Embracing His True Self
Chapter 16
"Hey Barty," Harry said entering the great hall, honestly, pureblood's or wannabe pureblood's, nobody needed manors or mansions this big, it was just stupid to compete for the biggest and grandest homes. The money would be better spent elsewhere; especially considering most pureblood families consisted of three to four people if they're lucky. The parents and of course the heir and 'spare' as they were called much to his internal disgust. So what the hell was the point of having a property that had like nine bedrooms? Ten bathrooms (a lot of them probably ensuite) and probably a dozen more rooms overall? Games rooms, various sitting rooms, offices, kitchens, a dining room, a great hall and not to forget the dungeons the whole shebang. He had finally gotten around to investigating every room in this place, including a lengthily time in the dungeons tormenting his cousin primarily. They had watched their son torment him knowing what he was capable of…knowing what he would be even more capable off, he wasn't sure how they could have seen their lives going any other way. Now the tables had been turned, they had been forced to watch their son tortured and unable to do a damn thing. It had given him a great deal of satisfaction, and Barty had helped make it even more interesting.
"Hey," Barty said, giving Harry that maddening grin he liked so much. Since taking Harry's potion he had changed so much, the weight he had put on had surprised the healer so much that he'd began documenting it stating that the process was 'unprecedented' along the way making sure that the potion wasn't doing anything harmful, which admittedly had annoyed Harry, like he would ever take anything that would harm him. Grant upon seeing his face had apologised profoundly, saying he hadn't meant anything by it, but the process of the rapid healing done by repairing the malnutrition just shouldn't be possible. Barty had been giving him that look, and Harry had just rolled his eyes and accepted the apology and even let him do a diagnosis charm on him. His hair looked healthier too, it had grown in some more, and Barty now held it up in a black piece of leather. With his clothes and aristocratic look, he was gorgeous, not Tom Riddle gorgeous but very nice looking nonetheless.
"How's your training going?" Barty asked, familiar with the process due to the fact he had once upon a time had the greatest honour of being chosen by his Dark Lord to receive extra training to help him. He had climbed even more swiftly up the ranks after that, all his own hard work of course, the Dark Lord might have favourites but he didn't give favours, no you had to do it alone and it was difficult especially seen as the inner circle were in fact older and more experienced than you.
"Alright," Harry winced as he sat down, he was sure that Voldemort got perverse pleasure in causing him pain…or would have if Voldemort didn't ensure he got the potions he needed to heal any injury, or actually heal him himself, like the time he'd had to reattach his arm. He was getting faster his reflexes and defence shields and moves both actually. He still had a while to go before he was anywhere near Voldemort's level, he was just extremely fast, something he'd already known, but bloody hell, during a duel you really had to exhaust yourself to keep up with him. It didn't help that at regular intervals he used Wandless magic at the same time as casting magic through his wand. He had wanted to whine at the unfairness the first, second, third and fourth times he'd done it, but he hadn't. If anything it made Harry want to do it and he tried, Merlin did he try, but so far he had no luck, he couldn't simultaneously think of two spells, one for his wand and one from his hand it was so far an impossibility for him but he refused to give up. He hated himself for it but he did desire Voldemort's approval, he wasn't used to being given positive reinforcement but Voldemort did that, not very often admittedly but it was there and it was well earned. It made him strive to earn more of it, but he could live without it, or so he continued to tell himself…his heart though wasn't in it.
It shouldn't have come as any surprise, after all the way Harry had been raised.
"What hurts today then?" Barty asked, grinning more ferally, surprisingly not at the fact Harry was hurting, but rather his own memories and the fact it was someone else not him going through what the Dark Lord called an apprenticeship, he'd never use anything so plebeian as training lessons.
"My back," Harry admitted with a groan, he had been blasted off his feet like five times today already. Surprisingly they had been in the actual training room today, instead of the office, it was as if Voldemort had decided against using his office because of what happened the last time, when he'd blasted into the wall - which wasn't in any way spelled to soften the blow while the training room was specifically created for that reason and did have spells imbued to prevent serious injury.
Barty winced in remembering his own agony, "Yeah, I was lucky if I could move after those lessons, the morning afterwards was always the worst, I'd literally be unable to get up out of bed." although he would have preferred a million of those lessons than the time he'd spent in Azkaban or worse trapped in his own mind while his father controlled his body. All those years, only getting a reprieve when the spell wore in efficiency letting him fight it. When Pettigrew came…he had known he'd known his Lord had sent for him. Then the spell had been removed and Pettigrew had Apparated him to their Lord, regardless of how he looked it had been…utterly glorious. The fact the favour had been returned on his dear father had been poetic. He just wished he had been the one to end his miserable existence, in fact he wished he'd done it a lot sooner at least his mother wouldn't have died pining for the disgusting coward who called himself a wizard.
Harry just stared at him his head cocked just slightly.
"What is that look for?" Barty frowned, peering at Harry curiously.
"Just wondering at your pain tolerance," Harry shrugged, not getting out of bed meant that Harry had a huge fever, which meant unable to keep his balance, it was the only times he'd actually been given anything either. Not antibiotics, heaven forbid they take him to a doctor, no it was just something to bring his fever down a little, he presumed his magic had done the rest. He wasn't stupid enough to think for a second that he would have survived without his magic; had he been a normal muggle…he would have died in their tender loving care.
"Everyone has a high pain tolerance," Barty pointed out, "And if they don't they get one really quick."
"Does he use it as often as I think?" Harry queried, Wandlessly summoning an apple from the fruit platter that the House-elves had put down he sank his teeth into it.
"Huh?" Barty blinked, wondering if he had missed part of the conversation.
"The Cruciatus curse, does he use it as often as I think?" Harry enunciated his sentence.
"Oh, um, at first yeah, but rarely after," Barty nodded. "He let them all off too easy for abandoning him." he gritted his teeth painfully, he still felt out for blood against those who had abandoned the cause. To begin with they got cursed a few times here and there for screwing up, but mostly it was a deterrent for the future, and only for a few seconds as a warning, you really needed to piss the Dark Lord off to get the full extent of his wrath, although towards the end before…it had become a regular thing.
Harry nodded, he had noticed that for someone's 'favourite curse' and the fact he was angry at them he had only put one Death Eater under the curse and that was for pleading with Voldemort. He had been put under it twice so far, the first time considerably longer when they'd been 'enemies' so to speak. The second time had definitely just been a warning hit that he was pushing his luck and he had made him angry by comparing him to Dumbledore. He probably should have known better, Voldemort or even Tom Riddle - bring up Dumbledore and they just lose it. "So you keep telling me," he said dryly, although he was more articulate about it now than when he'd been at Hogwarts. His madness had been very prominent; the potion whatever it was to help those exposed to Dementors was truly a miracle worker. He had brewed six vials worth for Sirius and would give it to him when they next met. He wouldn't send them to him, even though he had Hedwig; he knew Sirius wouldn't take them even if he revealed who they were from. He wouldn't believe it was him and probably discard them.
"I'll get satisfaction one way or another," Barty said imperiously.
Harry laughed, "Been practicing that look have you?" his grin showed a lot of teeth.
Barty flushed a little in embarrassment at being laughed at.
Harry just chuckled some more at the look, there was no denying that Barty looked up to Voldemort. The look of reverence on his face every time he saw Voldemort was obvious, hell a blind man could. Barty would do anything for Voldemort, he would even go to Azkaban if he was told that's what he was to do Harry suspected. He was envious of it, he had to admit, deeply so. He'd never had anyone look at him like that, and as odd as it sounded he wanted it. People would insist he did, but the truth was, they didn't revere him they revered a mask, a character, and even then the adoration came and went, not like Voldemort's Death Eaters, they didn't just decide one day not to, it was constant, they'd die for him and all he had was…two friends with questionable loyalties, he didn't know whether they were truly his friend or not, and even if they were…he was dark, they were not, they were sickeningly light and believed the light side propaganda without looking any deeper.
"We need to talk," the Dark Lord said smoothly as he entered the great hall.
Harry twisted his head so he could see Voldemort, an eyebrow rose in curiosity, Severus was behind him. "Which one of us?" he asked, his brow then furrowing, his head moving as they did, until they were sitting down, Voldemort took his usual seat at the head of the table, Severus sat down next to Barty. His apple was promptly abandoned as curiosity got the better of him.
Barty was curious as well, glancing between Severus and his Lord intermittedly. He wasn't going to leave unless he was specifically asked to, and it didn't look as if he'd be dismissed, since he knew his Lord would have already demanded he leave.
"Do you wish to return to Hogwarts?" Voldemort asked, as always sitting there like a king on his throne speaking to his subjects. His fingers idly drummed against the arm rest as he stared at Harry with his penetrating red eyes. Not reading his mind, since he had more than adequate defences, that wouldn't stop him if he felt the need to read his mind, he wasn't a wizard who cared for the law after all. He narrowed his eyes when he noticed that Harry wasn't even the slightest bit surprised by his question. He knew. He had known before this, the question was how? It was very irritating; he seemed able to get information in spades even when he wasn't supposed to be aware. He knew his slippery spy wouldn't have told the boy, he knew that much he had forbidden it after all.
"I would," Harry replied calmly, his face blank showing nothing, he had expected this after all, or rather only half expected it. He had known there was a possibility that Voldemort might change his mind. "Hogwarts was my first home." his lips twitched knowing Voldemort was bound to be wondering how he'd figured it out.
Voldemort noticed the tense, was, that was an interesting statement, he knew Privet Drive had never been a home to the boy, did he actually consider this place a home? Well obviously to some extent he did, otherwise the blood wards would never have been erected around the manor in the first place. He knew the feeling, Hogwarts had been his first home too, and in a way it always would be if he ever had the chance he would have stayed there. "And why, Mr. Potter are you not surprised by my question?" he asked him shrewdly a note of dangerous purring in his voice.
Barty turned to Harry, realizing his Lord made a good point, how had he known? He glanced very briefly at Severus to see that he wasn't surprised by the question or the fact Harry knew. If anything he had a resigned and amused look about him.
Harry blinked, his voice taking on a strange note…was his voice seductive or had it been his imagination? Harry blinked again before a small smirk made his way onto his face, he replied immediately knowing better than to push Voldemort's buttons he was in an odd mood as it was actually. Ironic really, when he first ended up here, he had been determined to drive Voldemort up the wall and regret taking him. "You suddenly made me read through fifth, sixth and seventh year curriculum books on most of the subjects I took at Hogwarts and then some I hadn't. You also taught me everything before you let me learn stuff that wasn't on Hogwarts curriculum. It isn't that much of a leap to make, although I didn't get my hopes built up, minds can be changed, even yours."
Voldemort sat back, refraining from rolling his eyes or shaking his head, the boy was stating it like fact not even the slightest bit of smugness in his voice despite the fact he had smirked before explaining. "And do you have plans set out as well?" he asked dryly.
Harry scoffed, "There is no way I can explain away being 'captured' but considering you took all my belongings I'm better off saying I ran away on my own accord." he admitted, "I've never rebelled against him, it might be fascinating to see how he reacts to my first bout of 'rebellion', he's bound to have expected it to happen sooner or later I'm supposedly an impulsive Gryffindor, and seeing someone die in front of me and my mortal enemy being resurrected, it stands to reason I would also feel grown up enough to handle my own problems. That and with being ignored, I wanted to give them a taste of their own medicine."
Voldemort smirked, Barty stared in surprise and Severus just closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose.
"As for how, Severus showing up and conveniently finding me is definitely out of the question," Harry hummed quietly, scratching his cheek absently, "Showing up at Hogwarts on the train would be absolutely hilarious, the look on his face is bound to be priceless. Although word will probably get back to him before I reach Hogwarts unless I close down a compartment for myself."
"You do not want to push the old fool too far," Severus cautioned him seriously, "You are underestimating just how furious he is with you, and you have no idea how far he will to go keep you within his control."
"I'm going to Gringotts to get the Lordship ring, between that and this," Harry showed off his pendant, there was a small list of runes imbedded within it that was too small even for Severus' sharp eyes to see. "Any spell or potion he tries will prove quite ineffective, I am not stupid, Severus, I know how far he's prepared to go to get me onside. He left a defenceless baby with magic hating Muggles, going on an off change that I would be beaten down and submissive, bend to his will, when it could have backfired, which it did, but he isn't aware of that. His actions are going to cost him the war, and it was always my plan to run, I was never going to roll over and do what he expected of me." his tone was dark as he spoke of Dumbledore in a way that was familiar - very familiar. Nobody had ever actually asked him what he wanted, what side he supported, not once they just heaped expectations on him and then expected more from him.
Severus nodded in grim understanding, respect flowing through him; he couldn't help but be glad of this turn of the tide. If Harry had ran…well he wasn't sure what he would have done. Instead Harry was here, and so was he, he had returned to his true side without fear that he would lose his magic. He was a dark wizard and he belonged here, Dumbledore had been a fool to think for one second Lily could have kept him 'light' and that he was on his side without reservation.
"When did you plan on running?" Barty asked curiously, it wasn't often Harry spoke of his past, Dumbledore or anything similar.
"As soon as I could, I contemplated leaving as soon as I got my O.W.L results, I would be able to continue using magic, or I thought I would, until I realized the trace remained on the wand until I was seventeen. I was good at Wandless magic but I wasn't confident enough that I could use it every day for long periods of time. So I thought about leaving as soon as midnight struck on my seventeenth birthday. That way I would also have access to my vaults and be able to leave with money and properties I knew I would be fine." Harry shrugged dismissively, neither one mattered anymore.
"You are off age now, your participation in the Triwizard tournament saw to that," Severus pointed out a flaw in his thinking.
"Yes, I'm aware of that now, something else that was no doubt deliberately kept from me by the old fool, hence why I plan on going to Gringotts to retrieve my Lordship ring." Harry nodded firmly, and thankfully it remained invisible except to those who already knew about it. Which would be these three wizards now. His lordship ring was guaranteed to work much better than a rune pendant, it was old magic, both goblin and wizarding magic imbued in those rings. He wasn't going to outright antagonise Dumbledore, that wouldn't be a smart move to make, since he was going to be watched closely as it is.
Voldemort watched the conversation between Severus and Harry closely, respect shot to new levels. While he enjoyed goading Dumbledore he would never have outright done such a thing especially not at the age of fifteen. He had feared and loathed Dumbledore in equal measures, Dumbledore had been the only one not blind to whom he was, powerful enough to actually match him magical powers. He would never be confident that he would be able to beat Dumbledore in a duel and it really infuriated him. Especially considering he thought of himself as the most powerful wizard alive.
Knowing that Harry had taken preventative measures against anything Dumbledore could possibly try eased some of the reluctance he felt in letting the boy return to Hogwarts. The Lordship ring would definitely prevent anything sneaky Dumbledore could try in his bid to control Harry. Considering he had taught the boy a great deal of what he knew, and the things he'd seen Harry create, he would hate to kill him. Harry hadn't specifically said he wanted to join his side, but if Harry being neutral was the best he could get then he would accept it, considering the advice he'd given he wasn't so sure Harry would remain neutral. His words also led him to that conclusion, 'his actions had cost him the war,' only time would tell really. Perhaps Severus had been correct, letting the boy come to him on his own was for the best. He was sure Dumbledore would help in that matter when Harry returned to Hogwarts. Satisfaction thrummed through him, yes, things were going much better than anticipated.
"Severus will take you to Gringotts, under glamours," Voldemort informed him imperiously.
Harry nodded his understanding; he had no problem with Severus taking him to get his Lordship sorted. There was no way Dumbledore would be looking there for him. Number one, he had his key, two he had never gone into his vault other than during the summer to gather his school things, and third and most importantly Dumbledore probably thought he didn't know about his vaults. "It's too bad I can't figure out the potion, now that would have ensured I could go where I wanted without being recognized." Harry muttered to himself, being heard by the others without realizing it.
Severus had just nodded his understanding in his new orders to let the Dark Lord know he wouldn't let him down when he heard Harry. "What Potion would that be?" Severus asked his eyes narrowed in on the teen. Very curious and suspicious, he hadn't heard anything about another potion. They did spend a great deal of time brewing, Harry often talking about potions he desired to make, but he'd not heard anything new and surely he couldn't have thought of one within the past few days?
Harry shook his head, "It's one of the first ones I tried." Harry told him, "Before I started using the book, it's just a rolled up parchment in my trunk."
"Grimoire," Voldemort corrected, a book, it wasn't just a mere book.
"The potion?" Severus queried truly curious.
"I wanted to unlock any potential Metamorphmagus abilities," Harry shrugged, not something he had high hopes for anymore.
"But you can't just unlock it, you either have it or you don't," Barty pointed out. "That's like saying you could just randomly unlock the ability to talk to snakes!"
"I don't believe that's the case," Harry replied honestly, "I may be wrong, but I was never able to finish it so I forgot about it mostly."
"Why?" Barty asked, leaning over really curious, the Ravenclaw in him coming out. Why would Harry think it was possible? Something must have happened to give him credence or at least a theory on unlocking magical gifts handed down from the families. If such a potion could be created…well the gifts one would receive would be potentially immense. It would bring back lost abilities that had diminished over the centuries.
Harry's face closed off, his magic turned dark as he thought on his life before he knew he was a wizard. His hands curled into fists as his lip curled, "My so called aunt used to cut my hair, she hated the way it looked like my fathers, she hated my scar more and always kept it covered up, in other words she made a right mess of it, not that she cared, the next morning I would wake up and my hair would be exactly the same. It always did, no matter who did what until I used magic and spells to straighten and lengthen it."
"That's why you shaved her bloody head!" Barty exclaimed feeling like a fool; it had seemed so random of Harry to do such a thing. His humiliation of the Dursley's always involved pain, severe pain, never something as stupid as removing all the hair on Petunia's head. He would need to remember even the most random of things ran deep, he truly was vindictive to the core, he belonged here, and he couldn't wait to see the others reactions to it.
Voldemort's lips twitched, what he knew Harry had done to the Dursley's so amused him.
Severus' own hands clenched under the table, as his fury built up just thinking of what he had seen in Petunia's mind, the flashes of malice and what she had done to Harry over the years. Seeing memories in someone's mind was just flashes, it was like a ten second video as apposed to an actual hour long scene for every memory. Some of the feelings the person had in association with certain memories filtered through as well. He still hadn't come to terms with what he saw in her memories and his own failings but he was trying to make up for his blind idiocy.
"My point is once could be considered accidental magic, but so many times? No, I think my magic dug into the Black blood in me and let me use a gift not mine," Harry stated.
"You started using that book very early, as early as your first year I would guess," Severus summarised, "When exactly did you write the potion down? And may I look at it? I would very much like you give you some advice and perhaps help you finish it even theoretically."
"I stole it from amongst the pile of broken toys and books Dudley didn't want after my first year, they were dumped into his second bedroom," Harry replied, his tone still not softening the slightest. "When I received it, I began to write spells and potions down, mostly spells to begin with, the potion was my first and I wrote it during the school year, and yes, I'll show you."
"How much had you really read by the time you left Hogwarts?" Voldemort asked curiously, the boy was still an enigma so any information as welcomed.
"I've never slept much, not really, not even at Hogwarts, when everyone assumed I was asleep I was reading all I could, I copied all Grangers books, then snuck into the room of the other second and third year students to copy theirs. It took a lot out of me, since I had to override the spells on the book to protect them from being copied." Harry admitted, without a single hint of embarrassment. "When I figured the overriding spell for the restricted section I began to read in there for hours before returning to my dorm but that wasn't until half way through second year. I allowed myself to be caught out of bounds at night a few times, wandering the halls and such, so nobody would ever really suspect what I was up to. They would just assume I was out looking for adventure, although once or twice the real reason was known and nothing to do with reading." answering just for the sake of a full answer. It was annoying, having to hide away to read but what else could he do? He didn't want Dumbledore to know what he was capable of.
"You really should have gotten better grades; they truly are abysmal especially considering we know what you are capable of." Severus pointed out, it was the teacher in him, especially with his upcoming O.W.L's. Trying to hide his abilities it was nonsense.
"I did good enough," Harry shrugged.
"It will not continue," Voldemort stated sharply, it worked him up the wrong way that he would deliberate sabotage his own exams and under perform.
"I can just imagine Grangers face," Severus chuckled dryly, and also enticing Harry to do better just to spite her, and he knew it would work, Harry liked getting under peoples skin as he'd observed as of late. He would freely admit it would make his year to see the girl flustered and annoyed that anyone was performing better than her, she'd had it too easy these past four years. He knew Harry could do better than her in all classes especially if he just applied himself.
Harry slowly smirked, just thinking about it himself, that would be a good way to ascertain whether she was a true friend or not. If she cared more about being the best than her best friend then she definitely wasn't worth it. He could already guess his answer, but he would like to know for sure. They wouldn't like the real him anyway, he was so far from the persona he had created it was truly laudable.
Severus glanced at his time before turning his attention to the Dark Lord and spoke, "Dumbledore will be currently at lunch, the Order working, this might be the best time to go undetected."
Voldemort nodded curtly, giving Severus permission to take him, he had been thinking along the lines of tonight, when it was less busy but Severus did raise an excellent point, perhaps now was for the best. Either way it had to happen within the next twenty-four hours, since tomorrow at exactly 11 am the Hogwarts express would depart from the concealed platform that was nine and three quarters. Speaking of which, he would need to create a Portkey to get the boy there since he couldn't risk Severus being seen with him as Harry had stated, he wasn't going to risk the parents recognizing his followers. He waved his hand at Harry, unbeknown to all the strap around his leg glowed briefly but Harry definitely felt the buzzing.
Harry just rolled his eyes, of course Voldemort would do it non-verbally, and it's not as if he wanted him to know how to remove it. Or rather how to deactivate it or whatever Voldemort had done to it.
"Let's go," Severus stated, standing up, he wanted to get this over with as soon as possible.
"Alright," Harry agreed, moving towards his professor, not even twitching when Severus flicked out his wand and used a few spells, one to colour his hair, his eyes and a few other identifying features that would give him away. He didn't even want to know what he looked like, he was pretty sure he wouldn't like it either way. He then watched Severus' appearance change, and was surprised to find that he wouldn't have been able to identify Severus with the look he supported at the moment - which was the point.
"I'm going to Apparate us straight to the doors of Gringotts," Severus explained, his hand gripping Harry's shoulder tightly, with a nod to his Lord and Barty, he Apparated them both out of the premises.
There we go will we see the meeting? I'm thinking against having Dumbledore stealing from Harry it is done a bit too much in these kind of stories! what do you think? or maybe it can be done legally since he has control of them as the executor of the estate through James and Lily? So there's nothing he can do to prove it since I really don't want 'Dumbledore stole from me' to be a constant theme! no there's enough going for Harry to furious at Dumbledore...so will they be caught by the Order or at least Harry with 'glamoured' Severus getting away when Harry orders him to go or will he enjoy his last day before he boards the hogwarts express and gets to see dumbledore's face when he walks into the great hall? will he stay friends with Ron and Hermione who stay at his side after a rough start? Will he also become friends with Neville and Luna? Will never wear masks too to hide an even more insecure abused boy? or a stronger one? or will Harry bring out strength in Nev that he didnt know he had and remain neutral for his sake? R&R please