Hi Chichigal here! Sorry for not updating over the weekend. My friend came down from Manchester for the weekend and we went out Saturday night. So only now I've felt fully recovered ;

Hope it makes up for it!

Please review! I love each and every one of them! And they are my inspiration.

P.S. Good luck in Manchester, Loz!

I looked up at the clear night sky with a slight smile lighting my features. I was glad there wasn't a cloud in sight tonight. The stars always brought me strength, bringing me warm memories of a certain star.

It was beautiful night for a date, despite a quick decline, insisting that I had an important homework assignment to complete, Mamoru had insisted on my coming out with him in a cosy little restaurant, as he had important news for me.

The restaurant was indeed cosy, and also wonderfully romantic. It only made me feel uncomfortable. We sat at a small table in the seclusion of the outdoor balcony, awaiting our ordered food. I remained silent for most of the part, answering his eager questions with only one-worded answers.

As Mamoru sat across from myself, every once so often he would give me an indefinite look of concern. It made me all the more uncomfortable, and in return this made me look at the stars more intently, for that hidden strength to protect the fragile barriers of my tattered emotions.

"Usagi I think we need to talk…"

I looked up at him in surprise at his comment, and at the same time, secretly glad for the unused pet name. I had been getting more and more uncomfortable of its use lately.

"What's wrong, Mamo-chan?"

"I love you Usako, but lately…"

"Nani…?"

"You've been drifting away from me. It's almost like I don't know you anymore…"

Did you ever?

"Nani? I don't know what you mean?" I tried to blink innocently.

Did you ever know me behind the teasing, the insults, the cruelness, and then the memories of the past…?

"You don't tell me what's on your mind anymore, and…" He sighed almost inaudibly.

…Do I know you?

"…All you do is push me away."

"Mamo-chan…"

"I don't know what happened while I was gone, but…"

"No…"

…Please stop…

"Listen…"

"Don't…"

…Stop before…

"Please I need to know…"

"Look… just drop it Mamo-chan… Please just drop it…"

…Before it's too late…

"I can't Usagi! I'm sick and tired of this attitude of yours. Ever since I've come back you've been entirely selfish…"

Finally I snapped. The carefully put together wall of my emotions had broken. An intense anger welled up from deep within, and the fragile dam of my emotion burst from the seams, allowing the dark emotions I had carefully hidden, to cascade freely to my face. His eyes widened at the intense pain that I no longer disguised. I knew the stars wouldn't lend their strength now…

"Selfish… You think I'M SELFISH! How do you think it's like for me to be trapped by this… this destiny!"?

"Usako…"

I visibly winced at the once endeared pet name, and found more tears of my agonising pain, fall down my cheeks.

"Don't call me that! Don't label me! Don't make me yours! Don't do this to me…"

"Usa…"

His blue eyes looked at me helplessly, confused at my sudden show of emotion. I knew I should have stopped, but I couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't pretend to love him anymore. I couldn't live off the memories of love, after tasting the real thing in his absence.

The protective wall I had built around my heart had been damaged beyond repair. Made useless, and my broken heart cried for one absolution. For one man, who had left me in grief, because destiny determined this. Destiny. I hated my Destiny more and more with each passing second.

Hate. I never thought hate could feel so intense. I'd never had a reason to hate before. I'd never felt the dark rush of this deep ugly rage mixed with an intense anger, run through my veins before. Not even back then, through the memories of my life I had as Serenity. Not even when the Dark Kingdom destroyed everything I held dear, I'd grown to hate. It surprised me a little, that only now that I'm too first experience this feeling of hatred.

I know he could see it, and probably feel it as I look into his horrified eyes, as he saw these emotions he probably thought I wasn't capable of, and I knew I could never go back to the way it was. I could never love him, as a lover should. I loved my future daughter more then life itself, but it wasn't enough to restore the assurance of living a lifetime with him, as it once did.

"I sick of acting. Sick of following this damned destiny, when I can't make a simple decision of my own anymore… so maybe I am selfish…"

I look away, ashamed and took heavy interest in the sight of my intensely trembling hands. He must have noticed the shaking fingers of my hand and comfort in mind, his own reached for mine, and I found myself automatically retreating from their warmth. My skin desired only one-person's touch…

"Please don't…"

He looked deep into my eyes pleadingly.

"Look, we can work this out…"

"No…"

…I'm sorry…

"Usagi we can…"

"I can't…

… Do this anymore…

"Why?"

"I got to…"

Damn you…

"No! Why…?"

"I can't pretend to love you, when I'm in love with him…"

…I'm sorry I can't love you, but…

"Him…." He whispered.

…I love him…

"You call me selfish, when I gave him up for this damn destiny!"

"Him?"

I stopped and realised that I had said too much. That I had probably destroyed destiny with one public mental breakdown. With some shame, I looked from my shaking hands to the dead look in Mamoru's eyes. I winced. I may not have loved him as a lover but I did care.

"So… you did find someone else while I was gone…"

"Mamo…"

"Who!"

"Mamoru…"

"Who for kami-sama sake!

The name escaped my lips before I could stop it.

"Seiya…" I whispered.

His eyes widened slightly and his pupils dilated in recognition of the name. After all he had heard it a lot after returning from death. Heard it often from the senshi. From myself. He looked down to the ground in thought, but I abruptly felt the build of anger from him.

"You willing to throw away our destiny between us for that… that…lousy transsexual singer!"

"Don't you dare call him that!" I screamed angrily, my heart beating intensely in my chest. Then I was left speechless as he swung his intense eyes swiftly into my own, tainted with anger mingled with hatred. His mouth twisted with his own dark emotions.

"I see…" His lips drew in a tout line, and his hardened eyes looked into mine. Mocking and taunting just had they had been before…

"…I suppose it makes it easier for me to say that I'm leaving."

I could help but blink at him in shock.

"Leaving?"

He looked at me coldly; a taunting smirk etching it's way onto his lean jaw.

"To America. I suppose this is the end. After all, if we stay together, Ill never know who you'll whore off to next…"

Slap!

Mamoru's head snapped back violently, and I couldn't do anything but gape in shock. His cold eyes glaring accusingly into my own, and I looked at the offending hand with conviction. He may have said some awful things, and belittle my emotions, but I resorted to violence, it was my fault he was feeling this way…

"I'm sorry…" I whispered as I hastily picked myself up, and grabbed my bag that sat innocently besides the seat I was once sitting on, and ran.

I'm sorry I can't love you…

I know you probabily all think "Mamoru, you bastard!", but honestly I'm not trying to do that. I'm just trying to make a realistic reaction to have who you thought was the love of your life say that sheis in love withsomeone else. To tell the truth I kinda like Mamoru, so I'm not a Mamoru hater. I'd be pretty hurt if someone did that to me and probabily react by hurting that person back to protect myself... but it's not Usagi's fault either, after all it would have been unfair for her to carry onlying for the sake of his feelings.

Hope you like! Please Review!