Hazard 13: Welcome to my fic. It's dark and evil and umm…

Mr. : people are staring at your strange antics.

Hoboslayer: Who the hell are you?

Mr.: I am the one called Mr..

Nite Joe: Wow. That means almost nothing to me. So who are you really?

Mr.: I am Death.

Hazard 13: Really?

Nite Joe: cool.

Hoboslayer: do you really have a giant scythe?

Death: Yes. Feel the pain!

Hoboslayer: Holy Crap!

Nite Joe: you missed…

Death: No. It's that infernal author.

Hazard 13: Infernal eh? (makes strange gestures with hands)

Death: Levitation? That will have no effect. I cannot die.

Hazard 13: Cool. Come back down now. (Death starts falling down)

Death: I'm already here.

Hazard 13: did he just disappear? Freaky. I'll be guessing he's right behind me.

Death: how did you do that?

Hazard 13: well, I am the author you know.

Death: Hmmm…

Hoboslayer: Hey! I'm still here you know.

Nite Joe: me too.

Hazard 13: oops.

Death: proceed with the story. Being a muse bores me. I better be in the story soon.

Hazard 13: Nite Joe: disclaimer please.

Hoboslayer: why can't I do it?

Nite Joe: Disclaimer: Hazard 13 doesn't own FFTA or anything else, except the Death guy that popped up just now.

Hazard 13: Hoboslayer, people like variety.

Hoboslayer: Whatever. Shut up and do the story.

Hazard 13: if you say so.

For Hell's sake, how many of my friends were in Ivalice when Hoboslayer, Nite Joe, and I got thrown here?" I asked in irritation. The fencer was someone else that we knew. This was getting a little old.

"Look Wes, I came to Ivalice with a bus. Stu and I decided to go and visit you guys. You guys, all of you, never answered emails and never called us. What the hell did you expect?"

"Eh, heh heh…" Nite Joe said awkwardly.

"WHAT ABOUT THE EXPLODING BOY HERE?" The bartender reminded us.

"Fran, you were saying?" I asked him.

"oh yeah. Sleep!" a blinding blue light appeared, and Hoboslayer fell asleep. I looked at the bartender, and he appeared happier all of a sudden.

"Hmm…I don't understand. How is it that so many of you come to be in my world like this? You said yourself that only this town you lived in had everyone transferred to this country. What is a bus?" Ezel was inquisitive about how we knew about both him, and especially Ivalice, for we were warped here, and we should technically be like Marche, not knowing at all what clans and engagements were. All of us (except for Hoboslayer, who was glowing faintly, sleeping on the bar) looked at each other and started laughing. We all laughed at the absurdity of the situation, and how someone could not know what a bus was. However, when we all stopped, Ezel asked:

"What's so funny?"

"Ummm…" I started.

"It's like…" Sred02 couldn't get over the fact that someone didn't know what a bus is.

"It's a transport…" Nite Joe continued.

" For people to like, go to towns and stuff for money" finished the fencer, Francis.

"So, Francis, do you have a nickname? Cuz basically, we all do." I said.

"Wasn't it Vingo or something?" asked Alex.

"No, it's Vinjn." He replied.

"What's a Vinjn?" asked Ezel.

"It's just a name, man" said Sred02.

"Alright then. Where do you think we should go?"

"What do ya mean?" I asked him. I didn't understand what he meant.

"Well, we are a clan now, so if we are to get gil for weapons, other than stealing, we should go out and fight other clans." He finished.

All of a sudden, three rocks smashed through the glass of the front of the shop. I looked on as almost forty homeless guys stood outside the front of the pub, and they looked very angry. The leader, a homeless man with a leather vest that said "BOSS" on it, walked up and jumped through the window. He said, "You humiliated our brothers. You will pay."

The bartender yelled back, "YOU will pay. YOU will pay for the glass that you broke. PAY UP OR I'LL CALL THE JUDGES!" The bartender looked ready to take his head off. The homeless leader turned around and started talking with one of his guys, who moved off. Then, a moment later, he came back with a small pouch of gil, and the boss threw it to the bartender, who said, "Good. Now you can fight outside." He turned and left out the back door.

"We shall destroy you!" They called in.

"Oh, yeah? We'll kick your asses!" Nite Joe called out. We got up from our chairs, and I got Vinjn and Nite Joe to help me carry Hoboslayer outside. Sred02 was not quite as strong as us, and Ezel looked tired. Anyway, the crowd stepped back to let us out, and the homeless leader yelled: "Engage!" and a judge warped in. He looked at the homeless people, and looked at us, and asked us: "Just how many times do you have to fight these homeless people?" Apparently, he was the same judge from the earlier battle with the other band of homeless people. "Alright" he continued. "Band of homeless people versus Clan…Whatever! Just fight and get it over with!"

This time, it seemed that the homeless people had lots more weapons, and all of them had shortswords and leather armor. I could also see that they had leather bracers and some had weird looking rings, which I had never seen before. I decided on using thief jobs. I already knew most of these, and I equipped a Oricalcum as my weapon. Next, I kept Concentrate and also Damage: MP, because I did not need to use MP in this battle. I used Gunmanship as my second skill set. When we were all ready to go, we got into fighting stances and the homeless band got into formations of four. (twelve in all) This did not look good, because that meant we would each have to dispatch two groups of four each, so we had our work cut out for us. Hoboslayer was still asleep, though. The first band of four homeless guys went for Hoboslayer, but as the lead man hit his armor, Hoboslayer was not even damaged, and the same happened, except finally, the last man cut his arm slightly, waking him up. This caused him to resume what had almost happened in the pub: he exploded. All five people, including Hoboslayer, were knocked out of the battle. That was one less group, but another group moved towards me and I sliced one in the neck, knocking him out (for some reason, no blood, so no death). The others were angry at this, and they all attacked. The second and third came to me and sliced at me, but nothing happened because of my reaction technique, Damage: MP. The last one missed, but I caught sight of a strange ring that he was wearing, so as he passed me, I grabbed it and stuck it in my pocket. He seemed enraged, and the other two guys joined him in a charge at me. Unfortunately for them, I used my knife and slashed at each one of them, but only one went down. One looked very weak now, and the other didn't look much better. This was good, but another group was coming towards me.

(Author's note: And here is an attempt by my friends...)

(Hoboslayer's POV: Raging berserker )

What the fis going on? One second I'm drinking lots o' beer, and here I am on the floor! What the hell? Look, there's some guy. I know: I'll take out my rage on him! Ultima Sword! Oh crap. That was a judge. I like his coat, I think I'll take it. Look, homeless people. Berserk Mode! Hahahahhaahahahhahahahhahahhah! Die!

Hoboslayer ©

(Nite Joe's POV: Shadow of Death)

Nothing is meant to live except for death to claim it. Prepare to die, you pieces of shit. I know, I'm gonna sell people's stuff and buy weapon materials. Die you homeless man. Hmm…a ring. I think I'm gonna steal it. Cool. Meteor! That should stop a bunch of them.

Nite Joe ©

Unknown point of view:

It seems that the battle is finished…heh heh heh. Maybe I should…Wait. Another homeless guy is about to hit him… time for my intervention...

Hazard 13: Alright, that was weird, and it was also an experiment. These last bits were done with help from Nite Joe, Hoboslayer, Vinjn, and Sred02. And Piemasher 86, believe it or not. Sorry for not updating faster, but whatever. Please review this time, you make me sad.

Death: Too many words spoken at too small a time.

Hoboslayer: Shut up "cryptic boy".

Nite Joe: Just cuz you didn't get into the story so far…

Death: I do not care about the "story" as you put it.

Hoboslayer: What are you anyway?

Hazard 13: I'm making him a minor deity.

Hoboslayer: Huh?

Nite Joe: He's a GOD.

Hoboslayer: Really?

Death: Yes. I live in the ether.

Nite Joe: Why are you HERE then?

Hazard 13: Oops. Plothole… Death's name in the past two chapters was supposed to be Mr. , but whatever.

Hoboslayer: This chapter is OVER.

Hazard 13: Damn straight. Review. Now.