Storm Clouds

Chapter 20: Mourning

"Dead?" Tifa whispered. "He's dead?" She looked up towards Reno with only her eyes pleading that it wasn't true.

Reno breathed in, trying to contain his grief for even though Cloud wasn't dead he wasn't coming back. Though he pitied Tifa; believing the lie that her childhood friend was a beautiful corpse now must be a thousand times worse then his truth. Still they cried the same.

Vincent stayed from the living room of his suite which as of now he wanted to burn, since every foot reminded him of Cloud and what they did together.

"Tifa," Reno hushed. "I'm so sorry." Reno's calming words were the last push that brought down Tifa's emotional wall of despair. Her face fell into her hands, barely smothering her bawling sobs. It was like nails on a chalk board for Reno.

He tired hard at concentrating on Vincent's red cape, hoping to run away in its color; away from Tifa's sobs and away from the truth. His legs felt weary from the weight of the guilt. This isn't right. At least she should know but he wouldn't have wanted that. It was his purpose of drifting away that started all this; his death. But if she knows he's still out there she'll never be at peace. She her heart will still stop every time she hear a knocking on the door--hoping it to be him--until it sinks after such disappointment. This is the only choice.

Reno quietly sat down next to Tifa who didn't budge as she wept with her face lying on her knees.

This is the right choice.

Reno didn't cry. All the tears he would have wept in years all came rushing out in the matter of a single night. His throat burned and his eyes felt sore while there still lingered the stabbing pain, aching deep in his throat and stomach.

A gun to the head felt blissful to Reno but he didn't have the energy. After crying a years full of tears he sat emotionally drained, almost sick. He listened to Tifa's mourning without a care as he stared absently at the coffee table before them.

Quietly in the corner, Vincent grew insane to the silence. Even though Tifa was crying nonstop the world itself made no sound. As if the world was breathing out its last dying breath, too shallow to hear. This isn't right. He thought to himself. Something doesn't fit in Reno's story but damnit—I don't know what it is.

He arched his neck over, peering through his black bangs to see the pathetic form of Tifa. His heart wept for her more then Cloud. When she first believed Cloud was dead she didn't cry like this. This was a whole new side that Vincent has never seen and wished he didn't.

"Reno?" Vincent called. Reno turned his head from the couch. "Can you come here for a moment?" The ex-Turk got up lazily and walked with shallow steps.

"Yah?" He answered quietly, knowing already that this conversation was not meant for Tifa's ears.

"How did Cloud die? Do you know?" Vincent watched Reno's eyes search his face and then the space around him.

"Um…he died from an over dose of cocaine. That was around Wednesday the doctors told me." Reno didn't look at him at all while saying this and Vincent could smell the stench of his lie. He stared intently on Reno's gestures and noticed his red eyes which were once brilliant green.

"You really loved him, didn't you?" Vincent asked. Reno nodded with his downcast eyes.

"Yah. Probably as much as you." Vincent was taken back at Reno's answer. Since when did I tell him that I loved Cloud? It seemed that Reno read Vincent's face.

"Yah, I knew." He chuckled.

"How?"

"That night—after the strip club—I remember you whispered his name while in bed." Vincent snatched his eyes away from Reno. He remembered that night as well, that both were drowned in vodka and melted together as one.

"So where is he?" Vincent finally asked.

"What!" Reno gasped.

"I know that entire story was a lie. Come on Reno, I was a Turk too one day." Reno didn't answer immediately. He waited for a moment of silence to pass before telling the truth.

"The reason why I'm telling you this is because he won't say 'no' to you. He won't reject you as he did me." He finally looked up with eyes thick with sadness. "You're the one he wants to find him."

Cloud opened the bedroom door quietly to find Rayne passed out on the bed with his face deep in his pillow. He kept his movements quick and silent as he searched the room for his box of money. It hid under his side of the bed. He opened it as he had done a million times before when he couldn't sleep to remind him why he was doing this.

Most likely he hid a thousand gil in here. Enough to get a train and a room with a shower in Damascus which was located far north from here. He took everything only leaving hundred for his sleeping friend. The tin box was placed on the nightstand along with his shirt that he borrowed from Rayne.

Cloud took another glance back and then stepped out of the room.

"Gabriel?" Rayne said with his voice muffled through the pillow. Cloud didn't hear it and was gone before Rayne could look up.

Cloud sat on the bench waiting for the train. Everything was quiet since it was dead in the night. Only a couple of other lost souls occupied the station with him, most likely running away as well. A young woman stood near the ticket booth, wringing her hands. A middle aged man leaned against the brick wall with a cigarette dripping from his mouth. A couple of lovers held each other from the cold as if they were dying in their arms. And last was a scared old man, weathered from age who stood strongly against the wind. A new season was coming. By now the police were back to their measly number and the corrupt lords were hacking off heads again.

Cloud wanted to chuckle to the thought of going back again to the way things were before the season changed and before he met Reno.

Why am I here? Cloud thought.

You're running away.

Why?

Because if you don't then they'll find you. They'll smother you with love and affection you don't need till you suffocate in a room full of flowers which all you want to do is burn them.

Why am I so against love and affection?

Because it won't help you.

What will? If love and affection won't save me then what will? Isolation? Coldness? Hatred? Grief? All they do is make it worse. When I get on that train what will I do there?

Start a new life. Redo everything perfect. Right the wrongs you made in the past.

Forget everything that went wrong before?

Yes.

So this is the answer I've taken: forget it. Forget Sephiroth, Zack, Aeris. Forget Mother and the windows. Forget Reno. Forget arch angels because there are none. Forget the world around me and curl up in a ball. What do I do when I drift away from reality?

Mourn.

Mourn because you didn't mourn before when they slipped through your fingers. You didn't cry when they died before you. You kept your face sad, but a sad face does not take the pain away. Grief and mourning is the only way for your peace and freedom to come.

So I'm searching for my freedom and peace?

Yes.

So that is why I must leave them behind?

Yes.

For my freedom.

For you're sanity.

A train was coming this way. Its roar filled the entire sky. As it slowed to a stop, a voice called from the smoke.

"ALL ABOARD FOR DESMASCAS!"

Cloud arose from his seat and stood in line before the three or four people trying to get on. It was his turn now. The ticker holder looked at the slip of paper and hole punched it.

"Thank you, sir." He said brightly. Cloud only nodded.

Meanwhile as the blonde ex-soldier boarded the train a young woman with ebony hair and chocolate eyes ran for him in the train station.

"CLOUD!" But her calls were overtaken by the shrilling whistle of the conductor.

"CLOUD!"

"Hey, lady!" The man behind the ticket booth called. "Where's your ticket."

"I'm—'' She didn't finish her sentence when Cloud caught her eye. He was handing his ticket to the conductor and for a second her heart stopped.

"Cloud? CLOUD!"

Cloud thought he heard a woman call his name from afar but then shoved it away. There was no woman who knew his real name here. Only a farce played in his head.

"Wait!" Tifa bolted but was grabbed by the ticket holder.

"No ticket, no ride!" Tifa turned back towards the train which was now speeding off into the night. She stopped fighting the man and accepted that Cloud was once again gone. He had to shake her again to grab her attention.

"So are you going to buy a ticket now!"

"No thank you." Tifa answered. "I'm sorry, I was…I was just trying to stop him."

"You can't stop a train from leaving lady." The ticket holder snapped. He threw her wrist away from him and went back to his occupation.

"No, I guess not." Tifa watched him leave then looked back at the darkness which the train disappeared to. Ironically she didn't cry but only curled her arms around her chest and walked back towards the entrance. At least he's not dead.

Next chapter is the last one! I wanted to extend the Rayne scene and have him wake up when Cloud was in the room but this chapter's theme is all about being too late for the important things in life. Like Rayne not waking up fast enough to say goodbye, or Tifa not arriving early enough to stop Cloud. So now Gabriel is gone just like Cloud. Whose going to step off that train?

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