, his family had a butler?"

"His foster dad did. Bruce Wayne."

Rochelle went bug-eyed. "Wait, wait, wait, okay, wait. Like… Hold up. Like… What?." She held up a finger and took a breath. "Let me get this straight. Red Hood is some guy named Jason, who you dated in high school, but then he was 'killed' in a bombing. Then he somehow shows up alive as a badass vigilante." She took a breath. "And now you're trying to tell me his dad is Bruce Wayne? The richest man in the city? The mother fucking Prince of Gotham? How the actual fuck does that happen?"

Dora sighed and sank into the seat. She took a sip of her water. "It's a long story."

Rochelle sat back too. "Well, I got time." She had a sip of water herself. "And you obviously have a lot of baggage to unpack... So... start from the beginning."

Notes

I'm wondering how many of you expected Dora to react this way. Let me know in the comments.

I choose "Pullin' Shades" by Volumes as the chapter theme song because I hope it explains what Dora and Jason are feeling. It's amazing to think that Jason was in front of her this whole time.

"I'm in your eyes / And you still can't see me now / I'm in your sight / But you're looking all around / No wonder why I'm so lost and never found."

What's more, in Dora's mind, Jason lied about dying, and what's worse than your lover lying to you? Lies they kept for years. Lies that hurt you.

Next chapter, like this one, is a monumental one. That's why I titled them "Under the Hood." You'll follow Dora's thoughts as she tells her backstory with Jason and comes to terms with the revelation that he is Red Hood and whether she wants to be with him. I know we all love Jason, and I love you guys for shipping him with my OC, but imagine you were in Dora's shoes. It's a hard decision to take back a liar.

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