The first time I skipped was most certainly the first time I saw her. She was wearing some form fitting, faded blue jeans and a very nice linen top with her hair pulled back into a sort of sloppy ponytail. Jim having seen her from across the lab, immediately felt me race and beat vigorously within his chest. His face began to flush and his hands to sweat. He didn't know why, at the time, his body was reacting in this way but from the get go he knew there was something very special about this young woman. From that point on, whenever Jim would see Sara, his body, along with myself, would react the same.
I remember when Jim decided to take his and Sara's relationship a step further and ask her to marry him. When she said "Yes,
I began to beat faster, causing Jim's face to flush, his stomach to flutter and nearly every pore in his body to erupt with an uncontrollable sweat that went from his hands to his toes. His feet within his shoes became like pools of standing rain water, his toes all slippery and such. From that point on, whenever he'd see Sara, very nearly the same thing would happen. However, as time passed and he realized that things were not a dream I didn't have to work so hard. At present, when he sees her, I just flutter a little bit and only his hands sweat.
However, I choose to relate an incident in which I was filled with dread and fear, rather than joy and hopefulness. It was shortly after Jim and Sara had become engaged and he was forced to face the very real possibility that he might lose her. Jim was off that night but Sara was not. She was on a scene that had not been completely secured and as she went on about processing the site a man jumped from a closet and shot her, but not before roughing her up a bit. She had been struck in the face, upper body and abdomen, then shot in the chest.
Jim was at home when he got the call from Gil Grissom and Jim flew into action, throwing on some clothes and rushing to hospital. When he arrived most of the team was already there, waiting for the doctor's prognosis. After a short while a nurse entered the room and asked after any relatives. Jim being the closest one to being relation in the room, stood up and that's when everyone found out that he and Sara were engaged. Having stated that he and Sara were affianced, Jim was given some paperwork to fill out and as he sat quietly completing the forms, everyone just sort of stared at him; quizzical looks on their faces.
After about another hour a doctor entered the room and gave them an update. Sara was in very critical condition. She had some broken ribs, a collapsed lung and a shattered eye orbit. Having been told that Jim was her fiancé, the doctor ushered Jim out of the room and spoke to him in the hallway, away from the rest of the team. It was then that Jim learned that Sara was pregnant and that she may very well lose the baby. However it was too soon to tell. With some of her injuries the doctors just had to wait and see, observing her throughout the night and charting her progress or decline.
When he returned to the waiting area Jim said nothing of the pregnancy and just sort of slumped into his chair, is head in his hands. As he processed all of what he'd been told, I took on a hollow feeling and through feeling, sank within his chest. He felt as if I were breaking. He was also, at the same time, very angry. He was angry at the police officer that improperly cleared the house. He was angry at himself for not being there for her, to protect her and he was broken when he learned of the pregnancy and that they might lose their child.
For three days and nights Jim sat vigil at her bedside and left only to use the facilities and to stretch his legs. Finally, on the evening of the third day she woke up. Seeing her eyes flutter open and her glossy-eyed gaze sweep the room, I began to beat faster and this gave Jim a second wind. Reaching out and taking her hand in his, Jim's face was streaked with tears shed for his lady love and for their progeny.
However much he wanted answers to the many questions he had running through his head, he didn't press her. Foremost, he wanted to know about the child growing within her. He wanted to know if she knew and if so, for how long and why she didn't tell him. But as I said, he would wait for her to answer him those questions.
As I broke, Jim nearly broke down. He felt like I had been torn to shreds and ripped from his chest. However, as time passed and Sara got better, they spoke about the child, which, by the way, was doing just fine, and Jim's heartache, rage and sorrow changed to joy, hopefulness and a more intense love for her than he'd felt ever in his life.
Its hard to be a heart; governed by emotion. Its all so confusing at times. Our emotions take hold of ourselves and that effects the way I work. If our feeling is pain then I respond accordingly, as do I when we experience joy…………..and joy is what Jim and Sara are living right now………….such a pure and unedited joy, knowing that one day in the very near future there would be a little person coming into this world with Jim's good looks and Sara's intelligence.
From that point on, things would never be the same for Jim and I.