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To answer your questions Imortal Sailor Cosmos:
'Honto' means Really.
After this I hope to update soon! (hopefully as soon as I've updated today!)
I hope to type as much as I can for each chapter…
And thank you, you've given me great inpiration and motovation!
And If you wanna know the rest… you got to read lol
Plus I'd like to thank Myri78, Deadly Amusement, Lunadoragon, and Moonlight Bunny for their great reviews!
Usagi
Another day gone by, alone in my room with my sleeping guardian beside me. I looked down at her, with a gentle but sad luck, and felt an overwhelming guilt reside in me. I had ruined the future that everyone had worked so hard for. And still I hadn't the nerve to admit the truth. Instead I dodge every question about myself and Mamoru to ignore the disappointment I had in myself and surely the disappointment that would come, once they had realised the truth on the matter. But I should have realised. The very moment my heart fell for my starlight. It would never of worked out in the first place. I was never a very good actress, or very good at lying. I always managed to crack. I'm weak…
Kami… I feel so full of an explicit guilt for falling in love with a future I could never have, because of my weakness, people will suffer. The senshi will be horrified, Crystal Tokyo will melt into an incomprehensible dream, and my beloved daughter will never exist. I've killed her.
I suppose it always came to that conclusion. I Tsukino Usagi has done the unthinkable, and killed her only child. It's probably one of the only things that makes me cry to tell the truth, that and the fact my future showed no brightness, especially when it was missing a certain someone.
I would give anything to see him again. Especially now, in this dark time, where I've destroyed everything my friends have fought to achieve. To see him smile at me reassuringly, to have him at least tease me. I think it would be the only thing that could snap me out of this black emotion that has engulfed me, since his bright light left me that day.
I remember him telling me long ago, how I had such a bright light, and how it drew him unrelentlessly towards me. Heh, I also remember blushing a lot after that and then I fell back on the friendly façade, hoping he wouldn't notice. Probably did notice though. I was never any good at hiding my emotions.
What he didn't realise, his brightness drew me in too. I suppose it was one of the reasons I fell for him, and how I knew he had a good heart before I slowly got to know the real him. It scared me, how much I seemed to be drawn to him sometimes. It also scared me how the brightness of his light seemed to draw me away from my darkest moments, and bring me to my happiest in the dreariest of times.
Something Mamoru could never do. And most of the time, to admit the truth, I was mostly depressed because of something Mamoru had done. Thinking back on it, even if I hadn't met Seiya. It would never have worked. Mamoru always had a tendency to do something without thinking of the consequences. Without thinking about another person's pain.
Like the time he had tossed me aside during his nightmares regarding my so-called untimely death. He hadn't thought for one moment of discussing his ongoing dreams with myself, like an adult should. He always thought I was a mere child. Or perhaps when he proposed only earlier, in his anger that he was returning to America yet again after he had just come back from the dead in merely a short time afterwards.
Whether or not I had broke his heart that night, he had already made his mind to go, leaving me with no alternative, just like the first time. I remember the first time. When he brought the subject of leaving to America for his studies only a year ago, and how he had already sent his confirmation letter, before even discussing the idea with me. He didn't even for one moment think it was important to discuss it with me. After all, I was merely his immature teenage girlfriend, who he was destined to marry sometime in the future. It was obvious, when I think about it now, that he never took our relationship seriously in the first place.
The relationship was never real. Based merely on memories of people long dead. No real emotions. No real heart.
I'm not Serenity. And I never will be. We may share the same soul, even the same heart at times. But I have always believed, that it is experience that defines a person, I suppose. I believe a person, who has sinned in one life, can be good in another. Take myself for instances, I am the person I am now thanks to the upbringing I received from my loving earth parents. They made me who I am. I gained my love for life from them.
Serenity was graceful, I am a klutz. Serenity was serene and gentle, I've had my moments that I could be quite the opposite and if you've seen me with Rei, then you can be assured of that account. Serenity was intelligent; uhh… well my grades speak for themselves….
Though truthfully, I have a deep love for Queen Serenity, because thanks to her I exist, and well technically she is my mother, even though she didn't raise me in this life.
Mamoru loved Serenity and not myself. I don't know how many times that my unladylike behaviour has had in embarrassed to a point where he's denied our relationship publicly, resorting in an argument that usually concluded to a verbal reprimand. Which was a badgering comment about my immaturity, and how I needed to 'grow up'.
I suppose I do need to grow up. But with enemies, youma and kami knows what out there and around the corner, ready to try and destroy the peace. Frankly been immature is the only thing that has stopped and still stopping me from having a mental breakdown, which would possibly allow me to observe the world from there on, in a white padded cell.
Pack me off to loony bin then… hmmm… hope they have good food…I snorted in amusement, and was startled at the thought that had suddenly appeared through the despair and gloominess. Suddenly I realised I hadn't felt this light-hearted in ages. Hadn't joked to myself for a long while. It was almost as if there was a brightness in my heart, that I had lost a while back. It felt a like…
I snapped around to look behind me, and was surprised to see a tall figure looming in the darkest part of my room. I remained silent for a moment and watched with tearful eyes as a figure, which I had desperately hoped for since he left, stepped from the shadows. I didn't notice the second figure.
Sailor Star fighter… no my koishi stood before me, adorned in the uniform of a starlight. His… no her eyes glinted beautifully towards me. The dark blue orbs showed her eagerness and nervousness, though her stance was as confident as the day she left.
"Odango…"
"Seiya?" I whispered gently, afraid that it was merely a figment of my imagination.
"Odango… I…"
"Seiya!" I screamed, and readily broke out into a desperate run.
Jumping off my bed, I ran eagerly towards her open arms. I wrapped my arms desperately around her taller form, scared that in any moment, she would evaporate into thin air. I cried in absolute joy, as I felt her arms draw me in tightly. I felt with a wonderful ecstasy, as she drew in a shuddering breath, with her soft cheek laid on top of my crown. I felt her warm tears…
Seiya
I can't believe it! She's in my arms in the most wonderful way. And she wants me! I can feel it; I can feel her own arms squeezing me tightly to her soft and small body.
It makes me want to cry… wait a minute… I am crying! Oh kami I'm laughing! I've never felt so much joy! She's here! In my arms, in my arms like I've always wanted! It's just like a dream! I hope I don't wake up…
Wait is she letting go? No… She looking up at me… she's crying… her crystal blue eyes shine as they look into my own with emotions, I'd never thought I'd see in those beautiful depths… Kami-sama… I can't think… she so close…
My arms tightened as her lips gently brush with my own; in a sweet caress that sent me gasping in awe. Immediately my lips crashed upon hers fiercely, moving against her soft pink lips in desperate need. I hear her gasp my male name, as her small finger eagerly grasp the front of my uniform, bringing me closer than ever.
Not that I'm complaining…
In response I plunged a seeking tongue into the depths of her mouth, emanating a gasp and wonderful sounding moan. My own hands lovingly slid down the curves of her arms, to her tiny waist, dipping backwards to hold the softness of her rear bringing her closer still…
"Uhem!"
Who the hell…?
The cat I had earlier noticed, before ravaging my blonde goddess, to my shock was still asleep, and snoring away on the bed. So I turned my look to where I thought the sound had come from, and in embarrassed astonishment saw the green haired senshi smirking at both my koishi and me. My odango turned a beautiful red shade that once again engrossed me.
I believe she also noticed our captive audience.
Oh yeah… I forgot about her…
Chapter 6 done! wink