Assignment 1

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or any of the other characters in this chappie, though I will have original characters later.

Natsu: Is it my scene yet?

No...be patient.

Natsu: Ok...I'll be watching my soaps if you need me!

...no...comment.

It's a calm morning in Konoha...the sun is just rising over the rooftops. It's the first day of Spring, and it's about time for the bird to begin their tranquil melody...

"Ack! Morning wood! Morning wood! Gah..." Naruto cries out, running into the bathroom at top speed. After about 10 minutes of TRYING to go...Naruto walks out, looking into the kitchen. "Hm...damn. I've got practice with Sasuke today...now I get to prove myself to Sakura! To prove that I'M the best there is! Believe it!" he says, then trips over his own feet, falling onto his face. "I so meant to do that..." he says quietly, then stands up, sitting down and looking down at his table. "Now...I'll need a balanced breakfast...like...TWINKIES!" he yells, then pulls a box of twinkles out of...well...I don't know...where did you pull those out of, Naruto?

"Who said that! Ack! The voices in my head!"

No...it's ok...

"NO IT ISN'T! I'M ARGUING WITH MYSELF! AND I'M LOSING!"

No you aren't, I'm not you...

"Ack! Stalker! Go away! Don't touch me! I have AIDS, I swear it!"

Um...I didn't need to know that...

"You have AIDS too, don't you!"

I DON'T HAVE AIDS! Just listen!

"Okay, but just don't come near me, or I'll bite it off!"

'It'?

"JUST TALK SO I CAN EAT MY TWINKIE IN PEACE!"

Um...yeah. I'm just the narrator.

"The wha?"

Nar-ra-tor. I tell the story.

"Oh. Well if that's it, then I take it back. I don't have AIDS."

ANYWAY...where did you pull that twinkie out of?

"My pants...pocket damn you! Don't get any ideas..."

Whatever...now with the story...

"Hey...how do you know what I'm doing before I do it?"

I'm the narrator. As far as this story goes...I am God.

"Wow! I've never talked to God before!"

Well...that was only a metaphoric figure of speech.

"A-wha? Can you speak normal english, God? I don't speak King Jamesish."

sigh Why do I even try. Mental note; no interacting with characters...

"Huh?"

Nevermind, just eat the twinkie.

"But what if I don't want to?"

You said you did.

"I changed my mind."

No you didn't.

"Why not?"

Cause I say you didn't.

"Well, I did."

No you didn't.

"Yeah huh..."

Just eat the fucking twinkie.

"Fine! But if I get fat, it's YOUR fault!" Naruto yells at the narrator before stuffing the entire twinkie into his mouth. He then pulls out a box of...Pop Tarts? Okay, now where the hell are you getting this? You don't have that mush room in your pants, Naruto!

"Um...your pants?"

I didn't have a box of Pop Tarts in there.

"Well, you wanted an answer, and I gave you one. Stop complaining."

...ahem So anyway, Naruto looks into the box of Pop Tarts. As he opens the box, Kakashi appears before him.

"Hello, Naruto. Eating well?"

"Ack! Stalker! Go away!" he yells, throwing the box at Kakashi and dropping onto the ground, flailing like a fish. Kakashi gets beaned in the head, then looks at Naruto. "The hell! What are you doing!" Kakashi asks. "Swim away! Art of Beast Mimicry! I'm a Goldfish! A GOLDFISH I SAY!" he yells out, and Kakashi walks over and lifts Naruto up. "You don't know that jutsu...only Kiba. And...you don't even have a goldfish, Naruto." Kakashi sighs. Naruto looks to Kakashi with a "Oh yeah?" kind of face. "I do too! His name is Furbert! He lives in my toilety!" he grins happily.

"Your toilety?"

"Yep."

"What the hell is a toilety?"

"It's like a toilet...but...more y-ish."

"Naruto, you aren't making any sense."

"No, your just to retarded to understand the sounds and songs of my innermost self."

Then...Naruto farts, while still in Kakashi's grip.

"Um...Naruto...was THAT the sound of your innermost self?"

"Yep. See...and you didn't understand."

"Yes...I did."

"Then what did it say, huh?"

"It said that you, Naruto, are an asshat."

"...It did?"

"...Yeah...sure...see, you don't even understand your own ass!"

"Yeah well...under your mask...you have lipstick."

"That is the dumbest load of...crap we don't have time for this. You face Sasuke today."

"Eh...Sasu-gay isn't going to miss much. It'll be over in 5 minutes."

"I quite agree..." Kakashi says with a soft chuckle, then would jump out of the window, Naruto in his hand.

"Ack...Kakashi-sensei, I'm in my pajamas!"

"Well, then go on!" he says, throwing Naruto back towards the house...about a 50 foot throw. Naruto, who is screaming in shear terror, hits the backwall of his house with a sickening DOOMP , sliding down the wall like a fresh booger. He runs into his room, putting on his headband and changing his clothes. "Let's see...do I have everything...ok...have my jacket...my headband...my hat...wait...I don't wear a hat...then I should probably take leave my purse here...wait...when the hell did I get a purse...Ack! You...Mr. Narrator! Stop screwing with my mind!"

Sorry...but I couldn't resist...

"You...you STINKLE WOK!"

I'm a what?

"Never mind, I have to catch up with Kakashi-sensei."

Naruto runs from his room, jumping out of the window in an "I'm Superman!" pose, then goes into a 90 degree drop, falling 2 storys, and onto Sakura, who gets flattened.

"Naruto...get your fat lazy butt off of me!" she yells, in inner Sakura metally knocking the snot out of Naruto. Naruto smiles. "You just want to be on top. I like a girl who fights for position." he chuckles, which earns him a punch in the face. Sakura stands up, cracking her knuckles. "Hurry up, Naruto! Sasuke's waiting to beat you!" she huffs, then walks off. Naruto scowls. "I can't wait until we get there...and I finally beat Sasuke...and prove I'm the best there ever was!" he says, then begins to walk and falls on his face again. "Why the hell do I keep falling!" he yells, then runs after Sakura.

Sasuke and Kakashi are waiting in the designated training area, a smirk upon his face. "Well well...here comes our number one student." he says. Naruto smiles. "Finally...Sasuke's giving me creadit!" he thinks to himself. Then Sasuke continues.

"Sakura. What took so long? Was the dunce slowing you down?" he smirks. Naruto sulks, then immediately glowers at Sasuke. "Who are you calling dunce, Sasu-gay!" he yells, and Sakura scoffs. "Slow me down? He fell on me from out of no where!" she says fiercely, glaring at Naruto. Naruto folds his arms. "Whatever. It's about time I kick you around a bit. So don't expect any mercy." he says. Sasuke scoffs. "Whatever. Just don't hurt yourself, shorty." he chuckles, and Naruto immediately retorts. "Shorty! Well...you...ASSHAT!" he yells, and Sasuke raises a brow.

"Asshat?"

"Yeah! Asshat?"

"Where did you get that?"

"I...I made it up."

Kakashi sighs. "I said it."

"Yeah...but I perfected it!" Naruto gloats.

"Well...you are the King of the Asshats, so it fits..." Sasuke says.

"Say that again, Sasu-gay!"

"I said...you are the KING OF THE ASSHATS, NARUTO!"

"Yeah! Well..." he says, then thinks for a bit.

"This could take a while..." Kakshi comments.

"AHHHHH! SHUT UP! I CAN'T THINK!"

"That's obvious..." Sakura smirks.

Naruto goes silent.

"Ok...with no further ado...let practice...begin!" Kakashi calls out, and both Naruto and Sasuke disappear.

To be continued

Naruto: Why does Sasu-gay get all the glory!

Sasuke: Because I'm better that you in every way...

Sakura: Go, Sasuke!