A/N: Another chapter of V3D? Can it be? But SINISTER! It's only been a day! Quit spreading the madness!
… Okay, long story short: I was stuck in the house all day and was bored out of my mind. So, what happens? A new chapter! Quit questioning me and just READ already:P
Dedicated to Concrete Angel for the great reviews. Better late than never:P
Chapter 13 – Host Swap, Part Two
Back to Visser Three
July 21st
Entry 12
Dear Diary,
Visser One, Visser Seven and I walked into my room, slowly, slowly… with not one sound we let the door slide shut behind us as we stepped further in.
" Are you ready?" I asked them.
" Yup," Visser Seven.
" As ready as I'll ever be." Visser One.
We walked on until we could just decipher it in the distance… the sounds of a mad Yeerk-controlled Andalite thought-speak humming like nothing I'd ever heard.
" You got the shovel?" I whispered to Visser One.
She nodded. " You got the human Sobeys bag?"
" Yes," I replied.
" Then what are we waiting for?" Visser Seven asked. " Let's do this!"
We entered my main room, and found the dapsen in the corner, applying green finger paint to my beautiful red wall. He would stain my fur! How long would it take to get that stuff off?
" How long will it take you to get that stuff off?" Visser One whispered.
" Shh!" I said urgently.
We walked up calmly to the still-oblivious dapsen, until we were standing nothing but a foot away from him.
" Ready?" I mouthed inaudibly to Visser One.
" Ready," she mouthed back.
I lifted one finger. One.
Two.
Three.
" Go!" I yelled.
- BANG!
Iniss let out a thought-speak scream, but before he even had a second to THINK about reacting, Visser One slammed the shovel against his head. Success! He slumped to the ground, unconscious. I ran up and quickly slipped the Sobeys bag around his eyes, tying it firmly into place.
" Visser Seven?" I called to a guy that just happens to be one of my best friends, although I wouldn't have expected dapsenish Visser One to know that.
" Yeah?" he asked, completely unaware.
I looked at him exasperatedly. " Have you been gargling with bong water?"
" Uh…"
" Hello! Restraints, restraints!" I yelled.
" Oh yeah!" Visser Seven exclaimed, snapping out of it.
He walked up to the bruised, blindfolded Andalite-Controller before us, and swiftly tied his hands together with microfibre cords. He then (painfully bent over) did the same to all four of his hooves, two front and two rear. Finally, Visser One took out a protective sheath from her pocket, which she placed firmly on Alloran's tail blade.
And then, finally, Iniss was absolutely helpless. Now, all we had to do was stuff this… well… this very heavy Andalite body into my closet! Like that would be so easy.
… But maybe I should back up and explain.
It all started a few days ago (at this time that very morning) at the Yeerk pool. I was simply feeding as usual, although perhaps I took a bit too long… What? I was hungry! Anyhow, I was just sitting there in the pool, feeding, when suddenly I heard a very evil (as in freaky, disturbing sort of evil) SQUEAKY VOICE behind me! Or in front of me! How should I know?
But in any case, the voice was Iniss, and I think he had eaten just a leeeeetle too much oatmeal that morning…
( VIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIISSSSSSEEEEEEEEERRRR! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! ) he shrieked like a little girl.
( Whooaaaa… ) I mumbled, just a BIT freaked out. Then I added to Iniss, ( Iniss, of all the times in the universe, THIS would be the precise time to LEAVE ME ALONE. Go feed, and leave me to feed in peace! )
Iniss just kept laughing like a maniac as he sped off into the distance. I didn't much of it. The fact is, I didn't really care, as long as he left me alone! The fact was, as long as Iniss was FAR AWAY from me, I didn't really GIVE an Andalite's ass what he freaking did.
At least, I didn't care… That is, until I got OUT of the pool and quickly realized that I was no longer in familiar, slightly constipated Alloran, but rather in INISS's scrawny human host! That's just about when I figured that something had gone terribly wrong. And it was only a while after I had my first panic attack that I was faced with a second one: I found out that Iniss, of all people, had STOLEN Alloran, for who knows what reason! So now, thanks to him, we had to spend three days like this. Three whole days of me in Iniss's host, and of INISS in my formidable, not to mention dangerous Andalite host!
Which is why Visser Seven, Visser One and I were standing in the middle of my room, having just knocked out Iniss with a shovel. Well, actually, Visser Seven and I were standing there, while Visser One, who strangely enough now had the strongest endurance, and human arms, out of all three of us (the shame), dragged the heavy Andalite body, and the unconscious mental Yeerk inside, into my already-too-full closet. Once the tightly bound Iniss was perfectly secured inside, Visser One clumsily stepped back out and walked toward us.
" Well." She sighed and looked at each of us. Then she added sarcastically, " That was… fun."
" Oh so fun," I agreed even MORE sarcastically.
" As say the humans, 'woopti-freaking-do'," Visser Seven added.
He looked at his watch, then sighed.
" Are you two aware that we've been trying to figure out what to do with Iniss for FIVE HOURS and we've only come up with a decent -- "
" Half-decent." Visser One cut in quickly.
" – plan one hour ago?" Visser Seven finished. " … And yes, Visser, more like half-decent."
" It was our last resort after all," I said.
" You know," Visser One said in my regard. " You look and sound like Iniss, which drastically creeps me out."
" I DO NOT sound like INISS!" I yelled. " I'm not that stupid!"
" Could have fooled me," she said, followed by a long yawn.
" Okay! Okay, stop arguing!" Visser Seven exclaimed. " I know that it's a huge part of your daily lives, but really, we need to figure something else out. A blow from a shovel doesn't last forever you know."
Visser One grabbed the shovel. " How about five blows from a shovel? It can't hurt."
" Yes it can!" I shrieked. " I don't want to be stuck in a half brain dead host in three days!"
" Five blows?" Visser One seemed skeptical. " And besides, I'd be hurting that fricking Iniss!"
" You know, she's got a point," Visser Seven chimed in.
" Oh come on…" I muttered. " Even if she said 'cows are green' she'd have a point to you people."
" What was that?" Visser Seven raised an eyebrow.
" Nothing important."
" Right…" Visser One said, raising both her eyebrows at us. " You guys, we are getting a bit out of hand. And besides, it's getting late. I think I'll go to bed now and leave you males to figure this out... Please don't blow up the universe while you're at it."
" LATE?" I exclaimed, angry that she was leaving us alone with a mental idiot sleeping in the closet. " What time is it?"
Visser Seven once again looked at his watch. As if the thing was the Ellimist and could dictate our every movement.
" It's precisely twelve seventeen," he said.
" Ahh well that's not so --" I started.
" At night." Visser Seven added quickly.
" Oh. Well then," I said.
" In other words, it's good time for me to head out as well." He walked towards the door. " Good luck with all this, Visser."
He paused and nodded toward Visser One.
" Good night, Visser One."
" Good night, Visser Seven," Visser One replied. She walked with him to the doorstep, then turned back to face me. " See you tomorrow, you unholy dapsen."
I nodded, very unimpressed with the two little traitors.
" Yeah. Yeah thanks for that," I said VERY bitterly.
Visser One smirked and walked off as the door shut behind her.
I sighed. Ahhh Visser One… You just can't live with her.
Half-heartedly, I decided there was nothing more I could do tonight. And so, feeling sleep starting to loom up on my unfamiliar human body, I decided to head off to bed as well.
But as I faced my room once again and passed the closet, it dawned on me: I couldn't sleep in here! This was my room, certainly, but with Iniss tied up in the closet, it just wasn't safe enough. What if he somehow got out and assassinated me? No, no… I couldn't risk that. I mean, who knows what could have happened to the poor slave's mind to even steal Alloran from me in the first place? No, better not risk it…
That, and the fact that if he woke up, he'd be screaming his head off in thought-speak for me to get him out of there.
I would still hear him wherever I went, unless I walked off a couple miles or so. But you know, walls do work in favour of muting the infernal sound a bit.
So, where would I sleep? That was the question, after all.I thought about it. And the more I thought about it… The more I was freaked out, because the more I knew there was only one other option…
Geez. Wake me up when life gets easier.
---
- Toc toc toc.
I knocked on the locked, sealed door. And when there was no answer, as I should have expected, I knocked again.
And again.
And again.
And then, when I lost my patience and my fingers got all bruised up from knocking so hard, I decided to be a simple Yeerk and just ring the damn doorbell.
- Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzt!
I waited… waited…
" Hi, it's Visser One," I heard a familiar voice from behind the door.
" Visser One!" I yelled frantically. " It's me! Look, I know you hate me for waking you up, but please open the --"
" … I'm obviously not home right now, guess you were too stupid to figure that out… But anyway, leave a message, you know the drill. I don't waste my breath on anything."
- Beep!
Answering machine! ARRRRGH! I frowned and kicked the door repetitively until my foot hurt. That DAPSEN! Refusing to open the door for ME! … Well, you know I should have expected that… But I DIDN'T! So THERE!
I sighed.
" Visser One!" I screamed at the top of my lungs. " I know you're in there! Now open the door, or else when I get Alloran back the first thing I'll do is chop off your head!"
The was no answer for a moment. I seriously thought I was going to lose it. Stuck out here in the hall with nothing to call my own. Take out the violin, people. Visser Three has no HOME! Waaaaah! … Okay… Okay. Get a hold of yourself man.
" What about Iniss's room?" you most certainly ask yourself. " I mean, come on Visser Three! At least it's better than sleeping in the hall!"
No, you see, the answer is NO! Before fully accepting that sleeping in Visser One's room was my last resort, I decided to check out the cubby hole in the wall that Iniss calls his room.
Shudder… Trust me, I took one look in there and I assure you I will be scarred for life. Not only that, I ran away screaming like the Chickens, as the humans say, which, as you know Diary, only happens when I am extremely CREEPED OUT OF MY MIND.
So anyway, with my last resort gone away in a sliver of a voice from an answering machine beyond the door of my worst enemy's chambers, you could figure that I was just about to cross the small borderline between "slightly insane" and "lock me up in a rubber room". But then, just as I was about to lose all hope and have a mental breakdown right there on the soft linoleum floor of the ship, I heard a click, followed by the sound of a door sliding open.
" Alright, Almighty Door Smasher, what do you want?"
I lifted my gaze up from the floor and stopped my angry foot in mid-kick from yet another door-beating, and saw Visser One standing with the door ajar, her hair wet and wavy and wearing a silky purple bathrobe.
" Are you going somewhere?" I asked increduously.
She gave me a slight fish eye. " I was in the shower, you doaf. Why must you always bother me when I'm trying to take a shower?"
" I do not – uhh… ahh, wait yeah I do," I blushed. " But really, this time it's important!"
" Uh huh." she said so COMPLETELY sincerely.
" I mean it Visser One." I said exasperatedly.
She sighed. " Fine, what is it that you want now?"
It was my turn to sigh. " Visser One, I need to use your room. Any chance of a guest room I could sleep in?"
" WHY?" she practically screamed.
" You know as well as I do that I can't sleep in that room with a mad Andalite tied up in the closet!" I exclaimed.
" We put a SHEATH on his tail blade!" Visser One said. " What more could you want?"
" Visser One," I said, patting her shoulder. " You'd be surprised what Iniss can do with the horrible lack of a brain he possesses."
She rolled her eyes, looking very unimpressed.
" FINE!" she exclaimed. " I have one guest room."
She violently lifted up her left index finger.
" One!" she repeated. " And not one word, or else I'm kicking you straight out into the hall head first."
" Of course, of course… hah! Why would I complain?"
She gave me yet another exasperated fish eye and grabbed my human arm to roughly drag me to her guest room. A huge smile plastered all over my face at the thought of having a place to stay that didn't involve getting my brain chewed out by irritating thought-speak cries by Iniss/Alloran, I took a look inside…
… So much for not complaining.
To my absolute horror, Visser One's guest room was filled – and I mean filled – with those ANNOYING fluffy pink accessories of hers!
Fluffy pink comforter. Fluffy pink pillows, mats, brushes, desk covers. There was even a fluffy pink CHAIR, for crying out loud!
Twitch. Fluffy. Pink. Twitch. SCARY!
" No no no…" I said, giving Visser One an appalled glance. " There is NO WAY I am sleeping in the midst of all these fluffy pink things."
She raised her hands in the air, exasperated. " It's the only guest room I can lend you!"
But unfortunately for Visser One, I for one was determined.
" Uh uh. No way." I said again, shaking my head over and over. " Why don't you sleep in the guest room?"
" Oh no, dapsen. You're not forcing me out of my own room! I get my room, period."
We both stayed silent for a moment, glaring at each other in pure, undiluted hatred.
But then, Visser One smirked. Oh no… She must have come up with another of her wretched plans to completely trap and humiliate me!
Why? Why did she have to put these evil, EVIL things in the guest room? Why not in her room? SHE loves them, not me!
" Well, Visser Three," she said with a laugh. " The choice is simple: Either you sleep here and put up with the fluffy pink accessories, or you come in my room and share a bed with me. As I said, simple choice. Now hurry up and make it, I'm going to bed."
She walked off, giggling like Ellie, only more evilly. She thought she was soooo good... She thought she had me trapped didn't she?
… Well lords help me, she did.
---
So that's how, five minutes later, I found myself in a warm, custom-sized, gold-comfortered bed… with my worst enemy.
Yep, it was hard, but in the end I decided to be a brave Yeerk and choose her over the evil fluffy pink accessories.
Visser One, for one, simply could not believe it.
" I can't believe it!" she exclaimed angrily. " I can't believe you chose me. Rrrrrrrrrgh!"
She muttered " Me and my big mouth…" to herself and moved as far away from me as possible.
" Hey! You asked for it!" I said. " Those fluffy pink things give me nightmares and you know it. I'm not happy about this either but it's a choice I had to make."
" Don't I give you nightmares?" Visser One screamed, just minutes away from hysterics.
" Yeah, but those nightmares involve me killing stuff," I said. " There's a huge difference."
She sighed noisily. " GEEZ I'll be glad when this whole fricking INISS thing is done and over with."
" You're not the only one, Visser." I said and turned over.
There was silence for a long time. In fact, I was actually almost asleep when Visser One piped up:
" Your god damn FOOT is touching mine!"
" Well GET IT OFF!" I screamed.
" YOUR foot is touching MINE!" she shrieked. " YOU get it off!"
Uhhhh…! I thought, feeling the rage up to here. This is going to be a loooooooong night…
---
It turns out I was right: That was the longest night of my life.
But relatively, the next day went by quickly enough. Most of it was just more of Visser One and I bickering over this and that, being awaken by Visser One yelling at me because I was practically laying down on top of her, random Yeerks barging into Visser One's room begging for pancakes, Mr. Loud-And-Nasal trying to sell us new and used pencils… you know, the usual.
It was the third day that was interesting. After the second longest night of my life, once again in Visser One's room, we were awaken, bright and early, by… well, Councilor Eight.
He came into the room at about six o'clock. Lords know what he was doing here… Ahem. Sarcastic. Cough.
" Edriss?" he called softly. " Surprise! … Are you awake?"
Then, I guess he realized she was in bed with me, because that's when the screaming started.
" Edriss!" he yelled, horrified.
Visser One shot up like a board.
" I'm sorry Essam!" she exclaimed, obviously still half-asleep. " I didn't know they were allergic to milk!"
Councilor Eight and I both just stared at her for a minute.
Visser One woke up and looked at me. I raised an eyebrow.
" Oh." she blushed. " Did I say that out loud?"
I nodded. Then, I moved my eyes frantically towards the intruding Councilor, hoping, PRAYING she would get the point.
She did.
" Oh, um… hi Councilor Eight!" she said, embarrassed.
" For the Emperor's sake!" Councilor Eight exclaimed. " Why are you spontaneously cheating on me with your worst enemy?"
" Females can have two mates!" she defended. " Wait… I wasn't even DOING anything!"
" Yeah right!" said the very hurt Councilor in the corner.
" It's true! Look…" Visser One sighed. " It isn't what you think. Long story short, Visser Three's host got stolen by his personal assistant and is now tied up in the closet in his room. Visser Three didn't want to sleep there, so he begged me to let him sleep in my guest room. I did, but then he was afraid of the fluffy pink stuff… and… I think you can guess the rest."
" Okay, I get it." Councilor Eight said. " But why didn't he sleep at Councilor Four's? They're friends, aren't they?"
Visser One pondered that for a moment. Then she nodded thoughtfully, and looked at me in confusion.
" Yeah…" she said. " Why didn't you stay with Councilor Four?"
I shrugged. " I was lazy and it was too far."
She sighed.
" Well I won't have you sharing a room with my mate." Councilor Eight said firmly. " How much longer is this stolen host issue going to last?"
" Until tomorrow morning," I replied. " It will have been three days."
Councilor Eight looked pensive. " I think we can arrange something here…"
---
( HAHAHA! ) I yelled. ( HAHA! … AHAHAHAHAHA -- )
" Visser Three shut up!" Visser One exclaimed urgently. " I know you're glad to have your host back, but let's not get carried away."
( Okay, okay, ruin the moment! ) I complained.
It was a few hours later. And I had ALLORAN back! Yeah, already! And strangely enough, I have Councilor Eight to thank for that.
See, it turns out Councilor Eight simply would not put up with me sharing a room with Visser One for one more night. So I brought him to my room, and, using his Councilorly authority over everyone, he ORDERED the now-awake, screaming Iniss to surrender my host or else die a most horrible fate. Of course, Iniss, being the scared little ninny he is, didn't have to be told twice. Beaten once again by Councilor Eight, in all his Councilorness, he quickly got out of the host, as did I, and we switched back into our rightful places.
Never thought I'd say this, but… thank the LORDS for Councilor Eight!
Today.
Tomorrow, he'll be back to being the annoying sissy dapsen he usually is. As he must.
" Well, that was… irritating." Visser One said.
( My laughter? ) I asked.
" No, you moron, the Iniss incident!" she exclaimed. " Although, now that I think about it, that laughter is awfully annoying too."
( It is not! ) I exclaimed. ( You know what's really annoying? YOUR voice! 'Visser Three, get out of my face!' 'Visser Three, your foot is touching mine.' 'Visser Three, become engulfed in my fluffy pinkness!' )
" I never said that!" she yelled.
( No you didn't. But I had a nightmare about you saying that and it wasn't pretty. )
" Really?"
( Yeah. Mostly because it contained your face. )
She got up and slapped me across the face.
Then, to my surprise, she smiled and hugged me.
" I'm glad you're back." She smirked.
I smirked back. ( I'm glad I'm back too. )
" You're an idiot."
( Yep. )
She pushed me roughly against the wall and we both laughed like idiots at the joy of life becoming NORMAL again… Well, as normal as it could ever be in this cursed month.
And so ends the misadventure of the host swap. Contrary to what you must think, Diary, it really was not enjoyable. But yet, the question still remained in my mind.
Why? What could have possibly been the purpose of this? What could have motivated Iniss to steal my host body and actually expect to live out his life as… as me?
That, Diary, is a question left unanswered.
And come to think of it, I'm not even sure I want to know!
Until my return,
Esplin 9466
So? Happy now? YAY! Finally Sinister makes a quick update! And quick is right! Haha:D Well, I hope you enjoyed that VERY quick update. Hurry up and review, and don't forget, the 100th reviewer gets a special prize! Who oh WHO will it be? Ta ta for now:P
… But okay guys, the game is over. You seriously cannot expect another chapter TOMORROW. Come on now, enough is enough!