A/N: I am warning you in the best way possible: This chapter is what I like to call Visser Three's "Rant Chapter". It's not supposed to be that funny. It's supposed to be interesting, though… :P For a good part of the chapter, Visser Three'll be ranting on and on about diverse things due to some stressful situations. :) But don't worry, 'tis entertaining:P Ohh… But Visser Three does also express some PHILOSOPHICAL THOUGHTS. O.O Run AWAY while you still caaaannn! … No wait, come back. That's only part of the chapter. There's WRESTLING and a HEATED FIGHT in it too:P Enjoy…
Dedicated to Traycon 3 and Elliekin. Thanks for your reviews (Elliekin's FOUR, and Traycon's of course… :P (where've you been:P)), and for Traycon's question… Yes, of course you can write that:D I'm flattered! It'll certainly give people something to read while they're waiting for Journal! I'll read it too, of course! (Aww, my fave character's gonna be a narrator… :) I'm so proud! XD)
Visser Three's Diary
14+
by Sinister Shadow
DISCLAIMER: I don't own Animorphs.
Chapter 19: Back to Yesterday
Visser Three,
Last night never happened, are we clear?
Visser One
August 3rd
Entry nineteen.
Dear Diary,
The morning following "Our Nighttime Adventure, Part Two", which was now two days ago, I woke up pretty late. Eleven o'clock a.m. Let's just say I am not exactly a morning person.
I awoke to find the above note on the left side pillow on my bed. I decided to stick the original paper in my diary, so if ever I needed to testify against Visser One in the presence of the Council, I would have proof she was here last night.
... Or at least a great distraction.
Anyhow, I woke up and climbed down off the bed, my four hooves clicking gently on the floor. Of course, I soon realized that Visser One was gone.
I had demorphed right before going to sleep. And when I woke up, IT WAS GONE. Just GONE. I decided to just get up, I mean, it was no big deal, was it? For the love of the lords, THANK GOD she was gone! I "tralalaaaed" all the way to the bathroom, struck a few poses in my state of the art mirror from a human store such as "Kentucky Fried Chicken", and then proceeded to brushing my fur. It was slightly matted (maybe Visser One contaminated my bed), and I practically had to brush until I drew blood to get all those filthy knots out (now that I think about it, it COULD have been Iniss's "Fish Fillet Surprise"… but I like the Visser One contaminating my bed option better, because then I can blame it on her!). But eventually, I succeeded, and smacked myself a high-five (wowww… and I thought Iniss was an enormous dweeb) before walking out of my room and into the main chamber to relax.
Almost as soon as I had settled in in the main room, I walked right out into the hallway and locked my door behind me.
Even though my mind had been meddled with, it wouldn't stop me from going to see Iniss and demanding about the whole "human pox" issue. I walked into the hallway and started for his room, looking absent-mindedly at the smooth metal walls as I went.
I was about halfway to Iniss's room when suddenly Visser One crossed my path and stopped. I hadn't even seen her coming. Still, I stopped too, without really knowing why. She looked at me and made a small smile. A normal, regular Visser One smile this time. But somehow, it was still different in a way. Sadder, almost.
"I'm leaving," she said.
I didn't reply. I didn't need to. She walked off, looking instantly like the Visser One I knew and loathed again.
Hah. She was leaving! Great, I wouldn't have to see her annoying face first thing in the morning anymore (talk about SCARRING)! … But yet I knew that even for me, it would be a bit harsh to see her go. And who knows for how long? It could be months, years even! I mean, I hate the Yeerk, but she is literally the only company I have (except Iniss, but he doesn't really count as company…) during long -- no, endless hours of spaceflight.
What would I do?
I would lose my MIND!
Help! HEEEELPP!
-- Oh wait. I've already lost my mind. As you may be able to tell by the, ah, "exhibit" above… Phew! Wow, that's a relief. I have nothing to worry about then!
… Or would I?
( Visser One, WAIT! ) I called, and ran after her like the chickens.
---
So Visser One was leaving. For the Yeerk home world, apparently. I sort of could not wait until she left so I could be at peace. No more arguments, no more fights, no more shoe prints on my ass… And then there was another part of me that could wait forever.
Apparently, I have "split personality" issues. What's up with that?
I decided to just wait it out. It would be another few days before she left. Maybe, if I was lucky, I could avoid her until she finally left me ALONE for good. Somehow though, it seemed weird not to see her the whole day. Ahh well, I thought, that's just because you see her every single day of your life. You'll be used to it soon. I revelled in the thought of it. No more Visser One. She would be gone. Gone! Possibly forever!
Forever? How long is forever? I don't know, and I guess nobody does. You just live your life and wonder about things like that, and then, suddenly, you die. Nobody lives to see forever. So I guess, in that sense, forever is impossible. Let alone being gone forever…
That reminds me. Wouldn't it be weird to be the Andalite bandits? They must look at me and think, (insert dumb, low-pitched soybean voice) "Oh geez, isn't Visser Three such a monster? He's so CRUEL and IRRITATING and LACKS COMMON SENSE." They must think I'm a huge retard who enjoys sacrificing his subordinates. How about that! I laugh at their naiveness. Am I even in the least bit mean? I thought not! I mean come on! I have a crazy side like everyone else in the universe (aaas you may have noticed…)! I feel emotion you know, just like you! Gee, you'd think I was some sort of mutant hybrid from the dead or something!
Of COURSE I look like a mindless doaf to the Andalite bandits: They're Andalites, and I am against them. Enough said.
But really. Am I cruel? I thought not! Am I irritating? Didn't think so! Do I lack common sense? … Of course I don't! VISSER ONE lacks common sense (and a normal metabolism, for that matter). I don't lack common sense.
… Am I a huge retard? No. Do I enjoy sacrificing my subordinates? Of COURSE I --
Uh. No comment.
Wow, now THIS is off-topic. And you humans think you own "off-topic", with your little pointless conversations… and your "WE BLOGS"… and your "forums"… Okay, no. I OWN being off-topic. And come to think of it, my humanized, multi-billionaire twin brother probably owns We Blogs. No wonder it's such a stupid name. It comes from my twin's large slushie of a brain.
But really, all this talk about being off-topic is seriously off-topic.
Sooo… where was I?
Oh yes. Visser One being gone forever. Well, if it helps, here is a bit of the conversation we had a while ago, after I ran like the chickens through the hallway to catch up with her (She walks FAST, okay?)…
( Visser One! ) I'd yelled as I came to a halt next to her in the hall.
" What do you want?" she'd snapped.
( What do you mean, you're leaving? ) I decided to cut the crap and just take the direct approach.
" What do you mean, what do I mean?" she asked. "I am leaving, for the home world." She smiled. " I can't wait to be back… I miss it, back there. Especially the pool. And of course, I'd be far away from you."
She walked faster, evidently wanting nothing more to do with me, but still I persisted. ( When are you leaving, anyway? )
" Oh, three days from now, most probably."
That soon? ( Good! ) I exclaimed. ( There's one annoyance to scratch from my list at least! )
Then, she'd walked off without saying a word, and I had returned to my room, where I engaged in this conversation about forever, the Andalite bandits, being off-topic, and "we blogs". You see what I mean by "crazy side"? … Yeah… The more I think about it, the more I wonder if maybe my crazy side is a bit above average…
- Knock knock.
( Who's there? ) I snapped, not wanting to get up from my comfortable spot on the bed.
When there was no answer, I decided to just lay back and ignore it.
- KNOCK KNOCK. The knocking came louder this time.
I grunted ferociously and leaped up from my bed, bolted angrily toward the door and almost tore it off his hinges.
And almost immediately I wished I had just stayed in bed.
" VIIIIIIISSER!" Iniss shrieked between sobs just beyond the doorframe, gasping in quivering breaths. " One of the HO-H-H-HORK-BAJIR got l-l-loose and I… I… I…"
( Oh, for the love of the Emperor… ) I sighed, rolling my eyes and desperately trying to shake some sense into Iniss. ( PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER MAN. )
No use, of course. He just kept on sobbing and gasping like you'd have SWORN he'd been run over by the freaking mother ship or something. Louder, even.
" The HO-H-H-HORK-BA-BAJIR tried to c-cut off my f-f-FINGUUUHUHUHURRR!"
I of course was still standing there through all this, naturally completely PERPLEXED as to what the HELL he was trying to say. Then, he showed me a mangled, bloody index finger, and I wondered, for about the six millionth time, where I had gone wrong in his training.
And to think, I had no clue why my crazy side may have been a bit more developed than average… Would you BLAME it?
( Iniss, calm down. ) I snapped icily. ( Be a Yeerk, not a fricking seal. )
" S-S-SEAL?" he sobbed.
Great. So much for my attempt at comparison…
( You cut your finger, ) I said. ( CALM DOWN. It looks like a god damn paper cut! Get over it! )
I slammed the door in his face. I could not let myself be bothered by such atrocities! Especially not a couple-millimeter cut this freaking deep!
I needed to blow off some steam… Seriously. Where was Visser One when you needed her?
I thought of Visser One (again). Was she really, seriously leaving? It was like a dream come true, and then on the flipside it was a guy's worst nightmare. That being, a) because I would then need to drive myself out of my mind with boredom, considering I would have absolutely no one relevant for company except maybe Councilor Four, whom I did not see all that often. And then of course, b) I would have to PUT UP with about a THOUSAND snivelling males in my fricking LIFE who would spend their time whining that Visser One was gone. Maybe they would all leave, and I would be left alone here to keel over and die. Or MAYBE… maybe I would have to go WITH them, and then put up with Visser One again, which is like a gazillion times worse than any possible death I would be faced with. Even if it involved Iniss in his underwear, laughing his head off like a maniac. Come on people, I have to put up with that EVERY DAY. Do you really think one more time will be so bad?
Or maybe this is all a dream. Or worse! Maybe I am a complete mental retard, and every single thing that's happened ever since I landed myself in that mental institution a while back at Visser One's birthday party has simply been an illusion of my disturbed mind. Maybe I never blew a hole through the floor to escape the mental home. And therefore, none of this would have happened. Was Visser One really not leaving? Had my chocolate bar which I thought Iniss had stolen never really existed? Have Alloran's abdominal failures all just been a figment of my imagination?
… Well… I wish the last one were true…
Ahem.
But seriously, I am starting to freak even myself out now with all this "mental figments of imagination" stuff, so how about we just quit while we're ahead?
Okay? Okay. I thought you'd agree.
Besides, at that moment, I heard a knock on my bedroom door. I got up to answer, but there was no one there. Perplexed, I lay back down, being extremely careful for Alloran's oldie intestines. I have GOT to get those fixed. And SOON. Talk about keeling over and dying.
It was only a few moments later that I realized that the knocks were indeed not coming from the door, but rather from the wall.
Well, what do you expect? Lords. I mean, who the hell knocks on WALLS?
" Visser Three!"
… Apparently, Visser One does.
( What do you want, you dapsen? ) I rolled all four of my eyes.
" I want to know where my forms are," she replied relatively calmly (If you haven't yet guessed, our walls are PAPER THIN).
( Which forms? ) I sighed. ( Yesterday's pile or today's pile? )
Visser One sighed as well. " BOTH, you retard!"
( Hmmm… ) I savoured. ( Yesterday's pile has been given to a few Taxxons to enjoy. )
" UGH!" I heard Visser One slap her cheek in horror. " Visser Three, those were important! …"
( Not my problem, ) I cut in. I almost laughed. I looooved seeing (or in this case hearing) her squirm… ( Oh, and today's pile is on my dresser. Come and get them before I decide the Taxxons deserve to be fed more. )
" Gah!" she spat angrily. I heard her saying some very not-nice things in my regard as she walked (quickly, mind) out of her room. Moments later, I heard the annoying sound of my doorbell, and ran gleefully over to open the door.
( Aha. ) I sneered, enjoying every moment of it of course. ( Haha. If it isn't Visser One, running over to ME. You need me to give you your forms back, or you're in deep shit with the Council. Admit it. You need me to save you. )
She fumed at me. " I do not need you! I could have easily got those forms back myself."
( Oh, yeah, ) I snorted. ( What happens when you leave in three days huh? Who will be there to tell you where they are? You do need me. You, Visser One, need my help. Admit it. )
" Yes! I'm leaving! And thank the lords I am!" she yelled angrily. Then she slapped me across the face.
Stinging pain would leave a burning red mark with time. Then that mark would disappear, as do all wounds.
With time. And only with time.
I pushed Visser One, caught her by the arm as she tried to make a break for it, and threw her against the nearest wall. She gasped and let out a small cry of pain, but was just as soon up on her feet again and charging at me, as it was awfully typical of her to do.
Uncalled for by me, she picked up a vase on a corner table… I shielded myself with my arms, as if that would help a thing. But then, to my surprise, she put down the vase gently… and picked up the CORNER TABLE and launched the whole fricking table at me!
( AAAAH! ) I yelled and ducked out of the way. ( Are you freaking CRAZY? )
" There's no need to waste good decorations!" she spat, speaking of the vase, of course.
By now I was as angry as possible. And I know that's a scary thought.
I picked up a large lamp, which stood on a long, thick metal rod for ground support. I pulled it up and slammed it down on Visser One's shoulder as she screamed and shielded her head from the blow. The light surface shattered into fragments of glass. I ducked away, but a few fragments still managed to hit me, resulting in small, superficial cuts. I ignored them and slapped her back with the now-hot metal rod. She kicked my front legs and caused them to buckle under me. I stumbled and fell, and lost the rod. Visser One picked it up and slammed it on my lower back. I groaned in pain and got up and pushed her back. She dropped the rod. I kicked it aside. My tail blade twitched, desperate… No, I reminded myself. The Council will have your head if you permanently damage her host body.
For more reasons than one, I suspect… I added with an interior wry grin.
( I can't WAIT until you leave, ) I spat loathingly.
" Ohh, neither can I!" she exclaimed, red with rage. " Finally, I get to leave this hellhole!"
I slapped her. She slapped me back.
" UGH! You dapsen! I hope I never, ever see your god damn face again!" she screamed.
( I hope you don't, and I hope a Bug fighter runs you over! ) I yelled angrily. ( In fact, I hope those damn Taxxons eat you! I can't wait to laugh at your funeral! )
I slammed her against the wall with my weak Andalite arms. She straightened up and punched me straight in the face. I was dazed for a moment.
( Ghaffrit nash! ) I swore, in Galard of course.
" Ghaffrit nash your-freaking-self!" Visser One screamed and smacked me.
( Oof… ) I gasped, clutching my burning cheek. Lords, can she slap hard.
I gave her a hard forehoof right in the stomach and winded her. She reeled and glared at me before charging back at me in a blinding rage.
These were the good old days, all right. Eventually, I knew already, I would learn to miss them. Hopefully they wouldn't come too soon -- I could not stand the thought of missing Visser One – but I know they will eventually… As I said before, it's best to just wait it out. But these really were the good times. Days of hanging around the Empire ship, with room service and a personal assistant to do my bidding, with not too much to do for work (as it wasn't all-out war on Earth… yet) and still get paid… and of course, with enjoyable, heated fights like this with my worst enemy, whom of course I just love to clobber the guts out of.
But even now, I know these good days must eventually come to an end. And that end was in exactly three days.
---
Two more days have passed, now. We are now August 3rd, as it says on the headnote. But of course, you've noticed that already, since you are in fact a diary, and therefore not as stupid as a Gedd. You see, you have no brain, whilst the Gedds have minus a brain. You, Diary, are much smarter than that. Of course you are.
Visser One is leaving tomorrow. I haven't talked to her since yesterday morning… Maybe I'll go say goodbye to her tomorrow. She's only leaving at one o'clock P.M… I don't know. I don't even know what I know anymore.
I'm awfully confused.
Until my return,
Esplin 9466.
Okay, I know that was short. But to tell you the truth, I couldn't have made it much longer anyway. You say what you gotta say, you know? And this time, I managed to say what I wanted to say in eight pages.
Hope you enjoyed that, anyway!
Till next time:D And please DON'T forget to review!
(Side note: By the way, I know it's "WEB LOGS" and not "WE BLOGS". :P Unfortunately, Visser Three doesn't.)